DL Etiquette Experts, You're My Only Hope!

Bring them a hardcover copy of "The Art of the Deal."

It'll be a great icebreaker and conversation starter.

This LoveHoney strap-on pegging kit is for sale.

A very nice box of chocolates.

Are they drinkers, OP? If so, a decent bottle of wine/champagne will do.

Something homemade, like jams or banana bread.

Wine. Make sure they drink, though (not recovering alcoholics).

Price range? I'd say, spend at least $25 on the bottle.

If you’re the plus one it should be your boyfriend’s responsibility to bring a gift from the two of you, not yours. But I hate the whole concept of hostess gifts for a dinner party. For a weekend stay, yes, but not for a meal.

A bottle of Veuve Clicquot Cave Privée and a small box of To'ak chocolates.

Three grams of meth.

Flowers and/or bottle of wine (a decent bottle).

Fruit preserves.

Do not bring flowers, r10, it's a pain in the ass to have to get a vase, cut the stems, arrange and then decide where to display, as there probably is already a centerpiece on the table, all while welcoming arriving guests.

A fruitcake will be a hit (brought by the fruits)!

My help always appreciates a homemade pot of jam for the holidays.

wine is the best bet imo, just find out if they prefer whites or reds

^ They will feel compelled to open it and if it clashes with dinner, it's all YOUR fault!

An 8 ball and a carton of smokes.

I thought you’re not supposed to bring flowers (you’re giving the host a task to do at the start of the party); wine (you’re telling the host you know better about which wine to pair with dinner); or candles (everyone knows this is the bare minimum).

I think homemade cookies or nice breakfast pastries are preferred.

Bring a pre-roll, something sativa.

a small bouquet of fresh flowers for the house

Bring cupcakes and demand they be served at dessert.

Poppers and a double-headed dildo.

It's mega-bourgeois, not to mention awkward for the host, for the invitee to bring a gift to an event of this nature. The demonstration of appreciation is sent to the host/hostess within a few days after the event, and begins with the words, "Thank you so much for the...". The bestowing of objects, booze, and the like are for birthdays and holiday parties, not dinners or luncheons.

* IS for birthdays...

You have a choice of a pot of basil or marmalade.

A flower arrangement delivered the next day is classy.

Sort of agree with R23, which is why it has to be something that you recently discovered bought and are now buying for everyone as small gifts. Trying to think of what that could be…

A small but useful kitchen implement like sturdy tongs or a ceramic Italian lemon squeezer or….loose Japanese tea like Gen Mai Cha or bergamot earl grey or a reusable Baggu bag set…. Special candy from another country—unusual flavor like lemon or cardamom. Or, echoing the pre-roll suggestion you could get fancy weed sodas and seltzers. They aren’t strong or scary but a little festive.

^^^ something you bought randomly and love and are now giving to everyone as small gifts.

A box of chocolates preferably from a local candy store.

Wine is ridiculously expensive in America.

A box of chocolates is always a good idea, OP.

A box of chocolates is best.

No one wants your shitty Whitman’s sampler.

See's Candies!

A set of 3 Japanese Midori notebooks in size A6 in a plain box.

Two by four double-barreled dildo.

I respectfully disagree with R7.

When someone invites you into their home for dinner, you must bring a gift.

Something for their dog or cat.

A game like Apples to Apples or Jenga.

Paper towels or something else useful.

A full, healthy bay plant in a 5” plain terracotta pot. They can use fresh bay leaves in cooking or enjoy as an attractive topiary plant.

Go to Sonic or similiar and buy a bag of their ice and get a six pack of weed seltzers and sodas and glass bottle Cokes.

An attractive small nightlight. They can plug in the bathroom or hallway or regift to someone else.

"A New Car!" -- said like the announcer on The Price is Right

[quote]DL Etiquette Experts, You're My Only Hope!

Abandon all hope, ye fuckwads who enter here.

If you bring chocolates, make sure you ask for them loudly after dinner, and then say, “Don’t be shy; I’ll go first!” and eat half the box.

If you bring wine, be sure to ask for it back if they don’t serve it with the meal.

Or alt, yell, “I breeng hostess gift!” and go throw mints on all the bed pillows.

The only hostess gift I would want is a kitten.

A marble rye from Schnitzer’s

What R7 said.

$10 gift card for the most deplorable fast food in town.

vintage porn magazine in a brown envelope

2 Miller High Life tall boys.

beer pong red plastic cups

joint. just have it your pocket and take it out and present it with a hand flourish, saying "mi lady"

If you have to remove your shoes in the host’s house the obligation of a gift is dispensed.

empty lima bean can filled with live worms.

[quote] A fruitcake will be a hit

I'm a weirdo who actually LIKES fruit cake.

Excellent suggestion.

How about a holiday candle?

The Holy Bible makes a nice gift. And makes for good after dinner reading.

Barbie movie merch. Jump up and down, and squeal "Barbie! Barbie!" when you present it.

Well apparently this is more of a potluck and the bf is bringing a dish, so I guess I'n off the hook

Actually if it is a pot luck you could then bring wine.

Definitely bring wine if it’s a potluck because there probably won’t be any otherwise.

A potluck? You must be lesbians.

If it's a potluck, I say to hell with a hostess gift. Your dish that you bring is enough.

A hardcover copy of “The joy of gay sex”.

Or, a pop-up book of "The Joy of Gay Sex."

Fuck the book, just hire a couple of whores to act out The Joy of Gay Sex as the evening’s entertainment.

Guacamole and a bag of chips and/or hummus and a bag of of baby carrots.

A scented holiday candle would be my suggestion boxed appropriately - autumnal or Christmasy.

If it's a pot luck, bring them a pot.

A hooker.