Any of you have avoidant personality disorder?

Is the avoidance of correct spelling one of the symptoms?

I probably have a form of this and admittedly I have retreated from a few promising relationships over time. I manage to be a more social presence in work environments because they are contextualized by work as a shared experience. But socially I’m a loner. I say “Mi casa es MI casa”. I’m friendly and outgoing at work because I need to in order to draw my salary, but there isn’t any of that bonhomie left at the end of the day.

I don't have it, but it has certainly Affected the life of a close friend. He's fun and friendly if a very small group hangs out at his house, but he will not attend group functions elsewhere.

the dl is bubbling over with disorders. avoidant and otherwise.

My personality is scintillating. I just hate most people

I have struggled for years with avoidant attachment (the people pleasing kind), but have been working hard at it in therapy and have made much progress. I generally skew more towards the internalizing, "overcontrolled", Cluster C side of the spectrum (extreme people pleasing, perfectionism, rigid thinking, self-punishment, avoidance, etc). Radically Open DBT has been a lifesaver for me. RO-DBT is kind of the opposite side of the same coin as traditional DBT, which is the go-to treatment method for disorders of externalizing emotional "undercontrol" like Borderline and other Cluster B types.

Mine was a result of being raised by a Borderline mother, which involved a lot of parentification, enmeshment, zero respect for boundaries, and general neglect. I learned that my only value was in being "useful" and swallowing all my own needs.

I casually dated a guy on and off for ten years that was a textbook Avoidant PD. I just had to manage my expectations with him and accept that our relationship would likely never really progress emotionally or intimately. He never in a million years would have gone to therapy or even entertained a conversation about it. It got much easier for me when I just learned to accept what he COULD give and meet my other emotional needs elsewhere.

Is that the Personality Disorder of the Day? I just can't keep up.

Gerg and Teatwar have Antisocial PD!

It AFFECTS my life.

I probably have it. The older I get, the less I feel inclined to even try to make connections. Thinking about all the work I would have to do to become a viable partner for someone...it seems not worth it any more. Thankfully I enjoy my own company.

[quote]Any of you have avoidant personality disorder?

Yes OP. I'll post about it later.

I was formally diagnosed with GAD in my early 20s, but I'm pretty sure that I've picked up severe AvPD since. I never willingly contact my friends or family, and I gave up on having a partner at 30 after a single adult relationship in my late 20s. I compulsively and insincerely apologize when they contact me, because I know they're going to complain about me or something and I just want the call to end. I will never breed. I also drive VERY carefully and don't take risks in my career or on anything in life. I try to limit my time outside the house. In my mind, I shouldn't have to struggle or deal with issues of other people like some pathetic servant or charity case. I must be 100% sure that I will receive glory and enjoyment before engaging in any activity. There are probably shades of schizoid and narcissism in there too.

My own ideas are the only ones that matter to me. Growing up, I created lists of things that I would buy out of catalogs, broke down how I would spend a lumpsum of money, and created perfect life scenarios with people that I lusted after. Recently, I've escalated to building intricate fantasy worlds using excel & powerpoint, based on my favorite time periods and media series, where the characters completely obey by will and all things happen correctly. I have flags, militaries, model cities where I've reallocated dozens of buildings, powerful families, plot lines and actor casting and all that. Other than consuming external media privately, this world-building is my only source of dopamine. Because of anhedonia from years of antidepressants and substance abuse, I don't get joy from human interaction or basking in capitalism and domination of others, like most people. I don't want to hear about problems down the street or in the middle east or any of that nonsense. Because it's always the same crap: humans breed and then slaughter each other for more resources, over and over and over and over. It's just profit and breeding and destruction and whining with them. I'll pass on that. Within my own worlds, I am ALWAYS pleasured, glorified, perfect and eternal :)

[quote] but I'm pretty sure that I've picked up severe AvPD since

Wow. Yeah. I would say...that's a safe assessment.

Have you considered getting help?

R13, nah, I have no desire to become a person well-adjusted to this violent world full of pathetic people, mindlessly breeding and consuming themselves into oblivion. I've seen the full measure of mankind and I'm uninspired. Therapy requires 3 things to work in my personal experience: 1) you must 100% believe what your therapist tells you about yourself and others, 2) you must believe that you CAN become whatever your therapist is telling you to become, and 3) you have to WANT to become whatever your therapist is telling you to become. I pass none of those tests. I'm interested in immediate pleasure and glory, and the only 100% reliable place to find them is by myself. I'm good with that. I ended my post with a smiley face after all lol

[quote]I manage to be a more social presence in work environments because they are contextualized by work as a shared experience. But socially I’m a loner. I say “Mi casa es MI casa”. I’m friendly and outgoing at work because I need to in order to draw my salary, but there isn’t any of that bonhomie left at the end of the day.

This sounds more like schizoid personality disorder (for the record, I doubt most people here actually have a full blown personality disorder, just saying) - the reason is that avoidants do want to make the connections but retreat because they have a very poor sense of self while schizoids feel apathy about making connections. However, I think schizoid and avoidant used to be the same disorder and some people still think they are (schizoid-avoidant). The commonality they have is hypersensitivity, thin skin.

I am generally an avoidant person when it comes to socializing outside of my family, but it's moreso a reaction to being in codependent relationships my whole life. I'm sick of doing "emotional labor" and unfortunately that has manifested in self-isolating (if that's a word). Maybe I'll feel more social in a few months--I just moved out of L.A. and it's been nice to get away from all the noise.

r12 Have you ever thought about writing a fictional novel? I ask because worldbuilding and creating characters are skills some writers struggle with and they seem to come naturally to you.

R17, yes, some years ago. But I would never actually try something like that, because it might not work out. If I can't absolutely guarantee pleasure and glory, I'm unlikely to try something. Worst of all, by expending more effort I might lose the enjoyment that I currently get out of doing it. I don't play well with others anymore, so I just play alone.

R6, you seem quite knowledgeable about your condition and the factors that led to it, and treatment modalities. Have you heard of the Ideal Parent Figure protocol?

I'm using it to work through my attachment, maladaptive schemas and early emotional deprivation issues. All the early factors you described sound like problems that existed in my early family environment as well.

R1 😂 😆 😝. Perfect. Brilliant cunt 1st response.

Here's the DSM criteria:

"Four of the following seven specific symptoms should be present:

Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed

is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others

is unusually reluctant to take personal risk or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing"

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Let me get back to you later, OP.

I’m 70. When I was in my 20’s my dad felt that I should be lobotomized. He said so and he meant it. He then committed me to a psych ward for seven days for observation. The diagnosis I received was manic depression and I was given a prescription for lithium, which I did not take because I read that it might lead to weight gain.

No one asked if I was drinking to excess or misusing drugs. (I was.)

The upshot is, if you’ve got a psychiatric disorder I’m always ready to cop to it because I have been a mess for most of my life. But in this case, yes, absolutely, I am avoidant.

I’m lonely but I can’t be around people for more than an hour or two before I’m exhausted. The best thing that ever happened to me was when my cat picked me out of a whole room full of people. We were together for 15 years after that. I still cry about him because he’s the reason I know that love is a real thing.

I wouldn’t wish the disorder on anybody.

I'm too embarrassed to talk about it and even if I did, you probably wouldn't like it. I'm not even going to post this until tomorrow, which is stupid.

R12 I hope this isn't offensive to you, but...a gay Avoidant/Schizoid/Narcissist—you kinda sound like you'd be the perfect anti-hero lead in a super dark comedy series.

A gay ensemble dark comedy series about six, heavily personality disordered DL users' lives crossing in unexpected ways...

^*you

Maybe you're just a Highly Intelligent Person?

R12 you sound like an introvert…not a bad thing to be at all. Introverts tend towards having a very active interior life and imagination. I bet you have a creative mind.

No, R29, he definitely sounds like an Avoidant/Schizoid PD, pretty much to the letter.

Okay, I know I'm getting flamed for this, but was it really appropriate to make so much of a spelling/grammatical error when the OP was starting a thread about having APD? Even for the DL?

R1 is one of the most epic cunt responses ever. R1 is the king of butchery snark for that one. Love you. Goddam shit is funny.

R31 has Paranoid Persecutions Complex Personality Disorder (PPCPD)

I probably have some element of this - I can't say my "avoidance" is to the level of affecting job/family or keeping me from social interactions.

But I was told by a therapist that I can be hyper vigilant (which has improved with age and therapy). A combination of severe bullying and what could lovingly be called "benign neglect" on the part of my parents.

I don’t know if it’s in the true clinical sense but a lot of us gays have this avoidance feature of our personality as a defense mechanism. It’s the old saying. Once burned twice shy. We had to deal with friends cutting us off because we’re gay. Straight bros who may be bi and develop feelings for us suddenly ghosting us. Loving parents who resent us even though they love us. It’s all very emotionally draining. It’s also why I let of us have this bitchy under presence.

YES, R31.

If you have to ask, maybe you don't belong here.

Miss R31 must be new here.

True avoidants would avoid replying to this post.

I can’t work out if I have APD or just some general avoidant proclivities because I’m an introvert. It’s not something I’d want to change though; I see extroverts and don’t know if I’d want to be one because they often can’t cope alone in their own company. Conversely, I love time alone or alone with my dog or just a couple of family members and find it richly productive and rewarding.

We'll talk about it later.

I considered the possibility, but the DSM criteria don't fit me. I don't think there's anything pathological about my avoidance and I don't have a false sense of how I appear to others. Feelings of inadequacy and social ineptness, yes, but again, not pathological. I just have an inherent difficulty in identifying with other people, communicating with them and figuring out what they want from me. It takes extreme focus and most of the time I just don't have enough energy left over from essential tasks. I do have a small circle I'm happy with.

R8 just can’t get over how inadequate he is.

Sad.

When I enter a room, the people there fall into one of three categories:

1. One third of the people I know and I like.

2. One third of the people I know and I don’t like.

3. And one third of the people I don’t know and I don’t like.

R4 is a cunt who's too special to use English when trying to prove the quality and cleverness of her "insights."

r41 Do you think you can accurately self-diagnose these traits?

R45, no, I'm not qualified to rule anything in or out. I just don't think that my hypothesis about having a disorder holds any water. I also have a theory that I may have traits of a developmental disorder as family members have been diagnosed with one. I do intend to get tested when I have the chance.

[quote] [R4] is a cunt who's too special to use English when trying to prove the quality and cleverness of her "insights."

Sorry, dear, R4 used English.