Narcissistic personality disorder

[quote]I'm getting all kinds of posts in my feed about NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder), which is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.

Can't take a hint, can ya, Cuckoo?

Run away as Fast as you can

R2, I tried. he worked at my gym and kept calling me BUDDY

I’m almost certain one of my ex’s had this. Totally got love bombed, fell for it hook, line and sinker (well, you want to believe it when it happens) and then was a nightmare when he turned into this cold, toxic asshole. You don’t want one of these people as an enemy to be sure. Problem is they’re hard to spot at first.

Find a new job and cut all ties, OP, if this guy has malignant NPD. The one I knew had no empathy, no perspective and no objective other than his own gain. NPD often clusters with other behavioral/personality disorders so that you have a true psycho on your hands.

You know what's worse than falling for someone with NPD?

It's having one spawn you!

OP, you're over 30 years old and just learning about NPD?

OP you are conflating narcissistic personality disorder with narcissistic sociopathy.

NPD is not necessarily toxic, they may simply be very vain. Almost everyone who has run for public office has NPD but they aren’t all bad people. Joe Biden isn’t a bad person l

A NPD who is also a sociopath is the one who excels at love bombing, lying and manipulating.

If you watch the House of Hammer doc on Max, Armie Hammer’s girlfriends talk about how intense and charismatic he was and how he would completely monopolize them once he started to date them. Then, gradually, he would broach the subject of cannibalism.

Oh brother. Armie, the "Cannibal Sociopath".

OP that might be because someone’s been in the news a lot lately.

R10 I’m not a Trump fan but that’s a click bait article and headline. And poll for that matter. Basically 25% of people used insulting words to describe Trump. Basically half of the 50% of the country who hates him.

Get at me when this cunt stops polling in the high 40s, especially cuz u know some people are ashamed to admit they still fuck with Trump.

And sorry for keeping it real for the fringe left. I have always been a truth teller.

Are you a Cosmo girl, OP?

The gaslighting is the worst part. And I mean actual gaslighting: Making it seems like you're the crazy one for their actions.

How? They simply lie about what they actually did or said. They can NEVER be wrong. So they pivot, cheat, accuse, blame, whatever to make it seem like it's someone else's fault. It's truly insane.

[quote] [R10] I’m not a Trump fan but that’s a click bait article and headline. And poll for that matter.

Are you new here, dearheart? I posted it for the image.

Tell us more about the narc ex

I did fall for someone like this and what was really the worst part was that after I found out what he was really like, and tried to tell my friends, none of them believed me. Because he played similar mind games with them. They thought he was a great guy. He even ended up turning one close friend against me, and since they didn't have a romantic relationship, just platonic, he never really showed that crazy side to my (ex) friend.

Two movies I watched a lot after this relationship were Gaslight and All About Eve. They were both very accurate.

Don’t be hard on OP, some of you - I am way into Eldergay territory and encountered my first NPD person a couple of years ago. It was an horrific experience but I didn’t know what I was dealing with until I discussed it with my therapist and she suggested NPD. I googled and it was like a checklist starting with the lovebombing. Plus I was an absolute target because of some issues that I have.

My advice now? Run a mile when you first recognise what your dealing with. But I do know that that can be challenging.

Just quickly “oh, dearing” myself for “your” rather than “you’re”.

I met this person when I was coming off several years of depression and isolation, so I was a prime target due to my vulnerabilities at the time.

Those describes my sister to a T. Narcisstic bi-polar. It's rough

I got involved with one three years ago. He was a friend of an Instagram friend, and I was struck with how many cultural interests we had in common and also I found him really attractive. . I dropped him a message there and he love-bombed me full-throttle...and to my delight, HE WAS SINGLE! I was over the moon and thought I found my husband-to-be. But...nothing happened. He breadcrumbed me for months, and I was completely caught up in his toxic game - I should wait and be patient for he was my future husband, right? Thank god I did eventually wake up and cut him out of my life...blocked and deleted him everywhere.

A real shame, as he would have made an ideal husband if he were not a manipulative, toxic, lying, narcissistic, game-playing douchebag.

NPD types often are promiscuous as hell and, as such, aflame with STIs. Just one more reason to RUN!

Which STIs did yours give you, R23?

[quote]aflame with STIs

Very creative description

R14 if you have seen any of the threads/posts R11 has made, NPD would be the least of its diagnosis.

I married one.

RUN

Try breaking up with someone with NPD before they choose to ice you out. Not fun.

Mine stalked me for 2 years, maybe even more, not sure. You do not leave someone with NPD and get away with it that easily. The only way to break off with those sickos is to try to get THEM to end the relationship and leave YOU. Their egos cannot handle the sheer insanity and audacity of anyone leaving them.

Exactly what happened to me, R29. It was a temporarily fun fling that neither of us thought would last that long. Dated for under four months and he joked that it would be over by summer, which I agreed with. I was older, and he would suggest he'd move on to other people soon enough, but I got tired of him and broke up with him before he decided to break up with me - which resulted in stalking (including showing up at my house multiple times), threats (to me and to some friends he had met), insults, damaged property (he showed up at my house and freaked when I wouldn't let him in, so threw all my furniture and pots off the porch and broke my storm door handle/lock). Didn't want to take it to court, but it worked.

Meghan Markle is the ultimate example of this. Prince Harry was ensnared hook, line and sinker. Watch HG Tudor’s illuminating YouTube series on Harry’s Wife . It is frightful.

Wow. Great responses. OP, here.

The irony is I work in show business and am constantly surrounded by attractive charismatic people. and I am immune to them. Or so I thought.

This guy has been married multiple times, told me tried gay sex (granted he didn't like it but I don't tell people I tried broccoli and hated it). He was so charming and so buddy this and buddy that. Ironically, he told me to get lost. And I did. Perhaps he wasn't counting on that. He kept a financial tie between us; I had to call a credit card company to cancel it and get the charges reversed. It was humiliating explaining my side to the CC rep. But once a case was opened, I was refunded. It wasn't the money (well, it was) but it was that he was keeping a door open.

A good friend said he was baiting me, trying to get me to beg him to take me back. Pass. I blocked him on all social platforms and sent him one final text message that gave me as much closure I was ever going to get. I doubt he read it or if he did was impacted by it. Then, I blocked him on texting and calling.

I even had to block mutual acquaintances. I couldn't stand to be reminded of how dumb I was. Now, when I meet new people I'm terribly guarded. I look for things that may not be there.

I used to think that oh, I have a crush on him and he's under no obligation to return the feelings; and while that's true that doesn't give him a pass to be a complete and utter asshole. I think someday he'll come out and someday I'll be near or around someone who knows us both and I'm going to be doing (on the inside) a Bobbi Adler 'told ya so' dance.

R32 and that's the crap part of all this. I was messed in my head for years and years. Every relationship after him paid for it. So wrong. It took me forever to screw my head back on and not hurt others.

Think my abusive mother had it. She was prone to falling and broke her tibia Xmas 2016. She managed to crawl to the door and unlock the front door. I called paramedics, took off work for a month and did many things for her. At Easter was trying to figure out her stocks so she wouldn't get a big medical bill. She came in and snapped "it doesn't take that long!" This from a woman who was so technologically challenged she didn't have a debit card. She lashed out at me a total of three times. After having disrupted my life and cost me quite a bit of money, this was big affront. I left after the third time and had no further contact with her. Had become her power-of-attorney, prepaid cremation of her remains. Had sold her mobile home and sold some of her stock to infuse some cash. Mobile park managers cleared out the home. When Informed by the facility where she was staying that she had passed away, only had to call the funeral home and that was all. I urge anybody involved with a narcissist to get out of it ASAP. People with abusive elderly parents need to get a disinterested third party to run their affairs. And if it is so painful, just leave, don't look back and never allow them to reel you back in.

Some of these sound more like BPD.

They always end up as stalkers when people try and get away from them from what I've heard, R30. They can't accept you're done with them or "no" for an answer. (Just like DJT). Whenever someone I know claims their ex or boss is NPD, it's a telling distinction: if they've tried to get away from them, did the person allow it without stalking them or trying to ruin them? If not, they're just assholes not NPD.

I think these people seek out agreeable people or empathetic people, or both - who will be more likely to put up with their bullshit. I remember knowing this guy was full of shit and telling him he was, but he had ways around that, making light of it, for ex. Bantering. Usually making me feel wrong in a very subtle way, like I was being too serious.

This also worked well around other people. Let's say my name is Sam he would say, "Hey what's the matter with Sam? He seems like he's in a bad mood". I was in a bad mood because he had just done something to put me in a bad mood. But he would create a smokescreen. People would end up thinking I was "moody" and he was easygoing and cheerful.

Part of my point is you will find that narcissistic people have to spend a lot of their life covering their tracks and lying and they're very good at it. It must be a lousy way to live, yet it often works. I worked with a woman like this. Thankfully I didn't get close to her but she was pretty and charming, with very little intelligence or skill. She nonetheless rose in the workplace because our bosses (as usual) were either naive, easily flattered, or inattentive. This woman would lie blatantly, often about people who were known to be honest while she was a known liar, and she'd usually get away with it.

R34 You never spoke to your mother again because she yelled at you three times?

That’s quite the simplistic take r39.

R40

[quote] At Easter was trying to figure out her stocks so she wouldn't get a big medical bill. She came in and snapped "it doesn't take that long!" This from a woman who was so technologically challenged she didn't have a debit card. She lashed out at me a total of three times. After having disrupted my life and cost me quite a bit of money, this was big affront. I left after the third time and had no further contact with her.

Um...how is it simplistic? His mom had broken her tibia at Xmas and now it was Easter, a few months later. Elderly and ill. And she snapped at him. Did say anything unforgivable. She lashed out at him a "total of three times" as he says.

My mom sometimes lashed out at me three or more times in one day, after she was old, ill, grieving, whatever. One time I spent Thanksgiving with her and she walked out of the house and drove away, and didn't come back for five hours, in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. I never stopped talking to her. Because she was normal and pleasant other times. And she was my mom.

Maybe he needed to tell it another way.

*Didn't say anything unforgivable.

R24, I got HSV2, incurable. Ugh.

I know a few people who I consider to suffer narcissism to an unhealthy degree. Two can't handle rejection and the other one is really only interested in himself: Talking constantly about himself and his problems (usually self-created) and supposed achievements (he's pretty deluded on that score).

The first two I've either cut off or keep well away from. Unfortunately the third is my elderly father. I'm constantly asked if he suffers dementia but he's actually always been that way.

In my experience, they spend little time stalking any one person because they are able to move on to another potential victim easily. There are suckers born everyday.

There are victim-blamers born every day, too, I guess.

I read Yelp reviews about where this guy worked and someone went OFF on this; I thought wow, sensitive much!

I ignored what was right in front of me.

^

went off on him.

Not romantically but people like this exist in my family. I know the type too well which I think is why I never feel for one romantically.

Please don’t talk about cunt tonight.

My mother had this. I've struggled to figure it out since I learned about it. Inside, they're filled with rage and envy. They're inauthentic - no "real" self, or one so horrible, they can't even stand themselves, which is why they hate being alone. They need targets to unleash their rage/envy on. The bully, the mean girl, the user.

I guess the best book I've found is Otto Kernberg's "Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism" but it's pretty heavy (he was a professor at Cornell). Also Sam Vaknin "Malignant Self Love" but he admits he has NPD himself so I'm not sure it's great - it was just the first book I found about the subject.

It helps a lot to identify it in people to protect yourself. They're very sadistic, aggressive and exploitative of other people, but they hide their real selves behind a facade a lot of the time. Best advice if you can do it: "Get Out and Stay Out." If you can't, don't let them push your buttons - Never 'JADE' (justify, argue, defend, explain) - they want conflict! just ignore them, dissociate, hopefully act in such a way as they get bored with you so you're not feeding the bottomless pit that they are.

Oh... be on the lookout for passive agressive teasing. Don't forgive people for this - it's hatred they think they can get away with. They hate you. They hate everybody.

* aggressive

If you can’t get away from them then grey rocking is the way to go. But running is still ideal.

Shocking to me that some people who describe themselves as lonely, depressed, isolated, and in therapy already would attract these types of mentally unhealthy people.,

R54 love this article. Thank you for sharing!

My boss has NPD and I'm the only employee at the company. Every day is a living nightmare. It's difficult to move on when you depend on an income and energy that could be spent looking for a new job is taken up by trying to recover from the day's emotional trauma.

No worries, R57.

If your boss is a narcissist, he will never let you move on.

R57 Is your boss Mr. Pitt?