Dinner Dillema
A friend asked me and another friend to have dinner today. We usually go out to dinner the three of us and sometimes a couple of others. We always discuss previously which restaurant we should go, so that everyone agrees.
On Thursday i receive a message from friend a suggesting an italian restaurant famous for pizzas and for us to answer quickly to make the reservation . I answer saying i am not in mood for pizza, but will go if there are other things inthe menu. Friend B answers to say it was his idea and that there a few other things.
Yesterday I receive a message from friend A saying a different restaurant has been reserved together with a link to the website and see you there. Friend B answer immediately saying is fine. I was not asked and this has never happened before.
I actually would like to go but am really pissed off by this. Should I go? Am I being to sensitive?
by Anonymous | reply 85 | September 30, 2023 7:44 AM
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In the universe I come from, it's spelled "dilemna."
by Anonymous | reply 1 | September 23, 2023 12:38 PM
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Absolutely not! Slam your purse on the table, stomp up and down, and refuse to leave your house. How dare they change plans to go to Pizza Hut for Denny's? Tell them that you just ate a " Moon Over My Hammy" yesterday. That'll show them that you are not a person to be ignored.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | September 23, 2023 12:43 PM
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OP? An early bird special is an early bird special. As long as they have a choice between a jello square, tapioca or ice milk for dessert you’ll be fine.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | September 23, 2023 12:58 PM
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OP: we cannot decide without links to both restaurants.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | September 23, 2023 1:12 PM
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Horrible. Sorry you're having to go through this, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | September 23, 2023 1:15 PM
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I think you're being silly, but if it's making you mad then don't go.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | September 23, 2023 1:15 PM
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They might have changed restaurants because they saw you were unenthusiastic about the pizza place, and didn't consult you on the new place because they felt they had already in some sense "consulted you" by harkening to your perceived opinion on the first place (yes, I know it's shaky logic, but people do things by shaky logic all the time). The second guy agreed immediately because it was a set-up already privately discussed and he wanted to show that there were no hard feelings about changing to the new restaurant. Go, be pleasant, and see if you can tell by their attitude what's what. If the above is actually what's happening and you don't show up after they quietly did this to accommodate you, they'll be completely disgusted with you.
TL;DR: Go, and gauge their attitude.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | September 23, 2023 1:34 PM
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I like R10's take on this, and really OP, if this is your biggest dilemma this week, you're doing great.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | September 23, 2023 2:02 PM
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The inhumanity of it all!
by Anonymous | reply 14 | September 23, 2023 2:06 PM
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OP, you're certainly in a pickle!
by Anonymous | reply 16 | September 23, 2023 2:07 PM
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OP you should decline and stay home. For ever.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | September 23, 2023 2:07 PM
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I miss thé days when we would sum up a problem with a simple psychiatric diagnosis. DL has moved away from that these days. But I say clearly your friends are narcissists and you are a borderline. The evening will end in tears. Report back, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | September 23, 2023 2:08 PM
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I'm starting a Gofundme for OP's pain and suffering.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | September 23, 2023 2:09 PM
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You (seemingly) have friends and you have food. What's the fucking problem?
by Anonymous | reply 21 | September 23, 2023 2:09 PM
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Two's company, three's a crowd. Get the hint, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | September 23, 2023 2:10 PM
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You ought to show them, OP. Show them your feelings are not to be trifled with by depriving them of your company. They'll be sorry.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | September 23, 2023 2:11 PM
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I can't comprehend having people you regard as 'friends', but can't sort this sort of thing out without drama. I'd go and make a joke about it, if I felt even slightly curious about the change of venue. Your friends have asked you to have a meal with them - it's not a special occasion (or you'd have told us,. at great length, sobbing at your keyboard, if it was). It doesn't matter what fucking restaurant you are meeting at.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | September 23, 2023 2:18 PM
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Would you like to borrow my shit-bra, OP?
by Anonymous | reply 26 | September 23, 2023 2:21 PM
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OP, are you a fat whore who is simply hangry, or are you a mincing prisspot who simply must be in control?
by Anonymous | reply 27 | September 23, 2023 2:23 PM
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OP, are you the same person who lost your temper at work yesterday?
by Anonymous | reply 28 | September 23, 2023 2:26 PM
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You told them you weren’t “in the mood” for the pizza place they wanted. So they picked somewhere else. Big deal.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | September 23, 2023 2:27 PM
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You're petty and insufferable, OP. You've come to the right place.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | September 23, 2023 4:13 PM
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It's not worth the fuss, just go!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | September 23, 2023 5:13 PM
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Maybe they are just finally sick of your fussing, drama and passive-aggressiveness OP.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | September 23, 2023 6:52 PM
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Hhaha, tks everyone for the advice (and insults), you convinced me to go (and value both Datalounge and my friends all the more).
by Anonymous | reply 33 | September 23, 2023 6:55 PM
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OP once you’ve resolved this massive dilemma you should acquaint yourself with the concept of the past tense. Not everything happens NOW.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | September 23, 2023 7:14 PM
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Cunts who veto the first choice don’t get a second cunt veto. If you don’t go, they’d be right to punch and delete.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | September 23, 2023 8:52 PM
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Go to dinner, and order pizza.
If this second restaurant doesn’t have pizza on the menu, spend the evening sulking.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | September 23, 2023 9:30 PM
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Is the new restaurant also a pizza place? Maybe they changed it without consulting you because they knew you weren't really into the first choice. But by all means, have a hissy fit. For maximum effect, wait until you get to the restaurant and use something about it as the pretext to cause a scene.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | September 23, 2023 9:33 PM
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If Greg were your friend, this would be no dillema, would it?
by Anonymous | reply 38 | September 23, 2023 9:37 PM
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[Quote] On Thursday i receive a message from friend a suggesting an italian restaurant famous for pizzas and for us to ****answer quickly**** to make the reservation
Here’s the clue in asterisks. Either: 1. This friend had very little time to spend setting up a rez 2. This friend is sick of the haggling over restaurants
If 1 then it makes sense they’d book an alt place asap. They probably felt they were appeasing your wish to not have 🍕
If 2 make sure you aren’t usually the one who negates what others suggest.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | September 23, 2023 9:42 PM
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Go. Compliment their choice of restaurant and the food. Everything is yummy. Maybe they're intentionally trying to piss you off so don't let them.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | September 23, 2023 9:43 PM
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[quote] I actually would like to go but am really pissed off by this. Should I go? Am I being to sensitive?
[quote] yes
[quote] no
If it’s a yes or no poll you can’t ask two questions at once.
But anyway, if you weren’t in the mood for pizza, you could have suggested another place to go, right?
I agree in the event of a second choice you should have been consulted. Why do you think they didn’t consult you?
My friends used to do a lot of stupid things when planning to get together, it began to get on my nerves and eventually I stopped hanging out with them as often. Never really missed it, either.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | September 23, 2023 9:44 PM
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OP use this as an opportunity to open up to your pals and have a good laugh about it
by Anonymous | reply 42 | September 23, 2023 9:45 PM
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“Hey probably felt...” “Maybe they thought...”
If they felt OP didn’t like the first choice and were changing restaurants for that reason, isn’t it odd they didn’t tell OP that? These people seem either passive aggressive, or not very communicative, or both. Why couldn’t they tell OP what went on? It wouldn’t have been hard. Why didn’t OP ask?
by Anonymous | reply 44 | September 23, 2023 9:49 PM
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Did you add dill, illiterate OP?
by Anonymous | reply 45 | September 23, 2023 9:49 PM
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I don't understand how anyone cannot be in the mood for pizza.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | September 23, 2023 9:49 PM
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To be honest OP, the problem sounds a bit trivial, and I am tempted to call you high maintenance. This should not be an issue to be upset about - even if they acted inappropriately. Another aspect might be that this is just the last story of many, and you are unhappy about your friends and the behaviors for a longer time already.
Generally, I agree that having a group agree on something is almost as difficult as solving world peace. So somebody was probably tempted to make an executive decision to move on. If it's just about restaurant choices I propose for you to bring in two or three choices next time that you can live with. By doing that you get your will and you are still leaving the other choices.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | September 23, 2023 9:53 PM
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Maybe you're the third wheel, OP. Could be your two friends want to give you that hint.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | September 23, 2023 9:54 PM
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Is Dinner Dillema any relation to Dina Martina? Cousins?
by Anonymous | reply 49 | September 23, 2023 10:00 PM
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I’ve found that lots of times it’s a mistake to tell third parties (like this forum) about how you feel slighted in a situation. You probably should trust your instincts. You know the people involved, no one else here does.
I’ve found when I’ve told an impartial third party about such a situation, they rarely get it. I don’t think they want to. They usually just want to find ways to blame you for it. I guess it’s human nature. If you want a good analysis ask a therapist.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | September 23, 2023 10:02 PM
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r25 maybe I have crappy friends, like OP, but many times friends can annoy me but in a way that doesn't warrant addressing it in person. It's just one of those slight that you swallow and move on. I"m sure I do things that upset my friends as well, but just not something big enough to warrant a discussion.
OP feels slighted. I think they should go, and enjoy. BUT, I hate feeling managed or manipulated. If the other two had a side-bar conversation about a new restaurant then wanted to pretend it was organically decided in the group chat then I'd feel some type of way. But OP hasn't mentioned the new menu. It's likely that his friends care about him and wanted to quickly find a new option with open reservations (they can go quickly).
OP, your friends care about you and changed locations to a place with availability to please you. Get over yourself and enjoy.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | September 23, 2023 10:14 PM
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It’s dinner WTF? Let it go
by Anonymous | reply 53 | September 23, 2023 10:59 PM
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OP is obviously tired of just letting things go.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | September 23, 2023 11:03 PM
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You sound tedious, OP. These two obviously have separate conversations without and about you. You’ve done something to distance them. Move on or calm down.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | September 23, 2023 11:07 PM
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After reading this I had pizza for dinner. And I hadn't actually planned to do that. Thanks, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | September 23, 2023 11:52 PM
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OP? Go for the company, stay for the chipped beef.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | September 24, 2023 12:19 AM
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The finer points of tactfulness and sensitivity are lost on r44 .
by Anonymous | reply 58 | September 24, 2023 1:26 AM
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R58 I guess you call it tactfulness and sensitivity to sweep things under the rug so that people harbor hidden resentments (like OP). If friends are so sensitive that you can’t say to them, “Hey, what happened to asking me what I wanted to do?’ And getting it aired, they must be high maintenance themselves.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | September 24, 2023 9:17 PM
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So how did it go last night, OP?
by Anonymous | reply 60 | September 24, 2023 9:19 PM
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Op here, i went and had ia lovely time, it is good to have friends and at the same time friendships are complicated. It is a much less investigated than romantic love but you still can feel insecure (like i did). I discussed my issue upfront and we laughed and it was so good that it became a non-issue. But your responses , i must say, helped to put things in perspective and inmy attitude . Thank you.
I ate a beef tartare as an entree and an hamburger with brie. It was a french restaurant. And, of course, wine.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | September 24, 2023 9:21 PM
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R61 So aren’t you gong to tell us what happened? Why they changed restaurants? Why they didn’t ask you? After we spent all this time on you?
by Anonymous | reply 62 | September 24, 2023 9:25 PM
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So this whole thread was for nought?!
Fuck you and your friends
by Anonymous | reply 63 | September 24, 2023 9:33 PM
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^ ignore
So this whole thread was for naught?!
Fuck you and your friends
by Anonymous | reply 64 | September 24, 2023 9:34 PM
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R62, friend a gave an excuse that bored me so much (the pizza thing was full etc) that when friend b arrived i was actually fed up with the subject. I made my point but, having read these sobering comments, i let it go. Again thank you bitches. Arrived home 5 am.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | September 24, 2023 9:35 PM
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The pizza thing? What’s that?
by Anonymous | reply 66 | September 24, 2023 9:37 PM
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[quote]Arrived home 5 am.
Three-way?
by Anonymous | reply 67 | September 24, 2023 9:41 PM
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R65 glad you had a great time. Did you get lucky with one of the waiters?
by Anonymous | reply 68 | September 24, 2023 9:42 PM
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So you were so upset you needed all of us to get involved but once it was all worked out it’s like okay I’m just too bored with this nonsense.
Worst thread ever.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | September 24, 2023 9:47 PM
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R 69, yeah i am an insecure but somehow balanced person, I listened to advice here. I didn’t want drama for its sake so like r10 said i gauged the attitude, found out i was the one being mary and let it go. Had some good time.
R68, no, the help was female. R67, also no, just a kiss at the end of the night with some stranger,
by Anonymous | reply 70 | September 24, 2023 10:00 PM
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"I ate a beef tartare as an entree and an hamburger with brie. It was a french restaurant. And, of course, wine."
Beef x2 suggests you still have a beef with them.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 71 | September 24, 2023 10:49 PM
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OP you sound like one of those people who make a big drama about something and get all their friends involved, looking for attention, then It never amounts to anything and when their friends are all involved and concerned, they’re like, “Oh, it was no big deal, had a great time. Bye.”
by Anonymous | reply 72 | September 24, 2023 11:04 PM
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R72, I signed mary, somewhere. Maybe you should as well. 😘
by Anonymous | reply 73 | September 24, 2023 11:21 PM
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R70 just a kiss? A kiss on his cock more like! We all know what a slag you are when you've had a few too many!
by Anonymous | reply 74 | September 24, 2023 11:32 PM
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Just a kiss, r74, he was very much younger (and hirsute) than I. No cocks involved., I confess than i am much less of slag than i would like to be.
by Anonymous | reply 75 | September 25, 2023 12:28 AM
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Two can play at that game!
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 76 | September 25, 2023 12:45 AM
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Op you’re a silly shallow nelly queen
by Anonymous | reply 77 | September 25, 2023 3:09 AM
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Much ado about nothing.
Go out to dinner with your friends and have fun.
by Anonymous | reply 78 | September 25, 2023 9:20 PM
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I’m on Bistro MD
Joined the new Jenny Craig over the weekend. Waiting for my shipment. I’ve already had a phone consultation with a Jenny Craig coach! 30 lbs due to prednisone and being ill is all in my past now
by Anonymous | reply 79 | September 25, 2023 9:34 PM
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You’re Gen X, aren’t you, OP?
by Anonymous | reply 80 | September 25, 2023 9:48 PM
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We can always tell the generation that gave us the Karen.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | September 30, 2023 6:21 AM
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The simplest solution would be to stop off at Arby's on the way to the resteraunt and bring your food with you.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | September 30, 2023 6:30 AM
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[quote]Should I go? Am I being to sensitive?
Yes and [bold]YES[/bold].
by Anonymous | reply 85 | September 30, 2023 7:44 AM
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