Things your job made you realize

That as much as you may like (or not like) your co-workers or even boss, at the end of the day (and at the end of your employment) most are really not going to stay your friends in real life. There may be a few rare exceptions.

Since I work directly for management: If management isn't giving two shits enough about a supposed problem or issue to throw any budgeted dollars at it, it's all hot air. They don't care. Neither should you.

HR's first priority is to protect the company. The most they'll usually do to solve your workplace problems is placate you.

Every single person is replaceable, all the way up to the CEO, and that’s a good thing.

Only be loyal to yourself and your wallet, never to an employer.

The biggest salary jumps are made by changing employer.

Don't fuck a co- worker. I learned the hard way. Just don't do it.

Sounds corny, but I've learned that people see things from very different perspectives. If someone sounds like they're coming out of left field, I try not to assume: "This person's a dumb ass." I try to figure out where they're coming from.

That, deep down, most people are alright, even the ones who seem a bit bitchy and unlikable at times.

I just retired so have a long work history to ponder. Look for a job that gives you the $ you require and that you don't hate. Odds are not great you will find a job you love and also pays the $ you need. Remind yourself that your job should be separate from your real life. Your job is just something you have to do to live and do things. Some people 'live to work'- others 'work to live'

The new style for car salesmen is to act like your best friend and "fight" for the customer to get the best deal. Someone had done this for me and my current used Honda-- the price was actually supposed to be 2k higher than listed, but I fought to keep it where it is! Not me, but my partner learned they do it as a strategy for customer loyalty.

Most people are good and sometimes great but the assholes in academia are in a class of their own.

Having a really good pension plan made a lot of shit worthwhile.

Don't fuck anyone from work unless you're OK with everyone, down to the part-time security guard knowing about it by Tuesday. I made that mistake, fortunately early on, when I was 20. Never again.

There will be a percentage of lazy people. Lazy and smart people can be OK if they work, sometimes. Lazy and dumb, though, is something you just have to work around.

I wanted to speak to the empathy comment. My experience with college students is that some cannot differentiate between faculty and parents. Some students would unload without saying "how are you" or "is this a good time?" They would always expect solicitude and the calls for favors continued when I took a leave for long covid. Not once did a favor seeker ask "How are you feeling?" I never telegraphed what I thought of them and did my best to be unfailingly kind and polite.

Making this into a lesson, teaching young people manners is a job for their parents. Giving authentic feedback is very risky unless it is strongly diluted. If you want to keep your life uncomplicated, mollify the brats. The object is to leave your job at the end of the day and not think about it until you're back on the premises.

Never brood..

Exactly R11! My main gig is high school but I also adjunct for college freshman. Post Covid they are SO charged with inappropriate emotion over grades and need their for approval. There's a lot more "out to get me" complexes when I'm just doing my job. Staying inside for a couple years has stunted them socially. Some days I can't help but resent it.

*their need

That people that work at nonprofits really aren't any nicer than anyone else and the relationships aren't any realer because you are working for "the cause" instead of profit.

Having a fake child allows you to game the system just like co-workers who are parents do.

“I’ve got to leave early to pick up Billy.”

“I’m working from home today because Billy has a fever.”

“Can you take this client meeting for me because the school called as Billy was being bullied.”

Sorry I’m late, had to drive Billy to school because he’s got temporary quadriplegia.”

A job doesn't define you. Your life is a lot more than a place of employment or a position on some "team."

Work to live, never live to work.

If a boss describes a workplace as a family, assume they mean an abusive, dysfunctional family full of secrets and lies.

Working in the lending and credit industry made me realize wealth can never be judged on the surface level. Many seemingly wealthy people are living month to month and maxed out on credit while some people living more simply are loaded with huge property portfolios and assets.

Certain occupations associated with authority are more often likely to have credit issues: doctors, lawyers, teachers, preachers, law enforcement. They are also the more indignant when told no because they are usually in control in their fields.

Not everybody sees things the same way you do.

R12, rhe Covid college kids are really different. Many are sympathy sponges with a sense of entitlement because of all the experiences they missed out on. The poorest performers I've ever seen but the college was desperate post-Covid and was admitting everybody.

The lesson? If you're unhappy, it's not just you. It could be an endemic problem your employers don't want to discuss honestly with you.

That dads/husbands coming home from their office job and complaining about how hard they worked, and how exhausted they are, are usually full of shit. Dad spent the day drinking coffee, yakking about sports, maybe attending a meeting or two, and taking a 2 hr lunch with all the other dads. Same for dads/husbands who call home saying they’re working late. They’re staying at the office late-but not to work. Instead they’re avoiding their families, and surfing the internet or bullshitting with other late-staying dads/husbands about sports.

Weird how it tends to be men with younger kids…never women.

Some people are always hot and some people are always cold and there is no happy medium; the only real solution is to work from home.

That you actually don't need to be the "smartest" or produce the "best" work to be successful in the corporate world. As a matter of fact, it hinders you because doing your work well often highlights problems that no one wants to deal with, so you get painted by that brush.

Rather, you only need to be "smart enough" and do competent quality work without egregious errors, rather than error-free work. Then, it's the same as in high school. The people who have the type of personality to be "popular" are the ones who get ahead, get the promotions, and ultimately end up in the c-suite.

This does not go for people who hit big at startups or built businesses, just lonstanding corporate structures. Once you've been successful in a startup or building a business, you can often swan into cushy corporate or executive roles where your competence or lack thereof may be used against you.

Beware the company-issued cell phone. If possible, decline it. Use your own cell phone. I had a coworker who got busted for having an in-house relationship w/a married guy. How was this discovered? Cell phone records. Also, employers feel entitled to call you at night or weekends or on your days off - because you have that work-issued cell phone.

I was lucky enough to have a job that allowed me to travel globally - mainly to developing countries in Asia, Africa, and Latin America. I got to stay in each of these countries for weeks and work with local people on very interesting projects.

I learned that our US population needs to gain more knowledge and understanding of the developing world, and makes many misguided or untrue assumptions. There were so many times I wish I could have dragged some of the naysayers along with me to experience the environment, challenges, and resourcefulness that I witnessed over a career of almost 30 years.

Make decisions based on what is best for you and not the company. When it’s time to restructure, the company won’t put your needs in front of theirs.

to add on to R20, I was always impressed by the dedication of those employees who arrived at the office very early in the mornings. I decided to try it myself one day. I discovered those guys came in around 6am. then spent the time drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, paying bills, messing around - then around 7:30 ish- put it all away and looked 'busy' for the benefit of the rest of us. suckers !

[quote]Things your job made you realize

Food costs money.

Join a union if you have the opportunity. Don’t rely on a company to do the right thing by their workers.

It's always better to have a full bottle in front of me than to have a full frontal lobotomy.

No one and I do mean NO ONE has your best interests at heart. You need to look out for yourself and trust your instincts.

The day you quit is the day your replaced.no one is irreplaceable.

R31 I worked in PR for decades. I knew going in that the media has a profound effect on people’s views and opinions of just about everything but I had not realized just how easy it is to manipulate the media.

Unlike some posters up thread, I’ve made many long lasting relationships with friends I met at work.

And so my tip is: build relationships if you want to succeed. Not bullshit, suck up relationships with leadership. Go out to lunch. Go out for drinks. Take an interest in people’s lives—from the receptionist to the CEO. Don’t do it for some creepy, get-ahead strategy but because it benefits you organically. It will create warmth instead of envy and you’ll be too if the list when it’s time for promotions. And best of all, you won’t hate going to work daily.

The true downside of remote work is that it will limit relationship building. And it’s been my experience that that is the key to success and happiness.

All that said, your company doesn’t give a damn about you. But if you care about the people who work there, they’ll care for you.

You don't have to care to do a good job, a teachers job is to teach. We remember the teachers who do care and look out for us but caring is an extra.

That I’m happy at home

Girls do you realize what just happened here?

I’ve been having a good time and there isn’t even a man in the room

Do you think it’s a fluke or do you think we could learn to like each other?

That most jobs are pointless and of little meaning - there are exceptions of course like administering a homeless shelter or doing brain surgery. When we retire or move on from our jobs, we will be immediately replaced by someone who will be able to do what we've been doing in an hour or in a week. We're all replaceable in this type of economic system.

Searching for meaning or purpose in work is then pointless and just wasted time. Instead, just find a job that pays for a roof over your head and gives you enough time off where you can do something meaningful to you personally. And leave work at work - don't think about when the day is done.

Everyone is a bitch, including me.

Yes r26 but coming in early like that allowed me to fraternize with the c-suite and eventually join the fraternity.

I also hung around after work to do my taxes. I laugh when I hear people talk about how much they want to WFH. I love my home life, but having a separate office space with all the accoutrements is a bonus, not a litation.

^^limitation

R33 gets it. A lot of people do well in work because other people like to be around them.

Smile. Crack the odd joke. Contribute to birthday presents. Ask the lonely guy about the one hobby you know he has. Ask about people’s kids/sick parents/significant other. Make people feel seen, and they will see and appreciate you.

And be a team-player. Turn up for drinks and xmas parties. Lend a hand when someone else is under pressure. The reality is that most people are easily replaceable on a work level. Make sure people would miss you on a personal level too. - they will pay extra to keep you around.

No, R23, NEVER use your personal cell phone for work! Companies will insist that they need to install software on your phone for VPN or MFA which is tracking you and your phone usage. They'll still call you at night, weekends or when you're on vacation since the calls are work-related. A friend made this mistake and was almost fired since the snooping software picked up the porn he was looking at and hookup-up apps he was using. He had to explain to HR why cock pics were on *his* personal phone.

I don’t prefer working with women.

Every field is different and every industry has it's own culture and norms. Some of these posts are veering into unsolicited advice and some of it is quite laughable.

[quote]It's always better to have a full bottle in front of me than to have a full frontal lobotomy.

What the hell is "a full frontal lobotomy?" Is the surgeon fully nude?

I work in HR, there are some racial, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and religious stereotypes that are 100% true.

Tip on the work phone…get a cheap ass 7/11 flip phone and give them that number.

I work on the X Files theory of trust no one. We just had a meeting where management pleaded people to come talk to them about personal problems. Hell no.

Life sucks and then you die. As thus it ever was.

I also agree that changing jobs is the best way to make money. No one wants to give people raises anymore, so you just have to fucking leave.

It is rare to find women who are very effective leaders. If you find one, they are the best bosses ever. The others are usually total nightmares and should be avoided.

Being on time and meeting deadlines is important at all stages of a career. Some people never grasp the time management/planning thing.

Many successful people choose the kind of work that allows their flaws to flourish. Hence, beware litigators, and managing partners of boutique law firms in particular.

The only person who gives a fuck about you, where you work, is you.

99.32% of people prefer working for or with men.

R42 I use Apple products at home. I was hired at a company and they asked which computer I prefer, Mac or PC. I said I use both but yes I like Apple incrementally better. My new boss (who was C-level) insisted on providing me with a Mac. I soon found out the tech guys were completely aggravated by this because they hated my boss and because the Mac thing was a huge pain in the ass for them.

Turned out to be a massive ass pain for me, as well, to do anything at the office with that fucking Mac. The only printer I could use was on another floor, etc.

But the best part was IT insist I use my existing Apple ID. They were very pushy about it and I caved. Imagine my horror lol when all my bookmarks and history appeared on my work Mac, lol. Porn porn porn cooking porn porn porn travel porn porn porn Datalounge porn porn porn. Travis Knight impales bottom. JJ Knight impales bottom. You get the picture.

Yeah, better to keep all of that shit separate.

Most mistakes can be fixed.

I can make mistakes and still be a great employee or even boss/manager.

R49, conversely the timely employees are free to cause ALL the drama at work. Sends hostile emails, take up all the sick time, fight for the good projects.

Me? The occasionally 10 minutes late employee (and RARELY absent)? I keep my head down and am pleasant a lá R33 & R41. Yet I am consistently given less resources to compete the job and next to no praise. Don't need the praise but the timely employee gets it when they're NOT causing drama.

Excuse me R42, I am a little high, but how did your friend’s employer’s software pick up on the porn on his personal phone (vs. his work phone)?

As a teacher, I cared about my student's performance. I did not inquire nor did I have any interest in my students' private lives even when they felt the need to tell me they were trailer trash or had an abortion or whatever. Nothing nauseated me more than my colleague who took an4 interest in which student was dating who. That's lesson one--for some teachers, teaching is about reliving high school. Avoid these people. I firmly believe in respecting boundaries.

Lesson two is do no harm. Sarcastic comments by teachers can leave scars.

What I saw in corporate life --> It is often bizarre how the PTB select those they wish to promote. No rhyme or reason whatsoever.

That I really don’t like working. It’s not for me.

I learned (not quickly enough) that you never want to work for a company where the owners dole out prime positions to their spouses, “adult” children, or other relatives.

You’ll be working your toned ass off while Son #1, with the IQ of a bathmat, is sent off on deluxe sales junkets; Son #2 disappears after lunch to hang out on amateur porn sets in Van Nuys; and CEO Dad is banging his bleached-blonde assistant on the daybed discreetly tucked away in the room behind his office.

Allegedly.

Whenever a boss says "I think us as a family" or "you remind me of a family member," run like hell.

Many bosses either want to act as head of a family or relive high school as the cool kid this time around.

If people didn't have to deal with this kind of interpersonal weirdness, work would take four hours a day. No more meetings to allow someone to feel self-important.

R53 your IT department was not very smart. And not just because they couldn't do better for you with printing. By making you use your apple ID, they gave you exclusive access to a work computer. If they had to get rid of you, it would take a while to get at anything you had stored locally.

And I think what the poster was saying about the personal phone was that his company insisted that software be loaded onto his personal phone so he could access enterprise services, which is ridiculous. It might not be as elegant, but most people can get by with a web interface.

People cannot write (or even express themselves coherently) for shit.

It's because he was using his personal phone **as** his work phone, R57. If he would have used a separate phone for work it wouldn't have happened.

I am in the wrong profession. Do jobs like the one at 1:09 still exist. I'm as big a queen as this officer.

Op time for you to change professions for everybody’s sake.

Corporate America/law: people are stupid.

I'm an attorney. Everyone lies, even though it would save them time and money if they told me truth upfront. People want to present a story that makes them look good, but I'll eventually find out the truth. Better I not be blindsided in court.

That it was time to retire.

That I’m a complete bitch and my boyfriend is the ONLY person who can tolerate me.

Sadly, 9/10 of success at work is style over substance (a.k.a political agility).

Most people thought I was a wonderful, supportive, thoughtful coworker through out my many jobs. A real people person.

In reality, I hate people but found them so very easy to manipulate that I couldn't resist. I started as a shop bottom perfume counter salesman in High School. It taught me what I had to say to people to get them to like me. People never buy from someone they don't like.

Chumps

You don't have to care to be a good teacher. You need to be able to relay information and instructions to a wide range of people whom you have nothing in common with outside of the classroom. Of course, teachers who care about their students AND teach make a tremendous impact on the lives of their students but empathy isn't needed.

Having a job where you learn something new and interesting every day makes all the other workplace bullshit seem inconsequential. Even the pumpkin spice air freshener in the adjacent cubicle.

Most students have learned how to game the educational system by high school and are completely cynical about it by college.

That doctors need to work on their bedside manner. That's always been a hang up.

Niceness matters. Low drama and general collegiality matter too. It matters especially when you screw up. People who are jerks had better be perfect at their job, because no one feels any sympathy or desire to help.

How much I want to win the lottery.

OP I appreciate you being honest about that. This should be a good thread.

Other people are a mistake.

If you go for drinks with upper management, you can learn a lot information that can be useful. Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut.

Don’t ever share your personal life at work. Anything you say will be used against you.

I never want management responsibilities because most people are barely functioning idiots and I don’t want to deal with the problems they create.

r14 is correct. People working at nonprofit organizations are NOT nicer, kinder or better people.

As far as writers go, there is no such thing as too much praise. And it’s still never, ever enough.

There is NO substitute for working hard and putting your best effort into it. Most people don't bother. If you are willing to completely do the job, the quality of your work will speak for itself. You can not only have pride in what you've done but your employers will recognize it and you'll advance.

Don’t twirl and writhe naked around an ice-cold metal pole! I think that a friend told me from experience.

OP, Same exact job and experience. I started in the Late Counter-Culture Era, aka the early 70s. Very Social Consciousness, Civil Rightsy type of person, not much older than my seniors.

I was observed my first day by the Superintendent, who gave me a glowing review. I was pretty golden from that point.

But he retired. My principal who hired me retired. I got older. The students misbehaved more. I started to really hate things like "Opposite Dress Day" and assemblies to pitch prom wear. And grading papers ground me the hell down.

But the nadir was when my last principal wanted a copy of my British Lit Final Exam plus Answer Sheet, for Summer School. Well, first of all, I wasn't about to fail a senior over some poems or "Macbeth." But secondly, with essay questions I had no "Answer Sheet." Principal asked where the answers were. I replied, "In my head."

Suffice it to say, I changed it all to Multiple Choice, Fill in the Blank, and other such question types.

Two years later I retired.

Evolution is not a one way atreet.

I’m a lawyer (nonprofit). Over the years I’ve learned that truly listening to people in distress (letting them talk and get it all out) is more helpful in building trust than trying to give advice and “solve” the problem. People have a need to be heard - many times there isn’t a great solution, but they will feel better if you let them talk it out, rather than jumping in with your opinion.

I’ve also realized that anger is often displaced and not to take things personally. People in highly stressful situations can lash out and I’ve learned to let it go, not make it about my ego, not hold grudges or and not judge people too harshly.

And finally, it’s more efficient to just write and send the email quickly (or file the papers if you’re a lawyer) rather than wasting time making sure everything is worded perfectly. Drafting an email shouldn’t take very long. Less is more. Be direct and clear, be polite and send it. The person reading it won’t spend the amount of time analyzing it that you think they will. And don’t write paragraphs and paragraphs. No one has time for that.

As a lawyer I have learned that: A lot of lawyers are assholes A lot of judges are incompetent or borderline competent A lot of judges are appointed due to political connections, not for any particular fitness for the job. People lie lie lie lie lie, but there is rarely any penalty for it. Being a lawyer is a terrible profession if you want to have a life outside of your job

R87 don’t be stupid. Of course there is a perfect substitute that works just as well, if not better.

It’s called bullshit; or, fake it ‘til you make it.

Don’t actually fuck people at work, in the restroom, on the 1st day, because word will get around fast and you’ll have to leave by lunchtime and find a new job because…there are some impressions you just cannot overcome.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, ever work for a company where nepotism or cronyism is present. You will always get the short end of the stick because you aren't someone's spouse, best friend, cousin, or whatever. This is common in many industries but seems to be more common among nonprofits.

Only work for companies that hire people based on merit.

[quote] Only work for companies that hire people based on merit

And what companies would those be? Besides the ones in your imagination.

interesting responses so far

Just to echo what was said upthread, I went out of my way as a manager for my teams and others but they are not my friends despite working closely together. Been left that job over and year and now hear from none of them.

Put yourself first, do your best while on the job but try to leave it behind when you leave for the day. Don't let others use you. Sometimes its good to pretend to know less than you do. Don't be two-faced

When you’re the boss, you hear the most from the people who do the least. In nonprofits, most “servant leaders” are neither.

It's harder than you think to fit under your boss' desk without banging your head on something.

I worked in journalism and communications. I never realized how hopelessly biased (and self-righteous) and deceptive journalists are.

I learned the only thing that matters is quarterly numbers and revenue. Everything at the most circumspect, playing fair corporation everything done is in service of revenue.

I used to believe if you work hard, a company will take care of you. Now I believe the only way to true happiness is working for yourself.

That assholes congregate and self-implode

Whenever I start a new job or move to a different division, team, etc. I always befriend the bitch of the group.

Things my job made me realize?

How deeply and profoundly dumb 75 percent of the population is and always will be. They may know how to pump gas, drive a car and do basic rote tasks, but most lead a truly unexamined life and have no idea how to reason through anything. I mean, ANYTHING.

That I was still a lesbian.

There are some people out there who truly do not want to be helped or want what most "normal" people want. They are homeless by choice and career criminals by choice. Not all by any means, but enough to be concerned.

As a high school teacher: rich and smart kids benefit from taking a slightly bitchy attitude.

The media is not out to trick people or manipulate us as a whole. They're simply feeding us more of what we click on.

R109 I suspect it's a little of both.

That I enjoy working for myself and that others are willing to pay quite a bit of money for my cooking.

Don't join the lazy ones, it seems easier but you lose your self respect.

Shit really does stack

HR is neither

Some coworkers will always find fault with the boss, no matter how good he or she is.

That's easy- there are people who will NOT do their jobs until you break a two by four over their heads.

Most people are stupid and evil.

Over my 20+ years, I learned that my work (which I love) is really important, and I need to give it 110% to prove my worth, because it is important to be respected.

However, a fairly serious health crisis over the past month has made me reassess. Work is only work, few jobs are worth the stress we put ourselves under, and 99.9% of employees can be replaced in a day or two.

R108 why?

oui

Lord.

OP, a teacher, doesn't know what "empathy" is.

And yet she is sad she doesn't feel it.

Oh, dear.

R121 I don't think that was even remotely what OP said. At all.

I agree with OP. Working in healthcare we do get empathy burnout, especially when under so much strain and stretched thin. It can be a shock sometimes to recognise and then hopefully reset this

I have two lines of work, one is more freelance and there i feel that everyone is expected to be bosom buddies with everyone else, after all, we don’t see each other very often. My “job” job i had to learn the hard way that even though you work with someone, doesn’t mean you have to like them or be friends with them

"it's not WHAT you know-but WHO you know"

I was in the Army and stationed in what was then West Germany, and boy! Did I get an education.

The transportation system was incredible. If there were four houses and an intersection, you could walk to a bus stop and then take a train to almost anywhere. So generally, ordinary people didn't have to own a car.

All the power/phone lines were buried underground, where they didn't ruin the views.

Horsemeat is delicious (although I didn't know what it was the first time I ate it).

There were many drugs you could get OTC that you would need a prescription for in the US. One was called "Mandrax," which was essentially equivalent to Quaaludes. I'm sure you all know how I know this.

The Germans who worked for the US Govt. only worked until noon on Fridays. They had 2.5 day weekends. [I only found out about the 30-day paid vacations years later.]

So I joined the Army a Republican and left a Democrat. Even I, as a naive 18-year-old, saw that there were many, many things that were better in West Germany than in America. And when these fucking Trumpers (and other assorted shallow thinkers) reflexively say, "America is the best country in the world!" I ask them, "How many other countries have you lived in?"

That in corporate America, everyone is out for themselves, and despite all the "teamwork makes the dream work" bullshit that gets drilled into your head, when it comes right down to it, your co-workers will gladly, willingly throw you under the bus at the first opportunity if it gets them ahead.

R126 were you sexually harassed in the army?

Millennial and Gen Z employees are coddled...I can appreciate that the generations need to be treated differently but this has gone too far.

Senior lesbian at R126, I love the idea of a baby lesbian in the military spending her downtime high on generic-brand quaaludes and marvelling at German public transportation infrastructure in between mystery meat sandwiches.

That I really am fucking nuts.

Yup, R126, and putting it that way would be a huge understatement -- but this is not the place I'd care to write about it.

I'm sorry - I meant R128.

I'm sorry that happened R132. When I saw your post I just wondered how badly females were treated in the army back in the 70s. I hope it didn't ruin your whole experience X

Never argue with crazy.

[quote] The day you quit is the day your replaced.

Oh, dear.

Oh, it did, R134 -- but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Honestly, many people have told me I should write an autobiography (yeah, I know, I know -- but they really do), but I'm afraid to try because of stirring up the long-buried memories. But suffice it to say there was a good reason I was high on something (hash, heroin, whatever else) virtually the entire time I was stationed in Germany. And in the late 70s, so was everyone else I knew in Pioneer Kaserne (where I was stationed). And if they weren't high, they were drunk.

BTW, I thought the horsemeat was a hamburger. It was chopped meat like a hamburger, about an inch thick and shaped in a rectangle. You were supposed to eat it with your fingers (which I did) with a bite of the hard roll/brochen (sp?) and a dip of the wonderful German mustard. Yum! And when I was finally told it was horsemeat, I was shocked, but shrugged my shoulders -- I'd been stopping at that Schnellimbiss every week for months to eat it, so -- whaddya gonna do?