"Operator I'm a hopeless invalid!"

I’ll loan you my invalid flipper.

Burt Lancaster wasn't the most convincing louse in this one but he filled out his jacket nicely. I couldn't wait for Loni Anderson to die in the thoroughly unnecessary TV movie remake.

Also known as:

Ma'am, this is an Arby's

I hope Mink Stole will have a part. She's already submitted an audition reel!

Can she sit on my face? Barbara Stanwyck.

Based on a radio play. Here's Agnes Moorehead playing the lead:

bump

Agnes was somewhat bitter when she was passed over for the film.

Love this film. But even I as a hardcore fan of Barbara couldn’t buy her as a college coed in the flashbacks…she was forty years old when she made this film. My favorite line was when she saw Burt dancing with Ann Richards character and she walks up to him, taps his shoulder and says, “Mind if I cut in? It’s an old Spanish custom; the hag line!”. 🤭🤨😀. That matronly hairstyle didn’t do her any favors either. Or when she talks about cutting classes to meet her father, it was too much for me. But her performance, especially in the scenes where she realizes that she’s the intended target of the murder, was on point.

R2, I had no idea there was a Loni Anderson TV remake.

And this review! Who is the Cranky Lesbian? She sounds 100% DL.

Her review here has everything:

Brendad Ickson

classic French and Italian cinema

Beverly Sutphin

fibromyalgia

plus a closing passage pulled from Loni Anderson’s autobiography about Burt Reynolds going berserk repeatedly on the set of the forgotten sitcom Evening Shade.

And Loni had the nerve to do a remake of LEAVE HER TO HEAVEN too. I dislike her almost as much as I dislike Susan Richardson.

Master thespian Loni would never look sweaty and disheveled like Stanwyck, in the climactic moment.

I’m a divorced woman, PLEASE HELP ME!

R9 I’ve never heard of the Cranky Lesbian site before you linked it; she sounds right up our alley, thanks!! Love that review.

“I’m at the top of the stairs and I’m sick!”

I’m just at that age now when I can unironically scream those words.

Fuck you, r10!

The Loni remake sounds horrid

Not even with Willie Aames’ dick r15.

#9's site link is reminiscent of Bad Movies We Love. I miss those snarky examinations of crappy films.

I'll wait for the musical version.

Slip into your caftan and prop your bunny slippers up.

Susan Richardson would have been better than Loni in the role. No doubt Barbra Streisand had something to do with her not getting the part.

She is a rotten actress. She is a little bit better than Jaclyn Smith. But the bar is low.

The priduction was glossy but Loni only had that one character, the same one from WKRP and all her TV movies. This character is supposed to be a plain jane heiress, but Loni does her full, boobs-out glam. Doesn't make sense.

Just because you're an invalid, doesn't mean you can't be glamorous!

In the Stanwyck version even her jewelry was in the credits…by Ruger…

[quote]Who is the Cranky Lesbian? She sounds 100% DL.

You're correct, R9. I've been here since I was a teenager (many moons ago) and didn't think anyone who saw R2 would look up the Anderson monstrosity.

Sometimes I scrap references that wouldn't be as accessible to non-DLers, like calling Kate Jackson "a thin womon useful on garbage detail" when discussing "Inmates: A Love Story." It hasn't stopped the occasional reader from sensing a kindred spirit and asking if I post here.

Loni did TV remakes of "A Letter to Three Wives" and "Three Coins in the Fountain" too. We're still waiting for her "Auntie Mame"!

R26, are you really Cranky Lesbian?

Please link your reviews whenever applicable!

It’s an honor to have you here!

Shanna Reed! Now there was an actress! She would have made an astonishing Sister Aloyisius in Doubt!

r27 If she got three coins for that role, she was overpaid.

Shanna Reed is currently playing Lady Macbeth at the Old Vic

[quote]"Operator I'm a hopeless invalid!"

"Operator, I'm a hopeless lesbian!"

"My vibrator is completely dead and I'm all alone..."

The Bollywood adaptation, SARI, WRONG NUMBER is surprisingly good.

^Motherfucker, I HOLLERED

Keep it goin’!

Three Coins in a Fountain.

Carl Weintraub exposes his penis to Stephanie Kramer to cap the scene - in the spirit of classic Hollywood.

"Solly, Long Numba"

I worked on this opera version, r19...

R38, did you really?

I did props, r39.

Love it, R40.

r41 - I got little glass bottles to use for the pills and I typed labels on them for things like Dammitol and Phenobarbiedol.

[quote]Phenobarbiedol

^Pheno - BARBIE DOL?! Man, this Barbie movie marketing campaign is way over the top. Now in random comments.

R42, keeps getting better and better.

Say more, please.

R25. Jewels by Ruser, not Ruger. Ruser was the best jewelry store in Los Angeles. Their business and store on Rodeo Drive were bought by Van Cleef & Arpels; Van Cleef is still in the same building.

Vintage dial phone and pencil by Ma Bell?

R45 Marlene Dietrich, Joan Crawford, and Ava Gardner were three of Ruser’s best customers.

R46 it would have been Pacific Bell standing in for New York Bell

Pacific Telephone

New York Telephone **

Western Electric produced the telephone while Bell provided the service.

No shit R50

I still want Barbara Stanwyck to sit on my face.

Operator, help a girl out...?

Oh, Henry, why do you leave me alone?

Operator, I’m a hopelessly devoted to you

Sally HUNT….

Undercover in art class

Miss Duncan?

Yes, Donna.

May I manipulate Kris’ pussy lips to make them less loose and stretched out looking?

Kris’ pussy lips look just fine to me, Donna.

Miss Duncan, they’re making me uncomfortable.

Ok, Donna go ahead.

Ouch!!! Stop it you fuckin’ bitch!

Sorry, they are just so fleshy and loose! Looks like a fucking Arby’s roast beef sandwich.

Shelley Winters did a television remake of this in the fifties. Can’t find it anywhere…but they did tape over lots of television shows back then.

“I’m a hopeless invalid and my breast implants are deflating!”

I think we can all imagine Shelley's kvetchy performance, r57.

****

Oh really??

[quote]"Operator I'm a hopeless invalid!"

Wouldn't the line more likely have been, "Operator I'm a helpless invalid!"?

Otherwise the operator should have broken out into "Tomorrow."