Let's be the neighbourhood weirdo

I’m OP

I'm non-standard English spelling on an American website.

OP is either British or Australian. No?

I'm the weird little girl next door.

***Kisses doll***

I mow my yard of zoysia grass an average of 2.5 to 3 times per week during the growing season and even mow it at least once per week in the winter when the grass is brown and dormant. And, to top things off, my mower engine is a loud mutha!

Hint as to who he is: He lives in area code 770 and just started up his mower 5 minutes ago...

Now he is LITERALLY running his mower back and forth up and down the street!!!!!!

I'm the guy who wants to buy my neighbor's 19 YO son a car, even though I'm a creepy 43 YO who has no idea if young blood is even gay, to say nothing of how his dad will react.

I'm the creepy neighbor woman who collects china dolls (genuine antique only!), turns every conversation into "woe is me!", talks suddenly about the many times I've been sexually abused (by both my parents!), constantly lies, and has some form of terminal cancer every five years (and beat it every time!). Keep your pets, children, and husbands away from me. I may also practice black magic. But inexplicably, other neighbors just love me.

I feel your pain R5 . We have a 400 pound, 73 year old sow on popsicle sticks waddling around with her mower, mowing her own yard plus several neighbors' whether they ask for it or not. She's nearly died several times over the passed three years (going septic from knee replacement surgery, a heart attack, etc) but she's still kicking and mowing every TWO DAYS! We're all supposed to adore her, think she's a medical miracle, and go along with her delusion she's mayor of the street. This is in addition to her "special friend" *cough cough* at R8 .

I'm the house with the bay window that has creepy porcelain dolls facing out. We look like we're pleading for help. This is true. There is a house like not far from where I live. It always creeps me out when I drive past.

I know the intent here is for satire, but for real a house in my neighborhood is in the process of switching from foil coverings on the inside of all its windows to plywood planks. Multiple blackout-windowed cars and a camper in the driveway/yard. I've only seen an inhabitant once in the five months since I moved in—imagine Billy Bob Thorton's [italic]Sling Blade[/italic' character only obese, neckless, and completely bald. I figure the house itself is too nice for an indoor grow farm in a city where there are legal dispensaries, so either meth cooking or vampires.

R6 He "literally" is, huh? Interesting

...and a gossip too!

r10 - Oh my God...I actually was just about to post this exact same thing before I read yours. I used to live in Western New York, and many older homes commonly have an enclosed "sun porch" at the front of the house with glass windows that open to screens.

This weirdo had such a sun porch (he was a man who was rarely, if ever, seen), and it could be seen from the road (this was a rural area). In the windows facing the road, he had porcelain dolls all lined up in a row across the entire bank of windows and it was creepy as hell.

My active writer's mind imagined that each one represented a little girl he'd snuffed out in some manner. It really was extremely strange.

So am I, apparently.

I'm the neighbor with outdoor cats. I like to keep the inside of my house very clean.

you ARE a weirdo if you shut the blinds all day. you need therapy, not blinds. Get help FAST

My blinds are shut all day. There's still a fair amount of natural light that comes through. If that makes me a weirdo, so be it.

Why are you trying to see into your neighbor’s house OP?

I'm the jogger who stops to do a few pushups in a driveway.

(This really happens, which one of you bitches is it?)

^^Instead of sidewalks?

I’m the suspicious odors when passing the house. The police have received several reports but they haven’t taken action yet.

My name is Joel. My aunt has been selling my underwear to the man who lives across the street from her for years.

Whenever I see him out walking his dog Mitzi I make sure we make eye contact, then I grab my cock and watch him nearly pass out from the titillation.

Ha! Im in Florida and my blinds wont open again until late fall. Unless my neighbors are going to pay my AC bill, the scorching sunlight can stay outside.

I’m the neighborhood Dennis Rodman lives in.

Op just give us your basic description