Strategic Decoupling

Yes I’ve broken up with a partner

Unwilling partner? RAPE!!!!!!

Let me rephrase and clarify: by "unwilling partner" I mean someone who was never willing to be part of the relationship in the first place.

[quote]Let me rephrase and clarify: by "unwilling partner" I mean someone who was never willing to be part of the relationship in the first place.

So, why be in a relationship ?

R4 That's what I'd like to know. My partner is unwilling to do any couple things and yet also unwilling to decouple.

Can we have some background info here? This is so very nebulous so far.

My partner doesn't want to do anything with me, in public or in private. It's like we're just roommates or strangers, but whenever I mention decoupling, he says I'm the ass.

[quote]My partner is unwilling to do any couple things and yet also unwilling to decouple.

He seems complicated.

R8 That's a very diplomatic way of putting it.

Real strategic decoupling is more involved. You slowly create a separate life from your partner. If you live together you rent your own place and slowly move your things. You start going on dates without telling them until you are ready to just pull the plug. It can take a month or so.

Sounds like bigamy R10.

r10 more like an open relationship where the partner has no idea they are in one.

You know what has to be done, OP.

OP what is YOUR definition of "strategic decoupling?" What would that look like to and for YOU? You for sure need to end the relationship, that much is clear. Was he always so lame? If not, what happened?

[quote]whenever I mention decoupling, he says I'm the ass.

Maybe he wouldn't call you that if you referred to it as "breaking up".

He doesn't sound like a "partner", at all. J/s

Don't know the details of your relationship dynamics, but in my personal experience "decoupling" was the only solution when I got tired of my live-in boyfriend's cruelty, moodswings, and general incompatibility. It all moved swiftly once I made the conscious decision to stop placating his whims and moods. Every conversation became an argument. After a few weeks, one of us slept on the couch. Then we began avoiding each other entirely. Would have been extremely uncomfortable, had discomfort not been the goal. After about two months, it was his idea to end it and for one of us to move out. From toxic relationship to single and guilt free in three months. The process also helped to strengthen my resolve, proving that there was no relationship without my putting in so much effort.

OP = Gwyneth Paltrow.

This could make the situation worse. For some people you have to rip off the bandaid. A gradual split can be disastrous. If it were me, I would plan my departure in secret and actually leave when I was all set up and ready to go. For good.

Then again, I'm a clean break kind of person. Maybe that's not your dynamic, OP. Plus your partner seems to know you're not happy so it shouldn't come as a surprise.

Do you fear for your life, OP? Or are you just ambivalent?

I'm mostly worried he'll take the dog. I don't want to share custody of our dog. I think the dog wants to be with me.

Man up, OP. Take the dog and leave.