Help! I am so incredibly constipated

go to the ER

if it's more than 5 days go to the ER.

What does that mean, R2?

What will the RT do?

The RT?

Enough with the Opoids, Matthew Perry...

Take a shit and stop bitchin' about Keanu Reeves

If you haven't gone in over 5 days you could have a severe blockage which could lead to really bad infection.

Take 3 Bisacodyl - it’s similar to prep for a colonoscopy.

Have you tried Dulcolax suppositories?

Oatmeal with bananas. Bananas in the oatmeal, not in your bottom.

Stool softener, OP. You can buy it over the counter at the pharmacy.

Scat troll alert

Colace, and drink water.

Are you in the US? Go to Urgent Care. They could prescribe prescription-strength poop medicine. You might need to give yourself an enema.

Miralax and warm coke.

If it’s been more than a week, go to the ER.

OP is full of shit.

See if you’re on meds that are constipating and ask your doc if you can take a pause or switch formulations.

OP, can I have your stuff?

Does anyone see their GP for on-demand illness anymore? Every time I've found myself in need, I call and they say "go to urgent care." I reply, "But I have an infection and just need a script for antibiotics..." they maintain "go to urgent care." It seems my GP only wants to do my annual physical, manage my prescriptions, and nag me about vaccinations. Urgent care would rather write me a prescription for opioids than antibiotics these days, and they don't write prescriptions for narcotics without you being on your death bed anymore. Thanks, addicts.

Go to urgent care, OP, especially if (like many above have advised) it's been 5 days since you pooped.

Food intolerance (different than allergy) can constipate, cause diarrhea or both (IBS).

Remove the top culprits from your diet for a week

Wheat & gluten (seek GF symbol)

Dairy

Corn

Processed and fried foods

Nuts

Red meat

Any other food that gives you trouble

Look up “elimination diet” if this is an ongoing issue. It will help you identify the offending food.

Link ^ is Cleveland Clinic Food Intolerance if it fails again

i want to reiterate that you're potentially having a medical emergency , i would advise a 20 year old to go to the ER in this case and I'm sure you are much older than that. do not seek another over the counter at home treatment, you need professional examination.

Yup hot water, drink lots of water. Eating melon and 🥑 helps loosen you up.

Start by raising up your feet (squatty potty style) on a stool (no the other kind) or some books, while sitting on the toilet. Feet/knees should be wide apart, but adjust their height and distance apart as necessary. Sit up super straight, close your eyes, relax, relax relax. Do some deep, even breathing and push that fucker out gently. But raised feet, relaxation, breathing and concentration may actually do the trick.

Good luck and don’t die, toots.

Defacto shitpost

Drink some cheap beer or a coca cola.

Magnesium Citrate, small green glass bottles usually on the bottom shelf of a drugstore digestive section, looks a little like Sprite bottles from the seventies... Believe me; if this will not open you up, you need to go to the emergency room; unfortunately, you will probably need bariatric surgery.

A bowl of boiled prunes

coffee, lots of coffee

East entire head of iceberg lettuce with oil and vinegar. Drink a lot of water with it.

thoughts and prayers

Cigarette and coffee

Lol at r31.

It sounds gross, but I used my lubed finger to dig out the feces once. Once you get the hard stuff out, it’s a lot easier to finish.

[Quote]unfortunately, you will probably need bariatric surgery.

What are you on about? They manually remove impacted stool by hand, no anesthesia needed.

I second the glycerin suppositories r9 mentioned. Use two and hold it in for several minutes.

R35, that worked for Whitney Houston as well.

Be sure to listen to all the medical advice here on a gossip board instead of going to a licensed, medical professional!

R28 This works

go get ya one of these and drink it

OP, I'm going to get graphic here, but perhaps it will help you if you're dealing with what I experienced. If not, perhaps it will help others.

So... just a question. If you haven't gone, how do you know that your "blockage" is actually from stool that is too hard? I ask because, unfortunately, I suffered from loose stools for nearly three years. A good 90% of my BMs were very soft. Not diarrhea, but VERY soft. Depending upon the day, somewhere between the consistency of toothpaste to a custard. As a result, although I was eating normally (and fairly healthily) and getting plenty of fiber and water through my diet naturally I would go 2-3 days without a BM and then would have a HUGE one in this softer consistency because the shit wouldn't form enough bulk for those healthy sausage like solid poops and instead it was like I'd emptied a bowl of brownie batter in the toilet. That meant I felt constipated between BMs and then when they came they were huge and took forever to empty because of their soft consistency.

Eventually, what worked for me was taking Citrucel fiber supplements every day + Imodium AD every other day. Sounds counter-intuitive but that combination (after some trial and error) is what got me to have a healthy solid BM just about every day.

I still, of course, drink lots of water and try to get some aerobic exercise every day.

Good luck! And like others have said, 5 days is too long. Go seek proper medical advice.

Have a big helping of Greg's prune and cod casserole! You'll be spewing liquid out of your ass in no time!

Suppository or an enema

I’d google it before I’d ask the advice of DL.

R41 made me sick

[quote] Have a big helping of Greg's prune and cod casserole! You'll be spewing liquid out of your ass in no time!

Always happy to help.

Today’s winner for the most colorful posting goes to R41:

[quote] … and then would have a HUGE one in this softer consistency because the shit wouldn't form enough bulk for those healthy sausage like solid poops and instead it was like I'd emptied a bowl of brownie batter in the toilet.

You'd better go to ER. They may do a CT scan. They can order a colonoscopy for you

You'd have to get all cleared out before a colonoscopy would provide any beneficial information

How come they don't sell that colonoscopy juice over the counter?

Because it's so powerful, R50, you could lose your shit at an inconvenient time.

[quote] How come they don't sell that colonoscopy juice over the counter?

Just buy a bottle of citrate of magnesia at the drugstore. It is sold over the counter and works like a charm.

OP, if you buy a bottle of citrate of magnesia, you drink the entire bottle. It has a pleasant lemon-lime taste that is improved if you refrigerate it prior to drinking it.

Go to a bookstore or library. Some place where you can walk around and scan book titles as you walk. If this doesn't make you have to go after awhile, nothing will.

If stool is softened is it a tuffet?

[quote]Have a big helping of Greg's prune and cod casserole! You'll be spewing liquid out of your ass in no time!

As one does, after one of Greg's dinner parties...

Go to the most hardcore health food store you know. The smell of wheatgrass, bulk groats, turnips and tempeh will release the kraken

This is the only post the OP has on the account she's used.

Such commitment for a troll crapping on us about not being able to crap.

Too much fiber can counterintuitively constipate if you are not guzzling water, if you overdo or are not used to it. You might be creating a beaver dam.

Yes, yes … R56

You should be so fortunate to be invited to one of my dinner parties.

R59 LOL!! I am now visualizing a mini beaver dam in my colon!

Find a willing top with a colossal cock. Open you right up.

A family friend ended up in this situation (fecal impaction) by using senna-based laxatives too frequently. If I recall correctly, senna can damage the tiny hairs, cilia, that line portions of your digestive track. She had to visit the hospital for medically supervised enemas for a long while after that.

I would get to a physician right away.

In some cases, physicians who have to treat fecal impaction by mechanically dislodging the hardened mass obstructing the valves of the recriminations often get sprayed with the softer wastes that are pressurized in the colon by that blockage. That sounds pretty awful. After a span of days, that waste will have begun to break down in the colon where it has been trapped, so that effluvium is likely very pungent wit sulfur compound called methyl mercaptan.

See a physician and tell that physician everything so you get the right help. You really don’t want to end up in worse shape, like needing a colostomy.

Sorry to be so geeky and som graphic here.

Drink Metamucil, OP. Not the pills, the powder. You’ll be back to normal within 2 days. I guarantee it.

^^^ valves of the rectum, not recriminations. D’oh

GO

TO

THE

FUCKING

EMERGENCY

ROOM

YOU

FAT

WHORE

Metamucil. Get it. Drink it. You’ll thank me later.

R6 you don’t know shit!

It’s time for drastic measures

Shape your index finger like a hook and dig yourself out!

Enema or urgent care.

I am the opposite of the OP.I am sitting on the toilet right now because I have the runs. It is because I eat too much fruit for breakfast this morning and therefore far too much fiber.

Get the hook!

Go fuck yourself!

R63 "valves of recrimination" -- whatever you do, don't open those!

OP I don't know how many days you've had this problem, but if it hasn't been too long, here's a home remedy: smear a rectal thermometer with dish soap and use it.

R61 The magic incantation

Chia seeds in water

Go to the emergency room where you will be manually dis-impacted if a warm water enema doesn't work.

Translation: the doc will stick his finger up your ass and pull the shit out.

Congrats on your scat thread, OP!

You never fail to reach a quorom of the same people excited to prattle on about their favorite laxatives and memorable bowel movements.

I'd say OP is Erna but Erna is dead.

You don’t need to go to the ER if you’re constipated for 5 fucking days.

Well, urgent care at least R79.

Not getting SOME medical attention at that point elevates the risk for a tear in the colon, sepsis and yes DEATH.

Well my actual advice is don’t get medical advice on Datalounge.

[quote]Magnesium Citrate, small green glass bottles usually on the bottom shelf of a drugstore digestive section, looks a little like Sprite bottles from the seventies... Believe me; if this will not open you up, you need to go to the emergency room; unfortunately, you will probably need bariatric surgery.

Now I want to go to Walgreens buy some and try it...and I'm not even constipated!

R82 the FDA ordered that removed from shelves

They didn't, R83. It's still readily available in many stores.

My mom was convalescing at home after openheart surgery and started complaining about not having a BM since BEFORE her surgery.. That was 10 days before. I go her on the toilet, unscrewed the shower head of the water cable, had her stand up, lean over and I forced a low, warm stream of water into her. 30 seconds later the walls of Jericho came tumbling down. Water. It is simple and drug free and effective. The things you learn in a gay bath house.

I've actually used a smooth lacquered chopstick before. Don't use a takeout chopstick, as that will give you splinters. It's important to use it on the end of your anus that is closer to your back, as your colon moves from that direction. Once you gently, and only partially, put the chopstick into the anus, and pull, it will start to come out. Might take some practice, but it works.

I'm totally serious.

You gotta reach up in there and pull it out.

OP, *this* will make you shit your guts out. You gotta eat the whole thing. Give it 12 hours.

Appendicitis!

Where is Bobby Brown when you need him?

Fleets Enema you fool. Maybe more than one.

[QUOTE]Go to a bookstore or library. Some place where you can walk around and scan book titles as you walk. If this doesn't make you have to go after awhile, nothing will.

Does it work if it's pre-planned? Because when it's happened to me that wasn't even on my radar.

Buy a 30 day supply of Miralax. You’re going to use all of it within 48 hours. Drink it with a sports drink. Two doses per hour with a least 20oz of liquid each time. If that doesn’t work, ER.

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, START EATING LOTS OF FRESH VEGETABLES!

OP, glycerin suppositories should make that brick slide right out.

If you remove the corn cob in your butt, the poop can get out.

Assuming that OP's already been eating for 5 days, he or she needs to *stop* eating at this point. It will only cause more discomfort.

Colace (docusate) doesn’t do anything better than placebo. Go for miralax instead. And if that doesn’t work home fleet enemas.

Where in this thread did the OP say that he’s been constipated for five days? Erryone here keeps talking about “5 days,” I don’t see no 5 days nowhere from the OP. Who knows how long he had that doodie up in there.

R54. This happened without fail when I used to go to Blockbuster.

Op is either a troll

or dead

[quote] I don’t see no 5 days nowhere

Forgive us if we question your ability to read, understand or speak coherent English.....

Blanche Devereaux : Oh, girls, I have writer's block. It is the worst feeling in the world. You just sit there, hour after hour after hour for days on end...

Sophia Petrillo : Tell me about it.

In seriousness, you could need emergency surgery for a blockage. Go to urgent care or ER.

Cheap solution -buy a jar of sun dried tomatoes, heat them up, and eat a few but drink the juice. That oil will go right through you in 30 minutes to an hour. Wash it down with some hot water to also break up your poopie.

Sit on the toilet, use rubber gloves or toilet paper, and stick your finger up your poop shoot to slowly pick away at the hard poopie until it breaks off in pieces.

Last resort, buy Haribo sugar free gummy bears.

Dig it out with a finger or spoon handle.

When OP finally does squeeze out that fish he'll probably prolapse.

Call Mom. Ask her to come over with rubber gloves.

Put your cat's litter box next to the toilet. Never fails.

Constipation Relief

Ask your doctor to prescribe that stuff you drink to prepare for a colonoscopy.

That'll get you going!!

R82 he bottles are clear in CVS.

*The

Call Bobby Brown.

I can tell that you are a person of great intellect, Op. As embarrassing as this problem might be for you, I commend you for having the foresight to come here and ask for my world renowned medical advice. As a graduate (Summa Cum Laude) from DL Medical College and Golden Age TV University, class of 1925, you can rely on me, my friend. (I apologize that I wasn't able to get back to you sooner, but I was involved in a very delicate operation on severely impacted conjoined sextuplets. Sadly, they didn't make it, although I did all that was humanly possible. Damn it! I'm a Doctor, not a miracle worker! I'm sorry! I don't mean to burden you with such sorrowful news, but it is weighing heavily on my mind at the moment.)

Now to your issue, my friend. Take this online prescription for a three pound block of cheddar cheese to your local grocery store, stat. Consume it all in 30-60 minutes, and severely limit your intake of fluids for the next 72-96 hours. That should take care of you. (I think I might have under-prescribed the cheese amount for the conjoined sextuplets, but I won't make that mistake with you, dear Op.)

Will you be paying with cash or credit card, my good man? (Sorry, but the damn insurance companies are so greedy that they refuse to cover my ground-breaking work.) However, I do have a payment plan, if you don't have the money right now, my friend. I will take payment (in full) in the form of street drugs or sexual services. Your choice.

Instead of Metamucil just get psyllium powder (you can always find it at a coop/health food store. It's the active ingredient in Metamucil which is like 50% sugar and orange flavor. Also costs a fraction of the Metamucil.

Do what Ronnie the Limo Driver did. Reach in and pull it out.

It’s the worst taste ever but a bottle of magnesium citrate. It’s seriously awful but might do something with that and drinking a couple glasses of water.

Nothing a 50 Load Weekend cannot solve, OP.

Like a pressure washer r119?

Put hot sauce in there.

Here's a little rhyme that my dear Grammy taught me when I was a wee little one.

"If you're full of shit, don't just sit on it.

'Cause a hose in the ass can be a real blast, and a nut in the butt can loosen that gut."

I miss Grammy.

^you must have presented as a bottom early.

Disgusting. You give new meaning to the term "fudgepacker".

Eat beans.

R83 Why make up something stupid like that?

Did you poop yet, OP?

R127 If he tried even one of these suggested remedies, he certainly has. If not, he only created this post out of a desperate need for attention.

It’s possible he’s dead.

Hopefully the poop exited his body anyway. He deserves relief, even if he’s dead.

OP is giving birth.

-Stand in front of your bathroom mirror.

-Close your eyes.

-Say "Tubgirl" three times.

This thread is disgusting.

You do realize OP jacked off to it about 100 posts ago and came so hard he passed out?

OP is unresponsive on the bathroom floor.

this is a scat free zone ever since Erna died.

Did OP shit? Is OP dead on the can? Enquiring minds want to know.

[quote]Go to a bookstore or library. Some place where you can walk around and scan book titles as you walk. If this doesn't make you have to go after awhile, nothing will.

I thought I was the only one this happened to.

Try drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel's and eat a block of cheddar cheese.

Do NOT take Metamucil at this time. You will die. Save that for after you’re cleared out.

How you're not the Poet Laureate we'll never know, R35

Please, OP. Jump to your death.

OK, first, you’re not gonna die if you haven’t pooped in five days. People who have regular constipation are usually advised to go to the ER after three weeks without being able to go. So everybody saying five days, I don’t know where they got the number from.

Secondly, if you’re in pain, then you do need to go to the ER.

Not everybody poops every day. Some people only do two or three times a week. And people with frequent constipation can go weeks before it gets serious. So don’t freak out unless it’s been a really long time. Or you’re in pain.

Finally, don’t ask for medical advice on a gay gossip board. There aren’t that many people here who are qualified to give you a good answer. And the ones that are, aren’t here all the time. And they may not see your message. And you’re getting advice from nail technicians and car mechanics, and whatever else people who post here do.

OP's on the shitter. He's not a quitter.

Just be thrilled there's finally something that can't fit through your sphincter.

Was the constipation a hoax? Or is this a constipated EST?

Did you go yet? Was it indeed brownie batter in the toiler, or did it look like you dumped a bag of potting mix in the toilet. Or was it the dreaded Milk Duds?

[Quote] My stool is absolutely rock solidl and is plugging softer spool behind it,

Is there a scope up there or is the hard stool texting you

tell us op did any of the advice prove fruitful

A bowl of warm microwave popcorn does it for me.

now i will be afraid to serve popcorn to guests

Two granny smith apples and a couple of cups of coffee.

yuk r85

Buy a rimming chair. U need to relax.

As if there's any car mechanics here on DL, R141.

I suspect some of the more treacherous advice in this thread is from those in the medical field who are displeased that OP is too cheap to see a professional.

R85, Why not an enema?

Rock. Not back and forth, but to and fro, from front to back.

A friend's brother had this issue as a child. She said the doctor lubed his finger and basically pulled the hard shit out. She said it "was like a crabapple made of sawdust!"

Science!

[quote]Rock. Not back and forth, but to and fro, from front to back.

Not back and forth, but from front to back.

Got it.

Maybe Bobby Brown’s finger is available.

R120 it’s more the Chlamydia infection you get from ass-to-mouth.

I've heard of a tight hole, but honey...

So shall we assume OP is DOA?

OPeeee!!!! Did you birth the turd yet?

😂 @ r132

All I want to know is if op pooped yet!!

After reading this thread I’m grateful to have a sensitive stomach and daily diarrhea.

I’m having the same damn problem. Eating some prunes & cherries. Taking a stool softener.

Glycerin suppository and a nice warm bath

Can’t you just lube up a gloved finger and dig it out?

This is one of the most disgusting threads I ever read.

Are you new here, R170?

No, R171, but it’s still one of the most disgusting threads I ever read.

What's disgusting about it? Which posts are the most disgusting?

Do not listen to R141. They are wrong about 5 days not being a point of concern. Absolutely no one goes 3 weeks without a bowel movement without a major obstruction leading to a bowel rupture. You would probably die before going 3 weeks without a bowel movement. One week is definitely cause for concern. The longer you wait to seek treatment the more likely a serious obstruction will form, requiring surgery or risking death.

Yup. Scat troll thread.

I went to the Dr today. Lactalose and zofran.

That’s you at R76, OP?

Me? No, I’m not OP but having the same issue.

Where the fuck is OP? He has a duty to report back to us.

Sit on a rimming chair and get it sucked out.

But does he have a duty?

OP, if you aren’t dead already, follow the advice to get Miralax and lots of water/no sugar Gatorade. Miralax has no taste—it is a powder you mix into drinks. It lets more water get into your colon, which softens the hard, dehydrated poops enough to let them pass. Taking laxatives that stimulate your bowels will be painful and pointless.

Miralax smells like Elmer’s glue.

But it does work. When I was addicted to kratom, I had Miralax many times a week.

[quote] As if there's any car mechanics here on DL

r154 I was thinking the same thing. Sexy gay grease monkeys though. I'm sure there's quite a few, just closeted though and not on DL.

Get a juicer. Throw in as many greens as you can. broccoli, kale, spinach, celery, a cucumber and an apple or two to sweeten it up.

I always spray it out almost the way it went in in an hour or two, just in time for my professional cum dump duties.

Holy shit!

I was so constipated (3 days, not 5 or however long y’all thought OP was constipated—but he wasn’t) that I used two Walgreens brand suppositories the other night. Holy hell! Not only did it unclog me, but half my fucking colon was practically hanging out of my anus by the time I was done. It’s all back in place now, but I did shit out some blood yesterday morning as a result of all the urgent pooping the night before.

I don’t understand how bottoms can take dicks all the time. Whenever I have to shit up a storm, or I have a huge log coming out of me, it feels like a dick in my rectum. And every time I’ve been fucked, it feels like a big turd going in and out and in and out… when the hell does that start to feel good? And how the hell does that ever feel good? What am I doing wrong?

Oh, and the OP is still dead, I presume