Can Your Meth-Head Friends Every Be Normal Again?

Being on drugs can excuse a lot of things, but not betrayal.

Punch and delete.

Meth doesn't make people into backstabbing bitches out of the blue, it just removes some of the filters that keeps the person's inner backstabbing bitch from coming out in public.

You know they expression "... brings out the worst in someone"? That refers to bad things that were already present, but hidden.

Nope.

The problems you had with him aren't necessarily meth related. Sounds like he was just a nasty type of person. Common sense says that's who he is. But if you feel like having his friendship again, I'd ask for an apology first and see how he takes it.

Forgive him, OP, but don't invite him back in your life.

R5 has the best advice. Do a Gwyneth.

"You wish him well."

And that's the end of it, stay no contact.

Exactly. Forgiving someone doesn't mean letting somebody back into your life, it just means not hanging on to resentment. There's absolutely no reason to try to be friends with him again. Tell the mutual friend who's urging you to do so to mind his own business.

Maybe, but it's the nastiest drug I've ever been around. And I've heard recovery is particularly hard for them, not because it's more addictive, but because it changes brain function.

12 years sober from meth here. I would have lunch with him, and put everything you know on the table. If he is truly recovered, he would be willing to make an amends AND respect you want to keep him at arm’s length for awhile and it is your right and free will to do so. If he’s still using on the sly, he will reveal himself with excuses, anger or distractions.

“Trust, but verify”. It’s really important you find out how long he’s been using and stayed sober from a source other than himself.

If it was a year or under that he was dabbling with meth, chances are there’s a friendship worth salvaging, and you might keep him sober as long as you state, and he fully understands his sobriety is an ironclad contingency of any NEW friendship. Long term meth usage permanently damages the brain, so if he’s been out awhile, only meet him in a restaurant or other safe place rather than at home. I once had a fellow install a keystroke virus on my computer to hack passwords and credit card numbers when I went to the bathroom!

A true meth addict in the eye of the storm of addition generally cleans up nice, can fake sobriety, and will say or do anything to get high again including reacquainting themselves with old friends. It really is an insidious drug.

I’m also going to say that you might not like the sober version of him and end the friendship anyways, I was genuinely surprised at this when I got sober. We tend to turn into puritan, judgy and sulky people the first few years! LOL

Story of the former meth-head

Your friend may be pushing this to get him off their own backs, OP.

OP- There’s a movie called METH HEADS from 2013. These two guys tempt him selves out suck cock and get fucked up the ass just to pay for their meth habit.

They PIMP themselves out.

Invite him over for coffee and leave a baggie of meth next to his coffee cup implying that he left it at your house years ago and you’ve been meaning to return it ever since. Make sure it’s the industrial strength shit they make these days.

He’ll be out of your life for at least the next 6 years.

Nope! No! Absolutely not! Meth addicts are worthless and horrible people. Broken, destructive people who want to destroy others too. DO NOT ever let him back in, he only wishes you harm.

NEVER! EVER! Let a methhead into your life, recovered or not.

Nope, leave them cut off.

You write like you have just begun recovery, OP.

Friends from my younger days of clubbing who got into meth have weird paranoia issues now.

If your life hasn't suffered the absence of him, it's not incumbent on you to reach out directly or through an intermediary to signal any kind of truce. If he himself wants to apologize, make amends, etc. you can accept or decline as graciously as you can. People who have truly recovered know they can't expect forgiveness, it's a gift and you've got to be cool if some people don't have it for you.

In his heart he wanted you friendless. No. Have self respect.

Forgive him and wish him the best, but make it certain he knows this chapter is over, and you don’t wish to revisit the friendship or stay connected. If the third party keeps meddling, move on from them too.

No, do not under any circumstances allow him back into your life.

You are allowed to be hurt and burned by someone even after they get sober. Getting sober means hopefully they won’t do shitty things in the future but it doesn’t erase the past. Sometimes there’s just too much. Tell your friend (who is telling you to forgive) you are glad the guy is sober but there was just too much.

If "friends" are telling you you have to bring him back into your life, it's absolutely none of their business and they are not really your friends. Tell them firmly to butt out.

There are things in this world that are unforgivable, even when the person begs forgiveness. If you feel he did such things, I would go with your gut.

You already know he's an enormous risk as a friend, so there would seem to be little incentive to invite him back into your life.

He showed you what he really thinks of you when he became nasty towards you when he was high, like a mean drunk. Maybe those feelings have changed on his part, but proceed with caution.

I’d be more bothered by the busybody intermediary “friend” who says you have to forgive and make amends with meth friend. I hate people who involve themselves where they don’t belong. Ugh.

You could just get a message to the person. "I'm really, genuinely glad things are great for you now. I'm not in the same place I was back then, either. I'm focused on my own mental health, and have also turned a chapter since we last hung out! Be proud of what you've accomplished. Maybe our paths will cross in the future!

Meth turns people into sociopaths. No communication is the key. NONE!

R17, I’m really interested in what you have to say about this. Can you elaborate? I’ve never done drugs other than weed in college, and I don’t really like drinking, but I’ll do champagne toasts at weddings and whatnot. And I’ve done years of therapy so feel I’m pretty self-aware. Genuinely curious as to why my post sounds to you like I’m in recovery. -OP

R29 / OP, I’d ignore what R17 posted. You sound fine, to me. I’ve done more than my share of drinking and drugs and, also, have been sober a few years as well.

You can’t take to heart every offhand comment on DL.

I still will not forgive an ex-college friend (not a close one) for making a nasty comment to me at a party in Manhattan thirty years ago, when we were working there, and he was high on coke. He's since sobered up, but he never made amends.

In my experience...no.

Just as a note to everyone under fifty- You actually don't owe anything to anyone!

Something like "I am forgiving you for my own peace of mind. I do not want you back in my life. Ever."