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I had to use my deadname on my marriage license. Now I'm getting divorced and have to use it again.

I remember looking at my marriage license on my wedding day and seeing my old name. I wasn't surprised; I knew it would be there. In the moment it felt sort of sweet, like the name had done all it could for me. Here it was one last time, carrying me forward into a happy ending.

When I saw that same name on my divorce documents, I balked. I hadn't seen the name in years, and on a document so official, each letter felt like a small sting. Here I am again: all the way at the beginning, deadname and all.

I thought that getting married was the last thing I would do as a woman, but it turns out I have to get divorced as one too.

I came out as trans while dating my ex-wife when I was 22. She was incredibly supportive; we used to joke that she knew I was a man before I did. I started taking hormones and then got top surgery in 2014.

I thought coming out would be the hard part, but what came next was, in some ways, even more difficult. Most trans people don't talk about how much administrative work is involved in transitioning. I knew that legally changing my name and gender on official documents would take time and a lot of effort.

My bank had a harder time with my name change than my 90-year-old grandmother, and she still thinks lesbianism is a communist conspiracy.

When we got married I had already started the name-change process, but I didn't have enough official identification to request a marriage license as a man. So I was forced to get married under my deadname.

It was weird having a beard and spelling out my girl name to the woman behind the desk at the Los Angeles County clerk's office, but she didn't seem to mind.

My divorce has been a kind one. My ex and I are still friendly after 10 years together; nothing big or bad happened between us. Our relationship just wound down and we decided to move forward apart. There is sadness there, but also a lot of relief.

But when I saw my deadname on the divorce papers, I imagined my younger self — my girl self — hovering over me as I scanned through all the documents outlining exactly what is mine and what is my ex's.

It's a name I haven't used in years — 12 years, in fact. I realized this divorce will be the last thing I do under this name. One last round of paperwork, and she's gone for good.

I was surprised to feel a pang of grief. I will never be the same person I was, as inauthentic as she was or as difficult as my life was as her. For me, there is so much joy in transitioning, but there is a little loss, too.

I don't regret a single thing about transitioning. I'm also proud of who I was before, though, and I'll miss some of the ways I got to be in the world as her. I never was a very convincing woman, but I don't want to erase that history or all the good things I did as that person.

Though there is a lot of joy in my transition, I'm now realizing through my divorce that it's OK to spend a little time with the grief too.

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by Anonymousreply 51May 31, 2023 7:11 PM

Aw. Put on your big girl pants and suck it up William.

by Anonymousreply 1May 18, 2023 9:14 PM

No one cares

by Anonymousreply 2May 18, 2023 9:15 PM

We well just change names willy nilly, because that never ever could be a security issue.

by Anonymousreply 3May 18, 2023 9:21 PM

They seem fat.

by Anonymousreply 4May 18, 2023 9:24 PM

[quote] One last round of paperwork, and she's gone for good.

No, she’s not.

by Anonymousreply 5May 18, 2023 9:25 PM

I'm gobsmacked this is ending in divorce.

by Anonymousreply 6May 18, 2023 9:25 PM

Oh the anguish.

by Anonymousreply 7May 18, 2023 9:27 PM

THE HUGE MANATEE!!!!

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by Anonymousreply 8May 18, 2023 9:31 PM

Silly government. Don’t you know the only appropriate time to misgender a trans is after they commit a violent crime?

by Anonymousreply 9May 18, 2023 9:43 PM

OP, By "Deadname" do you mean Birth Name?

by Anonymousreply 10May 18, 2023 9:45 PM

When the person whose stage name is Jazz Jennings receives a Harvard diploma, will it be granted to Jared Blochinsky?

by Anonymousreply 11May 18, 2023 9:55 PM

R11 Is Jizz back at Harvard? Or even gone?

by Anonymousreply 12May 18, 2023 9:56 PM

Jazz will NEVER graduate from Harvard and that's pathetic because its hard to flunk out of the Ivy League.

by Anonymousreply 13May 18, 2023 9:57 PM

Who’s going to tell him he looks like a woman with a hormone imbalance; better yet, why did his wife not tell him.

by Anonymousreply 14May 18, 2023 10:05 PM

Administrative inconveniences are not traumas.

by Anonymousreply 15May 18, 2023 10:08 PM

I will forever be amazed at the misplaced sympathy being wasted on transpeople. No one who plays along with this woman's delusions cares about her well-being.

She has already symbolically committed suicide, and is now at very high risk of actually committing suicide.

by Anonymousreply 16May 18, 2023 10:18 PM

R11 Jazz already dropped out due to clinical depression. I have deep sympathy for him. He's a victim of child abuse. His life won't improve until he disowns his mother and moves far away from his nutty family.

by Anonymousreply 17May 18, 2023 10:25 PM

^^ why in the hell did the parents go along with this? I fucking hate TLC. The touching Little Children Channel.

by Anonymousreply 18May 18, 2023 10:30 PM

That person looks like s/he has Down's Syndrome.

by Anonymousreply 19May 18, 2023 10:35 PM

They ugly.

by Anonymousreply 20May 18, 2023 11:21 PM

LITERAL VIOLENCE?

by Anonymousreply 21May 18, 2023 11:34 PM

Trannys....we are never not tiresome.

by Anonymousreply 22May 18, 2023 11:37 PM

[quote] OP, By "Deadname" do you mean Birth Name?

The original article refers to their name as "the name my parents gave me," but the author uses the word "deadname."

by Anonymousreply 23May 18, 2023 11:41 PM

Why are all transmen (in articles and social media) so fucking emotional? It’s like they’re women or something.

by Anonymousreply 24May 18, 2023 11:48 PM

Maybe I'm being the drama queen (as well), but "deadname" ....

I don't know why but this phrase ... it just (to me) screams bitterness. Were I his parent and I saw that, IDK, I'd take it personally. Might be DL influence - "XXX IS DEAD TO ME!"

They named him as he was born. If you are going down this road, I don't see why "old name" isn't sufficient.

by Anonymousreply 25May 18, 2023 11:55 PM

[quote]By "Deadname" do you mean Birth Name?

You know, I don't actually have a problem with people saying "birth name" or when they list someone as Mary (nee Smith).

Why do the Ts have to be soooooo dramatic and refer to it as a "dead name" and get so utterly bent out of shape. People change their names every day, yet few people become so unhinged about it.

by Anonymousreply 26May 19, 2023 12:00 AM

This is the worst tragedy I have seen in weeks.

by Anonymousreply 27May 19, 2023 12:28 AM

Oh well, I'm sure they still have a vadge. Penises are expensive.

by Anonymousreply 28May 19, 2023 1:28 AM

This thread has been a hate fest from the word go. Grow up, DLers! Oops, forgot, many of you are arrested adolescents.

by Anonymousreply 29May 19, 2023 1:48 AM

R29 You don't know what the word "hatred" means. Learn this lesson, and it's shocking: sometimes in life, people have rational opinions that differ from yours.

by Anonymousreply 30May 19, 2023 1:52 AM

He said he felt a “pang of grief.” He’s not claiming it was a traumatic tragedy.

by Anonymousreply 31May 19, 2023 1:52 AM

No wonder her divorced you, Ralph.

What a pill.

by Anonymousreply 32May 19, 2023 1:55 AM

Under whichever name you prefer, GET A BLOG.

by Anonymousreply 33May 19, 2023 2:08 AM

[quote] Music producer Trevor Horn and his son Will: The creator of hits for stars such as Pet Shop Boys and LeAnn Rimes, and his son who was once his daughter Rebecca, talk about bullying and being transgender

Another privileged child from parents in the entertainment industry

by Anonymousreply 34May 19, 2023 4:19 AM

R34 liberal homophobia.

by Anonymousreply 35May 19, 2023 4:25 AM

Deadname?

This really is nothing more than a cult mixed with extra spicy mental illness!

by Anonymousreply 36May 19, 2023 4:36 AM

I've got a huge, hairy, stinky ol' tuna taco between my legs as a constant, daily reminder that I'll always be a bio female, but the sight of my birth name on a legal document traumatizes me.

by Anonymousreply 37May 19, 2023 4:40 AM

Because as we all know, human beings are butterflies and human beings continue to live after they kill off their real selves.

by Anonymousreply 38May 19, 2023 4:53 AM

[quote]Why do the Ts have to be soooooo dramatic and refer to it as a "dead name" and get so utterly bent out of shape.

Because the idea is of being 'born again' as their 'authentic self' and only then they can experience joy.

It's like a cult or religion.

by Anonymousreply 39May 19, 2023 5:25 AM

There is something sad about how you kill your former self after transitioning, hence deadname. Consider how much more liberating coming out as gay is, a process by which you don’t kill your former, closeted self but integrate it, often in a loving way.

by Anonymousreply 40May 19, 2023 6:25 AM

Lol R37.

Way to bring home your point!

by Anonymousreply 41May 19, 2023 7:10 AM

SHOOK from the TRAUMA! 🙄

by Anonymousreply 42May 19, 2023 7:15 AM

[quote]my 90-year-old grandmother, and she still thinks lesbianism is a communist conspiracy.

Looks like grandma had something to do with her identity crisis.

by Anonymousreply 43May 20, 2023 3:12 PM

I know she denies it, but it actually sounds like this person misses who she was.

Lots of regret in her little essay.

by Anonymousreply 44May 20, 2023 3:38 PM

Totally, R43.

Grandma sounds like a MAGAT nutjob.

by Anonymousreply 45May 21, 2023 2:58 AM

Ugh. It's all so exhausting.

by Anonymousreply 46May 21, 2023 3:04 AM

Always drama with these people.

by Anonymousreply 47May 21, 2023 3:05 AM

She seems nice enough, but there doesn’t appear to be much of a story here.

by Anonymousreply 48May 21, 2023 3:11 AM

Show me a Trans and I will show you someone who loves drama or attention. Never see a happy one. They are always complaining while running into womens restrooms and whining about something. As a gay man I see the schism approaching and I welcome it. I am exhausted by the idiocy of trans throwing hormones into their body to make themselves feel "relevant" or "real" even when they keep their penis and call themselves women. Trying to transform CHILDREN will be the downfall of the trans movement.

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by Anonymousreply 49May 21, 2023 9:13 AM

Female neurosis.

by Anonymousreply 50May 21, 2023 12:17 PM

Can I eat the marriage license?

by Anonymousreply 51May 31, 2023 7:11 PM
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