Erling Haaland

He needs to darken his eyebrows.

He looks more like a boxer (not the dog)

He has a light, almost flesh-colored mole on his right cheek.

VPL

He could help sex addicts overcome their addiction.

He has medieval-looking features.

[quote] Erling Haaland

Is that a city in the Netheregions?

Initially thought it was Ronan Farrow just having a really bad hair day ..

R8, and I thought it was Sarah Huckabee looking a little more femme than usual!

Bitch looks like that special kid from Midsommar.

BDF!

Those lips too.

He's got a head like a robber's dog.

Paging Yellow Skin Troll, paging Yellow Skin Troll!

[quote] He's got a head like a robber's dog.

?

In R3 He looks like that new "unique" Barbie doll

R12 Big time!

"...he is known for his speed, strength, positioning, and finishing inside the box" - now we're talkin!

a little too Cro-Magnon for me

Ya, that Sami DNA thing going on. Always look like there's bit of Swedish Viking Rats in the family history.

I think he's tremendous.

He looks made of Clay Doh.

He looks like a white black guy.

I'd suck his dick!

He looks like Bolg from the Hobbit:

Don't insult Bolg like that.

He appeals to the young non binary weirdos because he’s so fluid looking. He can pass as male or female.

He can pass for female is your feminine ideal is Shawn Wayans.

Erling at a rave in Cromagninia club in Ibiza.

Has anybody actually see him at the same place at the same time as Marjorie Taylor Greene?

He looks like he'd eat your ass but not in the fun way.

[quote]Erling Haaland

Sounds like the name of a fetal anomaly incompatible with life. Or life-limiting.

He looks like the albino version of Laverne Cox.

He's a real life Targaryen

He could be the grandson of Johnny or Edgar Winter.

He's weird looking but I suspect that he looks really hot to anyone who's into his niche - people with weird but striking features tend to have something like cult appeal (as in a "cult" film). Androgynous and sort of classical. Bet DL would like it if he had a shorter haircut and was showing off the bod.

huge dick

What I see

Congratulations to Erling, Guardiola and Man City, who together have just clinched yet another Premier League trophy.

The points total that put them in unequivocal first place came this evening, when a beleagured and exhausted young Arsenal dropped points to Nottingham Forest who are under-the-gun and determined not to sink out of the League.

Looking at a wider timeline, Erling's remarkable and almost frightening goal record has a lot to do with City's recent success, though the lion's share of the credit must go to Pep, whose dynamic, fluid, intelligent and predatory style of possession play has put the fear into other teams. This group of players with him at the helm shall likely dominate for years to come.

R32 technically his second name is pronounced 'Whore-land', if that helps. English speakers always say it 'Hahr-lund', though.

Reckon English centre-back John Stones wants a ride on that monster Viking cock.

He is striking looking. Not jolie laide. When you have a face like that you just go with it. I'm sure he can get laid.

I like 'unpretty' guys but prefer them masculine looking. He looks quite feminine so I'll pass

R37 hmmm do you reckon? Sometimes outward appearances can be deceiving. Perhaps he’s got a micro like Wayne Rooney.

What species is dat? Norwegians are truly the ugliest fucks on the planet. They don't look human.

Is Viggo!

R43 that reminds me of the sexier fanfics I’ve encountered about Erling. He’s characterised more often than you’d expect as a bottom or as an omega.

Must be the hair and the lips giving people that idea? Or they just want to see a big scary man dominated for the novelty kink? And hey, for all we know he could enjoy a strap or a cock. Most footballers are officially closeted or in het relationships (in which they cheat constantly and go to SWers) after all.

He looks like albinos in Africa. Yes Talusan too but unlike him, this one looks masculine.

he is hard to look at in the face

but I will not lie the height difference between him and his teammates...some type of way...

He looks much older than 22. MUCH OLDER.

You just know it's extra thick, bends to one side and can tear a hole open with the first thrust.

He may be a nice guy and probably has a decent body and possibly a huge cock. There's always the pitch black, dark room option.

Stamina is the thing with most topflight athletes nowadays. Even if he's medium or more modest in terms of cock size (which I suspect, he doesn't carry himself with BDE or walk like he's hung), he can probably go fast and go for a long time.

He's also into hunting animals back in his native Norway, so, he's got a killer instinct at least...:/

R51 honestlay bro...yow won't...catch me sitting down....for a whoile...woz a hoondred percent wurf it, thow :D

He reminds me of an old southern saying “he can’t help being ugly, but he could’ve stayed at home”

In medieval times, men who looked like this carried a ball and chain and went door-to-door collecting debts!

Yikes he really looks like an alien

People from that part of Europe are so weird looking. I’ve even known people in North America descended from them and they sometimes keep the weird face.

Does everyone have to be a sex symbol? Is it ok to just be a person who's good at something?

R59 not with his kind of ridiculous money and visibility. If sports media insist on shoving him in our face daily (and they do they ever) and if we as a society insist on reifying and overpaying him, something must be done. Hideous men are annoying enough without entitlement and without being everywhere all at once.

[quote] Does everyone have to be a sex symbol? Is it ok to just be a person who's good at something?

No. We are DL.

He has good features, they just don't seem to go well enough together to rise to the category of handsome.

R57 he makes Noel Gallagher—absolutely no prize, one of the ugliest men ever to make it big music—look completely normal and unremarkably passably fine in the face.

He looks like a Red Army rapist

I am more interested in his teammate De Bruyne. Is he autistic? He is the strangest for a football player.

Haaland is actually eligible to play for England.

Wonder if he's regretting the decision to stay with Norway, knowing Jack Grealish as intimately as he does now.

He wears CK underwear!!!

He's the ugliest Sami mofo I've ever seen and I've seen a lot in international political fora related to indigenous rights. A lot of Sami guys can be quite hot.

He looks like a Morlok from The Time Machine. Or a Yeti.

R44 Some of these LPSG folks are truly dedicated.

That underwear......oh my

Don’t really feel sorry for him because he’s raking it in plus he lives and works with gorgeous athletes everyday playing an easy game for a living. Looks fade for us all by middle-age (just look at David Beckham), but provided he doesn't fall into addiction or scams, by age 50/60/70 he’ll still have a gazillion quid and celebrity friends and worldwide adulation, so he’s laughing.

Still, in his shoes I’d check my bank balance every morning while avoiding the mirror at all costs🙃

Football is not an easy game tbh.

His hair is an attractive feature, I'll grant him at least that. A shock of long, well-conditioned Ary an tresses.

Norway national team got absolutely spanked by wee Scotland yesterday🤡

Treble-winning striker leading their line and they can’t even put the Jocks away. Saur funny.

R65 yes, the same thought has crossed my mind. And I’m about his same age and have formally diagnosed Autism, so if game recognise game....

Big Erl's been putting cheeky filters on to make his abs ripped in pics. Bro...

He’s on the spectrum

His personality is weird, but in a different way to KDB. Man City F.C. really attract bizarre characters to play for their team.

The arse is nothing special, but also not too bad for a very tall man. Must be all the leg work in the gym.

Perhaps he ought to turn his back to cameras whenever they're on him.

He’s a troll. And I don’t mean an internet one.

Sorry, Erling Haaland, you're not gonna happen!

So sad, too bad!

It looks like Kim Cattrall.

In OP's picture he resembles Klaus Kinski.

He looks great from that angle R74. He should make sure he's seen like that all the time.

He kind of looks like if Ronan Farrow and Mia Farrow had a baby.

I can smell his dick cheese through the internet.

His head is shaped like a lightbulb.

He's got a face like a dropped pie.

Insult to dropped pies.^

Nice one R90! The dropped pie comment was from me in that thread. Gee that was years ago.

Logan Paul is the literal definition of face like a dropped pie! He owns that term.

I’ve been around DL a long time, R89.

this thread is making me feel so much better about the rancid treble, cheers boys ;D

Put his face on a white monkey body and it would look entirely normal.

Good Lord, how many times has the soccer ball hit him in the face? That nose is like a pancake. Nice hair, though, for as long as it lasts...

Erling isn't actually fully Scandinavian. His mother is an Englishwoman, and she had in baby Erling in Leeds.

So that theory about not interbreeding with countrymen is out the window, then...apparently it makes no odds.

Odds are it doesn’t.

He looks like he was just unfrozen from an ice-age glacier.

He's a wet dream. Who in their right mind would turn down a Viking?

He's fucking Jack Grealish so I guess he wins at life without even using the Looksist cheat codes.

All of you who think he is ugly should thank his English mother!

This article says his mother's from Norway.

GQ describe Erling as a wild horse, who can only be placated by baby goat Grealish. I am not making that up.

He looks like he was brought here from the 12th century

R104, one may say he has “medieval-looking features” (R6).

R105, that's exactly what I was thinking. He doesn't look quite caveman-like like MTG, but he looks very Dark Ages.

R106/R104, he looks like he could be a character on Game of Thrones.

Definitely, R107

I'm surprised Hollywood hasn't already placed the call.

He's a flibbertigibbet.

A Will'o'the'wist.

A clown.

Typical Viking……wide face and big bulbous nose. Very unfortunate.

looks like a young Vigo the Carpathian

Norway national team have found a bit of form after their humiliating loss to Scotland, with Erling scoring two v. plucky Cyprus.

Have to at least see his body…all of it.

I saw Goody Haaland with the devil.

He looks like someone who's struck with anhidrotic ectodermal dysplasia. The disease is only manageable, though.

Wonder if he and his rival Kylian Mbappé have ever hate-fucked.

LSA say he looks like a 'teething baby' lol

occasionally they do hit the nail on that board

I don't think still photos really capture him.....I like to see him in action on the field.....he's a lot fun to watch.

Wink.

The picture at r102 really shows how bizarre genetics can be. The rest of the family looks fine, and the brother on the right is quite attractive. Only poor Erling just seems to have rolled snake eyes in the looks lottery. But on the other hand, he's making God only knows how much money playing soccer, so I guess it evens out. Also, and take it for what it's worth, but several of his teammates have said he has the biggest cock on the team.

R123 I'm sure Jack Grealish is an expert on the subject.

Long ago I dated someone who was the same kind of ugly--low brow, small eyes, big poofy lips. He was tall and well-built and had a big dick, so it was no problem.

Doesn't make a bit of difference for Erling what he looks like. With his talent/riches, he's set for life.

I wouldn’t fuck him Bea Arthur’s dick.