Did you hide your sexuality from your parents and grandparents, to spare their feelings?

Same here and no I don't regret it but I wish that I could have had a traditional life where this isn't even an issue.

My grandparents are mostly dead (thankfully) and I think my remaining grandmother knows. She can tell I am not interested in women. She doesn't care, but honestly, she doesn't care about me. Not one single fuck. Fuck you, Sylvia.

I've tried telling my parents a multitude of times but they're really good at shutting themselves down over it. I personally don't care what they think at all anymore. I've gone out, I've dated, I've had sex. I've done the deed they dread so much, so if they find out and lambast me for it, FUCK THEM!

I'll leave here ASAP and never come back to these hateful people. They can watch their TV Catholic Mass and pretend they're on the right side of history. Life in the neverending COVID lockdown with a hateful, homophobic cancer survivor dad and a severely narcissistic, anxious mother who pretends she knows everything is getting old. Very, very old.

I never came out to my paternal grandparents, but I think they knew.

My maternal grandmother knew I was gay since my mid-teens, and she was never anything other than loving and kind as she had always been. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life that she died a few months before I got married to my husband (who, incidentally, was the first of my boyfriends she referred to as 'my other half'). We had decided to get married and had started making arrangements but hadn't yet told her as it would have necessitated some travel, and as she was 90 we wanted to make sure that everything had been finalised before letting her know. She was in relative good health, sharp of mind, and then one day she felt unwell and died quickly and painlessly with her family by her side. An enviable, and deserving end to a wonderful woman, who I miss every day.

I didn't know I even had "sexuality" when my grandparents were alive. I miss my grandparents.

My parents, of course, know. And I know their sexuality too. Thus, me!

I did until I was an adult. I came out to my mom when I was 23, who then told my dad, and word gradually spread to the extended family. Lots of aunts uncles were - and still are - weird about it but my grandparents were great.

I came out to my mother when I was 18 (she's religious) and didn't take it well. Still denies it. My father is a lot more open minded than her but frankly I have already disappointed him by not graduating from university, he's quite old and I don't want to mess with his last years with another potentially traumatic news (my only son is gay). So I guess I'll leave things the way they are. Maybe not the bravest of attitutes but I don't think it's worth it.

Yes. What is awful is years later some of my cousins commiserated with me about knowing I was gay, not being able to come out because of my parents and grandparents because of the Catholic thing, and then realizing my siblings have blabbed about me because they were embarrassed by their gay brother. The same sibs who will tolerate me for the holidays, because I'm so funny, but yeah talk shit about my life choices, because financially they are far more well off. I can't explain to them the insecurity you feel in almost any job when you work in a non friendly gay environment (construction industry) that most of my family has worked in for years.

You wish you weren't gay R1?

R2 same, your grandmother sounds just like mine. She’s a snob, wilfully stupid (yet convinced she’s not) and a covert racist/Daily Fail enjoyer, to boot, so I know I’ll not get much positive feedback from telling her. She scoffed at important health diagnosis I’ve had in the past few years, and she treats my mother & sister like dogsbodies too. Dreadful woman who makes it hard to uphold feminism. She’s pushing 90 and frail, with any luck she’ll kick the bucket soon and I’ll avoid the pointless awful revelation.

My other set of now-late grandparents were misguided and uneducated bumpkins, but they loved me and don’t believe they would have judged me too harshly (more misunderstood or disbelieved it).

No, I hid nothing from no one. Why would I? I wasn't ashamed and didn't feel embarrassed about sexuality. It is not like I had done anything wrong or that there was anything wrong with me. I don't get this hiding in the closet jazz. What did you do that you had to hide?

I’m middle-aged, and my plan at this point is to stay closeted until after my parents eventually pass away. What’s the point in making a big brouhaha in coming out to your family if you’re single and mostly celibate? It sucks that it has to be this way, but it is what it is. I really envy gay people who are able to live fully open.

Maybe you wouldn’t be single if you came out?

I did from my grandmother because she was the only person in my life whose opinion mattered, and I couldn't fathom having her disappointed. I was only 20 when she died, so it wasn't like a lifetime of being in the closet. My parents knew when I was a teenager and I never hid it. I don't regret keeping it from my grandmother - no big deal to me.

ECONOMICS

Literally I hide my entire sexuality. As in, I don't date or bring anyone home, and don't publicly have any kind of sex or love life. And even if I did I'd never tell my parents or grandparent anything about it, they've intruded enough into my life. I might let my sister know, depending on whether the person I was fucking met with any sort of standard.

I never speak about anything regarding sex, relationships, anything gay with my family or anyone else. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

I'm in my mid-40s. My mother died without us "having the conversation," and my father will too.

I ran a cost-benefit analysis about making a big announcement. They would not have taken it well, and I decided I could do without adding another traumatic memory to my life.

She knew, and he knows, and if they'd cared enough, they'd have broken the ice.

I never made any declaration to my parents. When I was a young man there is some possibility they may have disowned me or, worse, disinherited me. I lived far away and saw them infrequently so it wasn't a daily hardship.

Over time they acclimated to my independence and having a very different life far from theirs and my siblings. And where they had been easily excitable and sometimes hardcore about things they relaxed. They knew I lived with the same man for years, met him more than a few times, were kind towards him. That I was happy and never leaned on them for any financial or other support they relaxed further. It was obvious that they had figured out the scene and we're okay about it, and as obvious that it was probably unnecessary and maybe unhelpful to bring up a discussion of my being gay. Late in their lives I could have done, but they were the sort who winced at the prospect of discussing anything uncomfortable for them in the least; they were always happy with an "I'm fine. He's fine. Everything is good " answer from any of their children. They erre always happier not knowing potentially difficult things.

So yes, I had a long distance and infrequent relationship with my mostly cold parents for decades, initially not to get written out of a modest inheritance, but later kept up with it just out of habit.

What R10 said.

My parents disowned me as a result, but then reached out to me a few years later when it became apparent to them I wasn't crawling back. We were able to reset our relationship on mutual terms of respect, and we went on to have a terrific relationship for decades until they died.

I never came out to my late parents or my siblings, but out of pure spite. I was estranged from all of them not long after I became independent, but had a tentative relationship with them during my parents' last years. Since I was out to everyone else in the world, including old school mates and childhood friends who also knew my other family members, I know they were aware that I was gay. So holiday meals would be peppered with statements like, "I don't see why they won't let gay people get married!" or "Agnes from the Piggly Wiggly's daughter is a lesbian, and Agnes is over the moon about their new grandbaby!" And I would respond with, "Oh, really? That's great." It created a tension between us that mitigated the usual abuse they loved to heap on me. It made me happy knowing I was the one making them uncomfortable for once in my life.

[quote] My parents, of course, know. And I know their sexuality too. Thus, me!

Maybe they were bisexual.

[quote] No, I hid nothing from no one. Why would I? I wasn't ashamed and didn't feel embarrassed about sexuality. It is not like I had done anything wrong or that there was anything wrong with me. I don't get this hiding in the closet jazz. What did you do that you had to hide?

Some of us take into consideration, the feelings of OTHER PEOPLE and how it may affect them, and not only our own feelings.

I feel like it's selfish just to make everything all about me mE ME!!!

I'm bisexual, but married and monogamous now in a traditional hetero relationship. No need for me to tell my mother about this, she wouldn't have understood that the attraction is still there but I am just not doing anything about it, whereas I once did. Most people don't get it, so it doesn't really matter if she knows or not. She isn't of the generation that would understand, born in the 1930s.

No, OP.

I sat them all down upon my return from Gran Canaria and showed them a slideshow of my trip, ending with highlights from my bareback piss orgy.

I went on a couple road trips with my then-boyfriends and we visited my parents. Once we stayed overnight. But the subject was never discussed. I believe my mom felt if I never said the G-word, she'd never have to admit it to anyone.

To my credit, I never ever lied or denied or had a female beard relationship.

My oldest brother came out of the closet before I did. My parents' reaction at first is best described as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I'm from an upper middle class family...Catholic, both parents well educated. They knew gay people. They did not want to meet my brother's partner at first. It changed...first my Mom...then my Dad. They accepted and loved my brother for who he was. And they accepted and loved his partner...now husband.

Their reaction kept me in the closet around them for longer than I wanted to be. My Dad died before I came out, but my oldest brother has said he knew about me. When I came out to my Mom, she accepted and loved me for who I was. Before she died, she said she hoped I found a man who would love me...I'm starting to cry as I write this. I had a wonderful relationship with both parents. I miss them so much.

My parents' closest friend is a Catholic priest and philosopher. He's always accepted my brother, my brother-in-law, and me. And it was he who helped my parents accept their gay sons.

I can understand wishing to spare the feelings of our parents, but from what are we sparing them? Our authentic selves.

I thought I did.

OP- How do you know it made life easier? You never gave them a chance. If you were straight and married to a woman, would you have kept it secret from them? Because who wants to discuss sexuality with their parents anyway?

Yo grandma!!

What the hell is it now?

I love cocks!

Oh God why me??

I don't have any contact with any of these people. They all know, as it's impossible not to notice (I've never had a boyfriend), and they all think I'm a freak for it.

Screw these fuckers - I've had sufficient.

("Oh, there she goes with her make-up and her skirts and her heels, but she's not a real woman" / "The Bible says" / "Are you dating that girl? Oh, my God!!! If you are, this means that I have a lesbian daughter!!!!!!!!!! [*starts crying*]" - this last one happened verbatim and I was stunned at the level of drama, self-pity and hyperbole. What the fuck is that? Screw this fuckery.)

Time for r29’s nap.

My parents know I’m in the gray area in terms of both attraction and interest. And thank goodness it never had to be explicitly explained.

R31 did you explain your preoccupation with oral and anal yet??

I was the youngest in a large Lutheran family. I came out not only for myself but for all the kids who came after me , hoping that my decision would make their lives easier should any turn out queer. This caused a lot of grief and short term alienation but I don’t regret anything. Parents are long gone and I have a good relationship with my 7 older siblings.

R32 they don’t know I’ve happily eaten both and am indifferent. Some things parents don’t need to know.

"don't Cry Out Loud, Just keep it inside, just learn how to hide your feelings"

r13 I feel that your grandmother knew. She would have never been disappointed in you.

R34 maybe if you told them what you enjoy it would help resolve that never ending guilt you’re experiencing?

[quote] I sat them all down upon my return from Gran Canaria and showed them a slideshow of my trip, ending with highlights from my bareback piss orgy.

Dawson, is that you?

Hide? I'd perform "You Gotta Have a Gimmick" playing all three parts. Granny would laugh so hard during "Bump it with a trumpet." her false teeth would shoot out of her mouth.

R39 that was Madonna.

^She'd be so lucky to be me.