Madison Beer's new memoir, The Half of It, is a cautionary tale about young stardom, social media and the affect they have on one's mental health.
"Writing it was a very emotional experience," the 24-year-old singer-songwriter tells Yahoo Entertainment of her book, out now.
Beer became famous overnight in 2012 at age 13 after her cover of Etta James's "At Last" was seen by music manager Scooter Braun and shared on social media by Justin Bieber. She was immediately signed to a music label and her social media following soared, but along with feeling like she had little control over her image — being marketed as a Disney Channel-type bubblegum pop star — came relentless online hate, including death threats. It got worse. At 15, a private video she sent her hometown crush via Snapchat a year earlier was leaked. The violation, by someone she trusted, was traumatizing and she felt unsupported by those around her. It wasn't until six years later that she realized she was actually the victim.
"I definitely feel like I'm reclaiming my story, and that's the mindset I had going into it, but it is still intimidating and scary" releasing the book to the world, says Beer, who writes about suicidal ideations, sexual assault, substance abuse and being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). "It's not easy to open up and talk about these things. Having your trauma on such a public scale — to have people talk about it and ask questions and stuff — can definitely be uncomfortable and weird. That's why I'm just trying to be patient with myself throughout this whole process."
While not easy, she feels like she's pointed in the right direction.
"I've opened up about my mental health and my struggles a lot over the years and it's given me a greater purpose in life — [one] that I never really knew was one of my purposes," she says. "I've been able to connect with people in such a real, beautiful, special way."
So the book, which includes journal exercises for readers, feels like a natural progression. "I just felt like this was the right place to do it. I want to be able to talk to people on a bigger scale. It just all kind of felt right to me," she explains.
Beer's book pulls back the curtain on fame, detailing a lonely existence from the start of her career. As so many young people desire to be social media influencers and YouTube/TikTok stars, the Long Island, N.Y., native writes that stardom meant she had no control over her budding career. Nobody listened to her ideas in meetings, she was dressed in clothes she hated, she sang songs she didn't write or like and she was ripped apart by strangers on social media.
In the book, she writes, "Before I was signed, I imagined it like this — I would move to L.A. and be caught up in a whirlwind of music and performances. I'd meet a group of girls in similar positions, and we'd become best friends. People in the industry would be welcoming and excited to work with me because I was young and talented and they'd want to guide me in the right direction. For a while, that's what it felt like. But the truth revealed itself to me with time. Instead, I went to parties and watched people who hated each other pose and giggle for a video together and then go back to sitting on their phones in silence. I tagged along to friends' video shoots and saw how they only smiled when the cameras came into the room to film behind-the-scenes footage. I sat in meetings and had every one of my ideas shot down because I was too young or too inexperienced, which was a fair point and a valid reason — but it isn't what I thought I was signing up for. In a lot of ways, I felt like I'd been lied to."