Let’s be The First Wives Club

I’m Goldie Hawn’s last hit movie. I’m also her last film in which she was attractive.

I’m Goldie pulling the picture right out from under the other two without them noticing. Dumb blonde, think again, bitches!

I'm the great Eileen Heckart. It's my last movie.

I’m the career renaissance that all three & then all older actresses should have had after this movie. Instead we proved it was a fluke by following it up with the bombs That Old Feeling, The Out-of-Towners, and The Other Sister. Also, don’t forget two of us will star in Town & Country. We kill the older adult comedy genre and open the way Marvel movies and Dude, Where’s My Car?

I'm the props used that were rented from the prop house I was working at.

To be fair, R4, talk of a FIRST WIVES sequel went nowhere, in large part because neither Hawn nor Keaton wanted to endure the Bette Midler Experience again.

I'm Monique!

Totally understandable, r6.

They didn’t want to Experience the Divine?!

I’m Bette Midler. I was a cunt to everyone and wondered why I didn’t get a sequel. Bronson Pinchot has spoken ill of me in the press and Goldie Hawn got pissed at me during the Oscars.

I’m Sarah Jessica Parker as the young sexy fresh hot new wife.

We're Stockard Channing and Heather Locklear. Most of our work was left on the cutting-room floor.

I'm Elizabeth Berkley getting a part in a decent film cause Goldie Hawn felt bad for me after the Showgirls debacle.

What is it with Midler? I know most of it's rumors, but she really does seem to have a reputation from film sets of being an insecure, thin-skinned bitch. Yet when you read about her, see how quiet and normal her life off of the "stage" is, her work in NYC, she seems to be delightful and well-grounded.

I’m Guns N Roses. Goldie’s character drinks like us.

"I’m a lesbian…a big one!"

We know already OP. You've been spamming this site like crazy like it's PussyPalooza. Give it a rest already.

R16 Why don’t you try something on in YOUR size!

She's butch.

I’m the suicide note. On such pretty stationary.

I'm Butte Midler in a steel corset, obviously still dealing with the eating problem.

All jokes aside, FWC was one of the best cast movies ever.

I'm the vampire Lestat and his sidekick, Louis. I'm also Jon Stewart who ended up being completely cut.

Oh dear, r20.

I'm the Japanese secretary that will be part of the divorce settlement.

I'm Gunilla Garson Goldberg. I refuse to let Shelly allow that plate at auction to leave the country. It's Japanese, and they have enough.

I'm Dr. Leslie Rosen. Grow....from love.

I'm the Japanese secretary, who was having an affair with Elise’s husband, I recommended he buy that plate R25

I beat Meryl!

Is there chocolate inside?

Put that down!

I'm Elise's inflated lips. If we get any more collagen injected into us, we're going to look like we got stuck in a pool drain.

Absolutely understandable, R6

You don't own me....

I'm the Hebrew that Jason needs to learn for his bar mitzvah -- the only thing that Morty will pay for.

I'm Bill's Lamborghini. Elise confiscated me to liquidate marital assets. She gave me to Annie to sell at auction, where Shelly bought me with Morty's money to give me as a gift to Morty.

I'm Jason. Bryan Singer just asked for my nudes.

I'm restaurant-quality!

I’m looking for a low quality, top cost appliance.

I'm Kate Burton and Walter Bobbie, having our nooner interrupted by Elise Elliott and two randos.

I'm DAME MAGGIE SMITH

I'm the perfectly cast sleezy husbands- Dan Hedaya, Stephen Collins, and Victor Garber

I’m Goldie Hawn and her inflated lips in the commercial that played constantly - “Good Morning, Mohammad!!”

I'm the Hebrew that MUST be learned before the bar mitzvah.

R43 don’t shame me in the synagogue!

I'm the bunch of battered women dancing around.

If us pretending to be The First Wives Club only helped us.... We'd be no better than you. Happier but no better. Exhilarated but no better! Ecstatic but no better!

My fucking favorite lines from that movie!

Uhhnnnhh God! I wish I had the courage to just give it all up, you know, just say “who gives a rat’s ass”, and let myself go, like you tw…o…

I’m Brenda who is… wonderfully verbal.

The writer of this movie also wrote Steel Magnolias and Soapdish. He lives on a plantation in Louisiana.

I’m the FORK!!!

I'm Shelley's delusion that she was "Morty's executive assistant behind the counter."

I'm the Eurotrash.

I'm Cher, irked that Goldie Hawn landed the part of Elise when I clearly would have been a better choice.

I'm Cynthia's jack knife off Park Avenue!

I'm the entire student body and half the faculty Elise had sex with.

I'm Heather Locklear's nipple getting a workout take after take after take.

I’m Locklear attempting to MeToo James Naughton over the nipple scratch even though it was in the script.

I'm all of the really salacious stuff that the movie either cut out or toned down from Olivia Goldsmith's novel. Did you know I included the detail that Elizabeth Berkley's character, who in the telling was something of an analog for Paris Hilton, was instead an artist whose big installation was shit (literal) in jars?

R49, Robert Harling's script had a fair amount of uncredited help from Paul Rudnick.

I'm Diane Keaton's hysterical screaming.

I'm Olivia Goldsmith's ghost, who had a cameo in the movie, before I transitioned to the other realm from complications stemming from plastic surgery.

I'm Lea DeLaria thinking she's going home with Goldie.

I'm a decorator...of DEATH!

I'm THE FULL IVANKA line that was changed when IVANKA herself was cast in a cameo.

I'm the Soho residents trying to sleep while the three cunts are singing and dancing to You Don't Own Me at 3am.

Oops. IVANA not IVANKA. Sorry.

I’m Heather Locklear and Dr. Pepper’s hot brother got all method on me during the funeral service scene.

I’m Chris/Jennie Dundas and I sell ice cream now.

I’m Timothy Olyphant.

I'm the Tony that Elise most likely won for "Of a Certain Age."

I'm the pie eating contest and trophy for "best digestion".

I'm Elizabeth Berkeley saying "streaks!" as her new hairdo breakthrough.

I’m a Golden Globe. I’m SACRED!

I'm the extremely effective opening flashback scene that used line dubbing and actresses who bore an eerie resemblance to the main cast to almost confusing success.

I'm the film in which Elise plays an extremely sensual veterinarian.

I’m The stuff they take off. Do you get to keep it?

I'm the fantastic J. Smith-Cameron, who's better known as the sharp and not-to-be-crossed general counsel Gerri Kellman from HBO's Succession. I also had a small role in The First Wives Club, as Bill's divorce lawyer Miss Sullivan. I delivered the line about Elise having played "an extremely sensual veterinarian," as R75 has referenced.

I'm the A Certain Age cast member Elyse is fucking (but is it the older actor or the younger actor?)

We're the three pairs of stilettos the ladies are wearing at the start of "You Don't Own Me." You'll notice we get switched out for chunkier heels when it's time to dance down cobblestone streets.

R79 Good catch, I’d never noticed that before.

Good question, R78. I think we're supposed to believe that Elise has finally embraced her age, so I'm guessing it's the older actor. Then again, you can embrace your age and still like 'em fun ... Doesn't help that both are cute.

Still like 'em young, that should be.

I’m all bottles.

[quote]Good question, [R78]. I think we're supposed to believe that Elise has finally embraced her age, so I'm guessing it's the older actor. Then again, you can embrace your age and still like 'em fun ... Doesn't help that both are cute.

She was dating Jon Stewart. His part was cut.

In the novel, Elise is the eldest of the women (the detail about them being college friends was added for the movie), and starts dating a much, much younger paparazzo.

I'm Billy Porter. I performed the single, 'Love Is On the Way,' for the score and soundtrack. Most people don't know that Bette Midler heard me singing the song at a party and asked that it be submitted for use in the film.

Fast forward 27 years, I'm now just an Oscar away from EGOT status.

I'm Teresa, Mrs. Cynthia's maid. She gave me her vintage Bulgari pearls as a raise, then told me to take the rest of the day off after mailing some letters for her. I barely got downstairs to Park Avenue when Mrs. Cynthia splattered onto the pavement from above. I still mailed her letters though (and on such pretty stationery), because I'm a professional.

Come on, Annie! Hit me! Ohhh, Rambo!

I'm the King Cole Bar at the St. Regis. Drunken Elise doesn't look like any mother my bartender Maurice has ever seen, and now he's going to get her that coffee.

I'm Elise's indoor smoking, which was still (barely) allowed in public places in the mid 1990s.

I’m Dr. Rosen’s book, “Getting What You What…And Looking Great!”

I’m Marcia Gay Harden getting billed in the opening tiles while Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t, despite her having the larger role.

I'm the limo.

"Mother! Mother! Where are you??"

"Over here, bitch."

"Mother, I met a man! He's an angel! He's a god! He's a DOCTOR!"

I'm "Jackie O. has one just like it".

I'm the fabulous opening credits, featuring Dionne Warwick's cover of Wives and Lovers

I'm Stephen Collins. The less said about me the better.

I’m bringing her to my son’s Bar Mitzvah. She’s a gift.

I'm young Cynthia who is a foot taller than Stockard Channing.

I'm Brenda's waist and legs. Who knew she had me?

I'm Elise's phone number. If only I were listed.

I'm Annie's absence of talent for noodles.

I’m Elise’s ads for adult diapers. Brenda will have to wear them.

I'm Phoebe. I want to be like Elyse only me.

I'm Faye Dunaway's blown audition for Elyse.

I’m the mother they want Elise to play! The mother!

I'm Annie. I ironed and starched Aaron's shorts. Well, I supervised.

R93, that's got to be 1 of the Rudnick ghostwrites. (He also must be the one who came up with "an extremely sensual veterinarian.")

Honey, I’m a quilt!

I'm Monique's boyfriend, Sean Connery.

I'm Gloria Steinem's blink-and-you-miss-it cameo.

I'm the sweet touch of having Elizabeth Berkley's character in the audience cheering for Elise on the opening night of her stage performance.

I'm Shelly in the glove compartment.

I'm the character-specific entry table tableaux in the voicemail sequence.

I'm the powers that witches have, that can be used for good or evil.

I'm the corner of the abandoned warehouse that's been meticulously renovated.

I'm the buttoned to the floor black smock that Annie wears to her hopeful date with Aaron.

I'm the zipper Goldie Hawn utilizes to show how cold it is on the balcony.

R116 that was what is called a coat dress. Typical Diane Keaton. She never shows off skin. I've decided that she must have a really weird body or skin condition.

R118 She did go nude in “Something’s Gotta Give”.

R119. Was that her? It's a long shot and she keeps her head down so I always assumed it was a body double.

I'm the cheers with attitude Stockard Channing gives to the frau on the exercise bike.

R120 According to Keaton, she did the scene herself.

I’m…I’m…I’m the nice one!

Two pinheads!

I'm Uncle Carmine, cross me at your own peril.

I'm Annie and Aretha.

I'm Diane CUNT Keaton's overacting in every scene, especially the one in the window washer cage.

[quote]Fast forward 27 years, I'm now just an Oscar away from EGOT status.

R85? Dream on.

I’m the black leather office chair in Morty’s penthouse that Duarto Felice screams is “acne” and tantrums until Morty puts a jacket over it to hide it.

I'm Better Midler's own personal aisle at the supermarket!

I’m the F word. FELONY!

R106 I’m her one funny line.

I’m Debra Monk crying into my drink over my lost lesbian lover.

I'm the simple declarative sentence Annie couldn't manage.

[quote] Diane Keaton. She never shows off skin. I've decided that she must have a really weird body or skin condition

I don't see anything to complain about

I'm the tacky out of place fountain in Morty's penthouse. It's paired so well with the rickety uber modern staircase.

I'm Duarto being hired to decorate Morty's cell.

I’m Elise’s treadmill. I burn off the booze and give her good ideas.

I'm Brenda's vocal warmups.

I'm not just another Jurassic flesh bag in a wheelchair.

I’m Annie calling her mother when in crisis.

I'm the Margaret Cho lookalike, voice and all, in the lesbian bar.

Wait..... the Asian Llesbian was NOT Margaret Cho??? I've always assumed it was her.

For R143:

I think her IMDB needs to be updated to say, "Jennfer Lam is known for being confused with Margaret Cho."

Maybe "Jennfer" IS Margaret Cho?