Do you socialize with your co-workers outside work?

I hate my job and don't like the people I work with so I never hang out with them. Pre pandemic I always found an excuse for b-day/anniversary etc gatherings. We are now WFH , yet last month I got an invite from one of my coworkers to say so and so bday was being celebrated at some restaurant. To avoid argument, I confirmed my attendance , but never showed up.

Does you cousin even want to hang out with her work mates? Perhaps your aunt should inquire before

Nope. The requirements of my job already keep us together enough as it is. You might say "I've had sufficient". Or "I have sufficient" on a regular basis.

I think it is smart to be cordial and friendly but arms-length with co-workers if you value your job.

I dont like co-workers getting to know me like that. I like to keep it professionally and formal.

What a busy body your aunt is. Leave introverts alone!

I don't socialize with them outside of work. But one of my middle-aged male coworkers is in everyone's business, follows them all on social media, and really seems to need their validation. On the other hand he seems pretty happy, so it works for him.

Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. Depends if I like them, and if they're doing anything I'd be interested in.

I invite them all over to my studio apartment regularly for very successful parties.

Dating apps and hobbies outside work (dance classes, whatever)

No. And I especially hated company holiday parties,etc. I have friends-and I have work colleagues. Different worlds. So glad I recently retired and don’t have to go to those fucking company events masquerading as ‘social’ events.

After work activities on occasion. Weddings are optional, funerals are mandatory. All at arms length.

I agree mixing work and pleasure is problematic. But I'd be more concerned about her not wanting to date after her boyfriend left her THREE YEARS ago.

The coworkers I like, yes. And only occasionally, like a Friday after we finish a big project at work. Not regularly though.

R13, my boyfriend and I broke up two decades ago and I haven’t had any interest in dating again.

I have but it is rare. I like my co-workers, but would I call one of them up and say "Hey you want to see Dungeons and Dragons this weekend?".

No.

They have their own families, their own friends. I've done "fun" things on work trips with co-workers (I saw Joker with a co-worker on a trip and we were both mildly worried about an incel freak out), but I wouldn't have called him if we were both at home to see the movie.

No. I travel with coworkers for events and conferences often and at no point can they ever NOT talk about work, even if we’re just at a casual dinner or bar after hours. It’s exhausting so I prefer to spend time with people who don’t work with me who can talk about other things. Even better if we have no idea what the other does for work and it never gets mentioned!

Absolutely not. It's usually a recipe for disaster - maybe not initially - but incrementally, over time until something happens.

I am at work to work. I am professional, polite, engaged, don't being my shit to work and I get along with everyone. But I spend enough time with work colleagues and I don't want to spend extra time with them outside of work hours. Completely unnecessary. I would attend a colleague's funeral but not dinners, parties or social gatherings.

And if a workplace needs to have outside of work hours social occasions in an attempt to produce team cohesiveness and engagement - then there is something very wrong with the workplace culture. If it's inside work hours then I attend and politely leave as soon as possible.

In my experience the work colleagues for are all for outside of work hours socialisation are needy, constantly seeking validation from others and often aren't that focussed on their actual jobs. Which I then have to pick up the slack and fix.

Professionally yes, occasionally. But on my own time, God no. I saw enough of them at work. Why would I want to see more of them after work. I've been retired for 16 years, but back in the day I always kept my work life very separate from my private life.

your cousin should do volunteer work with something she is interested in. She will meet people that have some of the same interests as her and can probably find a few friends.

In some of my first jobs we socialized a lot, we also ate lunch together and usually had fun. We even occasionally drank at lunch if we went out. That was the 80s. Today at my job I wouldn't think of socializing with my coworkers because they're the dullest shits, the least sociable people ever. They're all on their phones in the break room, too, never talk.

^Late 80s and 90s

I’ve been burned in the past by abortive work friendships. So no. I work at a military base so by the time I get to know my coworkers, they transfer lol. But they are much younger than me so we have no connection.

I have made good, trustworthy friends at work and will socialize with them one on one outside of the office. Group outings? No. Office parties? No. There's always that one toxic co worker who asks too many questions and I prefer to keep my private life private.

I did when I was younger and was waiting tables. Was fun because we liked to party and were single. But as I progress through life less and less.

When I was young, just graduated, first job, and worked with people my age in the same stage of life. As time went on, socializing with co-workers became less appealing. I am most fond of them, but I don’t really find them interesting enough to spend free time with. I assume they feel the same about me.

I have been working remotely since 2019. I work in advocacy and counseling for sexual assault and abuse victims. When I worked at another organization doing similar work I became friends with a few people and are still friends with them. These are people who have a lot of the same interests and hobbies as me. It was helpful in a sense to have friends who know the difficulties of my work. There were others from past workplaces in that field who I was cordial and professional with. But, I didn't care to socialize with them outside work for various reasons.

When I was in college, I worked as a waitress at a restaurant and most of my co-workers were 20 somethings. There were times some of us would go out to movies after work or hang out at a min-golf place down the street. I'm a lesbian and I didn't worry too much about hanging out with male co-workers. There was an incident in which another female co-worker and a male co-worker went to a movie after work and the next day the live in girlfriend of the guy went to the restaurant and bitched to the restaurant owners about employees hanging out together after work. The owners told her that they couldn't really police what employees were doing after work hours. Towards the end of my senior year in college, I worked at another restaurant that was managed by a 50-something woman. Her husband every night would show up around closing to watch her and the staff. He gave off a hostile vibe toward the male employees. One guy did tell me that he couldn't stand the manager's husband being around. He made the joke that maybe the manager cheated in the past. Looking back, I have wondered if that manager's husband was a controlling type. I told a friend about that workplace and she told me how about her dad was controlling towards her mom, but going to the mom's workplace on a daily basis was something her dad wouldn't have had the energy or patience to do. I think hanging out with co-workers can end up being a shit show if they have spouses or SOs who are the jealous types.

At my previous job, yes, I socialized a surprising amount. A bunch of us (all single) were hired at the same time and we had lunch together a lot. I remember going to the batting cages together one evening (week night).

I had another coworker (same job) that I did evening & weekend stuff with, e.g., poetry slam (go ahead and laugh). This person was fun because he didn't gossip that much and wasn't a heavy drinker.

I went to a coworker's wedding (I was one of the few invited). Not trying to brag, just saying that I did that.

Now, I'm self-employed and am not in touch with a single one of those people.

[quote]Now, I'm self-employed and am not in touch with a single one of those people.

That's because people in the workplace are not your friends R28. Just like your boss is not your friend and HR/P&C is not your friend.

I now, R29. I never thought all of those people were lifelong friends. It was a new job, a new town, I was alone (had moved there by myself), and I did what felt OK at the time.

I meant, "I know," not "I now."

I did for years. Now I prefer not to. I work in another state remotely from my office. I go in once and a while for a few days and have to join in on the dinners and drinks as it's expected of me and I need to keep this job. I always look forward to getting back to my hotel and watching a movie. I just don't need the drama.

When I was the boss and after-work activities were involved, I would go, buy the first round, and then leave them to have fun and bitch about me if they so chose. The whole boss-wants-to-be-a-friend thing is what led to The Office.

No I’d probably end up sucking some of their cocks. It would be awkward but I’d still do it

[quote]That's because people in the workplace are not your friends [R28].

R29 People can make friends anywhere. Why is it any different from making friends at school? My mom had several lifelong friends from one of her jobs.

I've always hung out with co-workers outside work.

Still have some good friends from jobs I had years and years ago.