Let’s be eldergay roommates going to the grocery store

I'm the constant commentary on how much things are now, yet get excited when Ben and Jerry's is 3 for 10.

I'm the lame joke which concerns extra virgin olive oil.

I'm the wedge of "real" Parmesan, which Mr. Spendypants thinks we can't live without. $22 a pound, I can live without it.

I'm the can of Kraft Parmesan my cheapskate roommate considers food. O, Marcella!

I'm the baby stroller dragging behind the 1984 Cutlass Supreme on the way home. The car's occupants are so busy fussing about Parmesan cheese and who should have won Best Actress in 1953 they don't even notice the shower of sparks. No baby in the stroller (hopefully)

Senior gays of tomorrow delighting in bashing senior gays of today!

It must be a side effect from PrEP.

This thread failed with OP. Everyone knows once you get access to a handicap placard, you never take it out of the car.

I'm the cheapskate suburbanite, and I pronounce the cheese at R4 "par-mee-sian"

I'm the envelope of expired coupons pronounced "cuu-pins."

I’m the eye roll when one puts a box of Fleet enemas in the cart. “What’s the expiration date on those?”

I'm the exchanged smirks when the bagboy bends over to retrieve the melon you deliberately dropped.

I’m the screamed “Why didn’t AIDS get you too” in the chip aisle.

It’s this

I'm the babytaster of the group, putting some Ragú sauce and Cheerios in the shopping cart. Bananas are all I need from the produce section.

Yes, I'm totally opposed to that wedge of expensive cheese.

I'm looking for the gumball machine that dispenses "weirdos." I hope I get a yellow one.

I’m the stack of frozen boxes of garbage that’s not going in this cart. You’re 55, not 12. You own a $200 waffle iron; put the eggos back. Asshole.

I'm in my caftan woofing at every hot dad I see under my breath while buying a month's worth of zingers and wondering why they never seem attracted to me.

Ah this really must be close to your heart op. You obviously are reliving your personal experiences

R17 We love you, gurl!

I'm the Mountain Dew and Yellow Tail wine, weighing down the shopping cart.

R20 Is that you, Joan Steffend?

Oh, hey, how 'bout one of them? No, wait, forget it. 2 guys, 1 cart, fresh pasta... figure it out.

Im the one who refuses to go into the store and stays in the car reading Datalounge.

I’m the thin one stage whispering “Ozempic” in the ice cream section.

[quote] I'm in my caftan woofing at every hot dad I see under my breath while buying a month's worth of zingers and wondering why they never seem attracted to me.

Switch to Ding Dongs and Ho Hos - the DILFs love those.

I’m the heavily fondled package of Ding Dongs (on sale!) the fattie wants. The thinner partner hisses at him and puts me right back on the shelf.

[quote]$22 a pound, I can live without it.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

And she'll never see why.

Give me a break, R27. You're bothered by "a pound" instead of "per pound"?

I'm the 24-pack of Summer's Eve douches. 'For mother' if anyone asks.

R6 Love it!

I’m the argument at checkout over whose phone number to use for the store’s rewards program. Despite living together since the first Bush administration, sharing a rewards program at Safeway feels like too much of a commitment.

I’m the odd whorl of hair sticking out from removing the CPAP headgear.

I see much funnier twink "roommates" at the grocery store than Eldergays. The last couple was in the cereal aisle having a heated "discussion" over whether to buy Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch or Lucky Charms Chocolate.

I'm the one getting frustrated because my partner knows good and well that Cabernet doesn't pair well with Salmon. His mother is coming for dinner so we have to get 3 bottles!

I’m staying in the car with R23, because my gout is flaring up. I will send a series of ambiguous texts about items I need you to pick up inside. I will not answer my phone when you call trying to get clarity about what I need “because the phone signal is too weak to get a call through” (but really, it just interrupts the porn I’m watching). I will sulk all the way home when I see that you bought store brand versions of everything I wanted.

I'm buying thin Oreos to make up for the sixer of wine bottles and stack of store-bakery coffee cakes in the cart.

Good gravy, do I miss SnackWells!

R27 proves how ridiculous the grammar trolls are.

I'm holding up the deli counter asking for samples of 27 different meats and cheeses as I prepare a perfect charcuterie for my upcoming afternoon garden party.

True Story: I live in a small mountain hamlet now amidst the redwoods, but of course lived the glamorous bi coastal life for a long time.

When I moved here I told the teenage checker at the drug store, “You’re too beautiful for this town.[italic] Fly away!”[/italic]

She really was breathtaking. Haven’t seen her again - maybe she took my advice and sent some photos to Elite or Ford?

Anyway… we’re not all bitchy while shopping. The butcher, the upholsterer, and the feed store owner love me! THEY LOVE ME, do you hear?? (Not desperate.)

OP- You made a mistake the title of this thread should be-

Let’s Be DATALOUNGE Elderly Roommates Going To The Grocery Store

I like OP's title better.

“You should put the cart back”

“I don’t like that guy. I’m leaving a cart for his car.”

“You don’t know shit about that guy and you’re being lazy. Please with the cart.”

“Look at how he parked!”

“It’s handicapped; they do that. Put the cart back”

R5 is delightfully witty. Nearly choked on my drink.

"It was YOUR turn to bring the quarter for the shopping cart this week!!!"

"Entenmann's coffee cake and Maxwell House? How many times do we have to have this fucking conversation?!?!?"

I'm the running commentary on all of the young women in the store.

"Would you LOOK at HER! What is she even wearing? Are those pyjamas?"

"That poor man with her, you can just tell he wants to kill himself. Wait, did he look at us??"

"Mother never left the house without a full face and stockings. She would just die if she saw this!"

"Your mother IS dead, dumbass."

"Shut your mouth, bitch!"

I am the collective HISSING whilst passing by the self-checkout machines. I support the employment of clerks!

I am the once a quarter debate on Self-Checkout machines vs Cashiers Eldergays seem to have on here.

I am all the BOGO coupons for everything you don't need but must buy, simply because they are BOGO!

I'm the eldergay roommates being subjected to the casual homophobia and ageism of the stupid, the ageist, and/or the OP.

I'm the two-for-one discount on La Croix, and the careful deliberation over which flavor (or flavors?) to choose.

I'm the humorless gays who keep trying to stop this thread, citing homophobia and ageism.

I contribute heavily to the "let's be lesbians" threads with vicious remarks about hairy fat women, smelly pussies and lack of femininity while purses fly out of my mouth.

I ONLY jack off to hot young studs in porn...it's a preference, not ageism!!

It is sort of baffling how threads like this, which are clearly meant to be "jokes amongst friends" completely set off a handful of eldergays who need to set their Hissometers® to 11 every time

I love "eldergay." I've earned the title. No hissing here.

We’re the deceptively meek eldergays quietly submitting through check-out until the littler one starts to go completely Larry David on the innocent bagger, instructing her on the RIGHT way to distribute the purchases among the bags.

I'm the floral quilted coupon organizer that SOMEONE forgot to organize, and now *I* am dying of embarrassment at the checkout counter. Randy, this is all your fault for not prioritizing your evening last night and drinking the rest of the Franzia! My bursitis in my knees is acting up, so I'm using the store's mobility scooter. Randy will have to pack our shopping in the trunk, that is, if he stops flirting with the bag boy.

I'm rationing the Franzia next week, Randy!

I'm Bill. We always use my SUV for our group shopping trips. It's the nicest car that any one of us owns and there's enough storage in the back for all of our grocery bags. I'm glad that my roommates now (finally) started chipping in for gas.

I'm Tim. I know Bill's rule is no food and drinks in the car. But my venti Starbucks is still more than half full and I refuse to waste it. I'm sitting in the back seat on the ride home, sipping quietly. Bill is looking in the rear-view mirror, staring daggers into me.

I'm the bickering over which dog food brand to buy Mitzi. She turns her nose up at everything but the very best, so of course she will get her organic gourmet freeze-dried venison stew in the end.

I’m the Eldergay on the mobility scooter judging fat women who are also on scooters.

I'm one of the hunky young Brazilian guys who have taken over the Dairy aisle at the local supermarket.

We'd shake our asses at the old guys if it meant money, but they came on the senior bus so don't have any.

I’m the squeaky cart that’s annoying the fuck out of Stephen and that’s why Bill gleefully accepted it upon entry.

I’m the fair selection of lube in the HBA aisle.

No, those aging fruits won’t be buying anything from this aisle.

I’m all the male Publix employees here in Florida- clean cut Christian boys, all wearing black pants so tight they all look like matadors, oh my! The mere silhouette of the perfectly rounded ass when they turn sideways elicits quiet gasps from us.

Then we realize why- when we look above customer service at the picture of the smiling queen of a general manager that hired all of them.

R62 WHAT? Those boys all had great energy in the interview!