Why do people insist that you should be the "bigger person" and "not stoop to the other person's level"

There are seldom absolute rights and absolute wrongs when dealing with other people. It depends on the person, and the situation.

Does it serve your purposes to get into a street fight with someone who deserves it? Does it help you, harm you, or provide a little fun?

Does it serve their purposes when you avoid it? Will they be better off after a brutal lesson, or after being spared one?

I always say there's more power in ignoring or walking away than confrontation. If you let them get under your skin, and there's an... incident, then you could get fired or arrested or stalked/harassed. And it will follow you the rest of your goddamn life.

Nasty people will eventually hang themselves. I've seen it over and over. And you don't have to lift a finger.

I always encourage people to take the high road. That leaves more room for me on the low road.

And if the high road's jammed just take the low

I just shit in their wig.

Because sometimes the meanest thing you can do to a person who is looking for a fight is not give it to them. It's kind of like internet trolling. If you don't react, they may eventually go away.

R6 is correct. It is infuriating to the person who wants to fight/disparage/harangue to walk away from them or to ask them to “stop and enjoy this nice gathering (insert host’s name) has prepared for us.”

Is OP a drag queen or a middle schooler?

Keep your friends close and your frenemies closer.

OP, you're a bit mixed up. Bigger person isn't determined by being wronged, it's determined by how you respond to being wronged. You are a victim if you're wronged. You want to stick with that?

I tend to walk away from a lot of things. I don't think of it as being the "bigger person." I do think of it as being myself and not acting in a way that I'll regret. Whenever I've retaliated or acted in kind, I've regretted it.

If it's something egregious that I can report, I will report it.

Calling out inappropriate behavior is an obligation you have as a social human being that you do in first person as events unfold - unless your physical safety is threatened.

You’re giving them information on code of conduct.

What they choose to do with that information is their business. Life is too short worrying about bigger/shorter unless it’s regarding dicks and that’s more a girth thing for me.

[quote]OP, you're a bit mixed up. Bigger person isn't determined by being wronged, it's determined by how you respond to being wronged. You are a victim if you're wronged. You want to stick with that?

Yes, I do. You seem confused.

As you note, the suggestion to be the "bigger person" is usually made to the person who was wronged, the victim.

People tell the wronged person to "let it go" and "be the bigger person" so that whatever negative repercussions arose from the being wronged can be swept under the rug and people can pretend nothing happened.

It is a request to the victim that their response NOT hold the perpetrator accountable for their transgressions. "Be the bigger person" is usually a request that the victim respond by pretending that nothing bad happened.

I was going to make a Chrissy Metz joke but I have decided to refrain and be the bigger person

Michelle Obama told us to do that.

It may depend on what kind of relationship you want going forward. Also, somewhat, how it will look to others. And, probably, how important the issue is.

Do STFU, R12. Please.

Personally, I follow the advice of phrases like "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." or "never wrestle with a pig because you'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it" (aka don't feed the trolls).

People underestimate how rotten, or guilty, they feel in the long run when they pick an argument or even a fight with a toxic person (a bully, hater, troll, racist bigot, Karen, homophobe, Deplorable, etc.). Giving in to anger and frustration will only lead to a downward spiral of more anger and frustration that becomes a severe state of depression later on. And it puts you in a mental state where you can't stop and reject what is meant to be helpful advice, like "let go or forgive those who hurt you or made you angry in order to reach a better, more positive minded, mental state!", as total New Age bullshit.

My wisest friend as always said, “never sink to their level. You are better than that. If they are the way you say they are; they will get what is coming to them.”

Over the many years I’ve reluctantly done what he’s advised (sometimes with great angst), it’s worked out as he’s said, every time.

Oh, boy. I have the terrible habit of serving a bitch's ass to her on a silver platter when said bitch comes for me, especially if it's a dumber-than-dirt bitch we're talking about. However, it's really as R18 said, and I do need to get better.

God give me the patience.

[quote] Why do people insist that you should be the "bigger person" and "not stoop to the other person's level"

[quote] I have NEVER understood this absurd concept.

Yes, boy. Let the hate flow through you!

My mother used to tell me this in regard to my older siblings. They were bully types and let’s just say taking the higher road will leave you in the mud sometimes.

If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by.

[quote] Why do people insist that you should be the "bigger person"

Actually, Roxane, we'd love it if you would actually go the other way and drop a few pounds.

[quote] Nasty people will eventually hang themselves. I've seen it over and over. And you don't have to lift a finger.

As an adult, I've learned the value of silently turning on my heel, walking off, and then quietly and anonymously informing the proper authorities or relevant parties in private at a later calmer moment so they can handle the problem not me.

Lamparding--i.e. loudly narcing and grassing in full view of everyone--is not the one, and will get you socially caned, plus it will make the whole mess and the fallout your responsibility to clean up in the eyes of the world. Best not to bother.

As one of my teachers said: "no reaction is the strongest action"

I did it to a former friend and she went fucking nuts. Her friends told me she was anxious and manic. Taking the high road did good and saved me a lot of energy too.

I am a concealed carrier and took a 48-hour handgun course in preparation. The first thing they taught was that, as a general rule in public, you always defer to the stranger. The best and safest strategy is to always defeat to strangers and tell yourself you’re better. People who shoot, not to mention kill, someone in self-defense are often bankrupted if they are of normal means, even if innocent, simply by the legal costs.

When it comes to a neighbor, it’s probably more important. If you own your home you’ll probably live next to the person for years. Swallow your pride and make nice, ignore but remember.

When it comes to family, it’s different. Your parents are the only people in the world who owe you totally acceptance. Feel free to nuclear on them because they created your whole mess and they are the only ones who ought to be obliged to deal with it.

^Tony Woodward sure ain't a Brazilian grandma with an umbrella.

Woodard*, forgive me.

Walking away is almost always the best thing to do. Are you 12?

I will never forgive that B Michelle Obama telling people to go high when they go low.

OP, because it turns out if you mention planning to shit in people's wigs they don;t like you after a while.

“ Nasty people will eventually hang themselves. I've seen it over and over. And you don't have to lift a finger.“

So true !

Obviously you should stand up for yourself otherwise people will walk over you but you shouldn't lower yourself to their level because it just tends to create more trouble. E.g. if someone kills a member of your family, it's a stupid idea to go out and kill one of theirs because that's likely to just cause a cycle of revenge and more danger, not to mention that it's not worth having to rot in prison for years.

I knew a very cruel and instigating woman who was brutally murdered in her own home. She must have started talking her shit to the wrong person. She was beaten, strangled and suffocated in an apparent rage attack . Many people believe it was karma finally. She was black and I think demon possessed

R35 oh she got all the Zu Zu?

There is an enormous difference between walking away from a potentially volatile situation and going along with people telling you that you need to forgive someone who has wronged you in order to "keep the peace" and make things easier on everyone else.

Family often demands that you let things go because "it happened so long ago." No apology. Nothing. But, YOU should be the bigger person because...reasons. Not the person who pulled some outrageous crap and screwed you over.

R37 yes say this!!!!

My Mom and grandmother and sister all think I should just let it go that years ago one of my cousins moved in with us (after his parents refused to deal with him anymore) knowing he was having a psychotic breakdown, repeatedly self-harmed and tried to kill himself in front of us, made our lives Hell for over a year, then one day got up and walked out and got better without an explanation or apology.

It's been a little over a decade, and he's never once tried to reach out and make reparations. He's successful and stable now, so he gets to pretend it never happened, and that the trauma memories and scarring it left me and my family with is nothing. It's not even like we could be in any way responsible for his breakdown, as he'd never lived with us or spent much time with us prior to that breakdown, so we don't deserve what he put us through in any way.

I've been in and out of therapy for years all because of him; my life is worse and held back by the event. But I'm supposed to let that be water under the bridge.

I don’t. If they’re pett I can be pettier