Stories of the worst thing a family member ever did to you

So how did her not attending her sister’s funeral translate into doing something bad to you? Am I missing something?

Putting aside actual abuse, using my identity and ruining my credit. This was done by two different siblings.

If I think about it I'm sure I'll come up with many more, but I'm not in the mood to be more depressed.

Other than an old mother who will insist on getting attention until the day she dies and create drama and demands on all her adult children, the rest of my family treat each other in the kindest, most helpful, supportive way possible. I’m lucky to have my siblings and extended family - just not my narcisstic mother.

R1 it's like this. They wrote a book basically making this person a saint but behind the scenes they were pretty shitty to their own family.

"We teach what we have to learn."

Thank you, Mary Socrates.

There needs to be an entire thread for my family. One example: my cousin penned a letter to the CEO of the financial institution where my father worked. He said my father was embezzling. It was not true. My father kept his job but an investigation was required, via company policy. My cousin and aunt (my mother’s sister) were extremely envious of my mother and her family and tried to break it in many ways.

I had a similar thing happen. My sister, is the 'spiritual' one of the family. When my father become ill and his time was coming to an end, she rang him and chanted down the phone for a bit, while the rest of us took it in turns to be with him, keep the family home running and comfort our mother. I rang her and and pointedly told her that she needed to be here to help out, but she assured me that her spirit was in the room. I asked her she could get her spirit to run the vacuum over the house, or buy groceries or do a shift at the hospital and she was really pissed off.

I hate it when people use their shitty version of 'spirituality' to avoid responsibilities and leave the hard work to someone else.

I mean, could we narrow it down to one family member specifically? I lists in all those asshole monsters

I cared for both my elderly parents until my mother died, without much help from my siblings. During that time I also helped out other family members under the illusion that we were close. Once my mother died and my father developed dementia, everyone else checked out too. I was devastated. I am determined to get through it. Once my father dies I won't have a funeral. People who never call him to say hello don't get to say goodbye. A lot of people are getting ghosted. I really hope I never suffer a decade as bad as this one.

On the plus side I get the house. I also finally realized, after a lifetime of low self-esteem, that I am a good person.

[quote] [R1] it's like this. They wrote a book basically making this person a saint but behind the scenes they were pretty shitty to their own family.

That still doesn't answer the question as to how this fits under your rubric of "the worst thing a family member ever did to you" you gave as a title for this thread.

I'm not r1, but he's right. This is not something bad that this person did [bold]to you.[/bold] No one personally owed you attendance at a family funeral.

Love you sassy R5

My dad fucked me…..and I liked it.

Thread closed.

R10 there's more to it but I am not trying to go into detail.

They were shitty. Relishing someone's death is shitty. Not being there for your nearly murdered sister is shitty. Especially when you're all about God, peace and love but you are there for the other sibling that abused their children?

Waking up from a coma in hospital and chewing out your caring adult son praying for your recovery because you were taken from the arms of Jesus. Shitty.

But what did they do TO YOU SPECIFICALLY?

I've never shared this with anyone. NOT a boyfriend, a therapist, ANYONE.

I was molested by a female cousin who was only slightly older than I am when I was about 4. It happened multiple times and my family was aware of it happening once and they laughed and chalked it up to kids playing "doctor". But they only knew about it happening once. It happened at least three times that I can recall. I don't know if it happened more and I've just completely suppressed it.

In a way, I can't even really blame my cousin, because she was only about 5 and really probably didn't know what she was doing. And she grew up to be a very decent woman.

But once, in my 20s, my mom brought it up like it was a funny story, and I sat there quietly and then slowly started crying. I don't think she or anyone in my family realized how incredibly traumatized I was by it. She never mentioned it again and we NEVER talked about It. I think people just don't think a 5 year old can sexually molest a 4 year old.

God, I can't believe I've never told anyone this and I'm posting it HERE.

I cannot tell you, r14, because it is a private secret. I created this whole thread on the topic of what someone in my family did to me personally, but I cannot go into it because it is PRIVATE.

Don;t you understand that? It was a shitty thing a family member did to me, but it was PRIVATE! And I don't feel like going into it.

Now, everyone else has to spill all about the worst thing a family member ever did to them. Don't keep it private.

This reminds me of the thread from a month or so ago titled: I’ll never go out to dinner with straight coworkers again! The OP whined about some horrible dinner with horrible people, yet never said a word about what went wrong. Is this the same Op/author?

I'm sorry R15

Thanks r18. As soon as I posted it I instantly wished there was a delete button and I started shaking.

It was probably quite a shock for a 4 year old. Parents don't always understand how heavy things are for children.

I'm glad it ended there and didn't get worse for you.

Don't ask.

John List owns this thread

When my mother died in 1986, my sister, father, and I went to the funeral home to finalize arrangements. When we got home, my aunt (mother's sister) and cousin were loading items (a fur coat, family pictures, knick-nacks), into her car. She said they needed to be kept in the family. Like, my sister and me aren't family?

In the mid-90s, my grandmother died. Her son was the executor. Proceeds were to go to her grandchildren. Instead, my uncle use the estate to fund his failing business. He promised me my share so I could put a down payment on a house in San Francisco (Goat Hill area). He kept putting me off and putting me off. Turns out he also sold my grandmother's Barnegat Bay home to a cousin to further fund his failing business. Zero consequences to him, but yet again my sister and I got the shaft.

And they still don't understand why I won't take a phone call, letter, etc. from them today.

Not up the butt daddy

r24=Ivanka Trump

No r25 that’s what she begged for. R24 is me

R23 That's infuriating.

My father lost my inheritance money twice after my mom died when I was 10.

First he loaned it to a neighbor, who skipped town.

Then when a settlement check from the ensuing lawsuit came 20 years later, he took the whole thing and spent it on some dump he and his wife bought. Claimed he didn’t know where the money came from.

When the second settlement came and the taxes were settled, my brother and I split $9000 of what was supposed to be our college funds.

I didn’t even know the money was gone in the first place until I was accepted to the college I wanted to attend. “Oh whoops, thought you knew.” Verbatim.

Yeah. Pretty shitty.

R19 Shook

[quote] "Putting aside actual abuse, using my identity and ruining my credit. This was done by two different siblings."

That's far more common than one might think. I'm sorry it happened to you, R2.

My mother once read an article about a teenager who committed suicide due to bullying and name calling. Knowing that I also had read the article, she proceeded to call me the same names. That was pretty normal behavior for her.

Toss-up between:

--psycho cousin self-harming and starving himself to near death while staying in my family home when we were teens;

--psycho grandmother for whom I currently care acting generally two-faced and creepy and lecherous toward me;

--psycho father frequently stonewalling me or calling me a bitch and a loser or deliberately feigning helplessness over helping with my grandmother/mother

Honestly, if I had the money & security for both me and my Mom, I'd abandon these people like a bat out of hell. Alas.

When I was about 8, I was stuck playing with my older cousin. He was an asshole. He thought it would be funny to spray paint my next-door-neighbor's dog. I begged him not to - not because I was smart enough to know it would truly harm the dog, but because it was just mean, and the dog was really sweet. He did it anyway, then blamed it on me. My parents knew better, but it was such a very disturbing event. Luckily I only had to see that cousin a few more times.

General neglect. No medical. No dental except when a teacher 'offered' to call social services because blood was streaming from mouth because my teeth were in such bad shape. Any expense caused a tirade.

When I was in kindergarten, I got my coat dirty playing outside. My mom washed it and the colors bled. Somehow this was my fault and I received a screaming breakdown. Then, she never bought me a coat, or jacket or any sort of outerwear again. My dad moved across the country when I was 3 and didn't keep tabs. Luckily I grew up in the deep South, so I wasn't in danger of dying. But it sucked.

My parents made me go to school 😠

I never got my cha-cha shoes. Black ones.

This thread has made me grateful for the (mostly) quiet neglect I got!

My mother is probably the most sadistic and spiteful person I’ve ever encountered.

When I was 10 I was attacked by a dog in the neighborhood (pit bull mix). I went running home with shredded pants and bites all over my legs and told her what happened and she told me to get in the car and show me where this happened. We drove to the spot (about two blocks away) and the dog and the kids who owned it were still there. My mother ordered me to get out of the car and I refused because I was terrified of the dog. She then started screaming at me and threatened me to get out of the car immediately; I did, and the dog attacked/bit me a second time.

When I was 13 she refused to come to my baptism because she was down on religion. I was the only kid there who didn’t have a family member present.

When I was 14, she announced to my brother and me at the dinner table that she and the man she was having an affair with had gotten married earlier that afternoon.

When I was 52 I ran into a neighbor of theirs who informed me that they had sold their house and moved 6 months previously. They never gave me their new address.

The only reason I would even consider going to her funeral is to make sure that this evil, hateful woman is actually dead and 100% out of my life.

Mine is a bit weird. One of my childless Aunts lived a very austere life, I always thought she was poor, same with my parents.

Anyway after my Father died my Mother confessed she had no Idea how to do probate (I didn't think they'd need it). It turned out that my Dad had well over a million pounds in a bank account, my Mother was also receiving £8,000 a month from a pension.

Back to my childless Aunt who died last year leaving everything to my Brother and I. We found £225,000 in cash in her house and a savings account with £1.5million. Plus the value of her home

I had worked really hard to buy a house with no family support, even helping them with repainting etc.

I hate them for allowing me to struggle, I'm determined to spend it all before I die.

Probably not the worst thing that can happen to you, but the level of betrayal hurts.

I had no idea so many on DL were abused. This is sad.

T36 This made me laugh so hard I thought I wrote it but alas, it was you.

R39, it was their money, not yours. There was no “betrayal”. Maybe they wanted to save it for old age to make sure you weren’t burdened by their. In event event, they didn’t owe you shit.

[quote] to my Brother and I. R39

Oh, dear!

Go to bed bitch!

No, bitch

My sister out me to my entire family one Thanksgiving many years ago. I've never trusted her after

My "mother" is a malignant narc so there's a lifetime of horror. Cleaning out my bank account and lying about it when I was 10 was one of her finer moments. Not mailing the birthday party invites and then laughing and calling my birthday party a "flop" was another. These are a couple of the least vicious things she's done.

My Mother was and still is verbally abusive, criticizing my looks, saying I should be glad I’m smart.

I was bullied in school since I was in second grade. The constant bullying was so torturous that one night while at home I took a kitchen knife to my wrists, declaring that I wanted to kill myself. Rather than ask me how she may help, my mother only implored, “Do it! Get it over with!” I was 14 and believed she wished me dead. Mother has done irreparable damage to my self esteem.

And yet, I made it. I survived. I am so glad that I did not kill myself. In an odd way, the bullies (Mom included) made me resilient and focused on proving them all wrong. My life is simple but joyful. I find joy in the small things. I love to laugh! And you all make me laugh so hard.

DL ers, the best thing is we made it. We survived!

I am so sorry that any of you suffered such pain, such unwarranted pain by those who were/are supposed to love and protect you. I wish you all peace and joy. I love you!

R39, from your post, I don't see anything wrong that anybody did to you.

My family were horrible in having had less money than I should have liked.

R50 as the poor trash branch of a rich extended family....felt

You always feel like damaged goods.

I was coddled and spoiled.

R52 that actually can be really damaging, as when they push you out of the nest and reality sets in, the culture shock and sudden onset of expectations & disappointments can absolutely paralyse you.

My parents had me circumcised. I never forgave them.

My family rejected my partner because 'racism'. They were so jealous that they forced us to flee from both the family and the family firm. They did nothing to help us preferring to contact the tabloids with horrible stories about us. All untrue of course but they were jealous.

My father then cut me off. He said I was a thirty odd year old man who had at least 22 million in the bank and I didn't need his money. But it was MY money. I'd always been paid that money. They even refused to give me a redundancy payment.

I was so worried about my families safety, that we had to go to the place where we were most likely to make lots of money. My partner had such good ideas. My father continued to refuse to pay our security and my brother stopped talking to me.

I've told them what they have to do in order to continue a relationship with me but they won't do it.

We teach what we have to learn? WTF. Makes zero fucking sense but this is a site where they worship/canonize the fucking Golden Girls. So it makes sense to these fucks.

Why are so many of the responses here about MONEY?!? Money/wealth means nothing if you've never received love and acceptance from your parents.

It's a lot easier to go out into the world and make MONEY than it is to find true and acceptance.

I went through a period about 20 years ago, where I was unemployed and on drugs. I had a crappy car that leaked oil, and my rich cousin was hosting a 75th bday party for my aunt. My mother was horrified I would decide to go, so she didn't relay the invitation to me, but a cousin I was close to, spilled the beans. I called my mom asking about it, and she said, given my situation she didn't think I would want to attend. I always loved the aunt, but the daughter giving the party is a snob, the definition of an early Karen. So the word got to my cousin I was coming, and the word got back to me if I attended to please park my leaky car on a side street, or better yet let someone bring you (preferably someone who would be leaving early). I got the message, but what really hurt was my mom was talking shit about me to these relatives, and clearly didn't want to be embarrassed by my showing up. I did send a gift card to my aunt, who sent me a thank you and seemed to be genuinely upset I didn't show. I recovered, got financially solvent again and yet being gay and broke at that time, you know people talk shit about you and never forget.

I was molested. :-/

[quote]Money/wealth means nothing if you've never received love and acceptance from your parents.

That's a crock of shit, frau CUNT R57. How did you come up that? Millions of wealthy people are enjoying our wealth and there's no correlation with what our parents did or didn't do.

Hey, R60 - What crawled up your ass and died?

Also, where are you from, ‘cause it’s pretty obvious that English isn’t your native language?

Still confused whyOP titled the thread "the worst thing a family member ever did to you" and then opened with a meandering story about 2 other relatives that has nothing to do with him. It just backs up my hunch that we are inundated by moronic trolls who only post here to stir up shit for attention.

What's the problem, dipshit R61? Multisyllabic words confuse you?

[quote] My father then cut me off. He said I was a thirty odd year old man who had at least 22 million in the bank and I didn't need his money.

R55 yeah, he was right, you fucking don't need a penny. Unless that 22 milly was in Riel, Dong or African shillings.

[quote] yet being gay and broke at that time, you know people talk shit about you and never forget.

R58 yeah, it sucks. Am in that situation currently, hearing the grandparent I am helping to care for shit all over me on the phone to relatives about what useless lazy hick trash I am because I don't earn 6/7 figs or live in the city or have a straight fiance.

My mom's baby brother who was ten years older than me, slapped me around from when I was around two years old until he moved away when I was in my early teens, my dad was a deadbeat, so me and mom had to live with my grandparents, and therefore him, he was also 6'3 and around 350 pounds by the age of fifteen, but he's dead now.

[quote] [R39], from your post, I don't see anything wrong that anybody did to you.

Well, that suits the thread, since we couldn't see from OP's example what wrong any family member did to him.

R64, I believe that would be in pounds, since the writer was clearly posing as Prince Harry.

My father is a vindictive creep who loves to argue and start trouble. Growing up, I had to listen to so much crap. He used to constantly accuse my mother of being a slut and would say, right in front of me, that he should get a DNA test because I look like her ex-boyfriend.

I look nothing like her ex-boyfriend.

R61, just give R60 the much needed hug that he never got from his very, very, very wealthy family.

Huh. You have to ask?

This thread sure makes sense of DL.

Bless your heart, R64.

No-where near as bad as some of the things on here, but pretty embarrassing at the time.

I recently attended an uncle's birthday is a fairly suburban area, with loads of relatives and their friends. They all know I'm gay, but no-one really talks about it. Anyway, we'd done the birthday cake and all that, and it came time for the football to start. While not a huge fan, I do enjoy watching the game and it was better than listening to all the boring lady conversations. All the women stayed out on the balcony and all the men went inside to the 'man cave'. I sat on the end of one of the three-seater sofas and ... no one would sit on the sofa with me. All other chairs were taken. People even got chairs from the dining table to sit on.

About 15 guys stood up while I sat by myself in the center of the room for the duration of the game .

I just skimmed through the replies to see if anyone here is a family member talking about me, but I don't see anything.

R74 you sound like you took it well and lightly, maybe too well because that was such a shitty thing to do. About two dozen guys sent you to Canterbury, so they didn't catch gay cooties? Get to fuck. Hope you never bothered speaking to most of those people again.

"Sent you to Canterbury?" Wot wot?

Wow! I’m sorry so many of you have struggled so. I hope that you have been able to find joy and peace in your lives outside of your family trauma.

R58 is clearly a fucking hobo. No doubt she stinks to high heaven. Yuq.

22 million guy! How can I meet you and tell you anything you want to hear because I need some money.

Money would really solve 90% of my problems.

^and I wouldn't tell a damn soul I had any so as not to incur any new ones.

Jesus, fuck, 22 million guy is a riff on Prince Harry.

Now send me your pin numbers. Collectively you might have enough in your accounts to buy dinner.

I had three siblings, all older. I wasn't really close with any of them, it was almost like having 5 parents. Aside from some physical roughhousing and pushing around by my brother, the attitude most of my family had about me could be best described as "benign neglect."

But those aforementioned siblings were, shall we say, less than supportive when I came out.

Sister #1 said: I don't mind, but stay away from my husband.

Sister #2 said: Yeah, okay, but keep your hands off my son. (This one in particular hurt. Just....gross, plus I'd babysat for that nephew and my niece many times and they were almost like siblings.)

Brother saw me at Thanksgiving this year, where he brought his 3 year old daughter, and said: don't kiss her, you might give her AIDS.

I care for my siblings, but there is no deep love there. We are just not a ride-or-die type of family. My mom was the light and heart of our family and she's been gone for some time.

PS: The brother who told me not to give his daughter AIDS? She turned out to be a lesbian and *her* oldest just came out as maybe nonbinary, maybe trans. I love when Karma knows the exact address for delivery!

*should be Thanksgiving THAT year

That's pretty bad, R74. I would never go to another family gathering. Can't even sit on a couch to watch football with you because you're gay? They are the ones who should be embarrassed and ashamed, not you. Every last one of them.

Do yu mean Coventry, r76?