Gross Feeling After a Hookup

You're a whore darlin

You need to find 100 black men with huge wangs and let them line up to raype and fill both your holes. That is the best cure for guilt.

Ugh! I feel. you. I was blowing this guy after he took a piss when he got to my house and he clearly had pee in his urethra and I sucked that down. Disgusting. The jackhammer fucking. I just wanted him out of my apartment. I also think he gave me covid last fall.

OP- Are you Catholic or Jewish?

It depends on the guy. Sometimes I want to shower right away other times I want to luxuriate in the scent

Did you pick him up outside a Home Depot?

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

R4 Jewish! How do you get past the guilt?

R8- I figured it was one of those- either Catholic guilt or Jewish guilt.

OP- I used to have sex with a guy that was 100 percent safe but dull. When he sucked me off he had me put on a condom first or vice a versa.

I don't feel gross after a hookup, but I also don't hook up with disgusting people.

Ooh, smell Miss Thing at r11... she only hooks up with Princess Kate Middleton...

R10 I literally messaged the guy afterwards and said “next time I’ll bring condoms so we can blow each other”! I think it’s the guilt combined with the fact that the guy is undetectable… it was my first time playing at all with a guy who was (to my knowledge) not neg. My brain knows that U = U, but my guilt doesn’t.

MARY!

I used to blow married guys off Craigslist a couple times a year. I advertised it would be a recurring thing- and they were willing to return- but I could never do the 2nd meeting. I thought once was sorta okay, but more than that would be whorish. So I'd go back to looking (but never finding) a relationship.

I casually told a suitor once that I had blown about 40 guys off Craigslist and he was appalled. I said it was over a 20 year period, though. But the damage was done; he thought I was a sleaze.

If you need to wear a condom to blow someone, please don't ever attempt to have oral sex with a man again. Just watch porn.

R16 I never have in the past; it is because of his status.

Fuck your brains out, and enjoy the ride. Sex is liberating if you do it right. Guilt is for sissies...

Find a hot clean cut jock to fuck... Do it all and cum a few times and chill.

"I literally messaged"

You should feel guilty for writing like an idiot, and using the word "literally."

OP That's just a case of the ickies. Totally normal, and completely understandable from the additional info you shared with us. It'll pass soon enough.

BTW, lesbians and straights every now and then come down with a case of the ickies as well. It isn't a guilt thing whatsoever, and I know well because I'm also Jewish.

Smoke a little grass, or have a drink, and put some good music on to get your mind off it. Be well!

R17 girl go read some info about mechanisms of HIV transmission I beg of you please. Educate yourself x.

I thought this was about feeling gross after a hic.

R20 forgive me for not treating a midnight post on DL like a thesis.

R21 thank you!

R22 as I said, my brain knows how HIV is transmitted; my guilt does not.

[quote] I never have in the past; it is because of his status.

This sounds like judgment rather than guilt tbh.

[quote] But the damage was done; he thought I was a sleaze.

How unbelievable! Just for explaining you had blown married men over a 20 year period!

Beefcake Hunter is my fantasy. Just hot guys coming over, dropping trou and everyone gets what they want. No blame, no shame, no inhibitions.

You can try to attach rationalisations or cultural context all you want, but this is just garden variety anxiety. Nothing more or less.

You are taking an act with some degree of risk attached to it, and blowing it out into your mind with catastrophic thinking. If it's affecting your quality of life see a shrink.

You'll get over the anxiety after a couple days. Get tested after two weeks if you are really feeling anxious, but you should be fine. Are you on prep? You don't really need to be on it, but if you are hyper paranoid about getting HIV it might be worth looking into

R28 there’s definitely anxiety involved.

R29 I’m frankly not sexually active enough to warrant being on PreP.

R30 google ‘event based prep’ again please educate yourself x.

R31 thank you- I did not know that was an option! If anything, knowing it exists is helpful psychologically!

You are not getting the point DL. OP feels yucky b/c his gentleman caller is POZ which is why he feels disgusting to the point of using a condom while trying to give fellatio. Don't fuck a U=U if it's so uncomfortable for you. It probably wasn't fun for him. Why aren't you on Prep and then you don't have to worry about it.

Stop hooking up with homeless men.

R32 - you know about U=U but you don't know about Prep or think it's an option? Something about this story is off.

R33 you’re probably right.

R35 I didn’t know about *EVENT-BASED* prep. I thought prep was for guys who regularly have anal sex (which I do not). When I first learned about prep circa 2015, that’s how it was marketed.

Why, you diseased slut!

R20 U r literalee a fucking prik.

What R22 said.

Getting HIV/AIDS from oral sex is incredibly rare. Other STIs are possible but in order for someone to infect you via oral sex.....

- They'd have to have it

- You'd have to swallow their load, and it would have to be a pretty big one

- You'd have to have several open sores/tears in your mouth or esophagus

Not saying it never ever has happened, but it's a pretty rare sequence of events.

HIV is extremely unlikely from oral sex, approaching impossible. However, there is no such thing as 100% safe from STDs, even with condoms. Herpes and HPV just need skin contact. This shouldn’t terrify you, but Americans especially are fearful of sex and illness, so we fantasize about hook ups that come we zero risk.

Is Beefcake Hunter at r27 the one who was murdered in Nicaragua?

Stop hooking up with 12 year old boys and you won't feel so gross.

R39 I know, which is why I said in my OP that it’s not scientifically possible.

Sex is DIRTY!!! Mother said only DIRTY people have DIRTY sex!!!

Op was touched by a hobo

R44 With the lights on?

OH MY STARS!

Only a few times have I felt gross. Once was a year ago with a guy I met at a local gay bar, and we went to his place. It was just oral sex, but I had no intention of letting him cum in my mouth. He didn't warn me when he was going to cum, instead he held my head down and came inside. Most of it went down my throat. I was upset that he didn't warn me or give me the chance to opt out. He said he got caught up in the moment, but I didn't believe him.

Op I don’t fuck complete strangers. It’s unhealthy.

OP, I can see your dirty pillows.

Low self esteem.

Stop hooking up with embarrassing people - problem solved

[quote] "Only a few times have I felt gross. Once was a year ago with a guy I met at a local gay bar, and we went to his place. It was just oral sex, but I had no intention of letting him cum in my mouth. He didn't warn me when he was going to cum, instead he held my head down and came inside. Most of it went down my throat. I was upset that he didn't warn me or give me the chance to opt out. He said he got caught up in the moment, but I didn't believe him."

I'd have got dressed, and left. Immediately. That's just foul and disrespectful.

R47 That is so hot

I know what you mean OP.

Go to Confession, Mary.

But every man who's a man goes through buyer's remorse after the prognosticated climax.

Biology is a bitch.

R55- He’s Jewish.

OP I wasted the 1990s feeling my version of what you described. NO GOOD COMES FROM IT. Find a decent therapist and get past it. Enjoy being young & sexual. Tomorrow life will be one day shorter either way.

That "gross feeling" is God telling you you're a WHORE.

Marry me, R58!

[quote]I casually told a suitor once that I had blown about 40 guys off Craigslist and he was appalled.

Oh, honey, he was [italic]not[/italic] a suitor.

Boring thread

I sometimes feel that way afterwards too, OP, but then I manage it by streaming a few different cultish films randomly featuring Linda Blair, Valerie Perrine, or James Coco, and then I practically feel like a new person within about 75 minutes.

What is this "Jewish Guilt" you speak of, OP? Are you Orthodox? Jew here who would have gleefully sucked all the piss out of your date's cock before swallowing every drop of his cum. Then I would have taken it again in every other orifice he could provide for.

This isn't a Jewish problem. This is a You problem.

R63 here again. Just thought it over a bit. It's not "Jewish Guilt" you're describing (at least in relation to sex, like the Christians do)—it's Jewish Hypochondria.

^^ THIS ^^

WHORE

R64.

R47 so sorry that happened to you!

R54, R57, R62 thank you.

R63/64 it’s guilt and hypochondria. I’m not Orthodox, and Jewish guilt is a very common trope among reform Jews in real life as well as tv/film/etc… the “Jewish mother” stereotype? Not Orthodox at all. Perhaps it’s not how you grew up, but you’d be in the minority among American Jews. Though you’re right in that it’s absolutely a “me” problem.

Wash your ass.

Andrew Sullivan claimed repeatedly he contracted HIV from oral sex.

Did he ever admit how unlikely this claim was?

I was a big ol' slut throughout my late teens and 20s, and I had this feeling pretty much every time I hooked up.

Now, this was the late 1990s and 2000s, primarily, and HIV/AIDS was still a potential death sentence during much of that time and so it wasn't entirely unreasonable to worry, even though I mainly had oral sex and never had unprotected anal sex.

But I really was in an addictive cycle of getting adrenaline rushes from the thrill of new encounters with new people, the adrenaline and dopamine and endorphins of the sex itself, and then the immediate feeling of panic, dread, doom, self-disappointment for having no self-control and feeling like I took foolish risks. (Remember, too, that in the late '90s, I was 17-19, very young and naive, and met everyone I hooked up with online, and this was a time when there was a major mainstream panic that any online meeting could end in murder.)

Only in recent years did I learn that there's a common phenomenon called postcoital dysphoria, which means having all of these doomy feelings—panic, anxiety, fear, imminent death, even—immediately following sex.

During this time, I often wondered if I might have bipolar disorder or bipolar type 2 because of this wild imbalance. I've been in therapy for 13 years now and my therapist withheld any diagnosis for about a year and she has told me that there is no possible chance I could have bipolar disorder or anything like it, and that I have a baseline melancholic mood with possible periods of hypomania during which I am creative, and that that is not a bad thing because it presents no dysfunction in my life.

The hooking-up-and-then-melting-down thing is an entirely isolated phenom in my life. I never really did anything potentially risky otherwise and I never really panicked unreasonably in a similar way about anything else.

I have not had many romantic relationships in my lifetime and I honestly think this is a major contributing factor. Because I did always get a thrill from sex with strangers and then that terror feeling afterward—but when I did have boyfriends, I had the same feeling afterward and it fucked with my head and also offended them. I had unprotected anal sex *ONE* time in my life with someone I knew and dated on and off for something like eight years, and to him it was meaningful and special and intimate—until I went into a hysterical panic, crying and worrying I had exposed myself to STDs. He was incredibly offended and I told him the problem was my anxiety entirely and not personal, and he couldn't accept that I didn't trust him fully, and we never had sex again. That definitely left me feeling crazy.

Here's an idea OP - never hook up with a man who is HIV+ because that blows your mind and you can't get over yourself. Stop posting your idiotic ramblings. Nobody cares that you are huge MARY and worrywart about "cleanliness" vs. STIs and HIV. Nobody is the least interested in being your sexual health social worker and psychologist. Intensely boring and extremely common, you are who you are. Just shut the fuck up.

R71- You talk too much.

One the first things I do after a hook up leaves is wash my sheets and towels.

I’ve had sex with many many guys but I rarely do anything other than getting blowjobs

Does that therefore preclude me from being a WHORE?

R71 thank you so much- that was very helpful, and we share a lot of similar feelings and experiences.

R72 I never used any version of the word “cleanliness” in this thread- I find that terminology incredibly disrespectful in this context. I also never asked for any sexual health advice, though I am glad I learned about event-based prep from this thread. But you’re right in that I probably just won’t hook up with an HIV+ person again (unless I take prep) since doing so enhanced the already dysphoric feelings I usually get after hooking up.

Just ex-gay or transition, OP. Problem solved.

0P- Perhaps fooling around is not for you. Maybe you're better off trying to attain a monogamous relationship.

[quote] I'd have got dressed, and left. Immediately. That's just foul and disrespectful.

That's like sending a strongly worded letter -- what difference would it make? NO! First you shit the bed, and then leave.

[quote] One the first things I do after a hook up leaves is wash my sheets and bowels.

There, fixed it for you, R74

Maybe it’s loneliness.

Some of you are incels. Seriously, go to therapy and learn how to interact with other human beings, for fucks sake.

Oh honey, bukkake just isn't for everyone.

Jesus is watching you, and he's not pleased op, just saying.

When people flirt with me I get the ick massively and usually shut them down. It just always feels like they're fucking with me or trying to embarrass me, even though logically I know they may well be sincere in their overtures.

R85 They are not flirting

R86 then what are they doing putting hands on me or whispering in my ear or asking me to their place?

Internalized homophobia can sometimes rear its ugly head and make us feel dirty.

if any of you are fucking outdoors be careful you don't pick up ticks! or you might get meningitis or Lyme

Careful or you'll get cooties.

Dear — that happens when so normalize random means less than nothing sex??????

People used to think that sex was an expression of love . For you guys, it’s an expression of cum that must be expressed , kinda like blowing your nose.

Have fun with that

[47] That's fucking hot! Maybe if you had such strong feelings about swallowing, you would let him know before you started sucking him.

R91 "that happens when so normalize random means less than nothing sex"

Learn English

[quote]Andrew Sullivan claimed repeatedly he contracted HIV from oral sex.

That guy never would have stuck his dick in Andrew's ass if Andrew didn't start blowing him first.

OP, when I was a little boy growing up in Bulgaria, which was the worst by the way, poor people everywhere and cabbage is constantly cooking, there was this woman who was kicked out of her house. She lost all her money and couldn’t even sell her body, so she became a clown on the streets. She would perform all her tricks standing in mud and just cry and cry.

You remind me of this woman.

Oh honey at R85, fearful avoidant attachment is so hard to reckon with. Hard for you, and hard for the people who love you, or even want to get to know you. It causes a lot of cognitive distortions. Are you seeing a therapist? Hugs xo

Honestly OP, as long as you wipe your entire body down with bleach solution immediately after sex, flush your urethra with a safe antibacterial, take a 3 week course of wide spectrum antibiotics, burn all bed linen, towels and soft furnishings, and spend at least a week, sleepless and constantly berating yourself, you’ll be fine…… with being a total nutjob.

I feel the exact same way after I eat at McDonald’s.

OP, how do you feel when the hookup is HIV+..... and blatino..... and uncut.... and 9 inches?

Fucking hell, who are these people with condoms for blowjobs and whose cum never touches the other person.

I'd feel bad, too: for wasting my time and another's.

Here, OP.

You can thank me later.

I don't feel gross as much as underwhelmed. It's not even worth the hassle.

"SLUTTY GAY MAN FEELS LIKE A SLUT AFTER RANDOM HOOK UP. NEWS AT 10."

OP? Your mother would not be proud of your sexual escapades but she would be appalled by your poor grammar.

I once went home with a guy who fucked me senseless and while I was in the bathroom, his roommate came in and put his even bigger dick inside me and they both used me all night long and on the way home I went to church.

Is there anything one can take like PREP to avoid herpes infections?

Oh, brother!

I want to know R95.

R106 If you have to ask, you probably already have them, and have spread them, get over it.

I hooked up with this guy named Ron. We met for a drink, then went back to his apartment. He was cute and athletic, but when he saw my cock said he wouldn't bottom for me, but i could finger him. So we kissed and writhed around the bed for a bit, 69, etc. - then I wanted to come - so he kneeled over my face and I fingered his ass while we both jerked off. It was hot. He rushed me out (how rude) - but I sniffed my fingers all the way home on the subway and when I got home had a couple of JO sessions thinking about it while sniffing my fingers ...I know, I'm a whore darlin'

R109, if you don't have any real advice to offer or something witty to say, don't bother.

Fuck you r111, go get tested, you probably have HIV and syphilis.

Fuck you r111, go get tested, you probably have HIV and syphilis.

My god DL is reduced to gaycels retelling their chaste Touch Peepee stories.

[quote] When he saw my cock said he wouldn't bottom for me, but i could finger him.

Why?

R115 mangled and limp

R110 What was wrong with your cock? That would really hurt my feelings, I would have left immediately. You didn't feel belittled at all?

keep up. He's telling us he has a HUGE COCK, much too large for the delicate flower who took him him.

R118 We got it, sweetie. It's a fake story - a fantasy.

R118 ohhhhh :p

Isn't feeling a bit dirty and used part of the appeal of ONS?

Seriously though, this feeling of OP could well be a hangover from C0VID germaphobe anxiety. I still wash my groceries and hands way too much, and it's been years since that was proved unnecessary and even unhelpful.

R121 I was thinking that could definitely be a factor!! That’s the reason (along with monkeypox) I have been hooking up much much less frequently than I did pre-pandemic.

R100 that’s the thing- I never used to be that kind of person. I used to love when guys would cum on my face.

R87- That's not flirting

that's HITTING ON YOU

use condoms.

R117 - it's pretty big, but not that big - it has girth (like a beer can) which tends to scare men away - I'm ok with that actually -

you are young (ish) and horney. it is just evolution. Enjoy yourself. Use condoms.

Find a good clinic for your medical needs that is non judgmental, sex positive and LGBTQ friendly.

R126 good advice- I go to the same doctor as both of my parents, so would probably feel more comfortable going elsewhere to discuss sexual health.

Better than feeling dead after a hook-up. I should have gone looking for Mr. Milky Way.

R127/OP- You know that ZocDoc exists and that the E/R trains go to midtown, right? You don't have to stay in Forest Hills forever.

I prevented feeling gross BEFORE the hookup.

Started chatting up a sexy, muscled guy on an app yesterday. Well, at least his pics looked good. He seemed DTF and gave me a swanky address. It seemed almost too good to be true.

And it was. Before he gave me his unit number and arranged a time for me to arrive, he told me he's a single dad and asked if I had a problem that his kid would be in the other room, playing games. It just seemed skeevy, though I did sympathize with his situation a bit.

Gurl you would have had a nervous breakdown during the AIDS epidemic.

Be more picky about who you hook up with.

OP sounds like a nellie prisspot.

R18 Thank you! It's unbelievable how full to bursting DL is with sex-hating twisted-up Puritanical basement dwellers with horrendous mommy issues. Why they can't simply enjoy one of the basic pleasures that makes life worth living is a mystery.

R134 When it causes problems e.g. STDs like HIV or syphilis or relationship/social problems like cheating. I don't accept that it comes with 0 downside. You have to balance things up.

Somewhere in the gay community there must be a sane balance BETWEEN the sex-negative school marms who would call the cops and SWAT if they saw a blowjob happening in a parked car AND the sex-POZitive hand puppets who are fucking everyone in sight while taking DoxyPEP like candy.

OP, cover up your dirty pillows and go to your closet and pray.

Most of the DL when the prospect of seeing an erect penis - with GASP the lights on - presents itself to them.....

Did he have substandard bed linens? That would be enough for me to be somewhat questionable of the encounter!

If I start to have second thoughts, I will purposely shit out most of his cum and that makes me feel better.

R140 good idea. Probably helps to make sure you don’t get pregnant.