The Datalounge Fragrance Counter

The collectible bottle looks like a man lifting his caftan

Introducing the new eau de parfum....Yellow Skin

"La Vida Data", which is 100%-pure, drained-pasta water. Just a dab behind each ear will cause young "bridge and tunnel types" to show sudden interest in elderly, out-of-shape DL-ers.

Do you sell Still by Christopher Reeve?

[bold]EAU DE PUTAIN GROSSE[/bold]

For she who types fat

Forever 34, a new parfum from Catherine Zeta-Jones

Bête Noire by Sarah Huckabee Sanders

It’s the Essence of Arkansas in a bottle.

Eau De Primetime

Smells like the tears of the non-paying DLers who are locked out for anywhere from two hours to two months.

Secret Jewish Space Laser by MTG

Jeunesse, the fragrance for those who are 50 but can pass for 29

Rough Trade by DLxSCENTLAB 😈

The new Spring fragrance is 'Verificatia Sizemeat' a heady fragrance with Latinx botanicals.

Hatchet Face Smell by MTG

We're sold out of Metropolis.

My Pussy Stinks, by Cheryl.

For when you want to feel "special" down there.

Ad-Vanced sales only!

You’re Aging Wrong by Justine Bateman

That Liza ad is a trip

Brown Satin by Davida

^ Poo shoes....there was a time when we couldn't even type that name.

Once Around the Garden is a vintage scent that never goes out of style. It will make you smell as irresistible as a summer evening at the all-you-can-eat salad bar.

Rinse!

A fresh, aquatic fragrance for the more adventurous man. Dare not to drain - Rinse!

Senatrice - Magnolia and honeysuckle, with a hint of treason

Helenesque, naturally.

Senatrice should come with a hoop skirt doily

Man on the Land, a bold new men's fragrance for those who dare to go... where they are absolutely not wanted!

REJOICE!

PipeBomb by MTG

J’Accuse! by Rose McGowan

Steam by Goop

Shteam!

Buttercream Frosting, by Roxane Gay.

Uncut by Intact.

I have a note pyramid to share with you all for my special formula for Grag's Never-Fail Truly Scrumptious Men's Cologne!

It's called "Needy, by Grag," and it has notes of both cod and prune.

Almost Home, by Natalie Green

"Gee your hair smells terrific", the updated shampoo especially formulated for pubic hair.

“The latest from Injetchowpri Durent? Which size? Oh, we’re out. No, we’re out of those, too. That’s right; we don’t stock anything. People spray and it gives me bad nerves. No, that’s a wetwipe packet. Yes, you may take it. Take the linty mint, too. Go away.”

Gee, your Gunt Smells Terrific - a new parfum from Chris Christie

“That smells like feet. Don’t spray it in here!”

🌊 Agua de Pasta

[italic] So Nice, We Drained It Twice !

Florida Water, from the Rhonda Santis Collection

Dirty Pantyhose, by Bonnie Franklin.

“I told you we have nothing for you. Please leave.”

HGF, you'll die for it

“Will it play in Peoria?”, an eau de toilette spray.

Chonk, the new perfume for fat whores!

Chalamet: it drives trolls wild.

Don't forget the complimentary gift wrapping service.

Eau de Viv, a new DataLounge exclusive. You know you want it.

Porpoise Spit. A fun, tropical fragrance, by Muriel.

Grift by Donald Trump - a fragrance for Capitolists.

Out on the 6th January.

Summer Rain is always a favorite.

Bussié Chocolat by Looz Sphincy

😍 D@vida, the scent of Delusions & Deciet

Rentboy, a new cologne from David Geffen

Svetlana. It smells like cabbage, but the price is right for the Secret Santa exchange at the office.

Cak & Graxy

Cúnt, by Julia Roberts.

Golddigger, a new fragrance from Melania Trump.

Remember to stop to smell the cookies.

The Face - by Shawn Mendez

Slap: bold herbal scent with a hint of Coriander or Cilantro, you won't tell the difference

The now legendary 'Soft Butch Sous Chef' with base notes of Donovan, musky hints of Jamyra Gallmon and a subtle undercurrent of catfish(ing.) The must-wear fragrance for every thug dyke lesbian murderess masquerading as a gay Latino!

Gentleman Caller -- for when a belle needs to smell her very best whilst entertaining a BBC. New from the Lindzebelle Collection.

Snack Purse, with enticing top notes of raspberry jam and chocolate, irresistible heart notes of peanut butter and nacho cheese, and an enduring base of pound cake and beef jerky.

The Golden Girl: With hints of flowers from the lanai

If you liked Donald Trump Empire, you'll love......Donald Trump Indicted

[quote] I have a note pyramid to share with you all for my special formula for Grag's Never-Fail Truly Scrumptious Men's Cologne! It's called "Needy, by Grag," and it has notes of both cod and prune.

I can’t help it, it’s what mother wore.

Desperation, a new scent from Dee Plorable

soixante œufs - when you want to lure every costco elder to your boudoir.

Pudding by Ron DeSantis

Anus Anus, by Cacharel

Cacharel Anus Anus

CouSin

Still by Madison Cawthorn!

Gelson’s #5 by Brendad Ickson.

Sizzle

By Jack Cassidy

Eau de Onslow

Eau de Onslow

Frau. Comes in a darling mug shaped bottle with a pompom keyring. Top notes of pumpkin spice. Perfect for those cool Fall days when you want to wrap yourself in layers and cradle a warm mug.

Fista

The new fragrance from the House of Burrous.

Available throughout the Glendale area.

Sanctum Santorum, from the Judge Gregory Locke Collection

U Shudda by Jeff Spaide.

A mouthy fragrance, not for snowflakes.

Available from Jimmmaaay's Drug Store, Scranton, PA.

Oxy-Moron, exclusively from Armie Hammer Fragrances

Introducing the Adjacent series. Comes in Ivory, Ebony, and Sunflower. Smells like old lady.

Vache Obèse, by Metz

Shi'tol, for the modern man.

Fini, a Jussie Smollett Joint

Two new fragrances from Aaron:

Schockingly Wrong!

L'Anus Brun

Coqulette

Papi de Azúcar, by Geffen

Evil Queen, a new scent by Peter Thiel

Cunt Bone by Stevie Nicks

It has a real "kick" to it!

ShitBra - un parfum de Melissa Gilbert

Mon Mari Ours Blatino

For the Shelley Hack troll in your life...

Conservatorship by Britney Spears

Once you put it on, it's hard to get off.

Missing by Twinks

An youthful and beguiling fragrance, that will disappear in a flash.

Momma's Mussy. The scent of moist passion meeting cage meat danger.

Check our recent fragrance on sale:

"Yum!" by Nathan Lane. $2.99 per gallon

"Neigh!" by Sarah Jessica Parker. Limited edition, comes with a horse bucket. $65.99

"Corn" by Carol Channing. Clear-out item sale: $9.99 (fragrance discontinued)

¡Froy!

Holedigger- doggie cologne

Patti. Smells like sweat, baby. Hard work and sweat.

For the die-hard Barbra fan:

Smell like your own personal shopping mall with Me! Me! Me! new from the My Name Is Barbra collection.

Also, still available, Miss Streisand's first fragrance: Buttah! (Don't be fooled by the knock-off I Can't Believe It's Not Butter by Lea Michelle).

Fank You, the new fragrance for the Autistic child in your life.

r104 Post Natal L'Autisme Aborté .... The ultimate cure for LBD.

Cunt Bone will of course be in the shape of a Platform Boot (a riff on that Carolina Herrera fragrance shaped like a Whore's Pump)

Sufficient -the new fragrance by V.V.

The Lea Michelle knock-off is I Can't Believe It's Not Buttah.

slap by zsa zsa the fragrance that screams "don't touch me you nazi!"

Love "Fank You"

Falling, a new fragrance from Jeff Thomas

Does the DL fragrance counter offer vintage perfumes?

Macca- a new fragrance by Paul McCartney

Fag, a fragrance for men.

Je Demande by Karen For the woman who will never settle for second best. Insist you get a sample of our upcoming fragrance Irresponsiblè.

Ma Première Rodéo

Avoirdupois by Chrissy Metz. Smells like an ice cream sundae topped with crushed, fresh-baked cookies!

Mortimer- a new fragrance by Barbara Thorndyke

Tombstone

DINGBAT

"Oh, Dear": Woody fragrance, with notes of repressed boarding school.

Neanderthal, the new unisex fragrance from Marjorie Taylor Greene

R108- I prefer the new fragrance by Michelle Lee

Knot's Landing

Cleavage

"Mary!"- The essence of juniper, magnolia, and vanilla wafting from a freshly-laundred caftan, bathed in tears, as it catches the breeze of a nearby gong bath.

Apple Pie A La Mode

Grandma, a new scent from Lauren Boebert for all the 36-year-old grandma out there. With notes of tan in a can, drugstore lipgloss, hair spray, and cigarettes

Fuckfire by Avon.

When your ass is on fire and you need to be fucked fast!

SCREAMING QUEEN 👸

Candidiasis by Avon- the new intriguing fragrance with soft notes of yeast and fetid crotch odor.

Night Clit by Avon - cheap and fast just like you.

SLUT

Vagin avec des dents

An intoxicating fragrance by Faye Dunaway

BEAR

Upinto - For when you’re trolling for homosex

Mafia Princess

Kitara Ravache by The House of Santos

A nutty fragrance from way down south.

Presenting Hole, by Aaron Schock. The bottle is wet when you put it away… it has a very short shelf life. Only available in Saudi Arabia.

Horny Spinster

OLD DYKE

Her Snatchwind stays on my mind.

[bold](Doesn't Smell Like) Calvin Klein[/bold]

Much more popular on the DL than his eponymous "Calvin Klein."

Hubris - For those whiny LPSG bitches who need a support group for their much-appreciated LARGE PENISES.

Twat - the new fragrance from MGT

Twatsy- the bold new musk that slaps the shit out of your olfactory senses

FAT WHORE

VERSAYCE

BIG COCK

Tremor.

For men who want to shake it up.

Sugarbaker - for those nights when your soapbox crashes beneath the weight of what he’s wearing. How could he?

Jardin de la Solitude.

Jovan's Jizz & Pearls, salty face scrub.

They, Thems. New unisex, Skittle flavored lip balm. It's the only color changing, Six-In-One, stick salve that plumps, numbs, covers. They, Thems even disinfects and has 15 spf sunscreen protectant. Hands free, glittery, suction cup applicator included.

This End Up. New unisex, Skittle flavored sphinter balm. It's the only color changing, Six-In-One, stick salve that plumps, numbs, covers. They, Thems even disinfects and has 15 spf sunscreen protectant. Hands free, glittery, suction cup applicator included.

Our Lady. A classical floral scent in the shape our muse. IYKYK

I’ll take some of that TWATSY!

Nonagenarian by Joan Collins.

Because age is just a number. A really big number.

I would totally wear Night Clit at R130

Out now, from The Bob Saget Collection, is a new range of room sprays to spritz your linens, your carpets and your headboard!

Paco Rabanne One Million - Only Fans edition. It strongly projects virility for 30 minutes then disappears. Not even a skin scent. Gone. The most expensive One Million yet.

Cage Meat - this Kouros clone amps the taint and civet. Controversy ensues when the 2nd campaign features Aaron Hernandez. A huge hit.

How Very Dare You - by Greta Thunberg

Cooter Fantasy by Britney Spears

Granny Gamine by Sarah Jessica Parker

Soused by Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Baked Clam by Juliette Lewis

Snatched by Bella Hadid

Murielle. Smells like patchouli, tobacco, citronella and fresh nutloaf.

Axe - Towel Dance, a gym frag. Zingy citrus and herbs distract attention from immodest displays.

[bold]Brittle! by Gabrielle Carteris[/italic]

The fruity exuberance of Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson with a sensuous undercurrent of old-lady pee.

Golden Girl. Top notes: tuberose, Virginia Slims and Glade* Pumpkin Spice air freshener.

Tar & Nicotine by Fran Lebowitz. Smells like cigarettes and Canal Street in August. Smoke, hot blacktop, bitter resiny grime, plastic, and fish sauce.

CREAD MENDAX by Anthony Devolder - an attention grabbing, craven dupe of CREED AVENTUS.

NYC Cum Dump by Gregory A. Locke - surprisingly beautiful Iso E Super heavy lactonic and aquatic - with ambergris, salty mineral and sea notes, and minty cucumber Lassi notes

Hairy Vagina - Ella Emhoff. This smells like Ella's hairy vagina + quite expensive natural indolic Jasmin, and some hints of latin espresso. Random recycled bottles in wildly irregular sizes, in stretch knit sleeves (fair trade sustainable workshop). $250 for 70ml.

I’m Still Here — a soon-to-be iconic parfum that delights the senses with notes of Chanel #5, vodka, and piss.

I’m Still Here by Elaine Stritch, sold at a fine department store everywhere.

Simply Sara for Zara - improbable but highly successful and affordable collaboration includes the fragrances

Strawberry Pretzel

Butter Finger

Fudge

and

Fruit Dip

We believe in service that is second to last! Our plain, slightly chubby, yellow-haired counter bottoms will go out of their way to ignore you. We believe the customer comes last so don't expect any greetings or pleasant conversation. All staff are trained to raise an eyebrow and make a millisecond of eye contact as you approach before turning away and doing doing something else. Extended waiting times at our counters are something we pride ourselves on. We'll look at a piece of paper for 30 minutes rather than serve you. In fact, we hope that you'll give up and go away altogether. But don't worry, our service won't end there! We'll laugh at your outfit and make comments about you flat ass just loud enough for you to hear as you walk off in a well-deserved huff!

Nonsense - we hire the hottest, dumbest, most charming jocks from local colleges to work our counters. They get a great commission, too. Everybody wins!

FBC: one sniff will make you look like you’re smelling freshly baked cookies.

^^^ FBC - The preferred scent for closeted reich-wing evangelical husbands everywhere. 😉

Master

HOARD - this intoxicating scent is created by mixing the vintage fragrances found in dead hoarders' apartments and storage units.

Frautrage! From the Karen Collection

Move It Along, Toots!

The kicky, youthful new fragrance from Prince Matchabelli, makers of Windsong.

Your "Move It Along, Toots!" stays on my mind.

Chaz, the official fragrance of heterosexual manly men like Tom Selleck

Almost Home by Natalie Green

The bottle will have a picture of Groucho Marx and smell like RAPE!

Short Shorts

Tizzylish

Perhaps the gentleman would best peruse our selection of fragrance classics. Pour Un Homme, Aramis, English Leather and Monsieur Musk. No sir, they aren't in great shape, but they are perfectly fine, and do wear well on an invisible old codger.

Gee, I hope "Here's My Hole" smells like butt! I mean all the porn I see has guys going direct to the butt hole to lick it as though it were a vagina. Seriously, guys, especially curious exploratory strt8 guys, would never go to a man's stink hole like that without first showering and soaping down. And now the hets are copying the butt licking craze with women performing "anilingus" on alleged heterosexual mens.

A man's butt is normally stinky after a long hot day at work. Imagine that. Just imagine the funk. Now dive your nose and mouth in there.

Babalu

CumDump by Wrigleyville

Fine breeding has gone into developing this unique aroma. Ideal for Daddy on Father's Day.

Loads by Dawson

JonBenét

This fragrance will take your breath away. Literally. Available at all good stockist in Boulder, Colorado.

Mandingo, a Mamie Eisenhower Fragrance Collection exclusive.

Linoleum by Isaac Mizrahi for Target

Smells like Woolworths circa 1972.

Belle Morte, because a hot ass won't live forever!

BLESSED, by Bill Taylor

Cane Face, by Lady Stetson

The lady at R190 doth protest too much, methinks.

"30/60" -- only you know the truth

Used Up by Devin Franco

Cuckold by Empress Jada

Steel Magnolia. Top notes: Aquanet*, generic hand lotion, $15.00 parfum and those toilet deoderizer cakes on a hook.

From our archives: Shopbottom. This 60-year-old fragrance has a fruity essence with a hint of desperation that this is as good as you're ever going to smell.

Free Apres L'ondee deo body spray with each Fit-Flex Depend® economy size purchase.

Puny Cocklet

Its going to smell like-

you guessed it!

A BRICK SHITHOUSE!!!!!!

or a shit brick house ^^

Formaggio by Philip

A warm, musky, and very well rounded fragrance.

Calvin Klein's "Sugardaddy": suntan lotion, poppers, Dentugrip*, gin and regret.

Devilled Eggs by Greg

You can never get an oeuf of this $21.16 fragrance!

Mama’s Mussy. Comes with a free cagemeat-of-the month calendar. For use only in your mother’s basement.

Get That Money, Girl! by Melania Trump

And

Get That Money, Girl: For Men by David Geffen's Hubby

Suppression by Stacy Abrams.

This peachy aroma will get you out!

Bend Over from Jared Kushner

Oriental with fresh currency top notes, attaché leather and barnyard-fecal oud base notes. Outrageously expensive with a creepy vibe.

Jean

Smells like farm.

R211, that is very clever and amusing!

$21.16 — we’ll done!

Argh — ^well done

Saudi Sheik by Jared and Ivanka. For the Sheik sugar daddy in your life.

Secrets

and Secrets: For Men by Will and Jada

Molestée, a Lorna Luft Signature Scent

Blue, un parfum de Joey Luft

Get your cock out of my pussy!!

"Gay" by Roxanne. Top notes: watermelon, black pepper, ranch dressing, baby powder and candy.

Nonbinary.

In a bottle that has no label.

Scratch 'n sniff.

Stunning And Brave, by Jezebel.

Hombre by Elliot Page. For the total man in your life.

Beard by Aaron Rodgers- The new masculine fragance that will make you being "really, really, really liked by women".

Only scent available: Ayahuasca

Feud by Dame Olivia De Havilland

Discontinued.

Rat Boy

Receding Director by Max Carter

This fragrance come hair tonic, has high notes that cling on to fading youth, desperation and denial. It's attractive double helix designed bottle also doubles as a dildo.

Poop Jeans by Ye

Water Polo by USC Campus Store - This aquatic smells like chlorine, wet spandex, and clean blond jock taint.

Teub rebeu

YSL

Mia. Works better as a substitute for cocktail bitters than it does as a fragrance.

Fort/da

Haus Sigmund Freud

"Diminish" by Karen Carpenter. Top notes: Ipecac, Tab*, Lysol, mint

Attention: Fragrance Fans

The DataLounge Fragrance counter is open by appointment.

Thanks for your understanding. Customers have received the single-use number for our reservation desk.

If you did not receive this information, your mail was mislaid or destroyed. No replacement single-use numbers are available at this time.

Please do not knock. No solicitations of any kind are tolerated - EXCEPT BURITO LADY.

Margarine Noire, inspired by the Congresswoman from Georgia, the infamous MTG! (Margarine Noire is in no way way connected to or influenced by Lancôme) it is redolent of American corn oil, boob sweat, subtle faux butter aromas, hypocrisy, and dirty knickers.

By MAGA Gag Factor

Chutzpah by Goop

Stranded

Cankles by Tom Ford. "Details make the gentleman."

Thoughts and Prayers by Shooters

A slug of this cologne will knock you down.