Help me plan FRAU FEST 2023

I’m the make your own scented candle bar with a scent sommelier to guide you through this journey!

Scrapbooking competition in the Rose Room!

I would attend but I’m too tender to the touch currently.

Whatever contest you have, it all MUST BE “Pumpkin spice” flavored or scented.

Taylor Hicks is the live on-stage entertainment

R3 Fibromyalgia flare-up, hon?

Jazzercise with Kelly Clarkson in Ballroom A! Free cake pops for all who enroll.

Don’t miss the inspirational sign making class at 2.

Her expression doesn't look all that "pensive" to me.

R3 Agree. I'd call it vacant.

Lecture and book signing, "Just How Many Cats Makes You a Crazy Cat Lady?" By Dr. Robin Zasio of "Hoarders." For an extra five bucks, she'll talk down to you until you shed a single tear.

^That was for R9

I'm whichever daycare the kiddoes are being left at. Bottomless Brunch Hour starts at noon, and mommy's already late!

Michael Buble autograph signing

I'm the Hallmark Christmas movie marathon. Don't forget your jammie-jams!

Vote for Best Arrest Meltdown.

cozy sweaters with extra long sleeves

There needs to be a two day symposium entitled "Thinking of the Children," which is entirely composed of women overreacting to normal adult situations with misplaced moral outrage.

That looks like a rabid animal at R16

I'm LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE and I am everywhere.

I'm the petition going around to ban drag queens. Think of the children! They might melt down if they see a guy lipsyncing to 70s songs in a dress!

A husbear holding pen.

I am one third of the printer name tags that simply read:

I am another Karen. Do NOT trigger me.

I'm the bumper sticker on the Subaru Forrester that says, "I can go from 0-to-Karen in five seconds!".

Zumba with Adele!

Everybody looks like Mindy Cohn and Mrs. Poole!

I'm the soccer mom who proudly refers to herself as a "mama bear" to anyone who will listen.

I'm the handicraft room where you can make "Live, Laugh, Love" lettering with cork board, PVA and babyscans.

You know what this event needs? A booth selling pussy candles.

I am the keynote speaker!

I'm the 3 p.m. seminar on day 2, "Morgellon's and You."

R31 Oh, dear!

Will Kelly Clarkson and Drew Barrymore have competing cross-legged on the floor heart-to-heart chats in Ballroom A and B?

Will Rachel Rey show up with EVOO for all?!

This year’s [bold]Little Miss Junior Mug Cradler [/bold] p̶a̶g̶e̶a̶n̶t̶ c̶e̶l̶e̶b̶r̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ scholarship competition will be open to all genders, as long as entrants are age 10 and under.

Please see Annaleigh in Registration for entry forms.

I'll be selling Lululemon knock off yoga pants at greatly reduced prices out of the back of my car in the parking lot.

I am the Me-Time Booth (aka the Wine Bar).

I'm the word "yummy." You will hear me a lot around the food items being served.

You'll also hear the words "kiddoes" and "fur babies" sprinkled throughout the day.

I'm the "Dance Like No One's Watching" poster.

I'm the RomCom Super Quiz, with such questions as, "What were the color of Matthew McConaughey's boxer shorts in the 15th scene of HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS?"

I'm the "side-hustle" making candles and selling them on Etsy.

I'm hot chocolate mixed with red wine. I'm an abomination, but the fraus love the idea of me!

I’m the Panel Discussion: “Frau as Karen: To be or not to be” Panelists include:

• Meghan McCain on “Let no one forget who your father was.” • Marjorie Taylor Greene: “Making one’s racism work in (false) service to our nation, while being as ugly and unappealing as possible.” • Featured Panelist, the late Leona Helmsley on “Getting over on ‘the Little People.’” • Melania Trump on “Your Vairst Leddy’s tips on Keeping Marie Antoinette’s ‘Let them eat cake!’ tradition alive.” Bonus: “Fuck Crees-mus!” • Lori Laughlin on “Follow your bliss via acting in Hallmark and Lifetime movies.” • Miya Ponsetto and Amy Cooper on “How to viciously scapegoat African American males for just existing (even when you are not an American citizen!) • Wild Card Karen (pick one) on “Making mountains out of molehills and stirring excrement for misguided attention.”

Celebrity Emcees: Reece “Don’t You Know Who I Am?” Witherspoon and Patty (Who?) Heaton.

Once again DL tries to pass off misogyny as wit. These threads were never clever and now they are not only dim but tired.

I’m the bottomless mimosas, pronounced meee-mosas, as my mother calls them.

I am the 24-7 streaming of Greys Anatomy.

Menopause bar. Nourishing shakes and smoothies with vodka shots on the side.

Fraus Born Fraus ONLY!

I'm Ross Mathews, the emcee!

There is a homemade laundry "detergent" stand run by a "Homesteader YouTuber. Some industrious and frugal frau grated bars of genuine frickin' soap, (made with actual animal fat and lye) measured some Borax, and Washing soda, and thinks she made DETERGENT.

She doesn't understand a lick of chemistry, and thankfully neither do these other gullible fraus purchasing her precious washing powders. She proudly advertises that they've been scented with Young Living Christian Essential Oils!

Much later, these fraus will find they have ruined their HE washers, and negated their warranties by putting actual soap in them! In roughly a year's time, all their clothes, towels, and linens will be impregnated with a stinky, waxy, soap scum residue.

Some people seem to think this is a "Let's be" thread.

Wreath crafting table. Make your own seasonal wreath with willow and other foraged organic materials: celebrate autumn, spring, Easter and all the festive times. Or how about a menstrual special to announce your monthly flow? Drape it with red foliage, red flowers plus ribbons made from recycled saris and drip and drizzle it with woodland sourced berries.

Frau Strut

Fraus compete in a contest to match Jennifer Garner's weekly walk to church while balancing coffee, three children, and a bored photographer, as documented by the Daily Mail.

I’m the Downton Abbey symposium with separate breakout sessions for the clothes and food.

Don't forget to shop while at Frau-fest!

In the convention center's largest space, QVC is setting up a pop-up mall for all! Come on down and see what Lock-n-Lock has available! Browse the entire Temp-tations collection and pick up those pieces you need to complete a table setting. Jane will be there with shoes, shoes, shoes. X-large changing rooms will be set-up so you can try on the Quacker-Factory ensembles, so you have something with a little glitter and humor for your next Celebrity cruise. Sorry, Issac Mizrahi has other commitments and cannot attend. David Venable will host cooking demos, give you a yummy face and do a happy dance (everyday at :15 minutes after the hour). Rumour is, Rachel Rey and Valerie Bertinelli will make surprise appearances... AND on Sunday morning, Pat and Dan will be live, sipping coffee, relaxing and getting ready for the holidays with a new line of Dan's red pickup truck holiday decorations!

apologies for the formatting in my R54 post... was hoping for a list for legibility.

I demand a Precious Moments booth! It's my right! And oh, yeah, I want it right next to the Glamor Shots booth, so I can show off my new Mary Kay eye and lip collection purchases, which are settled in sticky gobs on my face and color-coordinated with my brand-new poncho!

If you don't comply with these modest requests, I will contact Channel 6 Investigates! Don't TEST ME!

RV/camper interior design symposium. Suggestions for improving and personalising your van life or home from home space? Don’t stop at wallpaper, how about decoupage to cheer up the porta potty, quilting, frills and fringes for beds and windows, make your floor fabulous. Accessories, accessories! Come and share your hacks and ideas.

There better be a sign up booth for One Million Moms because they need to hit their 1,000 member.

Don’t miss the super fun session “Writing Schmaltz for Up Votes!” Join Jasmine McElhenny and children Burke, Harper, and Charytee as you string together social media posts that tug at readers’ heartstrings. Clutch those mugs, girls, because in no time at all, you’ll be fanking Jasmine for fixding your ho hum missives.

We'll play a game. Whenever anybody mentions wine we'll all giggle and act as if we're doing something oh-so naughty when drinking it. I'll also put out my hilaaayyyyrious welcome mat "Hope You Brought the Wine."

We may scissor each other once we're all drunk enough.

ByJupiter seems to know a lot of specific detail about QVC for an alleged non-frau.

There will definitely be a donut wall, won't there?

I’m the unopened pregnancy test…….

Mug-cradling will begin at wine o'clock SHARP.

Lateness will not be tolerated.

Conference room A will host “Man Cave: Respecting his Space while not Losing your Place”. This round table discussion will offer decorating tips for his man cave, and the dos and don’ts of man cave manners. Perfect for the frau who loves her husbear.

R61, that's what a COVID lockdown will do to a guy... oh so close to buying that pilates machine (more than once).

I think frau fest 2023 needs a millennial update.

Hi gay friends of fraus!

Since my cheap husband STILL won’t buy me a new minivan, I am hosting the Chrysler Pacifica Experience.

They’re giving me a new one for free to use for a year, with leather and a sunroof!

Like Tina Turner and Petula Clark, I am shilling for Chrysler-Plymouth!

Do you all think it is odd that our credit card statement shows that Peter spent $700 at Nasty Pig last month? Maybe it’s an early birthday present for me!🥰

Don’t miss the fantastic keynote speech “Vagina or clown car? How to have both!” by Michelle Duggar.

oh Michelle, how stunning and brave of you use that title for your presentation. I hear that the Michfest Vagina Capes are available for rental - perhaps you should wrap yourself in one and emerge, fully-formed, on stage at the start of your talk? Hint: be sure to have it dry-cleaned before wearing...

[quote]r50 Some people seem to think this is a "Let's be" thread. —It isn't

Oh, go change your crammer.

Don’t miss [italic]She Shed of Your Dreams![/italic] workshop with America’s #1 “salvage sister” Sue Whitney! USE your junk to build a space to STORE your junk!

Seating is limited. Do not bring junk to workshop.

Will there be Natalie Merchant?

R73, the Muzak station will be on full blast. Non-stop Michael Bolton, Natalie Merchant, who else am I missing?

Microwave Mug Cake Bar!

Create your own "mug-sterpiece" with add-ons like marshmallows, white chocolate chips, those teensy pastel M&Ms, and more!

Don't forget to insta them with the hashtag #fraufestmugcakeyum

I'm the one wondering how and why "cradling a mug" became a frau thing.

R75 Sponsored by Rae Dunn.

A large supply of boxes of Silhouette undies, all in size “Large.”

Pajama party with frau lifestyle influencer Suzanne Somers, who will be demonstrating things from her product line!

fraus aren't in to Michael Bolton or Natalie Merchant. It's Beyonce, Taylor Swift, that fat redheaded guy and the one who was kissing that hard to spell girl. Basic bitch stuff.

Good Housewife Seminar, including topics such as matching drapes with your carpet and console air conditioner, the right tip to give the neighbor teen boy who cuts your grass, how to mix the right drink for watching your afternoon stories, and how to please your man in the kitchen. My Dick swears by my beef roast. He always raves about my tender, moist slices of beef and my fluffy mounds of mashed potatoes. Come join me, ladies, complementary drinks throughout the course!

Seminars on "Gluten: Friend or Foe?" and "How to crochet coasters for that mug when it's too hot to cradle."

The entire fest culminates with Chip and Joanna Gaines on the main stage. Their headline appearance really put ticket sales over the top.

After all those mimosas hit you, it’s time for the:

R80, true. I'm thinking of the fraus when I was a kid, and not the ones I went to school with who are only now embracing their fraudom.😂

I’m cursive lettering on the wall that says “great things happen here” and “dream”. I’m the hottest frau in town and I look like Paula Dean.

Keynote Speaker, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer

Be sure to book your appointment at “Kate’s Makeover Hut” early! (Ballroom E, Mezzanine Level)

Oprah needs a booth or tent. Maybe she could give away some cars again!

Mariska will counsel young woman on sexual assault and facial fillers.

We're going to serve dinner, which is some pasta dish, in upside down wine glasses, with parmesan cheese resting in the overturned stem. OMG, it's going to be so much fun.

I'm the copious amount of flowers from Trader Joe's.

I look forward to the Beighby Nayme Seminar facilitated by Ashleigh, Ryleigh, Kayleigh and Breeeannna

R43 Why don't you reach around, grab that stick and pull it out of your ass?

R91 And we will have Crack Chicken for an appetizer. Get it! Because it is so good it is addictive like crack! Maybe some of the really bad among us will add cheese?

R95 Coat your chicken in mayonnaise and Cap'n Crunch, do it up in the air fryer, and serve it up with a ramekin of ranch!

I'm the wine farts.

When is this? I need to jot the date down in my Erin Condren planner ☕️

This is a gay forum dear OP

r99, who better to plan a party, then?

I’m their drunk, happy husbands’ cocks in someone else’s mouth while these icy cunts are gone.

I’m the homeopathic yeast infection booth. We sell garlic cloves to put into your vagina.

Join us at 8 p.m. for the award-winning documentary that premiered at the Branson Film Festival: "I Want to Speak to the Manager: The Art & History of Karening."

And please stay after the film for our panel discussion: "Unleashing Your Inner Karen."

Kind of surprised the frau who shows up screeching about misogyny hasn't shown up accusing OP of starting one of these threads several times a day.

R104 She is too busy packing for the fest!

R104, I think she complained earlier in the thread.

A entire wall of wine-themed kitchen art!

There should be a competition where participants sit round and watch other people eat and then judge them/make comparisons with their own more saintly food choices. Most patronising wins.

Also a parenting competition where contestants debate the correct way to use various baby equipment such as slings, strollers and different types of breast pumps. Whoever makes other mothers look stupid for fumbling with the mechanics of these things wins. Bonus points if they accuse other mothers of child endangerment.

[quote]Also a parenting competition where contestants debate the correct way to use various baby equipment such as slings

I'm sure we have very different ideas about the correct way to use a sling.

[quote]We sell garlic cloves to put into your vagina.

That could only be an improvement.

Is there a Save the Children Booth? I don't care what we're saving them from, but I really need to be saving them from something. And of course, if it's an opportunity to be a huge pain in the ass for something that makes no real difference, all the better!

Every form of indirect social aggression

Can we bring our emotional support fur babies?