Why didn't Mike and Carol Brady have a child together?

Probably because Mike was a big mincing FAIRY

Because I never went near a vagina.

Because Mike was gay as hell.

She wld get aids and 💀 so that’s why

R4 Peanut Butter Ayds?

BRADYS DO NOT HAVE SEX. EVER. WITH ANYONE.

Mrs Brady was no spring chicken

One word: MENOPAUSE.

They were actually one of the first TV couples to be shown sleeping in the same bed; nevertheless, she was a whore and he was a poof.

Cousin Oliver was a LOVE CHILD!!!

Because it's SIX, you get eggroll. No upside to 7.

Mr. Brady saved his loads for Sam.

We may have been the first married couple shown on TV in the same bed, but as soon as the cameras stopped rolling I was out of there.

Because she had come down with a severe case of Wessonality.

Because he likes dick Rose!!

Because they already had SIX.

Three of which came out of her body.

Carol was riddled with syphilis from her nights as a truck stop whore.

I think Florence Henderson is greatly underrated.

The mention of Wessonality made me think of the best version of the Broadway tune...

Where would they put the baby in that tiny house? Maybe Greg's groovy attic could have been a nursery.

I think another child would have pushed Jan over the edge. I could see Jan turning into Lizzie Borden’s twin and she probably would have ended up committing Familicide.

Because Carol had her tubes tied in season two.

Carol incessantly pegging Mike does not lead to a baby.

Because the football that fucked up Marcia’s nose bounced off and destroyed Mike’s balls.

Not enough bathrooms.

Carol Brady was a mercenary gold digger who cut off sex with Mike after she got that ring on her finger.

She was a wayward, peroxide widow about to hit the wall HARD. Her only concern was landing a successful businessman like Mr. Brady - one who’d give her 3 budding whores-in-training a legitimate name, and herself a wallet full of charge cards.

There was the episode when Carol believed she was pregnant, but she knew it was Greg's, so she asked Alice to make her a special herbal drink to take care of it. It did, but she also had the shits for days.

Even tho Mike was a notorious Pussyhound, Carol had a lot of headaches.

Because he was an architect, & everyone knows architects loathe fucking.

Carol was one of the most talented housewives ever. She also had a lot of pain and struggle throughout her life. Despite that, she had a good heart, which is hard to encounter in suburbia. At a time when gay people were oppressed beyond belief, they identified with her struggles and she theirs.

Alice kicked Carol in the cunt bone causing Carol to be infertile. Damn you, Alice!

The crabs.

Apparently they both secretly hated children.

Mike hated that ridiculous neck flip hairdo Carol got and refused to touch her after that.

The Brady’s

It was the 70s.

Carol and Mike were swingers.

And somehow Mike always ended up getting another guy's key out of the bowl.

I’ve discovered through extensive research they were not the first tv couple to share a bed.

Who was?

Didn't Darin and Samantha share a bed?

Almost universally introduction of an infant spoils sitcoms. Those that start out with kids are a different story as things are usually built with them as part of ensemble cast.

Babies take focus off main ensemble cast; sometimes it works out well, others not so much.

At their stage of life both Mike and Carol had "been there" and "done that" in terms of pregnancy and having a baby. Both Mike and Carol Brady went from having just three children to six; combining step relations isn't always easy and last thing anyone needed was another kid.

Besides where were they going to put the nursery? That house already defied belief in that three boys and three girls shared that one small joint bathroom. IIRC the master bedroom was on ground floor and Alice had the only other bedroom off the kitchen (maid's room).

In the final episode, that was deemed too controversial to air, Carol announced to Mike that she was pregnant with Greg's baby and was moving up to the attic to raise the child with her new man, while Jan revealed she had legally changed her name to Dawn and was moving to Hollywood, and Alice finally snapped and beat Thindy quite viciously with a harvest gold fondue pot.

Despite Mike being a Gayey McGayerson from Gaytown, he and Carol had a really nice chemistry. I have no doubt that they could've produced crotch fruit. Even if Alice had to get out the turkey baster and squirt Mike's splooge up Carol's va-jay-jay. It could've even been one of Bobby or Cindy's science club experiments.

Carol had a botched abortion to rid her self of Peter’s baby. She could never get pregnant again. Good news for Peter was that he could spew his load in her without any worries. Even better news is that Carol could ride that prepubescent cock without ever getting caught.

She was a lucky bitch.

If the show had been renewed for a sixth season, they were going to reveal that Alice was the birth mother of Cousin Oliver and Mike was the father.

If the show had survived to a seventh season, Alice was going to move to Michigan with Aunt Jenny for a lesbianic spin-off.

^ Ahem, I would've been Alice's lezbo lover, not that hussy Aunt Jenny.

R17- That's brilliant.

On top of all the factors r38 mentioned, wasn't Carol's the first generation of women to fully enjoy the benefits oral contraception? She must have been around 40 at the show's start, with three daughters of her own and adding three rambunctious boys. What woman in her right mind would want another?

Mike Brady must have been one damn good architect.

He had that large house, six kids, two cars and wife that didn't work, oh an a maid who barely worked either.

Florence Henderson's death was a shock to me (long time ago). She always looked great and was vital up 'till the end.

Large house, R47? 6 kids shoved into 2 bedrooms with one bathroom for all of them to share? Alice's room was probably just a storage closet.

I think Mike sucked as an architect, personally. The house would be fine for a typical nuclear family with 2 kids, but not for that brood.

They had six bratty kids. They didn't want any more. Carol was on the pill and they were swingers. Also they brought in Cousin Oliver.

[quote]Alice was going to move to Michigan with Aunt Jenny for a lesbianic spin-off.

So, the spin-off would have been about Alice along with Aunt Jenny and/or Kay founding the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival?

Complete with cilantro, nutloaf, vagina capes and telling us now so they don't have to tell us then?

A tie breaker vote would have made the kid meetings more interesting.

Mike liked dick.

Because Sam the Butcher was banging Carol, and Mike was bottoming for Alice...duhhh?!!!

With three kids, Carol obviously started out fertile. She probably had a botched abortion while on the dating scene following Hubby No. 1’s death and that rendered her barren.

He found out she was banging Greg.

Once Carol started getting those deep-'n'-tender massages from Alice, she quit thinking about another child with Mike.

^^ If their show had managed to survive to a 7th season, I assume it would've also had to make it to the 6th season that it never actually got around to ever having. ;)

R42 I am only picturing her with a cursory swipe of a featherduster.

He only fucked her up the butt.

Carol would often bring random guys home from the mall to cuckhold Mike. He'd sit in a corner of the bedroom just watching and beating off. Looking at the other guy really turned Mike on, so this was win-win.

There was an episode in the 1st season where Carol gets an emergency hysterectomy. She nearly dies. Then she has a long talk w Jan about genetic predispositions to infertility. Alice overhears and offers to be a surrogate. She and Mister Brady have sex, off camera, of course. Alice too proves to be infertile. Very touching.

Really observant Brady Bunch viewers have catalogued several episodes where Mike bends down for some reason, and you see the top of his lacy panties or a thong.

[quote]So, the spin-off would have been about Alice along with Aunt Jenny and/or Kay founding the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival?Complete with cilantro, nutloaf, vagina capes and telling us now so they don't have to tell us then?

Yes, and a crossover episode where the Bradys come to visit, and the four males are killed in a "Man on the Land" massacre, which prompts Carol and the girls to flee in horror, except for Jan, who says "I feel at home here" and takes to the stage to perform a Janis Ian medley.

He weren’t dumping loads up in herrrre

Why didn’t the girls keep their father’s surname?

Mike was sterile with Carol.

The network probably suggested it (them having a baby)--in those days, they were always trying to add weddings and babies to shows when the ratings began to slide. They's laready had a wedding and Cousin Oliver was probably a compromise. The Brady Bunch was never a top 10 show, but muddled along, so the network may not have been so pushy.

"Why didn't Mike and Carol Brady have a child together?"

Mike had a nary urethra.

Because Carol didn't have a great track record when it came to the babies she birthed.

Jan was psychotic. Cindy was borderline retarded.

Only Marcia was relatively normal.

When it comes to odds like that, why risk it?

R66 Carol's first husband transitioned after which she herself opted to take her new husband's surname, so Carol thought it best for the girls to go with "Brady" after she married Mike.

Jan was the by-product of Aunt Jenny's one heterosexual liaison but I raised her as my own, and Cindy was a FAS rescue baby I found in a milk crate at the side of the freeway. Only Marcia was the true fruit of my loins.

JFC, six kids sharing one bathroom with no toilet! There was no more room at the inn for another babby.

Carol's constant farting in bed destroyed our sex life before it began.

Mike was too gay. That’s why she went after Gregg. She wrote that boy like her life depended on it and Florence Henderson didn’t need Wessonalitu to ride Barry Williams for real.

I saw a Celebrity Wife Swap episode with Greg (forget his real name at the moment). He was weirdly super controlling and stressed about little stuff even though he was never a big star.

We can probably assume Mike was having issues in the bedroom, because we heard more than once that he was seeing some kind urologist in the Griffith Park area where he was going for regular prostate exams. Recall, Carol and the kids almost saw Mike driving on Franklin Ave. when they happened to go shopping at the old Mayfair Market at Bronson. I think there may have been another guy in the car with Mike wearing a tank top.

Celebrity Wife Swap

Carol was briefly pregnant in season 2, but Jan pushed her down the stairs and hit her with the horse statue. It's on the DVD extras.

Actually, one of the season five episodes had Marcia get pregnant with Greg's baby.

Carol took Marcia off to Abortion Hut at the mall. Carol, who was also pregnant by Greg at the time, got a mother-daughter special for the two of them.

Since they saved so much money on the procedures, afterward the two went shipping at the Bullock's department store next to the Abortion Hut. Marcia came home with a groovy new fringe vest, which she still refers to as her "abortion vest."

Meanwhile, Carol got some new bell bottoms and a new flip do at the Bullock's hair salon.

It's highly unlikely that Mike was even Greg, Peter, and Bobby's biological father - with the first wife resorting to other means to satisfy her carnal needs and have children.

And Mike would have been okay with this, because it solidified his straight image as a prolific breeder. This would also tie into him pushing to have the three girls take his surname as well.

A nervous Mike embarking on his disastrous first honeymoon, when his new wife quickly learned that she would have to look outside their fledging marriage for a fuck buddy and baby daddy (or three).

R80 A visibly pregnant Marcia spills the beans in a still from the special episode titled “A Very Brady Abortion.”