What Old Fashion Standards Only You Seem to Maintain?

Op Here: I hold the belief that social engagements at someone’s home between 5-8pm should include a warm meal or warm snack option. That’s diner time in my book and hard to coordinate both some nights without being late. Time and again my friends will have people over at dinner time with hardly a snack in sight, much less dinner. I always have dinner or make it clear that it’ll just be snacks, always with someone warm that can substitute dinner if needed.

I love hanging out with my friends and learned to eat beforehand or ask but make sure there is a meal when people come to my place. Or I ask folks to bring something so we can have something to eat.

Who raised these people? Lol. I still love my friends but so odd or I’m old fashioned (and type fat).

Handwritten thank you notes on monogrammed stationery. Always.

I agree, R1

To be honest, I equally dislike concerts that start around dinner time.

Oh, r2! I do the same and even send post cards when on vacation to my friends. They could be faking it, but people seemed to enjoy them. Handwritten notes really set you apart these days but it’s my favorite way to say thank you!

[quote] Handwritten thank you notes on monogrammed stationery. Always.

Do you spray a burst of perfume on them?

I always let a woman walk ahead of me, and also hold the door for them.

I do that too, R6

Another thing I hold onto: Phone calls with friends and family. It’s second-best to face-to-face, but a much better substitute to (endless) texting.

I enjoy going to the bank and writing checks. Though I haven’t used a check in over 2 years. But I love going to the bank. Just wish my bank had one of the grand old banks that have been replaced by the modern designs. No biggie, I still enjoy waking to the bank while on my walk to the grocery store.

I would never use a check at the grocery store. I wonder if they even accept checks at the checkout line these days.

Never call (or text) someone before 11am or after 10pm

R7 two of my friends say I’m the only one that will call just to gab. They’ve grown to enjoy my calls, especially after one moved away. The other calls me sometimes just to talk and I love it!

When I call my other friends there is literal hesitation. As if I’ve done something awkward.

We are all 30-35 so generationally, no one really calls each other much.

I will never wear brown shoes with a blue suit. It will never look right to me. Also, your belt must match your shoes.

Listening. Giving the person speaking to me my full attention whether they speak for a minute or 10 minutes. I don't know of anyone who can concentrate on or hold a prolonged up-close-and-personal conversation. They're all incessantly distracted by their smartphones.

A separate entrance for the Negroes.

I don't curse in public.

I don't curse a lot to begin with, but definitely not in public, and it makes me feel weird when other people do.

Yeah, I know...Mary!

Keeping my snuffbox in my trouser pocket and monocle in my waistcoat.

I try my best to never curse in front of women.

I always wear shoes, when I'm out in public, running errands, dining, etc.

TBH, Datalounge can somewhat accurately be described as a site dedicated to men who feel strongly about upholding old-fashioned standards.

When someone curses I blush.

Unless among good friends in private, I never discuss religion or politics.

I never use the speaker of my cell phone for conversations in public, and certainly never to listen to music.

It’s depressing that what most of us grew up calling “good manners” would now qualify as old-fashioned.

I tend to wear proper clothes when out in public. I don’t care if people know me or not. If I am pumping gas, and someone next to my pump is wearing pajama bottoms, and it happens all the time, it takes all my strength not to scream.

Same with attire at the airport when flying. Disgusts me to see Joe 6 pack in his Old Navy plastic flip flops with grungy nails sporting his newest neck tattoo.

[quote] always with someone warm that can substitute dinner if needed.

That's terrifying to envision.

I still send Christmas cards, and I always write in them.

Wiping

Back to front?

Earrings

Caftans

[quote]I still send Christmas cards, and I always write in them.

[quote]Back to front?

No, those would be Chanukah cards.

If I cross in front of someone's sight line, I say "excuse me". I would define that space as 3 feet or less. I feel as though I'm the only one who does this which I know is untrue. And I throw a lot of thank yous around which is a leftover from Catholic school, maybe.

[quote] Never call (or text) someone before 11am or after 10pm

If you're talking about friends (not business), then my personal time rules would be: never call / text before 9am, never call after 8pm. I go to sleep early.

Whenever I'm with two people who I know, but they don't know each other, I'll introduce them to each other. Sounds pretty simple and easy, but I feel like I'm the rare person who does that.

Actually ending conversations in a mutual way. No, just stopping texting in the middle of a conversation is not the proper way to end a conversation.

And, to those self-diagnosed aspies who are actually just rude and/or unwilling to learn any basic etiquette, turning around and walking away while other people are speaking is also not how you end conversations.

I always wipe front to back!

MAGA dress code.

Dress appropriately given the occasion. I recently experienced a woman wearing short shorts to a dental appointment. Her ass was literally dirtying the chair. Then when I looked askance, she said, "Dude, stop staring at me." I wanted to crush her skull between my thighs....But that's just me.

R32 I knew a couple of bi-polars who'd summarily decide that the phone conversation was over and, with no warning, hang up. Sometimes they were in mid-sentence, sometimes I was.

I don’t do full anal on a first date, but I will do oral/first base on a first date.

"What are some “old fashioned” rules, processes, or standards you maintain that your social circle seem to have abandoned?"

Having a social circle.

Covid killed it.

It also killed my desire to be a part of one.

R23, right? Not one of the posters on this thread seems to have an issue with OP’s cannibalistic dinner party rituals!

Priorities, people!

[quote] I still send Christmas cards, and I always write in them.

Good thing you do, as then no one would know who it was from!

Her ass was literally dirtying the chair..

LITERALLY! So, you saw the chair afterwards and it was soiled, and you know for certain she had done it?

I still drink Old Fashioneds!

I still like to say old ‘fashioned’

[quote] no one would know who it was from!

Oh, Dear!

I like to kick, stretch and KICK!

Only leather shoes after dark.

Using words like "splendid" rather than the ubiquitous, meaningless "awesome."

A quick note of thanks along with the tip for hotel housekeeping. Sometimes you get a little note back and it's nice.

I continue to shave every day.

Clothes.

Language.

Authenticity.

"Old Fashion"

Oh, Fashion Dear.

I still wear a suit and tie when I go to a funeral. Usually I am the only one dressed this way. Most people wear Jeans and athleisure wear to funerals in small town America. Nobody dresses up anymore.

[quote]I continue to shave every day.

Do your pubes grow that quickly?

Some of you sound like such nice people, I'd love to have friends like you.

No unprotected sex at first with someone new. Always send cards for birthdays. The morning meal is called “breakfast”. Skin is free of ink, hair is trimmed and a natural color, nails are trimmed and not polished. Don’t discuss politics with strangers.

R49, that’s what I said at R43.

The negro help in my townhouse wear crisp white shirts with immaculate black trousers. Of course, they know to speak only when spoken to.

r24 I do not send Christmas cards, but I always respond to those that send them to me. About a week after the new year I'll write a nice, chatty note, thanking them for their card, and asking after them and their family. I'll include one or two personal things they might like to know about what's going on with me. Some will respond with a thank you email or text, so I know they appreciate the kindness.

When I was young I would walk with my grandmother to many places: the bank, grocery store, utility branch offices(she always paid her bills in person) doctors' offices(which seemed to be everywhere, and close by, BITD) As we set off she would say to me "Pass on the other side." This meant for me to walk on the curb side of the pavement, she said it was proper for ladies to walk on the 'inside.' It was the gentlemanly thing to do, and I always complied. I do that to this day if my companion is female.

r50 I always keep a suit pressed and a shined pair of shoes that is set aside for funerals(at my age funerals come far more often than they used to) You are correct, so many people dress inappropriately going to the funeral home, church, cemetery, etc. Gone are the days of dark suits for men, and black or grey or some other somber color outfits for women when attending a funeral. Some dress so far beyond/below casual that I am embarrassed for them.

I have no social media accounts.

And no, subscriptions to digital NY Times, WAPO and the DL aren't social media accounts.

[quote]This meant for me to walk on the curb side of the pavement, she said it was proper for ladies to walk on the 'inside.' It was the gentlemanly thing to do, and I always complied. I do that to this day if my companion is female.

Did she ever explain to you why that was, Bronzie? I was instructed in that once in my life, but was told why. I found it pretty fascinating in its simplicity.

r58, it stems from the days when there was open sewage in the gutters, and a passing horse might splash sewage or mud on the person walking next to the street.

So correct, r59. Or, in the age of cars, a mud puddle too.

I use the words "ladies" and "gentlemen" when the need arises, rather than the now-demanded "people".

Such foolishness.

I'm SO gay to mention this but I say to myself - Either do a job right or don't do it at all- which is a direct quote from the MOMMIE DEAREST herself - Joan Crawford.

I had my friends over for lunch on Saturday. I made a salad which I served with homemade dressing and I made a Lasagna that was fabulous. I had made it once before for myself. I would never try a new recipe on guests without first testing it on myself. The recipe calls for Marinara sauce which I could have bought in a jar- instead I used homemade Marinara sauce- that took about 40 minutes to prepare. The Lasagna was a lot of work but the outcome was worth the effort. For dessert I served Cream Puffs filled with a combination of whipped cream and custard- I bought them in a Japanese supermarket that a small Japanese woman makes herself only on the weekend. They are fabulous too.

This doesn't change anything really but I want to mention that I had them over on Sunday not on Saturday.

hostess gifts

Me and my friend are some of the few holdouts- When I was growing up in the Northeast in the 1970's and 1980's NO ONE said when referring to their parents- My MOM , my DAD. Everyone would say My mother , My father.

I still use these words only and it still makes me cringe that EVERYONE of all classes/ethnicities/regions of the country say- My Mom, my Dad or How's your Mom?

How's your Dad?

I like to go out and scratch in my yard

Dial my rotary telephone with my dialing pencil, a gorgeous baby pink pencil taken from an upscale Miami boutique hotel many moons ago.

The seams in my hose are *always* straight.

I won’t wear a hat indoors.

I carry an antique Zippo lighter because I like the design. Hardly anyone smokes any more, but offering to light a cigarette still is a chivalrous gesture.

[quote] "Pass on the other side." This meant for me to walk on the curb side of the pavement, she said it was proper for ladies to walk on the 'inside.' It was the gentlemanly thing to do, and I always complied. I do that to this day if my companion is female.

In this vein, at a restaurant, if the seating consists of a banquette seat on one side and a regular chair on the other, then the man should sit on the regular chair.

If there's an old, frail person (man or woman), then that person should sit on the banquette seat.

I still strength train for the buzz which gives me vanity, vapidity, and vacuousness points with people my age.

I carry a cotton hankie because because my vape box leaks at random times. Also, I’m old and my nose drips any time weather dips under 12 celsius.

I still believe that nobody knows you’re a dog on the internet and I don’t use social media to connect with anyone I know irl.

I generally don’t buy canned beans. I buy dried beans soak them overnight then boil them the next day.

On March 31 I will have been driving the same car for 14 years.

Basic English

I always hold my pinky up when receiving or giving an enema.

Always dress like a lady, not a lady of the night!

Receive gentlemen callers only in the parlor, never after 10PM, and certainly never in the boudoir. Remember a reputation, once destroyed, will never be rebuilt!

Be kind to the help, yet firm when need be.

Finally, excuse my indelicacy, but when you feel the need to pass wind, immediately excuse yourself by saying you need to powder your nose, and retire swiftly to the powder room.

I never go empty handed when going to visit a friend or family member. I always bring a little something.

Loosely inspired by R35:

Luke Askans would be an excellent name for a Swedish drag king.

Use cloth napkins when I have guests over for dinner. Set the table properly even for the most casual dinner. (Fork on the left, knife and spoon on the right, a water glass and a wine goblet across the top.). Never visit someone's home without bringing something, even if it is a flower from the yard, or a homemade yeast dinner roll, or a packet of seeds. We had an outdoor neighborhood council bonfire meeting in December, and I made scones and brought them warm to the event, which was within a block of my home in a basket wrapped in a towel. If someone shows up unannounced at my house during the meal hour, they are offered dinner. This is just the way I was raised. I don't even think about whether or not other people do these things, nor do I pass judgement on them. I have to continue the traditions I was raised with.

Never drop in on someone without calling in advance. My late husband, who was unfailingly gracious, would complain when unexpected visitors showed up at inconvenient times.

If my partner and I are walking on a footpath and I see one person or more coming against us, I will always say to my partner, "You go first" or, "I'll go first", so that he and I are walking single file and everyone can pass comfortably.

When I'm walking by myself, I never cease to be amazed by the people who will persist in walking two or three abreast even if it completely inconveniences other pedestrians.

Not clearing the table until every dinner is finished (NOT “done”, mind you. “Meat is done, people are finished, says my MIL)

My husband and I practice this when we host, and try to encourage it when eating out.

R78-When I’m invited to Someone’s place for lunch or dinner I always make sure I have a good appetite on me Because if I arrived at a friends home without an appetite and ate none of the food presented to me they would see it as an insult.

I still wear a mask on public transport and in crowded indoor spaces. Very outre.

[quote] Me and my friend are some of the few holdouts-

Oh, dear!

R83 My late MIL said the very same thing!

[quote] ... nor do I pass judgement on them.

Oh, dear.

I hope you are not passing judgment from the UK.

Pearls

Get up and free up my seat on public transport to the elderly, infirmed, women/men with babies.

I never say, "Me and .... " though I hear so many people saying that. Even educated people. I don't understand how that doesn't sound terrible to people even as they're saying it. Do English teachers no longer teach?

I use cloth napkins 100% of the time. Heavy duty cotton napkins (they are sold as dishtowels) for everyday use (what I call 'kitchen napkins').

When people come for dinner I use my 26" square linen napkins. And for drinks I use 6" linen cocktail napkins.

When approaching a revolving door in the company of a woman, I always go in the revolving door first.

I always let the passenger in my car in first. This is not so much of an issue anymore with remote unlocking.

Whenever I bake something like cookies, I make extra and leave them for the mail carrier.

I bring a small gift or flowers when invited to someone's home, I always call the next day or so to thank them and say I enjoyed it. I hold doors, still give up my seat to elders and pregnant women. Treat waiters and service people politely.

Something I notice is young people calling friends' parents or grandparents by first name. Even in my twenties I could not. Always Mr. or Mrs. Now 70, friends children's spouses call them by name. No longer Mom and Dad. I know they AREN'T but I know I would find that hard.

😷 As do I, r85.

And will continue to do so.

Very Smart, indeed.

[quote]Never visit someone's home without bringing something, even if it is a flower from the yard,

Why would you steal a flower of theirs and give it to them as a gift?

[quote]Something I notice is young people calling friends' parents or grandparents by first name. Even in my twenties I could not. Always Mr. or Mrs. Now 70, friends children's spouses call them by name. No longer Mom and Dad. I know they AREN'T but I know I would find that hard.

This.

My friend's 14 year old son was at his house with friends. When I heard them call my friend (adult) by his first name, I clutched my pearls but fierce. My father (nor mother) never would've stood for that. My friends still call my mother Mrs. So-and-so and I the same.

When I was a kid, I had to address every adult as Mr. or Mrs/Miss "Jones," and if I couldn't pronounce their last name, I had to call them Mr. Joe or Mrs. Lisa.

Are you Southern R95?

No.

I’ll rock this fauxhawk forevah!!

[quote] Not clearing the table until every dinner is finished

This practice has all but disappeared in most restaurants, even at the nicer ones. The busser snatches away plates as soon as the last bite is swallowed. The slowest eater ends up looking like a great big gluttonous hog stuffing his face while the others at the table whose plates have been cleared look on politely.

r80, your last point sparked quite the debate on TikTok about Swedish dinner customs. Apparently in Sweden, they don't spontaneously offer to feed guests, especially unplanned child guests.

When kids are hanging out at each other's homes, when it comes time for dinner, the host family will just leaving the guest child upstairs in the bedroom to wait for the family to finish dinner or send them home. They do that culturally because, "what if their parents already had a meal prepared for them, and you spoiled it by feeding them yourself?"

Loads of adults mentioned spending time alone in their friends' rooms growing up while the friend ate with their family. From an American point of view, that sounds like simple madness. It's also odd that they wouldn't just call the parents for permission/guidance, but I guess they really try to avoid bothering others when possible. They'd just leave hungry Johnny in Timmy's room until Timmy (and family) finished eating. I think a DL poster mentioned their WASPY grandparents would do the same thing if they came over unannounced during dinner. They'd sit in the living room while grandma and grandpa ate in silence without offering a crumb.

The comments and videos on this subject were hilarious.

[quote] They do that culturally because, "what if their parents already had a meal prepared for them, and you spoiled it by feeding them yourself?"

Last time I checked, there was indeed phone service in Sweden, even cell phone service.

When I was a kid in the 90s and I wanted to stay at a friend's house for dinner (or vice versa) it went without saying that someone checked in with the potential guest's parents to make sue that was, in fact, okay. If for no other reason than that the parents would want to know when to pick the kid up/expect them home.

I suspect this custom is left over from times before phones.

r101 no one said they didn't have phones, just culturally they must not be the type to bother others, even if their chiold is in hanging in their home. I can understand the sentiment, but still I too would have called their parents. I'm an American and even people on food stamps would make a plate for a child in their home. Just different cultures and now an old fashion Swedish tradition.

*even if their child is in hanging in their home.

r101 sorry for sounding so snappy in my response.

[quote]When I was a kid, I had to address every adult as Mr. or Mrs/Miss "Jones," and if I couldn't pronounce their last name, I had to call them Mr. Joe or Mrs. Lisa.

I grew up in the South and the norm was to call adults Mrs. Florence or Mr. Ned or what have you. I still can’t bring myself to call a much older adult by their first name only.

I'm 30 but I always find a way around using the first names of my partner's parents (70 and 75).

I'm not American, by the way, and I was partly raised by a grandmother who was born in 1914, so my behaviour is often found old-fashioned.

Bringing a bottle of wine or flowers to a host is not proper etiquette. Nor even common sense. Bringing a bottle of wine may imply that you expect it to be served; the host has surely chosen the wine to be served. Flowers are even worse. Imagine having to abandon your guests in order to find a proper vase, arrange the flowers and find a place to put them.

You may bring a box of chocolates to be served with coffee. But best is to send flowers the day of the party or the day after. I lived in Paris for ten years. Never saw anyone bring wine or flowers to an event. Except for the one American who showed up at the door with the largest bouquet of lilies you’ve ever seen. Totally unwieldy and a needless problem for the host. Me.

[quote]Flowers are even worse. Imagine having to abandon your guests in order to find a proper vase, arrange the flowers and find a place to put them.

This times a million. And one friend of mine simply wouldn't listen when I asked, then implored, then begged him to stop bringing flowers every time he came for dinner. I want to play chef, dear, not florist. I like the chocolates idea, r106, but I really never expected, or wanted, gifts when I invited people over for dinner.

(I say "expected," in the past tense, as I no longer entertain, as issues with my back make it impossible for me to do much cooking any longer.)

My tribal elders always taught me to make sure your neighbor is fully dead before you steal his belongings from his pocket.

[quote] I always let a woman walk ahead of me, and also hold the door for them.

That’s because you’re a sexist pig. We don’t need your shovenistic behavior.

r106/r107, very interesting take that I hadn't thought about. Admittedly, I've never brought wine or flowers but then again, the circles in which I run tend not to have dinner parties.

Still, it's a very good point that I hadn't thought about.

And, r107, I hope you soon feel well enough to hold another dinner party, even if you cater it. Having "company" can help.

(Plus, I want to be invited!)

[quote] We don’t need your shovenistic behavior.

Oh, DEAR!

I think that was the joke, Greg. Did you check the signature?

"Do onto others as you would have done onto you."

Doesn't always work in this day and age, and I usually end up frustrated, but at least I know I'm not a rude asshole.

Thanks, R112! I hadn't noticed that.

r106 & r107 only a low class guest would even imagine that their gift of wine, chocolates or anything would need to be used in that very setting. You bring the gift for the host to enjoy on their free time outside of the party. It's a gift after all. Same with flowers, a host (typically busy) doesn't have to put them into a vase that moment. Show them to the other guest as a form of appreciation, then polity place them in your room or something. Tell the person who brought them that you can't wait to place them in a vase that evening (lie, if you must). But you aren't expected to stop what you are doing to place flowers in vases. But be thankful, because that is rather sweet.

Chocolate always a good idea, but again, I wouldn't dare expect my host to share them during the meal or afterwards. They are for the host and host alone to enjoy when they see fit, not an addition to their event. They may choose to bring them out during dessert or coffee but I would let them know it's intended for them when I hand it over upon arrival. I host dinner parties, so I would not want another sweet to compete with my sweet course. Though exceptions due apply.

I think showing up empty handed is in bad taste. Food is more and more expensive these days. Hosting takes a lot out of someone for extra cleaning, extra prepping, extra expenses, extra everything. A small gift FOR THE HOST is to be appreciated (and maybe expected) from guests. I never side-eye those that come empty handed, but I certainly send a thank you card to those go the extra mile.

Last note, wine is the perfect gift. Thanks to my party guests, my wine supply has grown very large and varied. Since I don't drink it on my own, I have plenty to spare when my shindig get going.

Flowers & wine as host(ess) gifts are always a hot topic on DL.

As well as dessert (as a host(ess)) gift.

I think flowers should be retired. It's all about wine and chocolates.

Didn't you Eldergays watch "Six Degrees of Separation"

You're supposed to bring jam.

[quote]"Do onto others as you would have done onto you."

I would, but I don't like to be bukakked.

*

I like to fart on food that leaves my kitchen prior to serving it to my dinner guests.

We actually believe that you do, r122.

"Whenever I bake something like cookies, I make extra and leave them for the mail carrier."

MARY!

Calling the parents of friends Mr.--- and Mrs. ---. Never using their first names. I remember being in my teens and friends of my parents telling me to call them by their first names and both my parents forbidding me to do so. My parents considered it very disrespectful to address older generations by first names.

R11 I was going to post that I have acquiesced to the brown shoes with the blue or grey suits - so many beautiful models showing this look as contemporary standard, I get the look.

But the belt must match the shoes... brown shoes and black belt just looks okey hayseed ignorant.

Well, kind sir, my old fashioned habits are none of your concern. Don’t bother me while I’m eating my ice milk.

Never wear shoes lighter than the clothes you're wearing.

But my flip flops are light as as feather.

As soon as I saw the title I knew this thread could not fail to delight.

It's like reading a newsletter written for and by dowager aunts from the 1920s.

Slavery

Child Labor

Insisting on being neutral - really neutral - when assessing a political situation

Paying attention to the Message, not the Medium

I still use my bank's ATM machines to deposit checks and take out cash. The Chase ATM lobbies are like ghost towns now.

[quote] Though exceptions due apply.

Oh, DEAR!

As a kid, when addressing older women as Mrs, I often heard something along the lines of, “Oh please, call me Karen! Mrs makes me feel so old! My mother goes by Mrs, not me!”

This thread should be study material for young people to avoid remaining feral.

I can’t help laughing at the idea of having a dinner party and every couple coming with a box of fancy chocolates as a hostess gift. I’d feel like Augustus Gloop.

I only wear my white crossbody manbag from Memorial Day Thru Labor Day.

Marrying my sister.

I write in cursive.

homemade yeast dinner roll pack of seeds

Oh Jesus Christ, this is so white person sounding and I'm white!

Racism, sexism, homophobia.

[quote] "Whenever I bake something like cookies, I make extra and leave them for the mail carrier."

Same here! I always stuff my mailbox full of cookies. Yum! 🍪 Or if weather permits, I’d stuff my box full of chocolates. 🤤

When I need cash for my household spending, I schedule an appointment at the bank so I don't have to wait in that dreadful teller line to cash a check.

I heard there are machines now where you can put in some type of a card and get cash but I don't like machines.

[quote]Or if weather permits, I’d stuff my box full of chocolates.

Oh, honey, please be careful.

Why don't you use a dildo instead? It's safer that way.

Conservative "humor" never works. It just lays there like Sarah Huckabee waiting for the turkey baster.

I despise Tax season. I have so may papers to round up. The adding machine tape needs to be replaced so I have to drive into town purchase a replacement. There is so much complicated math on the tax forms. Sometimes I have to start over and have to go to the Post Office to get new blank forms. Last year my pen ran out of ink in the middle of filling out my forms so I had to make an extra trip into town to purchase a refill insert for my ballpoint pen! But first I had to go to the bank before they closed at 3pm to cash a check. Modern life is so hard.

Case in point.

Hating women and considering them inferior in every way. Ditto blacks and Jews. Also, vigilantly defending the definition of whiteness. Italians and Irish need not apply! And don't get me started on the fags!

No, that's the invasive trolls, like you.

[quote] "Whenever I bake something like cookies, I make extra and leave them for the mail carrier."

[quote] MARY!

You wouldn’t say that if you were my letter carrier. That man gets some delicious and, I might add, beautifully packaged baked goods.

When showering with a cute hunky guy, I always let him soap me up and then I soap him up. I also let him pick up the soap when I accidentally drop it in front of him.

I'm surprised anyone would eat anything homemade from a relative stranger nowadays.

That's what Grindr is for.

[quote] That's what Grindr is for.

Eating something homemade from a relative stranger?

[quote]I'm surprised anyone would eat anything homemade from a relative stranger nowadays

Exactly that. The home-baked/home-cooked gift can be less "thoughtful" than suspicious.

Even the prospect of bake sales and "pot-lucks" makes me wary unless I know the people involved. "Home-baked" and "home-cooked" only raise nagging doubts if I don't know something about how the people live.

R50, do people really wear jeans to funerals in the states ?

-- No matter the time of day, guests always get something to eat, even if it's just snacks for a 3pm visit.

-- Condolences always in writing, with a fountain pen.

-- Always walk on the streetside of the pavement with a lady.

-- Never remain sitting when someone enters the room.

-- Doff your hat as soon as you enter a home, church etc.

[quote]Never remain sitting when someone enters the room.

I always took that as so basic a thing though people remark on it as old-fashioned now.

More troubling is when a man doesn't stand to shake another's hand but remains seated and extends a hand as if a mafia don, or a lady lunching in her pencil skirt in a 1940s film. It doesn't take much to deliver a warm handshake and give two seconds of undivided attention to someone, even if you will never see them again.

r154's mother raised him with an extreme sense of "stranger danger."

-- Always wear lace-ups of some kind, never sandals or loafers.

-- Always button up your suit jacket before going into a meeting.

-- Never bring your pet mongoose etc onto a plane as your comfort animal.

-- Leave the Vegan flag at home and always eat whatever your hosts have taken the time to prepare

-- Always dim your brights when another car is coming.

"Always dim your brights when another car is coming."

This is a really thoughtful thing to do. About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with glaucoma. I use drops twice a day to control eye pressure. The condition and the drops both make eyes more sensitive to light. Many drivers now leave lights on even during the day. Please use lights when necessary, not as a default.

[bold][italic]This thread has been brought to you courtesy of the Datalounge Maiden Aunt Brigade, where courtesy, common decency, chastity, proper punctuation and cleanliness are always in fashion.

LOL R164

Actually decency and cleanliness are eternal standards.

Upbeat and life affirming slogans written on bananas.

I avoid contaminating my electronics with poop spume and I think that’s old fashioned, but sanitary.

[quote] Leave the Vegan flag at home and always eat whatever your hosts have taken the time to prepare

Uh, no. I either prepare a few vegetarian dishes to bring with or inform my host beforehand of my dietary restrictions but, not to worry, I'm sure I'll find plenty to eat. If anyone at table is so impolite as to query why I'm not chowing down on the prawn cocktail or hacking into that medium-rare chateaubriand, I just politely tell 'em "I'm a veg".

I never eat food from stangers made in their kitchen. I have no idea how sanitary their kitchen is, nor do I know their personal hygiene. A strong pass from me.

R168 That's the modern way. This thread is about people who stick to old-fashioned ways and don't make a fuss or try to make themselves look special.

A little chateaubriand never killed anyone.

R170 I'm a veg.

[quote]I never eat food from stangers made in their kitchen. I have no idea how sanitary their kitchen is, nor do I know their personal hygiene.

I see your point, but restaurants are far worse. You know nothing about whoever is cooking your meal, nor the cleanliness of the kitchen and its utensils.

R169 my thoughts exactly

This thread is full of bottoms.

[quote]courtesy, common decency, chastity, proper punctuation and cleanliness are always in fashion.

[bold][italic]And the Oxford comma, r164.

[quote]I see your point, but restaurants are far worse. You know nothing about whoever is cooking your meal, nor the cleanliness of the kitchen and its utensils.

At least the health department drops in on restaurants from time to time to see that hygiene standards are being met. Home cooks however never face any such inspections.

Something I learned working in Latin America - for a dinner party, send flowers to arrive the next day. As noted above, it can be a PITA for the host or hostess or a server to stop what they're doing in order to arrange 'em, find a vase, and set them out. The next day it's a "thank you" for an enjoyable evening, not part of the decor at the host's home which the flowers may not complement.

Polish your silver flatware and serving pieces and use them.

On a three-button suit jacket, you only button the middle one. On a two-button jacket, only the top one. On a double breasted jacket you only button the buttons which have associated buttonholes - there are usually six buttons, four of which button and two of which are strictly decorative.

When two persons of the same sex dine together, the "woman on the banquette, man on the chair" rule is inapplicable. When you share a table night after night at a resort or on, say, a cruise, you alternate.

A man ALWAYS stands when a woman comes to the table, whether to talk or be seated. One stands for a man when he's there to talk but not when he's seating himself.

A gentleman never insults someone accidentally.

If there's been a death in the immediate family during the year, Christmas cards are not sent.

Men wear a dark suit, a white shirt, a black tie, and black shoes to a funeral. I am almost always the only one there following this rule any more. Christ, sometimes the undertaker is there in a sports jacket. It's not a night out: you're there to show respect for the dead and sympathy for the living.

Faddish clothing worn to any event and photographed can haunt you for the rest of your life. The photos of my brother's 1970's wedding with his hair over his ears, pornstache, ruffled shirt, and electric blue tuxedo have been looking out from the picture frames for half a century as today we ask, "Why, why, why?"

"Be like Dad, not like Sis. Lift the seat when you piss." And keep the stream in the bowl and wash your hands when you're done.

You don't tip the barber if he owns the shop.

Asparagus, when served firm and unsauced, is eaten with the fingers of the left hand. Strawberries should always be hulled.

One's sex life is never the subject of discussion with others, even if he does swallow.

r172 I know two things about restaurants compared to a families kitchen. These two things are key. One, they have a health inspector come in to periodically review the place. No one is inspecting Marla's kitchen. Two, they are constantly tested for food poisoning from all the guests that eat at their establishment. One sea food dished left out too long to thaw can end your weekend in horror.

Restaurants are at least tested and the folks cooking should have some sense of process that includes cleanliness and food standards. There are zero rule or regulations in a private kitchen.

family's kitchen*

OP is still rocking pocket squares.

Op here. I'm turned off from pocket squares after debating our resident Klan Grannies about King Charles miss match "winter" pocket square from his Christmas Message. They say pocket squares don't need to match or coordinate much at all. I say that's bullcrap. It got heated, things were said, I'm now done with pocket squares.

^^Yeah, but they're for showing, not blowing!

[quote]At least the health department drops in on restaurants from time to time to see that hygiene standards are being met. Home cooks however never face any such inspections.

[quote]One, they have a health inspector come in to periodically review the place. No one is inspecting Marla's kitchen. Two, they are constantly tested for food poisoning from all the guests that eat at their establishment.

Good points, fellas. I truly hadn't thought about that.

[quote]If there's been a death in the immediate family during the year, Christmas cards are not sent.

Do you mean sent by the family who had the death or sent by you? I would still send a card and acknowledge I was thinking about them at this time of year.

Is that wrong?

[quote] On a three-button suit jacket, you only button the middle one.

I don't think so.

[quote] When two persons of the same sex dine together, the "woman on the banquette, man on the chair" rule is inapplicable.

You don't say.

r185 I'd say the middle button rule is always the rule, at least in my book (but I'm not who you are responding too), because it must be unbuttoned prior to sitting down and re-buttoned if you will be standing up for a period of time (say heading out to lunch, up the the 11th floor for the next meeting, or to grabbing coffee). So, the middle makes sense, doing that for two buttons is a bit much for an entire day.

R184 Of course you would, and should. It's the family who have lost someone who aren't sending cards.

R185 A 3-button suit (as above left) looks ridiculous with two buttons buttoned. It makes the wearer look so uptight and means constant buttoning and rebuttoning. Two buttons buttoned makes you look like you have something to hide.

Standing to greet someone and shake their hand - how do you handle this if you crammed into a banquette? I made a faux pas when someone approached my table and I was trapped and unable to rise.

[quote]but I'm not who you are responding too)

Oh, dear!

[quote]Standing to greet someone and shake their hand - how do you handle this if you crammed into a banquette?

"Hi, Joe. Forgive my not standing, but I'm a little trapped back here. Nice to meet you."

I still use the landline. Sometimes it's just better to hear a voice.

You know you can hear a voice with a cellphone, right?

r188 some etiquette coach I saw on YouTube once said that etiquette is a way for us to know out role in a social or profession setting as friends, close spouses, colleagues, children, etc. It is a means to avoid conflict or confusion. It is not and should never be used to look down on others. Now I'm on DL so of course I look down on others, but the point is that there is give and take in every situation. The person that sees you trapped in a booth would have give in that instance.

SSShhhhhhh, we don't need to remind any more Boomers.

[quote]a way for us to know out role in a social or profession setting

[quote]Now I'm on DL so of course I look down on others,

As we look down on you as well.

Many posters with ill-fitting panties in this thread.

[quote] Now I'm on DL so of course I look down on others,

I think this was a joke.

[quote]I made a faux pas when someone approached my table and I was trapped and unable to rise.

Have you tried Viagra?

[quote]I think this was a joke.

Of course it was. Or at least I took it that way. Mine was a joke, too.

If you still wear a tie, don't forget to dimple it.

When I see men in those brighter blue suits and tan shoes (usually on the news), it does look kind of jarring. But what are they supposed to wear? I am a woman and when I used to wear suits in the 90's, I was compulsive about wearing navy shoes with blue suits. Do men wear navy shoes? (I also wore navy or nude hose with blue skirts.)

Also, my mother said that we could (should) wear white shoes starting at Easter, not Memorial Day. Yes, we would stop wearing them at Labor Day. I am female.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful high class princess.

She was driving in her carriage through Darkest Flyoverstan when she noticed an overweight older gentleman in a caftan. His skin glowed like a nuclear reactor.

She called to her driver to stop the car and had her Personal Assistant and Head Courtier summon the becaftaned gent

"You!," she demanded imperiously. "Do you have any large tattoos about your collarbone?"

"No, your highness. I do not," the man said, grabbing his caftan and curtsying, as he had been brought up by his grandmother to always be polite to his betters, royalty in particular.

"Do you drive about in expensive vehicles with your arm hanging out the window"

"No your highness!" the elderly gentleman exclaimed, clearly aghast at the thought.

"Quick," she said slyly. "Name a brand of bed linens!"

The man thought about the many, many, many threads he'd read on Datalounge about things that were High Class.

"Pratesi!" he gasped, as he was more certain of the correct pronunciation of "Pratesi" than he was of "Frette."

"Very good," the princess said.

Then she turned and addressed her EA.

"This man is clearly meant to be upper class. He was probably kidnapped by low class peasants at birth and raised in a split level house with deep pile carpet from Sears. We must bring him back to the palace with us and restore him to his rightful place. He can assist the Royal Hairdressing Staff and ensure that all of our hairstyles remain Upper Class."

"As you wish, your highness," the EA sighed.

"THANK YOU JESUS!!!" the becaftaned gentleman shouted, before catching himself and offering a polite "Thank you. your highness. You beauty is only surpassed by your generosity."

"Much better," she noted. "Don' fret, dearest, it will take several months to shake the bad breeding out of you.."

A tear ran down the elderly gentleman's cheek.

"At least he's not wearing flip flops!" the princess whispered to her gentlemen-in-waiting, who all tittered gaily....

[quote]Do men wear navy shoes?

Nah, baby.

Unless they suede.

[quote]it does look kind of jarring. But what are they supposed to wear?

I find their sneakers with suits to be more jarring.

r203, I've been crying out loud because I just knew where your story was headed. perfect addition to this thread.

I guess I need to state for the record that no one at any time in history has ever gotten food poisoning from a dry baked good. (Cookie, biscuit, scone, bread - unless old and visibly moldy). Food poisoning agents live in moist foods, mostly of animal origin, that have been left unrefrigerated - and occasionally in rice that has been left out overnight (so lovers of fried rice have to be cautious). Also, maybe I live in rarified circles, but it is not at all uncommon for me to be invited to dinner as a guest of one of the invitees, where the host is unknown to me. Would I refuse to eat anything at that dinner because I don't know the host? That seems to me to be rude beyond belief. Obviously if I were invited to a feast at a native village in the Amazon, I would eat very cautiously, and probably only foods that I recognized (fried plantains?). One more or less has to assume that the host of a dinner doesn't really plan to poison himself or herself and has observed basic food preparation hygiene, but I grant that eating lightly and cautiously at the home of someone you don't know is good policy. My worst episodes of food poisoning ever have occurred in food from restaurants, both having to do with improperly stored rice. In one case, stuffed grape leaves were the culprit. So, I don't buy the story that restaurant food is automatically safer than home-prepared food.

Thank you very much, R206. Glad someone else appreciates my humor. [excellent GIF, btw)

This started out as a fun thread. It's not that some of you are just stuck in the past, it's that you use these things as some sort of a symbol that you are somehow better than those who don't these things. That's not what it's about. If you still say yes m'am and no sir, fine. Just because someone else doesn't do those things those mean they're trash.

R209 I get it. DL mavens do not.

Yeah, R299, it does.

Trash.

^R209

Before I eat food prepared in a stranger’s home, I appreciate knowing if he or she keeps indoor cats.

Keep ya legs closed to married men

Don’t serve me spaghetti. Do I look Italian?

I like to wear white sheets in the nighttime.

Why state the obvious. That's what stupid people do.

Hi, stupid ass r217

You're kkkooky! Kisses!

I’m usually the best dressed person on the plane. Chinos and a dress shirt.

[quote]Chinos and a dress shirt.

Hey! They're called LatinX, r220.

Oh, I've got my eye on you now, Bub.

[quote]Do I look Italian?

NGL, a little bit. You do have that prominent Roman nose.

I never shit in public

I like to drive around Peoria in my pickup looking for a good place to take a crap

Places one should put a bit of effort into dress and grooming: EVERYWHERE PUBLIC

Wear clean leather shoes and a good watch to just about any professional meeting with colleagues you do NOT know or with strangers. Even if you're in jeans. And carry a sober leather case of some sort, for god's sake.

Don't annoy other people in the movie theatre. This includes with your new fangled contraption, the smart phone.

Never arrive empty handed to a birthday party.

I send thank you notes for gifts. I send holiday cards, get well cards and sympathy cards. I don’t call people after 10pm or before 10am. I like to invite people to my home for dinner and board-card games. I keep some fresh flowers in my home. I taught my sons to be “providers.” I see too many young men laying about and doing nothing while fathering children.

R196 sez: "Many posters with ill-fitting panties in this thread."

Which I read as "Many posters with ill-fitting panties on their head."

Works either way, I guess...

Greet clerks at stores, restaurants, hotels, etc. - and when done, say 'Have a good day'

R229 gave me the feels. As a 44 year old misanthrope, that was lovely. Just wonderful.

My beds are all made with crisp white percale sheeting.

My bath towels are all white Turkish.

My beyond is made with white supremacy.

Kindly translate that for us, R234.

As in, "What the fuck did you just say?" or maybe better yet, "What the fuck did you just mean to say?"

Because what you said makes no sense at all.

R235, I referred to my bed and my bath in R233.

So R234, made a joke about his beyond.

Bed, Bath, & Beyond.

And he said something about white supremacy because I said that my sheeting and towels are white.

Any more questions?

No R236. Please shutup now.

Just saying Thank You. I stopped doing favors for people a long time ago when I felt I put a lot into a an action or gift, especially if it's homemade, if it wasn't reciprocated. Two simple words is all it takes.

I always take a gift of some kind whenever I'm invited to someone's home for the first time.

On a recent episode of a TV drama, someone went to someone else's house for dinner for the first time, and she didn't bring a hostess gift. It was refreshing.

stripping naked completely in the locker room,

i swear men these days r such pussies

Earrings

Caftans

[quote] What Old Fashion Standards Only You Seem to Maintain?

I announce before I am about to nut and flood your guts with my seed. You know, so you have time to mentally prepare, so can fully experience the euphoria of being bred.

When did the gays start calling getting fucked "being bred"?

R237, I won’t.

R241 it’s you that men do not like. Whenever I see some pesky old man naked I run in the opposite direction as do most men.

R200 I really enjoyed that. Thank you.

I still try to stick to polite conversation in social gatherings. Not really a biggie, I know.

I only do coke in the bathroom, and blowjobs UNDER the bleachers at the club!

None but my mother always abided by Monday is washday. It was a thing once upon a time.

I still write notes and cards using cursive, and have three friends to whom I write letters (and receive them too). I set aside Friday morning for this.

I don't know where it comes from, but I insist that all my authoress monies-earned homes must be completely lifted off their foundations once monthly in order to have all the dust and dirt accumulated under them removed thoroughly.

R1 It doesn't make sense that your friends invite people to their homes at the dinner hour. For what, if not for dinner?

I thought this thread wasa about old fashioned standards you maintain, not telling others what they should do.

R252 it's something people do, or used to do, in large cities - cocktail parties at 8. It never made much sense of course.

I wash my pussy...regularly, or semi-regularly anyway...

I don't invite traitorous family members to my coronation.

With what, Cher - some eggs a coupla' months past their sell-by date? Rotting meat?

Inquiring minds want to know before they run out of the room for fresh air.

Spare the rod, …

you know

It's clear which of you have simply never been the beneficiary of any thoughtfulness or proper manners.

It seems most younger people also have a problem with the mere notion that there IS a "correct way" to do anything, and that just whatever occurs to them to do in the moment will be just fine, yet it often isn't.

Nice manners, as stated above, are a way of putting OTHERS at ease, they aren't necessarily to make you more at ease. Many people used to be proud of their social skills and were therefore very popular with their friends. Why would that ever be "out of style"?

[quote] do people really wear jeans to funerals in the states ?

I'm afraid I've seen this....even recently. I can't imagine what they're thinking.

I sit at a proper table to eat a proper meal. Some people eat on the sofa, I Refuse

Some people think my fine family heirloom furniture is simply a place to break wind while they watch television.

And they don't generally get a second invitation to my family home.

[quote]What Old Fashion Standards Only You Seem to Maintain?

I don't wear white after labor day. I tuck in any shirt that has a collar. I always match my belt to my shoes.

Real solid wood floors, not veneer, polished regularly with paste wax.

i use cozy earth, Greg. They are the best sheets. I am a sheet snob.

I would like to maintain the tradition of the long telephone call, in which stories are shared, in which conversation takes amusing turns, in which ideas, stories, even feeling is exchanged. But that tradition seems well and truly gone.

The Telephone Call: A Minor Art Form 1950-2003, I think.

By the way, R265, Pratesi or Frette, but they must be made in Italy.

Our HOA held its monthly meetings at 6…..most didn’t bother to show up, of course

R254 5 to 8 was mentioned, not 8, which makes more sense. I've been to cocktail parties but not for many years, but was never at one totally devoid of food.

A cocktail party from 5:00 to 8:00 makes perfect sense. People can then go home or out to dinner at 8:00/8:30 which is a perfectly acceptable and civilized time to have dinner. When I get together with friends either at my place or a friend's place for cocktails on a Friday night, we meet at 7:00 for cocktails and simple hors d'oeuvres and then and head out to a restaurant for dinner sometime between 8:30 and 9:00.

[quote]And carry a sober leather case of some sort, for god's sake.

I tried but the sommamabitch won't stop drinking.

Grown men in business attire (or what passes for it these days) carrying a backpack look ridiculous.

I'm so happy to hear someone else say that, R272. They look like Beaver Cleaver searching for frogs on the way home from school. Just another part of the infantilization of Americans.

R270 But with no canapes or hors d'oevre, or a bowl of potato chips or some peanuts?

R274, I like the cut of your jib.

You are correct. One should always serve some small bit of food with drinks. Hors d’oeuvres can be as simple as a small bowl of the best potato chips or some bar nuts.

[quote] I thought this thread wasa about old fashioned standards you maintain, not telling others what they should do.

R253, telling others what they should do [bold] is [/bold] an old-fashioned standard.

High Tea and crumpets precisely at 4pm. Yes, it is a bit of work wheeling poor, desiccated Mother out of the cellar each day but it simply wouldn't be the same without her.

[quote] Handwritten thank you notes on monogrammed stationery. Always.

R2 also stamps the enveloped closed with sealing wax bearing the family crest.

R277, perhaps you n Mo ean afternoon tea.

Have you learned nothing on DL?

Afternoon tea us what the upper classes wound have at 4:00 - scones, clotted cream, strawberry preserves, cucumber sandwiches and other crustless sandwiches, and other small sweets.

High tea us a blue collar, working class supper that often has some type of eggs, meat like ham, etc.

High tea is called “high” because it is served at a high table — meaning a kitchen or dining room table, because it takes the place of a proper dinner. It is very much supper.

Low tea or afternoon tea, is a luxurious pause to refresh, traditionally at 4:00, with dinner being served around 8:00.

R279 - You must be a lot of fun at parties.

[quote] You must be a lot of fun at parties.

You don’t know the half of it.

When I send birthday cards to my nephews who are younger than twelve but older than seven, I address the envelope using the honorific “master.” I also include a $2 bill.

It’s true. The BRF would NEVER have high tea — only afternoon tea.

They would also never have brunch.

Right. Afternoon tea - or “low tea” - is called low because it is served on a low table (like a coffee table) in the drawing room or library. Think Downton - perfect example of afternoon tea at 4:00.

Vivian do not deep sniff your couch cushions then

I cover my mouth 👄 when I Sneeze or cough even when I’m wearing a mask.

Maybe I am stuck in the past because I don’t say 🩴 Flops I say Thongs .

I don’t say hook ups I say having sex

I don’t say - My mom and dad I say - My mother and father.

R287, I bet you also say dungarees not jeans.

And slacks, not trousers.

As always, the poster at R288 gets it wrong and thinks that "slacks" is more "old-fashioned" than "trousers." The latter was in use in the 1600s, the former originates in 1824.

A recipe for confusion and bad taste.

No, not as usual, R289 (who, as usual, is a fucking dick).

I never said that saying slacks was more old-fashioned than trousers, did I?

What I said to R287 was, "I bet you say ..." And, I bet I'm right.

Your reading comprehension is not very good I'm afraid.

So for the record, I stand behind what I said to R287:

[quote] [R287], I bet you also say dungarees not jeans. And slacks, not trousers.

We are not talking about the history of language. I made a simple statement.

I still dress up when going out to a restaurant for dinner, to see a play at the theatre, to go to a concert. I do not wear sweats in pubic except if I am going directly to the gym.

I still dress up when flying.

I hold doors for everyone. If I am driving someone, I open the door for them. If I am driving a woman home, I accompany her to her front door and wait until she's in.

I think it's odd that strangers call me by my first name before I get to know them. Addressing someone as Mr, Mrs, or Ms shows respect.

I do not talk on my cell phone in public. I do not engage with it in the company of others.

I say please and thank you, and I also try to treat everyone with respect and civility.

So if we were to meet, r291, would I call you "Charlie" or "Mr. Prince"?

I return my shopping cart to the designated area.

R293- Not as good as yours but I always park my car properly between the white lines never over the white lines.

R292, or Bonnie?

R292 and R295

Just call me Tutz, honey. And we'll have a bonnie good time!

[quote]I do not wear sweats in pubic except if I am going directly to the gym.

Dammit.

r252 usually game nights, RuPaul's Drag Race on Friday nights, or preparing to go out (pre-game). The last one I can accept and would only happen early in the night if it's someone's birthday.

[quote] [R289] (who, as usual, is a fucking dick).

Please don't deprive R289 of their life mission: breathlessly scouring wikipedia to thrust arcane and irrelevant factoids at other posters because they have nothing else to contribute. It's all they have.

r270 the problem is that these invites don't include any meal portion or pending dinner reservation. Often, I'm lucky to see a bag of chips and dip from the host. Game nights are the worst when this happens because we are actually at someone's dinner table with next to nothing to eat. I've just started straight up asking if we will be ordering-in since my friend insists on 6-7pm start times for game nights that can last till 10 or 11pm. Many of us. work till 5, and may squeeze in a gym session or just some time to decompress so dinner isn't always an option before 6/7pm.

[quote] I also try to treat everyone with respect and civility.

Then why the fuck are you on DataLounge?

I answer the telephone with the preferred "Ahoy-Hoy"

I say, "thank you" a lot. Sometimes to a fault. It just comes out...and sometimes, I cringe when I do it. I'm a 'thank youer".

R303- No worries.

People appreciate what you say, R303, a lot more than what they hear from the "fuck you"re's

Thank you R304 and R305!

Wise advice, R299.

R289 is a total shit-for-brains.

I am provoked by the "no worries" tic and sometimes cannot control myself, asking -- like a dick -- the waiter "Why should I be worried? I'm only asking for a bottle of water?"

And then, "Oh, good, because I was worried that you might be worried that I was worried. And I'm not."

A lost battle, and yet I fight it, sometimes.

Fight the good fight, R308, and keep doing it.

Unless you're in Australia, where indeed it's a battle lost long ago.

I really don't give two craps if someone says "no problem', "no worries", "it's all good", or whatever people say. I don't need to police other people's speech or etiquette. If they respond in a friendly way and they're not rude, what the fuck do you want from people?

I'm fussy in many ways, but "no problem" and "no worries" never really registered with me until I saw DLers complaining about them. I was born in the 1990s, so maybe the phrases were too engrained to be noticeable by the time I was growing up.

Expressions change over time, and customs. I mean nobody says "How do you do?" any more, either (wait - I'm sure there are DLers who do).

I am in total sympathy with R308’s husband.

I guess I have to give R308 credit for admitting his dickishness with waiters but I still wouldn't want to be out with him.

I like to use hanging indents when I address a letter by hand. It’s a British thing. Very U.

I cannot stand when a waiter asks someone, "Are you still working?" or "All set or still working on that?"

I have been known to reply, "I am not working; I am eating my dinner."

When I've said that, my dinner companions were likely mortified. But I find the question so off-putting and crass.

No pajamas outside the house. No tattoos.

I wear a belt!

[quote]TBH, Datalounge can somewhat accurately be described as a site dedicated to men who feel strongly about upholding old-fashioned standards.

Interesting. DL has always struck me as one giant online psych ward.

Potayto potahto.

R316 I'm with you. I get so tired of being interrupted by wait-staff while I'm in the middle of a conversation or actually have a bite of food in my mouth - to ask if I need anything, if everything is ok, if they can take a dish away I'm finished with.... It's so intrusive, it honestly makes me want to stop going to restaurants and just order in - or fix my own food.

Maybe it's bitchy of me, but it makes the experience unpleasant. You'd think they could just glance at you, from a bit of a distance, so you could catch their eye and ask for something, instead of them marching up to the table and interrupting you. Has it always been like this? It's impolite, imo.

Yes, R320, being a good waiter is an art form. How you approach a table. When you approach a table. What you say and how you say it.

I believe in always being kind and respectful of waitstaff, but in many cases, they have not been properly trained.

Ugh. This thread is such wholesome gay goodness. Warms my goddamn cockles.

One of my first bosses (a steel magnolia, but a great boss) taught me that the response should mirror the original communication. For instance, if the original invitation came via email, it's proper to respond by email. If the original invitation came via US post, the response should be by US Post. And yes, I know how absolutely arcane this is, but it works for me. I get pissed when I give a gift (for instance, a sterling baby cup that is engraved with the baby's name or intials) and the parents think it just fine to thank me by email.

The other thing I still do is what my father used to refer to as "citizenship dues."...returning your cart in the supermarket parking lot, emptying the lint trap in a communal dryer, so forth. None of these things take an inordinate amount of time, but if everyone did it, the world would be a much pleasanter place. It's what passes for being a good citizen.

And yes, yes...I know. I'm an elder gay who types fat, and spend every day in my caftan and earrings, dialing the phone with a pencil and waiting for Vivian Vance to call with the latest word on what Gary's not letting Lucy do. There, I saved you the trouble.

[quote]And yes, yes...I know. I'm an elder gay who types fat, and spend every day in my caftan and earrings, dialing the phone with a pencil and waiting for Vivian Vance to call with the latest word on what Gary's not letting Lucy do. There, I saved you the trouble.

Oh, you cute as all hell!!

I'm liking you.

[quote] I get so tired of being interrupted by wait-staff while I'm in the middle of a conversation or actually have a bite of food in my mouth - to ask if I need anything, if everything is ok, if they can take a dish away I'm finished with.... It's so intrusive ... Maybe it's bitchy of me, but it makes the experience unpleasant. You'd think they could just glance at you, from a bit of a distance, so you could catch their eye and ask for something, instead of them marching up to the table and interrupting you.

R320, these people are just doing their jobs. It does sound bitchy to want someone to "just glance at you, from a bit of a distance." These people have other customers to serve, other things to do besides stand at a distance from your table, awaiting eye contact from you. You're lucky that you do get attentive service. If you want a different kind of experience, go to a fine dining restaurant.

It's a fine line, I guess, but I thought this thread was supposed to be about old-fashioned standards you maintain, not your pet peeves about other people's behavior (i. e., servers in restaurants).

Always well-dressed in public, very careful about hygiene, timely thank you emails for invitations and gifts, remember people's birthdays, never swear except at home, never lose my temper with friends or in public, respect people's boundaries by not asking invasive questions, offer help if I see someone needing it, eg, someone struggling to cross a street, listen to friends' problems without judgement, considerate neighbour.

I watch old shit like Little House on the Prairie and wonder why Laura and her family were such do-gooders.