Let's be a HELLO! magazine profile of Jamie Lee Curtis

"It's hard to believe Jamie Lee is 64 years old. She looks so young... so young... young..."

"Everything I've achieved, I worked my damn butt off for!".

*Jamie, sat on a sofa near a table of framed photos of her parents and their showbiz pals*

"Being in this position of privilege, and it is a privilege, I remind myself every day how blessed I am. I make sure to have as many friends of color as possible in my social network".

Two words: Michelle Yeoh.

"It is a miracle I can walk at all," Jamie Lee announced. "I bless the wonder of life, and the newness of living."

“I worked every bit as hard as Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow did to make my way in Hollywood.”

"People talk about how 'brave' I am to have lines on my face," Jamie Lee continues, artfully arranging a bouquet of flowers she plucked that morning from her own garden. "But I don't think of it as brave. I think of my face as a map of my experiences."

WTF is Hello?

Watch AbFab R9.

“I enjoy spending one to two hours a day shitting after scarfing down my daily 6-pak of strawberry Activia yogurt.”

You can never have enough hats, gloves, and shoes.

"Of course, it's terrible when actresses don't get work because of their age," Jamie Lee continues, pouring tea from a service once owned by her mother, Hollywood legend Janet Leigh. "But the real victims in that are the fans, deprived of seeing such important, life-affirming work."

I'm the "humble" finger-foods.

"We are greeted by Jamie Lee, bidding us 'Welcome to my gracious drawing room.'"

My friends kept coming up to me saying, "Jamie, this is it. This is your year. You will be nominated." But what if I wasn't nominated? I couldn't face their heartbreak. I couldn't face the heartbreak of friends near and dear to me. Friends who supported me in my journey. In this journey. To this moment.

And when I was nominated, I realized that this nomination is more than just a nomination. It's a testament to them. To our journey. To our journey together. That this nomination is so much more than just about myself or the possibility of winning an Oscar. It is about women supporting other women.

"Initially, I said: 'Not me, sweetie, my lips are sealed', smiled Jamie Lee. But then I thought: 'I'll do HELLO! Magazine!'"

It's been a wonderful year for the trans-seasonal trouser...and believe me, I know all about the trans.

"I only had it for a year," whispered Jamie Lee, conspiratorially. "And then it fell off".

"At the Academy Awards luncheon, I had a person much more famous than I approach me to say 'Seems like sixty is the new thirty, isn't it?'"

Jamie Lee smiles, but there's pain beneath that smile.

"And I appreciate the thought, but — why do we have to put ourselves in these arbitrary categories?"

The oven timer dings. Jamie Lee claps her hands. "Wait till you taste fresh-baked carrot cake from my carrot garden."

I thought the phone would be ringing off the hook after Halloween but the only thing I got afterwards was an episode of The Love Boat with, get this, my MOTHER.

Welcome to my gracious drawing room.

"One point five million!"

I banged Adam Ant at his hottest.

Of course, yes, I am a Baroness and everyone has his hers or their thoughts about that. But I have my Hungarian Jewish feet planted firmly on the ground. I don't live in a palace and I did rebuild the great synagogue of Budapest, and I'm grateful for the love and respect that was showered upon me and my parents. Do I deserve it? Who is to say. I'm the principal bread winner in this family, I'm proud to say it. And I do the work.

I'm reading all of these in her voice LOL.

"The nomination is a blessing, and it's always nice to have a shot at another shiny object," Jamie Lee says with a smile, sipping a cup of herbal tea with herbs from her garden. "But the [italic]real[/italic] shiny objects are the people we work with along the way."

She Look Like A Man with her Butchi-Butch haircut.

GoodBye.

It is so fucking delightful how Jamie Lee Curtis and Patsy Stone are merging together.

It's a seventy-foot drawing room with west-facing garden. One point five million.

Our delightful lunch concluded, Jamie Lee walks me to the door, pressing a bag of freshly picked figs into my hand. "Certainly awards are lovely," Jamie Lee says, "but when I'm drinking my morning tea and looking at the sunlight playing off my beautiful fig tree, I know what's [italic]truly[/italic] important: Family. Friends. And the work.

How many JLC Troll Threads are you going to shit out? Did you tire of Meghan Markle?

This thread is hilarious!

You have a low bar.

Man, congrats on the Hello! posts - some of them are really funny. Now, add in Jamie discussing husband Christopher Guest and how they adopted the two brats. I mean, Jamie must be able explain how she was never cast in one of his mockumentaries (do they have an agreement to keep work and family separate?) and isn't one of the adoptees big ole T? FTM or MTF I can't recall.

Jamie Lee's daughter Ruby stumbles into the room, unsteadily tottering on heels, wig askew with lipstick smeared all over her face. "Now, straighten yourself up dear! You know your father hates it when you look like you've slept in backseat of your car." As Ruby lurches out of the room, Jamie gives me a knowing look and leans forward. "It just goes to show, being a girl is tougher than it looks. Oh believe you me, I know the 'chicks with dicks' life! But she does have a lot on her plate. She's also a goblin AND furry. That's a lot of getups. I don't know these kids do it these days! I'm just glad I can unconditionally support them, unlike..." Jamie trails off, looking at the floor. We've hit a sore subject.

Sad.