Would you have sex with John Mulaney?

He’s he so desperate for money to get drugs he’s now selling his nudes?

Monotonous jackhammering, punctuated with odd questions and wry observations.

[quote] What would sex with him even be like?

constantly talking about his wife and kid, so you could never finish.

Just how unkempt is his hole?

The ears would serve well as hand grips, I guess.

That's some Irish Catholic guilt you're aiming for there!

His bush must be a mess.

I’m amazed at how identical the two pics are, except for the missing shorts. Was he playing Can You Spot All the Differences?

Brittle.

Closetcase!

Here’s the original nude:

Did he have lots of Gay sex at Georgetown when he was a blackout drunk?

No. I don’t do Olivia Munn’s sloppy seconds.

R11, is that his little brother, Jimmy?

Please. I don’t even want to click on that link and see his nudes.

R15 = Anna Marie Tendler!

My hole is getting wet looking at that nude photo.

Olivia Munn gets to hit that each night!

Sure!

Each thrust is prefaced with a nasally "my father..."

Absolutely not.

I find him somewhat exhausting. The SNL people clearly love him - maybe too much - and seem desperate to prop him up and talk about him being this amazing great guy, but it's like...at a certain point, he needs to just stand on his own. Get sober, stay sober, figure out his sexuality, his future with Olivia and the kid (marriage?) and find a lane as an entertainer. I don't see him doing stand-up forever. His last show was 85% about his intervention and recovery, which was cringey and filled with name dropping.

Unless he gets a part in a TV show as a character people really like, I don't see where this is going. And yet, Seth and Andy and the rest will all fawn over him like he's the second coming.

Truthfully, I don't find him warm at all. His comedy and "stiff old fashion man" schtick just seem condescending to me.

Whatever he looks like nude, it isn't worth it. Did Pete Davidson really tap that? Yipes.

The photoshop on the left leg where it meets the hip is so bad it's going to give me nightmares.

[quote]Did Pete Davidson really tap that?

The good news is that neither one remembers!

I would have, until his meltdown and babymama drama revealed him just to be another piece of Hollywood trash.

BTW, the hips on that fake nude are WAY too narrow. He's been explicit about his womanly hips.

Difficult People got him shirtless. No thanks.

R24 Wow — is that really him? It looks like he has Klinefelter’s syndrome.

Olivia Munn is a skanky ho, god bless her, who has had some primo dick in her day, and THAT is who she got knocked up with?

I think it's more fetal alcohol syndrome, R25.

There's a rumor Mrs. Mulaney didn't stop glug-glugging during pregnancy. Which would explain some things.

John kind of has FAS face. Note the narrow eyes.

Possible. But he also looks like his father at the same age. Both his parents have very small eyes.

I would've banged his dad.

You're right r28, he got those fish eyes from dad.

R28 that’s the most Irish-American looking family ever. New York version. It’s a fucking stereotype.

There's nothing sexy about someone who whines.

Ellen Mulaney on her son’s childhood, fame and sense of humor—but not her chronic alcoholism

How big is his cock?

Who has seen it?

Damn where’s he been hiding that hot dad all this time?

I'm slutty, so, sure.

I just hope a top or two magically appear.

R35 is Olivia Munn.

Dad's still cute for a guy in his 70s. Great head of hair.

Who'd have guessed "John Mulaney's dad" would belong on the "Men over 60 you'd do" thread?

[quote]How big is his cock? Who has seen it?

He's Irish. Case closed.

He's appeared shirtless in shows before, and his body is nowhere near that good.

I would fuck him, mostly to see how filthy a fucker he might be, and how easily he might be persuaded.

I wouldn't fuck him to ask about wife and kids and past relationships, etc.

Hell yes!

I’d sit on that cock and bounce up and down.

Not again.

My dick never was so dirtied.

He spawned a cute baby.

R11, I was going to say that OP's picture looks photoshopped to death. I'm dissapointed in DL!

I would, but I have low standards and I'm desperate.

I hate to say this, but . . . he looks like, ahem, the soldiers just freed him after the war.

I used to want to. Then he had all that divorce and baby drama, and I lost interest. I used to think he was so funny, that he was essentially telegraphing his gayness in various moments in his comedy routine. But he's nothing to me now, in terms of sexual desire.

Oh, and r31, he grew up in Chicago, not NY.

I like John Mulaney a lot, not really sure why DL turned on him. So what, he fucked around on that awful wife of his. Good for John. But, no one is going to John Mulaney for a good fuck. He seems like a nice guy with some demons, you might get a few laughs and some stories, but guys like John Mulaney aren't throwing it down in the bedroom. That's not what they're designed for.

Whoever that other guy is, he has a nice dick lol

The Photoshopped pictures at OP are hilarious. As if an irish-American guy would have that big of a cock, or as if he would be that ripped.

He's an unhappy guy who seems destined to make the lives of other people around him miserable with his substance abuse problems. He's very talented as a comedy writer, and I could imagine him being the lead on a sitcom. he'll never be a movie star or anything like that, though.

The pictures of course are fake, however I've always found him so sexy and so funny - so yes, I guess (although it will never happen) if given the opportunity I would. Of course I am so lonely and sex-starved - I'm sure i'm not in my right mind about it.

[quote]Whoever that other guy is, he has a nice dick.

His name is Lucas Knight.

Were the Mulaney Lace Curtain Irish?

Hell no. This aspir guy is annoying. He's not funny at all and very ugly.

Aspie^

I think he's totally gay closet case.

R55 late arrivals/pretenders…likely down a notch, so let’s say High Shanty Irish

[quote]I would've banged his dad.

I did.

It looks like everyone in the photo at R28 is lacking a philtrum between the nose and upper lip, so maybe it’s a family trait, not FAS.

As long as it's not a dangling columella, they're okay.

In the pictures showing his real body, despite it being a shower scene, he looks unclean.

The farmer’s tan isn’t doing him any favors.

I probably wouldn't have sex with him, but I would j/o with him.

Sure, as long as he supplies the booze.

I would. He's a cute guy. An hour or so may be more than enough.

R55 R59 I believe the technical term is "Two-Toilet Irish".

Interesting that R50 chooses to randomly slag Mulaney's "awful wife" without noting he cheated and procreated with one of the most vicious bitches he could find.

What happened to John Mulaney? Is he back in rehab? His kid must have been born by now, right?

Absolutely. But the second he begins to whine about the dick in his ass, I'm outta there.

SNL has very low standards now.

I would bang anyone with that body and big dick.

Does anyone know whose body and cock they are?

Why does DL think every celeb is gay?

mulaney is gross looking. He looks even worse without his pants.

mutilated

I would have sex with him in a heartbeat - something about him is very sexy to me.

Have he or Munn come fully clean on how their wee little bastard was conceived? It's the messiest (low level) celebrity story of the last few years.

I would not.

Don't care for his comedy. I know comedians are supposed to be bitter, but I'm supposed to feel sorry for him and applaud him making money off the fact he's bitter that he's successful and a junkie?

....come again?

No thank you. He's not hideous or untalented, but that "so, I'm a big failure, when I'm actually not" shit is a huge turnoff. And his weird retro vibe was cute for about a minute.

I really don't think the SNL alums who are successful understand that WE don't care about them nearly as much as THEY THINK we do. There's something so smug about the lot of them...yet Seth is the only one I can think of who is doing well right now. Amy and Tina are great, made great shows, but now they're just...famous?

Whatever. Get it together Mulaney. Get happy, get healthy, be grateful. He could have been like a charming Dick Van Dyke type if he wasn't so snotty and whiny.

I went through a brief period in my early 20s where I was exclusively fucking bitter, closeted comics, mostly because they were the only people I could find that were more miserable than I was. I'll tell you this much, it's in everyone's best interest that they stay on the bottle. Hell hath no fury like a dry comedian.

He and Munn make sure their "happy family" pics are published in People every few months, r70, so yes.

Netflix is still paying him for specials and he's got one coming up soon. I'd say it would flop but he'll probably just be like Louis CK and get a whole new but different audience for his stuff.

R21 I could not have said it better. ITA

His face is gross.

Do we know whose dick that is? Kind of reminds me of Pierce Paris.

He can sit on my face anytime he wants.

Not unless this was the 80's again and I had plentiful coke.

If this were the '80s, r87, John would be no older than nine.

Good point.

He kind of reminds me of a brown haired Howdy Doody.

Ugh, NO. Even his comedy act is boring as fuck.

That dick doesn’t look out of place in him. Probably would bump him up a point or two.

On him*** some of you want to go in but that’s your prerogative!