Let's Be Madonna 40 Years Celebration World Tour

I'm the massive traffic jam in the arena's concourses caused by all the walkers and motorized scooters of Madge's rapidly aging fan base.

I’m the impromptu rapper that gets inserted into each song, even the 80s ones.

I’m the “Depends Concession” specifically requested at every show by Madonna.

I'm the shifting debris in my BBL.

I'm the Madame LatinX hip hop stars that have been shoehorned into new arrangements of old songs and who absolutely no fans know of.

I'm the stage side pharmacist

You gotta pull all the stops out- til they call the cops out.

I'm the film bio nobody wanted to see that's been conveniently cancelled for the "celebration" tour...

I’m the growing disappointment of the audience who realize they aren’t going to hear the promised hits in any discernible fashion.

I’m waiting 3 hours for her to turn up.

I’m her nude body gyrating on stage.

I’m the ridiculous Kabbalah backdrops.

I’m the poor wardrobe girl that has to sew Madame X into her latex catsuits.

I’m Code Blue Cam busting Madonna on a narcotics offense. It’s a messy affair.

I'm the tour programme. Every single photo of Madge is airbrushed beyond recognition.

I’m the rap rendition of “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina”.

R16 LOL I was gonna say the same thing but Borderline.

I'm the arthritis

The shinging! The shongsh! The charishma!!

I think this concert tour is a good idea and could work if properly managed. The nostalgia is there.

I’m “8pm” on the tickets, which really means “11:30pm”.

I'm the new stage complete with oxygen tanks and I'm a prop but not really!

Is she going to go through all her fake accents?

"Break a hip!"

She's actually about to do it.

“THIS IS MY FRIEND LIL WAYNE YO REPRESENT! 🤹🏼‍♀️”

Is she passing out free Depends?

"40 Years Celebration World Tour"

It's called menopause

I'm the game of Backup Dancer Bingo, to be played by packs of Gen-X queers in the cheap seats.

The game used to be guessing which dancer she was NOT fucking, but now it's more about which of the seven dusky hunks will catch her when she breaks a hip during her "Ray of Light" twitch dancing.

She's not going to be able to do all the vigorous dancing or singing, but this could work if properly organized

I'm the drab, big-box stores in suburbs worldwide playing her new remixes non-stop in a sad attempt to seem cool.

I'm the rows upon rows of her OG fans now between the ages of 55-68 Graying hair! big c-sections and pot bellies! stretchy black jeans! lacey gloves! corsets! sunglasses! beads and bangles! crosses! LOOK AT US!!!! Tonight we are going ALL OUT!!! because WE LOVE MADONNA!!!! OMG, Hoda and Kathy Lee are in the front row next to Rosie!!!

(most of us leave after a few songs because we don't want to get stuck in gridlock on the way out and tomorrow we have to get up super early to drive the grandkids to school)

“Over the borderline..””…SHE’S A HOOD ASS BITCH!”

R31, those fans you describe, well this is their first concert since they saw Madge back in '85 on the Virgin Tour.

I'm the obscenely priced VIP package. My small print is on a par with Krusty the Klown.

*Locations may vary by venue, see specific date for details.

**Extent and nature of the tour subject to venue limitations.

***No artist participation included in package.

****Subject to local liquor laws

Is she still on the Kabbalah buzz? Her grillz phase has lasted longer than that.

I'm the playlist, dominated by Hard Candy tracks onwards.

I'm also the delusion of Madonna, insisting she's still an innovator and her best work was made in the last 15 years.

I'm the playlist, dominated by Hard Candy tracks onwards.

I'm also the delusion of Madonna, insisting she's still an innovator and her best work was made in the last 15 years.

I'm the screen backdrop showing quotations from James Baldwin and animated references to Basquiat and Haring- true artists she regularly trots out her connections to, as if she was anything other than a groupie.

I’m her talentless brood of kids, happy that mum has something to keep her busy and is making serious bank for us to spend in the future.

I'm the backstage prayers, said not by Madge and her entourage, but by her manager and the insurance company.

I’m the MDNA skin care products being sold in the lobby. A complete set costs more than the ticket.

I'm Nikki and Donna waiting for the phone to ring.

Im the wrinkles she can't hide in real life

I’m the facial filters applied to the video feed. I occasionally cut out, revealing the horror beneath.

I'm Candy Shop, the song M thinks everyone wants to hear yet again.

I'm the small print on the tickets;

'Madonna may cancel or reschedule the date of this concert without any prior notice. Tickets are non-refundable'

I better be Jenny Craig backstage, because bitch needs to lose some weight if she’s gonna pull of all these shows.

I'm Marlene Dietrich's skeleton side-eyeing the whole affair from my modest grave.

On the subject of Marlene, who will Madge be ripping off...sorry appropriating this tour?

The pills and bloating are peak Judy.

I’m the wheelchair, waiting in the wings, with some stitching already coming off.

R50 But’cha ah, Madge…ya AH in the chair!

We're all the rappers dragged out onstage to ruin the classic songs that are now unrecognizable.

And Madonna's fanbase are not and have never been aficionados of rap music, but she still insists on having rappers.

[quote]"40 Years Celebration World Tour"

[quote]It's called menopause

The old girl is long past menopause.

I'm the nip slip

I'm the lack of shame

I'm the stan fans who accept all Madge's empty gestures as something more than just mindless shock. We are waiting with bated breath for her to drop the 'f' bomb, criticise the patriarchy and fondle herself using a crucifix.

I'm Madonna's opening act, 42 year-old Amy Schumer, talking about her pussy and how much she loves to get drunk and fuck.

She's so hip and edgy, the kids just love her!

I'm the ambulance on standby right outside the stage door.

I’m the key moment in the concert when her costume bursts open and her bosoms come flying out. That might draw a crowd, right?

I’m Lourdes wearing a shredded denim ball gown and getting denied access to the backstage.

I'm the mixed race dancer experiencing nightly sexual harassment and who will end up giving her my dick just to get it over with

I’m Reba not attending.

I can't name a single Reba McIntyre song. She's not a thing with gays outside of the Deep South and Southwest.

R63 not true. Her tv show was a big hit in urban areas on the WB and broadened her fan base

r64 not in any Northern urban areas I know of. I can tell you that no queen in NYC is into Reba.

I'm the hot arena. I have a perfectly functional AC system to keep you comfortable but the low-rent Maria Callas cunt on stage insists that it be turned off "for her voice."

As if you'd call that "singing".

I’m the ice bath and cortisone injections for after the show.

I'm the obligatory reference to James Baldwin. Madonna will scream to her audience: "You need to read James Baldwin!! Have you heard of James Baldwin?? I LOVE James Baldwin and know ALL his work!!"

I'm also the constant comparisons that Madonna makes between herself and Baldwin, because, as you know, a rich, privileged white woman who took off her clothes for sales is on the same level as a Black man who lived through and wrote about the Civil Rights era...

I'm James Baldwin in heaven hoping this white bitch won't be speaking my name during her tour. Every time she says my name is disrupts me from my heavenly peace.

R65 false, all the big city gays love Reba more than Madonna

R65

R65

I'm the screen projection that will eventually appear showing a bruised, bloody Madonna because she thinks I'm so cool and dark that I add a gravitas to lyrics like, "I like to singy singy singy, like a bird on a wingy wingy wingy".

[quote]I'm Madonna's opening act, 42 year-old Amy Schumer...

Madonna's opening act is going to be Bob the Drag Queen.

I’m the toilet seat that’s praying she doesn’t have to take a dump.

I have a feeling Bob will put on a blonde wig and cone bra and step in for her when her hips give out. Or her grillz fall off… or her girdles cut off her circulation and she passes out…

I'm Sam Smith, front row with her yassss kweeen fans! I'm so relatable now, even though I will get backstage after the show and act all crazy with her for the 'gram!

I'm the widely mocked 2022 concert video of "Music" with Maluma that abruptly disappeared from YouTube shortly after the tour announcement.

I'm Madonna's underpaid and undervalued team members who scourge the Internet trying to block all filming of her Celebration Tour videos because no filters can hide our boss' hideous facial features.

We fail each night and are fired by Madonna's next in line.

I’m the surprise Lady Gaga appearance and duet.