Nothing will cure my chronic constipation

I'll give you a hint: they're stewed, and they go deliciously with cod!

Haribo gummy bears

Another scat thread. yeaaa

R2 Sugar free haribos

Magnesium

Time for a suppository!

eat you a vegetable, bitch

Psyllium husk fiber

Drinking enough water, getting exercise, (walking is good.) and diet are the key. Now I was plagued with this condition and I was taking metamucil, and then., for some reason, recently, I stopped all the fiber supplements and now I'm regular which is something I haven't been for years.

"Go Lightly" the prep for a flex sig........I can absolutely assure you that this stuff will cure your constipation.......prescription only.......get it from a physician......it WILL CLEAN YOU OUT....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wheatgrass juice (at least two ounces) and a glass of warm lemon water (not together) before ingesting anything else.

A tumor tends to get in the way.

Get a colonoscopy now.

Down some warm stewed prunes and then insert a dulcolax suppository. One in the pink, one in the stink. 12 hours later you’ll have poo coming out your ears.

Dissolve four tablespoons of salt in a glass of warm water. Once dissolved down it in one gulp if possible.

Give it 30 minutes and do not leave the house.

R14 puts laxatives in his vadge and doesn't understand why he's still constipated.

oatmeal, psyllium powder or capsules which is what Metamucil is and prune juice

avoid beef, donuts, sugar, fried foods, sugar

All of the above are just biochemical ways to lubricate the end of the alimentary canal.

Back in the day, all it took was a water cable and a slow warm stream of water to get refuse tumbling out.

Once, twice a week and you are good to...go.

Senna.

R16 is long overdue for a sitz bath to help soothe those obviously painful hemorrhoids. They are making you so very cranky!

Strawberries, cherries, brussels sprouts, steel cut oats. Exercise increases the motility of your G.I. tract. An ab workout also helps push fecal matter through your large and small intestine.

Does no one just drink coffee?

Two cups in the morning and I'm right as rain.

Go somewhere that will not provide a bathroom easily, such as hiking in the wilderness, driving the I5 through the central valley, or a play and sitting in the center. Works for me every time.

Stop eating the cheese, you cheese-eating surrender monkey! I fart in your general direction.

Calm magnesium powder supplement. Unflavored, flavored, or in gummies. It also stops leg and foot cramps. Available through Amazon and many pharmacies and supermarkets.

Lay off the red wine.

Give up the smack.

And use polydextrose fiber as a sweetener in your tea or coffee

R9 nailed it. You'll be shitting to your heart's content in no time at all OP.

R13- I had a colonoscopy in the fall of 2019. I didn't even have any polyps. The only thing the doctor found was a hemorrhoid.

Undercover Shitcunt Thread!

Mirilax once per day, Colace twice per day.

OP = R1 =

I had a serious constipation episode once and the doctor prescribed GoLightly - the stuff they use to clean you out before a colonoscopy. You mix the powder with a gallon of water and drink all of it. I suggest adding Crystal Light, and drinking over ice. It doesn't taste bad, but it's hard to drink a GALLON of anything in one sitting.

Anyway, it was unexpectedly one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. It felt like cleaning out your attic or donating a bunch of clothes to the Goodwill. You don't realize how much stress and trauma you carry with you in your lower digestive tract. I weighed myself the next day and I'd lost 4 pounds - which got me down to my goal weight! It didn't come back either.

Good Luck, OP!! Let us when you pass whatever's holding you back.

R33 lol!

I second all the people that have suggested a colonoscopy prep like Golytely.

When I had a serious constipation problem as a compounding side effect of the many medications I was taking - not opioids - nothing doctors had me try that was OTC (Over-the-Counter) such as Miralax or Dulcolax or Magnesium Citrate worked, nor did any prescribed medications such as Linzess.

In frustration, my GP had me do the colonoscopy prep and two gallons of it - twice the normal amount - finally unblocked me.

By the way...those lists of your medications that every practitioner asks for? They generally don't look at compounding side effects; just contraindications.

Take a 9x6 for an hour

Sit ups!

Try doing 100 a day in 10 increment sets.You don’t need a 6 pack. Toning your ab muscles will keep you regular.

R33, this has happened to me a few times over the years when I eat certain foods, one time I literally felt like someone scooped out my entire lower abdomen and I was three belt rungs thinner!

I always try to remember exactly what I ate when it happens, but also think some people just get a natural “reset”.

I do know to avoid highly processed food and eat a bowl of McCaan’s steel cut oatmeal every morning that keeps me regular.

Miralex works well and is essentially the same ingredient in GoLytely prep.

Do NOT take the 4 tablespoons of salt (sodium chloride) that had been suggested above. That could very well increase your sodium level to a very dangerous range (risk of seizures or even death).

Eating prunes regularly will smooth out your problem, once you get the blockage taken care of. I have 2 prunes every other day when I eat oatmeal, and I'm good to go.

Stewed blackberries are a good and tasty alternative to prunes, especially served over a slice of pound cake and some vanilla ice cream.

Not all types of magnesium supplements act the same way on your bowels, the citrate one seems to be the best to try. I don't know if it's still being made, but supermarkets sold what looked like a pony bottle of beer that was actually Citrate of Magnesia. I remember it as being a good seller.

You really do have to up your consumption of vegetables, and no, corn and potatoes do not count. Lots of greens, lots of cabbage-y things too.

Plenty of water. You don't want your body wicking away moisture from your colon and compacting your stool so it is too dry to pass easily.

Miralax is basically a watered down version of Astroglide.

Fennel seed supplements. And soluable fiber, like BeneFiber. Metamucil contains insoluable fiber which may be harder to pass. Drink more water.

What may cause chronic diarrhea that lasts more than a week? How to treat it?

Drink more water, including hot water. Eat melon and more fruits with high water content.

[quote] What may cause chronic diarrhea that lasts more than a week? How to treat it?

i had it first week of November / some awful bug was going around the southwest for sure

Covid. A variant of covid causes gastrointestinal distress.

MY DOCTOR SAYS

I HAVE TO TAKE

A LAXATIVE!

Maybe if you stopped constantly shoving 10" dildos and God only knows what else up there...

I’d really like to help you, but I just don’t give a shit.

Miralax is what my GI doctor recommends and he also suggests colace stool softeners. I learned that my colon reacts badly to sweets and alcohol. Starches and some dairy too. So now I eat plain greek yogurt with fruit, and I avoid most other dairy. I have severely limited my intake of sweets to one serving twice a month, and I stopped drinking. I do drink more water and the Miralax works very well. I also exercise more.

Taco Bell should loosen you right up.

Prune juice is my go-to cure. Plus it is delicious.

Dy-no-mite. Or maybe lunch at Olive Garden.

I want to add my yes vote to Calm the magnesium powder mentioned above. It really works. Be careful with any thing with a laxative effect because ...it causes chronic constipation.

R14- This, but only as a last resort. The Happy World of Haribo ain't nuthing ta fuck with.

Op? How’s it going?

[quote]Miralax is what my GI doctor recommends

Miralax is the same thing as Golightly (the colonoscopy prep). It's just a weaker strength.

R22 beat me to it.

Two or three cups of coffee by nine am and I could bottom for entire Knicks team at noon.

Roto-Rooter

Bottle brush.

[quote] Two or three cups of coffee by nine am and I could bottom for entire Knicks team at noon.

Oh honey, you're supposed to drink the coffee. Not use it as an enema.

Plunger.

Miralax

[quote]OP: Nothing will cure my chronic constipation

No shit.

Stay well hydrated, take miralax TWICE a day (in the morning and the early evening), avoid/minimize eating constipating foods (such as cheese and peanut butter), eat more fiber (black berries, prunes, etc), and stay active (making sure to increase your fluid intake in proportion to your increased activity) to help relieve chronic constipation. If you take opiates, find other ways to deal with pain (anti inflammatory meds, Voltaren gel, TENS units, etc.)...Narcotics are VERY constipating.

Eat some fruits and vegetables without cheese, sauces, and other crap piled on top of them.

Drink some water.

Reduce high-fat meats, dairy products and eggs, sweets, or processed foods.

Bourbon

Overuse of antibiotics will cure you of any constipation permanently 😔

Thank you for all these suggestions. I'm not the OP but I'm following this.

Eat a whole avocado. You'll shit, believe me.

My doctor told me that a lot of constipation is caused by not being hydrated sufficiently. Is your urine dark yellow? Up your water intake until it's almost clear. Avoid or limit caffeine and alcohol as they dehydrate you. Although I second the endorsements above for drinking coffee for the laxative effect it often has.

It puts the lotion or it gets the hose again.

Do stretches. Torso twists and any other back stretches in particular.

My pee is as clear as water - I do drink plenty of water. But...

Coffee and a cigarette first thing in the morning used to be my routine. Worked like a charm! But now that I don’t smoke I have to rely on coffee exclusively (and brussels sprouts eaten at dinner the night before).

r33, it sounds like you pretty much pooped your way to a whole new you!

Many people have been trained in childhood to ignore body signals. The normal response to eating is something called peristalsis - the involuntary constriction and relaxation of the muscles of the intestine or another canal, creating wave-like movements that push the contents of the canal forward. Peristalsis usually sets in 15-20 minutes after a meal. These contractions in your intestines are signals that it's TIME TO GO - gastrocolic reflex. But many people ignore these signals or actively suppress them by squeezing sphincters and other muscles to prevent the spasms. The problem is that over time, these signals grow weaker - and the active contractions that are being shut down would help a person evacuate his bowels more completely if they were allowed to do their job. Once OP gets his immediate crisis out of the way, he needs to follow the advice for more fiber, more fruit and vegetables, more water and exercise, AND, very importantly, racing to the bathroom the INSTANT he feels peristalsis in action - not waiting for a more convenient moment, as many people do. For many people, they will resist the notion that they could/should evacuate 3 times a day, (after every meal) but that is actually nature's way. Hippocrates observed this 2500 years ago, and nothing about human anatomy has changed in the intervening centuries.

[quote] Dissolve four tablespoons of salt in a glass of warm water. Once dissolved down it in one gulp if possible. Give it 30 minutes and do not leave the house.

LOL! Are you insane? More like call an ambulance. Plus this would probably make you vomit. In the old days this is what they did to junkies and addicts to empty their stomachs if they had OD-ed on something. It was part of “getting your stomach pumped.”

Also if you did keep this down your blood pressure would skyrocket and you would feel it and possibly something ng terrible could happen (heart attack, stroke).

Eat a can of mixed greens and drink a bottle of coca cola. Believe me it works.

A pound of cole slaw.

OP you should try The Activia Challenge. Get regular again in just 14 days! I did it and I'm so regular I shit my pants!! And the good news is IT TASTES GREAT! What are YOU waiting for OP? Try The Activia Challenge TODAY!!

r77, I'm with you 100%. Years ago my doctor told me the best things I could do for my health were to strengthen my core, be as thin as I possibly could be without being underweight, and to shit after every meal.

One of the reasons I dreaded going back to the office is that I can't have a shit whenever it strikes.

[quote] Nothing will cure my chronic constipation

Die

I was taking a medication that made it really horrendous. I have created a cocktail that is infallible. Calm magnesium powder- 2 scoops, Benefiber Pysllium Husk powder - 2 scoops, Miralax- as much as you can stand - I do a heavy pour capful. Mix all three with -a gargantuan glass of cold water and drink as quickly as you can. - in the morning if possible. Its not for the faint of heart I’m warning you. little something I like to call the black diamond.

OP? How’s it going?

Shape your index finger like a hook and dig yourself out

[quote]I was taking a medication that made it really horrendous. I have created a cocktail that is infallible. Calm magnesium powder- 2 scoops, Benefiber Pysllium Husk powder - 2 scoops, Miralax- as much as you can stand - I do a heavy pour capful. Mix all three with -a gargantuan glass of cold water and drink as quickly as you can. - in the morning if possible. Its not for the faint of heart I’m warning you. little something I like to call the black diamond.

Or, drink water and eat fruits and vegetables regularly every day...and drop eating a lot of high-fat meats, dairy products and eggs, sweets, or processed foods.

A little warm water out of shower cable is simple and sanitary.

The Gay Bathhouse Solution

A double quarter pounder meal will get things moving.

One word: MiraLAX.

Tell us OP, which product worked the best? Or.....has your bowel exploded into a million pieces?

A crudite platter should do the trick.

A nurse told me drink something hot, followed by something ice cold. I drank a large cup of tea, then had a Wendy's Frosty, and I felt the rumbling and got to the john just in time. It took about 25 minutes.

Four words:

LAY OFF THE OPIATES.

R93 interesting solution! I’ve never heard of that one before. I’m gonna give that a try sometime.

Linzess

But the Viberzi commercials were funnier, if you had the shitz.

Have you tried shitting?

I have a notoriously slow digestive system. I always have issues with BMs. A day after I went to the gym and did a pretty strong ab workout I had the largest BM of my life. Not joking! I couldn’t believe how big it was! A lot of hanging leg raises and crunches did the trick!

Has anyone suggested removing the butt plug?

Ulcerative colitis.

You’ll be shitting 15 times a day

R101 pinch it off

Have you tried an enema bag? Not an enema, the bag enema about the size of a hot water bottle you hang and clip off.

A tall glass of OJ

Metformin. That shit will give you explosive diarrhea.

Take the stick out of your ass and insert a longer one.

Mexican food from a taco truck.

r107, that is not a bad idea on a general basis, as it diversifies patrons' gut biome.

Salmonella.

I was feeling backed up, and then my doctor prescribed a half dozen DORITOS® CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH - NACHO CHEESE tacos from taco bell. I've been free-flowing ever since. Give it a try!

Coffee

Ok, this happened to me the other day. I made chicken breasts in a pan, with olive oil, lemon juice and poured white cooking wine over them. After they were done baking, I poured the remnants of the sauce over my rice, and about 1/2 later, got the rumblings, and had the shits the rest of the night. I guess the sauce was too greasy. It felt like that's what did it.

OP?? We haven’t heard from you! I am getting very worried about your bowels! Are you OK?

Wheat bran makes me go. Eating a healthy and high fiber diet is required of course but I found that I still occasionally skipped a day. And I can't tolerate that. Many of the suggestions here help me form logs but didn't necessarily induce me to go daily.

Wheat bran is what makes me go like clockwork. Initially I was only eating the recommended 2 tablespoons and it worked 90% of the time. Then I doubled it and now I never skip a day and sometimes even go twice a day. And it's not like magnesium, which if you take just a bit too much gives you diarrhea. Wheat bran still gives me formed logs while keeping me regular.

Have you tried a plunger? Suction side up, I mean.

OP here.....I just started taking a daily probiotic and it's actually helping somewhat. I think it's genetic....my mother was always constipated and I eat tons of fruits and veggies but still nothing helped.

Anyways I'm going to try some of the suggestions above!

Work it out with a No. 2 pencil!

It can be bad: my little brother once was so constipated from eating a big jar of dry-roasted peanuts that his stool was stuck (impacted, I think they called it) and the Fleet enemas didn't help.

He went to the ER where the doc had to "sweep" it out (loved their phrasing) with his gloved finger. I mean, if all it took was a little sweeping, little bro coulda' done it himself

Apples and bananas prevent you from shitting.

Much like cheese etc.

Go to a Jewish deli. J was visiting family in Austin at Thanksgiving and shag my pants in the IKEA afterwards. Superlative clean out. Wish I’d been prepared.

Get your iron levels checked. Elevated levels can cause chronic constipation. (sorry if this has been mentioned already).

A handful of nuts works for me.

My father and uncle were bowel obsessed. So much so that if they didn't go regularly in the morning, it preyed on their minds. Their mother alternated laxatives and something pre-Immodium, so they were messed up. My uncle used to check himself into the hospital 'to go' as he'd call it. Their diets were German food, heavy on potatoes, bean soup, limburger cheese - just disgusting stuff.

Not sure if it's been mentioned already but eat at least 3 oranges a day and take some vitamin C supplements.

[quote] Apples and bananas prevent you from shitting.

Not apples. Apples are good for digestion.

Lately, Korean pears are helping me a lot. I don't know why. I've eaten them before without them helping me that much.

Once you get cleared out, make sure you have enough fiber and healthy fat (olive oil, avocado) in your diet every day. Fiber bulks up your shit and the healthy fat lubes your digestive tract to move it along.

Pretend you're going in for a colonoscopy.

Eat beans, there's a large variety and they're all good.

Avocados run right through me

Triphala

Prunes and water

I don't think anyone's suggested CELERY...lots of insoluble fiber and high water content:

[quote] Celery's insoluble fiber content also helps prevent and alleviate constipation. One cup of celery contains 10% of the fiber an average adult needs each day and insoluble fiber is the kind that hastens food's journey through the digestive tract and adds bulk to your stool.

Love celery

There’s a pill for that, OP, one that vibrates all the way down to loosen things up before you shit it out.

Help is here for the chronically constipated: Vibrant

You are all a goddamn mess.

Every last one of you.

It’s about time they opened the gates. I haven’t been allowed to post for a month.

Do they still make Lay's WOW Chips? Maybe you can find an old bag on eBay?

r124, my mother's German family was also obsessed with bowel movements. When I was a kid, if I felt sick, the first thing mom would do is ask was if I was constipated. Bitch I'm 4 years old and just barfed all over the carpet, can you not ask me if I need ipecac?

R139, Olestra.

Find a 4-year-old around 40 - 50 lbs., lie on your back, and ask the kid to gently walk across your lower abdomen.

This will restart your peristalsis.

Almost every day I have a hemp protein/fiber smoothie. Works great for regularity without taking medications.

-Manitoba harvest hemp protein (1 scoop) -1/4 banana -1/3 cup frozen kale -small handful of frozen strawberries -1/2 a kiwi -small handful of frozen blueberries or blackberries -1 Oz apple juice -water

Blend. Done. Makes a 12-14 Oz low sugar, high protein and high fiber smoothie that keeps you regular because it provides like 40% of your day’s recommended fiber in one drink. Eat a whole grain piece of toast with it and you’ll get a bunch more fiber as a bonus.

OP, go to the drug store and grab a little bottle of Magnesium Citrate. Down it and then remain close to a bathroom. Trust me.

Steel cut oats every morning. I like mine with chopped dates, cherries, blueberries, pecans, etc. Works great for me!

Regular, OTC pain meds can really constipate anyone, OP.

Do you take Advil or Tylenol? Those meds can make it very difficult to poop, however, you might still need them due to chronic pain.

Try going full on Mediterranean diet, or just use lots more extra virgin olive oil in your regular diet.

Constipation sucks.

Good luck, OP!

EAT GREENS... learn how to cook them and eat them. Also try MetaMucil, that will work, but be prepared to pay $20+ for the stuff. One tablespoon a day regularly, don't miss, and you'll be fine.

Cum.....injected by Rough trade

Mmmmmmmm! Collard greens!

eat salads with high fibres

Oh god help me! It hurts!

Bran flakes

Broccoli

Ice pick

For gawd's sake go to the drugstore and buy a small bottle of magnesium citrate. It's dirt cheap and works lightning fast. You don't even need to drink the whole bottle. Get moving dumbass.

Eat lots of popcorn!

I love Miralax. It’s gentle. Hee hee.

YAKULT yogurt drink from Japan is available at most major food stores. It restores the gut biome and makes you very, very regular. Downside: it is expensive.

[quote]Nothing will cure my chronic constipation

Have you tried taking a shit?

I usually have to dig myself out with my fingers

This ought to scare the shit outa ya

Some of these suggestions are good, but most people would prefer to evacuate in the morning if they work so they don't have to drop a doodie during the day with straight male coworkers hearing them tooting and seeing their identifiable shoes under the stall door.

So, when should some of the things (magnesium, Miralax) be taken? The night before? We would like a 7 am dump, but don't want to take something in the morning that will continue to irritate the stomach at work.

I make a hot cup of tea in the morning and jump up and down, twisting abs to get the warm liquid to loosen the stool and the gravity of jumping up and down to move it down the production line. Also, rubbing nipples and singing silently on the toilet works because of the breaths you take in while singing along to "I'm Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina & The Waves.

I take my Miralax at 6 am and am usually shitting by 9 am.

Every day, r162?

One should shit three times a day. If you don’t, you’re not getting enough fiber, healthy fat like olive oil, avocado, nuts, and water in your diet,

Healthy servings of fresh fruit and vegetables, and fiber every single day. And 4-6 Fig Newtons after every meal. :-)

OP - as R144 said, just go to any drugstore and buy a bottle of Magnesium Citrate. Chill it and then drink it. It tastes fine (lemon-lime) and will solve your problem in an efficient and effective way. This is the only way to go.

[quote] One should shit three times a day.

I haven’t shit since the moon landing.

Jay Leno claims he hasn’t eaten a vegetable since the moon landing.

Buy two boneless chicken breasts. Pan fry them for 30 seconds each side so they are medium rare or rare in the middle, and then eat them both.

Within an hour you will be shitting through the eye of a needle. Job done.

I completely cured mine by totally changing my diet. Oatmeal with Raisins for Breakfast, Salad for lunch, some lean protein for dinner with a couple of servings of vegetables mostly brocolli. Stopped eating bread completely, I do occasionally have pizza though. Sometimes I will have salad for dinner and the protein for lunch.

Sorry if this has been suggested already but that Dave’s Bread keeps me regular.

You didn't mention your age, OP. If you're over 50, you might want to talk to a doctor, and your friends, to see if they've noticed any signs in you of cognitive decline. Because chronic constipation is one of the symptoms of Parkinson's and Lewy Body Dementia. Of course, that's one of the worst-case scenarios, but it's real.

I get constipated from taking Tramadol. My doctor told me to take Miralax once a day when necessary.