Why get married and stuck with one Cock?

That's why gay married couples start having open relationships. There is really no point to gay marriage.

Is it only about the cock?

Because love makes all the other cocks disappear.

For a while.

[quote] There is really no point to gay marriage.

Tell us you didn't live through AIDS without telling us you didn't live through AIDS.

How does marriage inure you from sexually transmitted diseases?

Oy, r5.

Well, R4 has a point. Dress it up however you like, but if monogamy had been more common among gay men in the 80s, far fewer of them would have died young from a horrendous illness.

R6 It's a valid question. Because a marriage certificate in no way protects a person from STI's.

Because the cock is bigger than 95% of what you’ll ever get otherwise. That and I’m probably the least risky guy you can screw around with. That is if you can get me interested enough to do so.

I don't know OP's friends. But I am happily married, love my husband and don't look for more dick. Our sex life is not that fancy by choice, so I don't feel like I'm missing out. What can I say? I'm happy.

[quote] Because a marriage certificate in no way protects a person from STI's.

That wasn't the point at all.

Being married gives me legal status. I can visit my husband in the hospital. I can make medical decisions if he isn't able. I can keep our things and not have them taken by his family if he should die.

OP a lot of people just desire a compatible partner to support them accomplishing personal and financial goals in life, and they're elated to have someone to call their own. The urges for new dick or ass do arise but it's lower on the needs scale for some people, it also declines the older you get.

^ I think that's the answer you will hear from everybody who is happily married for a long time.

Some people care about others and others care about themselves.

OP, your attitude will completely change about the time you reach your 40s. You will no longer be super desirable to the majority of gay men and your options will be limited. That's also the time when you start to think about your own mortality and having someone there to help you as you get older.

Having the companionship, financial stability and support system that a partner brings to your life is EVERYTHING as you get older. If you don't have a partner by the time you become a senior, then you better be very successful and have the funds to hire people to help you, because you will need help. I've seen so many single gay men die at an early age.

Because they want the good china when he dies, whore.

This is why they hate us OP - they think we are all a bunch of selfish cock monsters.

I’m really sorry you’re being forced at gunpoint to marry and be forever monogamous on pain of death, OP. Who would have suspected that enfranchising gays with the right to marry would lead to such horrors.

As time goes by...a kiss is just a kiss. A cock is just a cock.

Having a partner is no guarantee that (1) they will be helpful when you are old and sick and (2) that they won't die first and then you will be single again as an old person.

Really sick of this narrative that you need to marry/partner up so you aren't a single old gay man who dies alone. That's a common justification from married people to try to shame single people who are satisfied with their lives. It's also the scare tactic people use to try to shame you about not having children - "but who will care for you when you are old? you'll die alone!"

Plenty of married people are miserable. Plenty of them have toxic relationships and don't come through for each other when one person gets sick. Plenty of children do not care for their elderly parents. Or god forbid die before their parents.

You need to plan for yourself as you age. Period end of story. Take responsibility and be intentional about eldercare planning. Beyond "getting married" as an eldercare plan.

And yes - I know - this struck a nerve. Just so over it - especially from other gay men! It's enough that we hear it from straight people all the time.

And I love reading about successful gay relationships and marriages on DL (like R10 for example) - I think it's truly lovely and I'm always happy that people found each other and love their husband/partner/etc. What I don't appreciate is married people smugly "warning" gay singles that we better "have a lot of money" because as singles we will die early and by ourselves. Enough of that bullshit.

I would like to get stuck by one cock for Christmas - more would be nice, but I'll settle for one - a bunch of times.

Inure is the wrong word. But I don't understand how marriage prevents disease.

[quote] But I don't understand how marriage prevents disease.

No one claimed that. Move on.

Stay with one cock, and so does he, then no diseases at least STDs like the drippy one.

OP types piss-poor, myopic, and has never hung out with rich people. SAD.

R20 Straight people say this to other straight single people too! It's not something they invented to say to the gays. So bizarre to think that. And on average, they aren't wrong. Straight or gay, one partner always outlives the other, barring some fiery crash or suicide pact. And some partners and children are neglectful. But your odds are way better. Companionship means a lot when you get older. Did you really not have parents, grandparents? Not know any older people? At the rate things are going I am going to be old and alone except for a sibling in another state who has never been that good to or close to me.

Because people get terrified that maybe this is their only chance, and they better seal the deal while they can.

Open relationships and ethical non monogamy can work for some people.

I got married for legal reasons. Wouldn’t have done so otherwise. And you’re not stuck with one cock lol.

I'm married. I've always been able to separate love from sex. We have an arrangement that we can sleep with other guys, but be discreet. But 90% of the time I run back to my hubby, after a hook up, and feel delighted, relieved, happy that I have him as once I cud, I really don't want to be around the hook up....and it actually reinforces how much I love my hubby.

Once I CUM...NOT CUD...

"But 90% of the time I run back to my hubby, after a hook up, and feel delighted, relieved, happy that I have him as once I cud, I really don't want to be around the hook up....and it actually reinforces how much I love my hubby."

Nothing personal but that makes me laugh.

Apparently you have not visited Grindr.

I was actually not aware that people are still pressured into getting married, even if just through peer-pressure. I thought that was a thing of a more or less distant past. It's rather my impression that more and more people (straight or gay) are rather carefree and stay single or in an unmarried relationship. OP, if you think that marriage is not for you, then it probably really isn't. Don't get married then. I don't think anyone will guilt you into it. (Well, your long-time boyfriend may at some point). In this decade you are really not expected to get married.

This is of course an assessment on the stereotypical western world. There are some cultures in the US that probably still have the expectation to marry. But again: It has never been easier than today to break out of that expectation.

[quote] I think my sex stories give them life and brighten up their humdrum lives.

LOL

no

Thank you, r20.

This is one of those maddening threads where an OP tries to pose a question that assumes everyone in the entire free world thinks and acts the same, or wants the same thing.

I'm sure there are many married people who want to stray. But there are others who do not. I have been faithful for the length of my relationship (15+ years) primarily because I sowed my wild oats already. I had every single cock in North America. There were no more rocks for me to turn over and discover what was underneath.

Some people may crave an open relationship and it works for them, and if it works, it works.

Some people may enjoy being single. If it works for them, good for them, too.

There ARE way too many married couples telling themselves lies when they want more than their partner/husband is giving them. That's on them for trying to convince themselves what they have is what they want, or for being too timid to speak up for the things they want, so they settle for what they have.

But that's not quite what the OP said, is it?

I was tired and I didn't read R4 correctly, sorry

I am single and would really love to settle down with someone. But I do think that most (not all, but honestly most, so probably 50-75%) friends I know in long-term relationships — married or non-married, gay or straight — seem to have settled for partners and/or situations that I either don’t find attractive or could put up with.

I’m in my mid 30s.

[quote] but if monogamy had been more common among gay men in the 80s, far fewer of them would have died young from a horrendous illness.

Condoms, not monogamy.

^ to add on to that re: partners and situations…. excessive drug use or drinking, lying / dishonesty, social media whoring (along with regular whoring / cheating), bad hygiene, compulsive shopping habits, disrespectful…

I mean, I’m very far from perfect, but it’s insane what I’ve seen loved ones accept from their partners or in their relationships just to not be single.

R39 you and I both. Also in my mid 30s, and now more ready and willing than ever before to settle down with a nice guy. I don't want nor expect perfection, and sex is important but not the end all in life.

Just want to be able to go through the seasons with someone, wake up together, have warmth and intimacy, travel..

Go ahead, OP, stay slutty. You can regale all the Filipinas/CNAs in your SNF about all the cocks you’ve sucked. The Black ones, the oozing ones, the stank sleeve ones, the tiny ones, etc. What great memories to share in your golden years. The staff can also call them all up for a visit once you have to transfer to the hospice wing. Good times…have at it!

Given the rates of divorce and infidelity among gays and straights, it's clear that marriage means different things to different people - sometimes within the same relationship.

A marriage isn't a guarantee of monogamy. It isn't protection against disease. It isn't a statement to the world about your love - the world doesn't care about you, kitten. It's a legal contract.

R43 made me lol.

I listened to a podcast with a hospice nurse and she was actually quite comforting about the notion of "dying alone." She said that she's been assigned to many single people in hospice and they are never actually alone, even the ones who don't have friends or relatives - end up having the hospice staff. She talked about one patient in particular - a man in his 50s who was single and "alone" and said she and the other nurse really bonded with him and he never once seemed fixated on being alone, he had a lot of fear about actually dying, but no talk of him being by himself.

She said when she left her shift one day, she was at home and felt this incredible rush of energy and this crazy sense that the patient was telling her he had died and it was all okay. 5 minutes after that feeling, she got a call from the other nurse saying he had just passed away. She told this story much better than I just did, but it was really lovely. She also said she cared for this older woman in her 90s, who was "alone," no husband, no children and the woman talked to the nurses about what wonderful experiences she had as a younger person.

Anyway, it was a very enlightening podcast and gave me some comfort as a single person. It was through a patreon so I can't link it because it's on the app.

Anyway, the nurse said the main advice she would give people (single or married) is to plan, plan, plan for eldercare, be intentional about it, and try to save as much money as possible.

R20 yes! Quite agree.

This comment was so chilling and stomach-turning for me to read:

[quote] That's also the time when you start to think about your own mortality and having someone there to help you as you get older. Having the companionship, financial stability and support system that a partner brings to your life is EVERYTHING as you get older. If you don't have a partner by the time you become a senior, then you better be very successful and have the funds to hire people to help you, because you will need help. I've seen so many single gay men die at an early age.

Maybe it's different for others, but I'd hate to think someone was with me primarily because they think I'll wipe their ass and spoonfeed them oatmeal when we're both old. It's bad enough I'll probably end up having to do that for my clueless, cunty, stupid hillbilly parents some day. And that I'll get old myself. Hopefully I'll go out very quick and before I'm invalid, whether partnered or no.

R48, that's nice. I don't think when people say "die alone" they are that literal about it- not talking about the last days in the hospice necessarily.

[quote]Why get married and stuck with one Cock?

You sound like a bitch in heat standing there waiting for "his" knot to plop out of your man-grabber.

R49 oh no please let's not

the eldergays are NOT ready to hear about a/b/o

I crave domesticity - and cock.

Married and open. Then again we are in SF where everyone is open - single or married; gay or not.

Marriage is not about sex. Lots of guys in their 40s and 50s here came of age in a non-gay marriage environment and have this "I can'/won't be tied down mindset" but its turned the soulless and largely antisocial.

The companionship and partnership (agreed after 40 especially) make such a difference in daily happiness.

One day you do wake up and realize all that gay chasing and posturing just isn't fun anymore.

Married and open defeats the purpose of marriage. Might as well hand a sign over your door, "Open for fucks."

I’m quickly approaching 40 and have been with my husband for 15 years. It’s crazy how much I love him and getting a variety of cock doesn’t matter to me at all. We had an open relationship for a few years until we realized the time we spent hooking up with other people wasn’t worth the time away from each other. We aren’t the jealous types at all, and if we meet someone we are both really attracted to, we will have a threesome. The most fun part about it is joking about the guy after the fact (omg, his hole was so loose or he moaned like a girl, etc.). There is something really nice about meeting your soulmate. I don’t think I would want to live if he goes first. Probably most of my family would be gone. I guess if I am close to nieces or nephews I would stick it out, but I really don’t see the upside of being old without him.

Love that r54. How did you meet him? When did you realize he was the one?

Could never share my bed with someone for anything other than sex. Or even my house in general Like I'm saaaaur particular about personal space and privacy (and yes, I know, if I live long enough that will cease to be an option). Just don't want someone kicking me or breathing on me or making weird noises and smells in MY hermit cave. Come over for a shag, then leave again, thanks.

R56 needs a Dutch Oven for Christmas.

Thanks, R55. We met at a party and I thought he was cute right away. We exchanged info and talked on the phone a few times before going on a date. I knew on the first date that he was a keeper, but it took about two years to move in together.

OP’s life revolves around sex. How juvenile.

Beside the big things like love, commitment and companionship, one of the best things about marriage is that you take care of each other. Over the years, my husband and I have faced all kinds of challenges to our health and we've each lost our parents and other family members. It would have been so much more difficult to slog through these situations without the support of each other.

^call me Clive Durham because one of my greatest fears is becoming significantly sick or ill or dying in front of anyone other than doctors & nurses or my parents (damage is done there already, they changed my nappies and fed me). I do not want anyone to perceive me in good health, let alone in that state. Plus there’s the vulnerability, the resentments from either side, and the potential for codependent abuse to consider (has happened to me before). It’s horrifying to me.

R61, I’m pretty sure R60 was referring to emotional support, not nursing care. If I need nursing care, I hope to have enough money to pay for it so my husband doesn’t have to help in that way. Same goes for him. If he needs me to bathe him or take care of him, I’d gladly do it, but I would much rather hire a nurse.

I'm also worried about my husband being a caretaker.

Glad my state has MAID.

[quote]Straight people say this to other straight single people too! It's not something they invented to say to the gays. So bizarre to think that. And on average, they aren't wrong.

Straight men are notoriously bad at taking care of themselves as they age. With the legalization of gay marriage, we'll have much better data in the years to come about whether husbands are as good at keeping each other alive as wives have been at extending the lives of husbands.

A lot of studies have shown that single straight women in their 70s are the happiest.

Agree that all these "studies" are focused on heterosexuals. Will be interesting to see results about gay and lesbian marriages.

It's a spectacular cock. No need to look for another.

You can have a marriage and still get what you want. People do it all the time.

People want both.

You don't want to get married, great. Don't.

Other people are happy in a monogamous marriage, great. Leave them alone.

[quote] A lot of studies have shown that single straight women are the happiest.

Yep, no children or indeed manchildren exploiting them, overburdening them, stealing all their time and energy.

Most fags are sexually compulsive messes.

[quote]Why get married and stuck with one Cock?

Because it was the best and most beautiful cock I ever experienced OP.

Monogamous, 15+ years and counting, having the best sex of my life and not interested in anyone else. Could not be fucked with the drama of open relationships.

People are wired differently for sex I think. I can’t imagine one dick for life. I also think love and sex are different. But I understand that’s based on my life experiences, values and beliefs. Others are different,

Everybody is different. Only One Cock works for some.

Asking about a person's sex life doesn't mean they want to fuck that person or cheat on their spouse.

You sound insecure OP. Maybe you're projecting and unconsciously want Only One Cock. Otherwise, live your life.

If you read OP's title with Shakespearean stresses, it sounds fantastique.

'PRIthee, WHY get MA-rried and STUCK with one COCK'?

R67 right. Married people are often getting stuck with several cocks, they just keep it on the low from society and their partner.

I used to be a very black and white thinker, and thought that all cheaters were horrible people. I am now a cheater myself. My husband has gained 60 pounds, and is a sexless couch potato. I still love him, but I’m getting all the side dick I can, while I can. At this rate, he will be dead before he is 60, and I will be too old to attract dick and be alone for the rest of my life. Yes, I’ve tried to get him help.

Break up with him R77.

Exactly, R76. I suspect that the guys on here who insist it's one cock for life are taking multiple cocks on the down low.

@OP

why don't you do you and stop obsessing about other people's sex lives?

you're tiresome