England exit the 2022 World Cup

[quote] That’s ruined Crimbo for me, then. Sipping my nightcap and trying to raise a smile at the ITV montages anyhow.

Is that English?

I dont care about this other than, SOMEONE BETTER TAKE DAVE HOME WITH THEM!

Hope springs eternal, OP.

But thank goodness I'm rooting for Croatia.

R2 not to worry, Dave is going home with Kyle Walker, thanks to a cheeky call to the local Animal Welfare.

Declan Rice said he brought a big spare suitcase for the Jules Rimet. Perhaps we can cart Dave home in that somehow...

No, R1. He misspelt Chrimbo.

It's coming...oh fuck it.

R1, I don't think it gets more English than that, honestly.

God bless Dave. Thank you for this important update R4

Chambo.

Lewis Hamilton has sent us his love and condolences.

Ha ha haaar

boo hoo hoo hahahaha

It will never come home, innit?

At the end of the day, this simply proves once again that men just can’t do what women very easily can.

Hendo doing the brunt of the post-match media because Kane is so distraught he can’t face it🥺😔😔😔😔

That's a hero baller and a real leader. This man can do no wrong in my eyes, he's better than all of us and the sexiest person alive

fine if you can’t stop calling everyone a slag all weekend (will be me) but no one make it personal or swing for anyone yeah? domestic abuse skyrockets whenever england exit a cup :(

Well, he is the captain...

Interesting WC. Croatia and Morocco. Who would have thought? Haha, CR7's WC career ended with a whimper riding the bench.

I'd normally root for the underdog, but I really want Messi to win a WC.

knee, throat and glute stretches rn to warm up for all the hurt/comfort/angst smut incoming from the england nt fanfiction complex

you’ve won france. enjoy the semis. i hope they make you very happy… dear lord, what a sad little life france… you’ve ruined my night completely so you could get to the semis. but i hope now you get there and morocco wipe the floor with you because you have all the class of a moldy baguette. so france take your semi final and get off my property.

[QUOTE]take your semi final and get off my property.

Were they at least paying rent for your brain space?

R19^^

Is that sport thing in Qatar?

Did any of the chavs cry after the match?

I'm still trying to figure out the logic behind dragging Grealish off the bench for the last five min of the match.

Mark my words: France will be the champion!

It's made more sad that England lost to such terrible people as the French.

Who would be nice people to lose to in the tournament?

[quote]It's made more sad that England lost to such terrible people as the French.

Bitch, those "terrible people" have their best players (minus mbappe) injured out, and yet they're still advancing scoring fucking bangers playing their hearts out, because their group is tight and they have the mentality of champions. One cannot pretend to like football and not admire this team. They're also capable of smiling and expressing joy unlike those English sad sacks who look like they're always being punished being here for whatever reason.

Their mentality is shit, they cannot score in open play and they also can't score penalties handed out to them. When will it ever be time for these fuckers to stop being so unwarrantedly arrogant and start making the changes necessary to get better at the game ?

But go ahead and hate on the French. Such a loser's mindset. I hope they win it all again while the English seethe in the pub with their perman-bitch faces.

But, r27, they brought Dave the Cat home...

England was probably the better team but they scored ZERO regular goals while France managed TWO….

I hope Dave the cat still gets adopted even now that they are out of the World Cup. You might not have won but you gained a cute little kitten :3

R28/R30 yes Big Dave the legend!

Unfortunately he's got to be in quarantine for a few months/until after New Year and have some medical tests before he can enter the U.K. After that, he'll go to live with Kyle or another player. Hopefully he doesn't mind our chilly wet climate or our native wildlife, it's rather different than what he's used to.

Personally, I think he should get to go and be the housecat mascot at St. George's Park (England main training camp/facility), so in a way he can belong to all the Lions & Lionesses.

[quote] English sad sacks who look like they're always being punished being here for whatever reason. Their mentality is shit, they cannot score in open play and they also can't score penalties handed out to them. When will it ever be time for these fuckers to stop being so unwarrantedly arrogant and start making the changes necessary to get better at the game?

Sorry, but have you even watched a recent England game from the last four years? You can't have, brazenly spouting this.

You're describing the mentality and output of the old format of the classic failface Lions setup, the embarrassing way we were in the 2000s and early 2010s when every player we had was a self-centred prick gloryhound and an overrated golden boy. The times when half of the football fans in this country rolled their eyes at the mention of international tournaments, and didn't even watch them or bother to follow them.

Everything's massively different now, we're positive and more forward-thinking now than ever we have been; changes are afoot and the wheel is slowly turning in our favour, you just haven't been looking closely. And the goals have come in every tournament if you care to look back at the tapes, a few of them screamers from open. Since Southgate came in, we have won on pens vs. Colombia, ended our curse vs. Germany, and reached both semis and finals, which has never happened before even when we boasted some of the best players in the world.

Our current team is young, tough, and more passionate and hungry by far than yours, with something to prove, for all that we might still lack the highest level of skill and confidence, or a new trophy in the cabinet. It's coming, don't you worry. If I were you, I'd watch your Louboutins, because we're still snapping at them.

And you want to talk about arrogance? Weren't you fuckers gloating and mocking our distraught lads on the pitch last night? Haven't you won this trophy before multiple times with walkovers? What are you screaming about, then, if it's so easy and you don't care? Embarrassing and classless from you, to be honest.

R25 but the English fans are the most terrible by far…

R32 perfectly sums up why England don't win.

Oh r32 you need a hug. Losing always hurts which makes the pre-tournament bravado so amusing.

Why is Meghan being so cruel with her Witch Doctor curses?

though we lost last night, we actually played well, put up a good fair fight, and managed to outplay the literal world champions. in fact we were the better team overall. there were just moments where we showed the flaws we're still working out. because of us lloris had to make 6 saves (some of which were fucking amazing), we kept going at france. it just wasn't our night. better that than us bottling it. the us of 4 years ago would never have been able to do what we did last night; we can see the very real progress this team has made since 2016 and it's genuinely mad. england have smashed stats all tournament, but the decisions just weren't in our favour last night--that's football.

it may have been some of the squad's last world cup chance, but don't forget how young we are, and how a lot of this excellent team will still be playing and hitting their prime. and how this year there were players at home through injury who will be in their prime too, and brilliant players who just barely didn't make the cut that may make it next time. our starboys saka and bellingham and foden are only going to get bigger and better. kane’ll have another wc in him. the #1 goalie of the tournament pickford’s only 28 (remember lloris is 35 and played excellent last night--goalies live long). not enough people talking about our defenders either, because stonesy was so so good but maguire & shaw and kyle walker were brilliant as well. kyle had the world's best footballer atm in his pocket.

the 2018 world cup had me in tears and losing hope, but now i feel ready to press on and have so much faith in this squad. unlike past losses, this one doesn’t feel half as shameful and gut wrenching and depressing, because of how far we've come and how we still have so much hope and optimism--something I don’t think England fans have had for a long time. we will come back bigger and better and the strongest yet. our boys are still so young and the only direction is up with even more youth breaking through the ranks. the future is looking bright and the next tournament could actually genuinely be ours👏 something to celebrate!!!

we win together and we lose together. we go again, it's coming home (soon--we never actually specified it would be this year did we...). and when the dust settles and the pain eases, we’ll rise again. time and time again. we rise🦁🦁🦁

also shit ref. shit VAR. boycotting Lidl croissants now xxx

R37 again showing why England don't win.

R34/R38 so are you going to show your work and explain your oblique mystical sneery one-liners? Or just let those nothing statements hang there....? Because they mean nothing if you can't back them up.

The ITV curse strikes again.

Sam Matterface, you have blood on your hands, sir.

[quote] We move, we go again. Euro 2024, and after that World Cup 2026. The 60 years of hurt are going to end with this generation.

Oh mate...

There's nothing oblique in my comment, r39. England always assume we are going to win or deserve to win or are the rightful winners just because. We claim, when we don't win, that it's down to bad luck or something wasn't fair about the match.

The reason we don't win, however, is that we just don't have it, and we can't see that, because we're England and therefore we should be winning just because we're England. We'll never have the right mentality to win with that kind of mindset.

I can't imagine that a fan of any other national team would have written what you wrote if their team had lost.

This article puts it quite well:

[quote]England were brave and rose to the occasion but France had no need to – when they had five good minutes, they scored

The Datalounge Sour Grapes Society applauds your posts, OP! Bravo!

Why do all football (soccer) teams now look like they could also be a basketball team?

[quote] I'm still trying to figure out the logic behind dragging Grealish off the bench for the last five min of the match.

R23 we couldn't risk Jack going into one of his random heats, with all the excitement and pressure. Displays of homosexual activity in public garners severe punishment in Q'tar.

The frogs best the poms without pogba and kante. At times, it looked like the French midfield was overrun by the English and it looked like the absence of those two midfielders was going to matter. But in the end they took their chances unlike the English.

Another world cup another to savor English lamentations.

The analysts on Fox yesterday said the French made “stupid” mistakes strategically on the pitch and that the English were the better team but just unlucky on the day.

[quote]The analysts on Fox yesterday said the French made “stupid” mistakes strategically on the pitch and that the English were the better team but just unlucky on the day.

That's accurate.

R48 shows why England do not win.

[quote]Why do all football (soccer) teams now look like they could also be a basketball team?

Because of the huge shorts?

If they can't hit at least one out of two kicks like in yesterday's game, they're doomed.

R44, what prompts that comment? There are some tall, powerful players, but virtually none of them are tall enough for basketball.

Roy Keane has the AUDACITY, the GUMPTION to scapegoat Jordan "send in the huskies" Pickford, the best fucking keeper in the tournament. Hardly the man to pick on, if you're going to.

Just go away with your rag money and retire, Roy. Your dustiness has no place in or around our squad. Worry about Ireland and just talk about them, if you're going to be a miserable blathering cunt.

Except that England's goal keeper looks like a younger Donald Trump - I am sad they lost.

And 60 seconds of Jack is better than none of Jack.

Fox was laughably biased towards the English. Yes, they played well but if you can't score from open play, that's a you problem. Fox said the English outplayed the French. Well, the French outplayed the English in the one area that counts--scoring goals. It's not like they were sitting back and hoping to get to a penalty shootout.

[quote] England's goal keeper looks like a younger Donald Trump

No he fucking doesn't, are you barking?

Am hearing a lot of chatter about Southgate either quitting shortly or being forced out.

Don't see why, myself. He's done a fine job of lifting our national team culture out of the mud, and all the boys want him to stay. There's now a sense of loyalty, commitment, security and balance at St. George's. Do we really want to go back to the revolving door system of cunty in-it-for-the-money foreign managers who none of the players can even understand let alone trust?

Plus, what would Harry Kane do without his Daddy? His career is already in tatters at Spurs. Without Gareth and without the England captaincy, he truly has nothing left. This is a broken man.

The same shoddy ref we had is going to work the Final as well.

Good luck, les Bleues Fromages ;)

Hearing a lot of chat about Hendo refusing Mbappe's handshake in the tunnel, as if it clinched some sort of moral victory before the game started. Leave off, that was Kylian trying to get in our heads.

Anyhow, Hendo had some more apt gestures for him once play was underway.

That must be why England lost. r59.

Mbappe, I'm sure is devastated and will not enjoy playing the world cup semifinal at all.

[quote] 60 seconds of Jack is better than none of Jack.

Awww cheers bab!

Oi wanted to be on soonah, coz French men are proppah peng and oi reallay fancied a good going ovah from them. Loike 10 on 1 (me).

Nevvah moind, thow, the aftah-party wiv all the England boys wasn't too bad--a loss maikes the lads go hardah on me. Oi've got moy arse in the ice-bath roight now, giving it a rest.

Jurgen Klinsmann--a legendary ex-German national team player--literally said that VAR decided that game against us, messing with Harry's focus during penos. Good enough for me.

Klinsmann doesn't say that VAR messed with Harry's focus. He says the delays might have made him overthink. If Kane missed the penalty because he was supposedly overthinking then that right there is why England don't win the big games.

England would not even have been given the penalty if it hadn't been for VAR. The ref never gave the penalty until England insisted he check VAR.

The excuses for why England don't win are hilarious.

R55, the German commentators were also pro-England. I figure out of pity, or being tired of France winning, or Premier League bias.

Allez les bleus!

The funniest part of watching England lose for the 50th or so tournament in a row was all the pasty crying gammon fans who had to watch it sober for a change.

[quote]Jurgen Klinsmann--a legendary ex-German national team player--literally said that VAR decided that game against us, messing with Harry's focus during penos.

He is correct.

German pundits are pro English because the latter aren't a threat to German football. France are defending champs and have a real chance of repeating.

Interesting theory, but as the German national team as been on ski holiday for about 3 weeks now, they aren't a threat to France.

R68, Klinsmann is also American now, and he didn't say "that VAR decided that game against us, messing with Harry's focus during penos". England were only given the penalty because of VAR. If Kane can't focus enough to score a goal from an easy penalty then that is why England don't win.

[quote] Klinsmann is also American now.

Yeah, I...don’t think that’s how this works...

R68, it's not about just this world cup, it's about the football world order in the near and mid future. Germany has 4 world cups and for decades, they were considered the European standard bearers, with only Italy possibly arguing otherwise. Now since 1998, France has won 2 world cups and Spain also broke through in 2010. It is not just Germany and Italy anymore. France and Spain are leading the way now. Germany are losing their top billing but they don't have to worry about the English bypassing them in the pecking order any time soon. It's France for now.

Latest theory: substituting Hendo off before the second pen left Kane feeling vulnerable.

My favourite explanation so far and the one that makes most sense to me. I too would feel bereft and unable to cope in that situation without the comforting caring strength of Daddy Jordan next to me.

More nonsense, r73. England don't win because they don't have the mental strength. All these ridiculous excuses for why Kane missed an open goal. England players don't have the mental fortitude to deliver when needed. That's what makes the difference between champions and a team that is just good.

Mock at will. but know something: it’ll never be enough for me. I could be 77 years old, at home in the dark watching on tv. Croatia could be knocked out of every World Cup a hundred times over and it’ll never satisfy me. But tonight we enjoy the brief taste of retribution and wait patiently for next time. And the one after that. And after that. Every time, I’ll be watching. And I’ll be thinking of them.