Got into a fight with my cousin at a funeral. She's a mediocre actress with an attitude problem.

CONTINUED because I hit the post button too early in the original post.

On to the funeral fight. A relative of ours died recently. The funeral was today. My cousin made a snide comment about how I didn’t go to the wake the night before: “If you couldn’t manage to come yesterday, why are you here now?” I explained that I was in small claims court the previous day and couldn’t miss my court date. (I was suing a mechanic for bad work). My cousin wouldn’t listen and said with a tut: “If you put more effort into building a proper career, then you wouldn’t have to go to court over $2000.”

That angered the fuck out of me. I’m a hairdresser. I work full-time and I’ve always supported myself without latching onto rich men. In rage, I yelled: “You’d have nothing without your dead husband’s money. Pregnant after two months? What a coincidence. The only reason you kept that baby is because the father’s rich. You don’t even like kids; that’s why yours was raised in a boarding school. You don’t know what it’s like to work hard.” I also insulted her acting work and said that she would have failed if she’d gone to Hollywood. All this happened at the after party/refreshments time back at the dead relative’s house.

I don’t believe actors are artists. She literally recites words other people have written—she’s never written anything, not even a lyric on her awful albums. I hate how she always refers to herself as an artist. Was I out of line? I’m embarrassed. Everybody saw my outburst.

And?

Too long; didn’t read.

Everything but the hounds nipping at your heels.

*fast forwards to the part where Roseanne chews her out for being an inconsiderate bitch*

R1 You go, OP!!

She made it in life, you didn't.

Sucks. But such is the way of things.

Get over it or don't.

Too long, too uninteresting.

She knows who she is. Why bother?

Are you man or woman, OP?

[quote]Too long, too uninteresting.

I didn't think so. OP's a good writer. He captures the whole situation and history in a few short paragraphs, his style is in fact succinct and slim-lined. He should be a short story writer. Maybe he is and he's just trying it out on us. I for one was totally drawn in.

But what does he want from us? All to agree that's she's a cunt?

THIS AINT REDITT, BIOTCH

Yeah, and I was born a coal miner's daughter. And I had a coat of many colors. And at the prom, they all laughed at me. Life's tough and then you wind up covered in pig's blood yelling I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more!

if she was actually secure, self confident and happy she would not feel the need to act like that to someone who it obviously bothers. Stop letting her get to you and she'll just have to feel bad about herself to herself. also, fuck her.

Like this ever happened. If it did, they're both assholes.

R11 Thank you for your compliment. However, this is sadly not fiction.

Is there actually small claims court at night?

R10 I'm a woman. Basically the same age as my cousin.

[quote]As an actress, she’s not awful but not terrible.

As a EST and a writer, you're not good but you're not good.

TL;DR big time

R7 Made it in life, how? By being pampered and handed everything since birth? By starring in pretentious, low-quality movies that would have never been made without marriage money? She "made it in life" by getting a big lumpsum of dead guy cash?

The majority of people out there "make it" by supporting themselves with jobs, and even if they're not rich, at least they know that they're not using anyone.

Some family dysfunction can only be resolved with a vicious public slapping.

R19 I meant to say she's not terrible, but not great. Typos happen. Not a troll, BTW.

Seriously, did anyone read that screed?

R24 Hellll no

Gentle OP: You are loved; however,

Do not call me! Do Not Call Me!! DO NOT CALL ME!!!

Thank you.

. [quote]Was I out of line? I’m embarrassed. Everybody saw my outburst.

You probably don't want to hear this, but yes, you were absolutely out of line. So was she, but you should have risen above it. A funeral is not the time nor place for petty shit like this. Had you refrained from your (rather extensive) outburst, only she would have looked like a cunt.

Now you both do.

I was about to type TLDR; however, like R11 said, I got sucked into the narrative.

Now, OP, did you slap her on both cheeks with your kid-skin gloves?

On the other hand, r27, there probably were people there who were thrilled to see somebody call out the actual cunt in this scene. And even if they didn't look like the saintly "better person," OP may find it was worth it to call a cunt out for her constant cunting. Sometimes that can be its own reward.

This. never. happened.

OMG is this the nasty neighbors troll? Onto a new narrative? He was a very spunky writer I remember.

[quote]You’ll accuse me of being jealous.

No, but I will accuse you of being verbose and boring.

Sure, I get that, r29 - though I doubt anyone at a funeral would be "thrilled" to have two cunts a'cunting.

OP asked a very direct question.

r30 and/or r31 are probably correct.

You wouldn't feel the need for validation if you didn't know that was a wrong time/place cunting match with your cousin.

Although it probably helped to change the atmosphere, for some, no doubt, for the better. (Everyone loves a train wreck unfolding where they're not in direct peril).

I agree with r11. I liked this story but was hoping that we'd see a puny cocklet in it at some point.

OP's style of writing is very in fashion - she should write a short story for the New Yorker. Frau fiction. The gurl who wrote that excellent story about the guy she dated and it turned sour - what was that called? That's when frau writing crosses the genders. So forgive me if I put you into a box, OP.

Sometimes cunty people can wake us from our slumbers. Go and get your writing published well and then send her a link or a copy.

True r34. At some point the funeral becomes a bore and everybody needs a distraction. OP was performing a service here, two actually since calling out an annoying twat is always a public service.

[QUOTE]Forgive me if I put you into a box, OP.

Pics please.

You should be lauded for bringing the entertainment to the repast.

Why so vague about the 'transportation accident', OP?

She was a poker dealer??? A POKER DEALER???!!!!!

I liked your story OP and I'm mad for you!

R41, it's POKER PLAYAA!!!!

The sassy OP went right for the jugular with 2 months in pregnancy and marriage to a loaded dead husband. Her foot went directly into stomp mode.

[quote]At 23, she started working in a casino as a poker dealer.

Just keep reciting that line.

It should help make your bitterness fade away.

OP this is really interesting...I think your cousin felt insecure towards you. Did your parents say 'l love you'.. or 'you're pretty'...maybe her parents didn't. She's never been happy by the sounds of it. Maybe it was the wrong time and place but u bet others feel tge same way about her. It's done now, maybe it'll make her think..and see that she lacked empathy towards you. She sounds like a 'mean girl' and if this was a movie u know who the audience would be routing for...you.

This is beginning to sound like a 1990s TVM or an episode of Dynasty.

Never apologize for cunting off a cunt. Everyone at the funeral were probably cheered up by her getting put in her place. I would have loved seeing a scene like that— if it’s real. Why the guilt trip?

How in the world did this bitch get acting roles if she wouldn’t even audition— or am I missing something? She probably did porn if anything. Who is she? Pictures please.

You were clearly out of line for doing this in front of guests following the funeral.

I’m going to say it but your cousin is garbage…the child of doctors quitting school at 16 to become a catalog model; are her parents normal? She was hooking, escorting, sugaring…whatever you want to call it, she was “money go’ hand, back fo’ ground” and still ended up dealing cards in a fucking casino like a hillbilly. The child of a dermatologist and dentist…mind blown.

Her daughter went to boarding school and is on OnlyFans? Huh? If this is real, your family is fucked up beyond belief. Sorry but it needs to be said.

If it’s not…pro tip: proper boarding school girls are encouraged to think long term; I’m sure you understand what that implies.

Anyway, you write well. The only parts that gave it away was your cousin and her daughter’s behavior. Wayward mother or vice versa but not both. Too much.

Apparently, well or theoretically depending on what you believe about this whole thing, her husband was basically paying for all her roles r48. Financing whatever godawful zombie movies or shit some budding horror auteur was creating, I assume.

I hope you walked away with a nice floral arrangement for your trouble OP.

There’s nothing wrong with keeping your figure and attracting a rich man.

EST, but even still. Has OP never heard of the Season?

When aristos would socialize specifically so their daughters could marry well?

No fighting at funerals! It ain't fittin'. It just ain't fittin'.

OP, does the cunt cousin have an IMDb page? YouTube channel??

Let us decide if she’s untalented.

I’d watch this show.

I've met her type. Born with all of the advantages in life but thinks they've earned it. I don't think you were out of line.

Of course she married a pretentious writer. Has she acted in anything we might have seen? What about the writer, would we be familiar with any of his work?

She's toxic. I see no reason to have anything to do with people like that.

Move on and stop all contact.

If you had any game whatsoever you’d play nice and get some 💰

OP, it sounds like you said your peace and got it out of your system. Perhaps the funeral reception wasn't the ideal scene for the battle royale, but she provoked you by asking why you were even there after missing the wake.

I've learned the hard way not to bottle things up, and it sounds like you'd been doing that for decades with her. You called her out by her name, so now you can move on and forget her.

When I thought OP was a man I was very 🧭 for his struggle but when R18 popped up I lost interest. Good luck, two cunts.

I don't know know her.

And I sure as hell don't want to know you, OP.

Yech.

Making the daughter being a sex worker despite immense privilege (and being quite open about it) was the turd in the punchbowl, OP.

I'm different than OP. I always make nice to relatives worth hundreds of millions of dollars. What's it to me if the can be nasty? They have very very nice things and usually have good qualities as well.

R61 not sure where the compass came from “compassionate

R35 My cousin's stepson could be somewhat defined as a puny cocklet. He has the look of the Karate Kid, but less Italian and more beady-eyed. He wants to be an actor too and is always talking about how he's going to be a Hollywood megastar, on par with Timothee Chalamet and Keanu Reeves, but I doubt it will ever happen.

He's currently 18, in drama school, but is already having trouble with his studies. He doesn't like touching other people and refuses to do kissing scenes. He's constantly complaining about how the teachers hate him and how he can't get any good parts in plays, but he limits himself severely when auditioning because he will not kiss or touch anybody. He also doesn't like eye contact.

He only wants aloof, cold and comedic roles, and they're not there at the moment. He needs to act in plays to get credits and pass the semester, and he's very stressed about it. I don't know how he even got accepted into the school with his restrictive persona.

His only acting credits are in my cousin's movies. He also looks unnatural and rubbery. He's always been insecure about his cheekbones--the left is noticeably flatter than the right. He's been getting cheek filler, and it honestly looks like crap. If he continues like this, I don't know how he'll become his generation's next heartthrob.

r27 I agree with this view. You really, really need to check yourself at a funeral. You're supposed to be there honoring the memory of the dead person and what they brought to your lives. It's like a birthday party - celebrate the person of the day.

Granted, your cousin might not have looked bad in front of the other guests for calling you out. Sad fact, "successful" people are often viewed as in the right, regardless of whether that actually makes any sense.

Think about it - she's worth millions, lives in a pretty house and throws pretty parties with pretty people - as high school as it sounds, people are going to want to be around that. So yeah, if she says you're a loser to your face, it's bitchy and ideally people would think less of her...but they probably won't. They'll side with her. And they'll probably do it mostly to keep getting invited and to have access to whatever illusion of luxury she provides them with.

Now, if you were BOTH poor/average, then that'd be a different situation. People might look at you with sympathy after she said that and think less of her. But it sounds like she's holding court and there wasn't much you could really do to get back at her.

Your outburst - while probably 100% accurate and long overdue, considering the shitty ways she's treated you - only made you seem petty and awful. Screaming at someone during a funeral? Telling them they slept their way into millions and don't even like their kids? That's....ugly shit.

Try not to let people drag you down. She was being a bitch by suggesting you opted out of the previous gathering. You had a valid reason to miss it, and if she's going to pull her usual BS, after all these years just laugh it off in your head and walk away.

At this point, you've only given her more ammo to spread gossip about you - not that she needs to. Other people were there to see this? Yeah...some of them are going to retell the story for sure, and suddenly you're the loser relative who acted ghetto at the gathering.

...if it makes you feel any better, I've been in similar situations and tried to handle it both ways. There's just no winning with some people. If you never planned on seeing her ever again and didn't give a shit about how she'd retell the story to others, then I'd say go ahead and give her a piece of your mind. But it sounds like this will linger now for years and make you look bad.

Oh well. Avoid the people who make you that crazy. She just had a run of good luck. Some awful people do. Doesn't mean the universe is rewarding her and punishing you.

Focus on making your life as happy as it can be. If you're this bitter, there are reasons for it, and maybe you can turn that shit around. *hugs*

(Also thanks for the well-written story, I really enjoyed the distraction during a really hard moment today)

R63 She's not really a sex worker. Apparently she only does fetish videos and nudes, not hardcore porn.

R60 Despite the shame, it did feel good to get it off my chest.

R14 Incest is not the answer.

I have a cousin (my maternal aunt's daughter) who is a racist homophobic bragging elitist narcissistic sociopath of a bitch.

She refuses to talk to or acknowledge anyone who makes less than six figures a year. She has also used revisionist history in order to conceal her past.

We came from a poor family growing up and her father eventually left my aunt (whom he cheated on several times) for my cousin's godmother and married her.

She went through 8 years of college and acts like she has a prestigious career that makes a ton of money per year. She's a radiologist.

She's been with her fiance for about ten years and once threw a fit and threatened to leave him if he didn't get her a huge expensive engagement ring.

They're getting married next summer/fall and she's only inviting the family members that make her look good. Which means very few actual relatives on her side of the venue.

She's one of those mediocre people who go on and about what a huge success they are, how everyone is jealous of them and that they have no enemies in the world and that everyone loves them when the exact opposite.

And if they are forced to admit someone doesn't like them they are convinced it's all the work of one person who is jealous of them and out to get them.

Total Karen and Meghan Markle to boot. Her fiance has money and I hope he has her sign a prenup.

Ummm, that’s sex work, R68.

I'm sure she does, R68, just as I'm also sure she proudly told her family about it.

350 million dollars? You should get a friend to marry her and take all her money.

R57 She likes to hold screenings/premieres for her movies in hotel conference rooms--not movie theaters or TV. She once hosted her own film festival, and only showed her own work--no other filmakers were there. She invites everyone she knows and gives free invites to random people on the street. As for the writer husband, he's unpublished and frequently enters magazine and newspaper writing contests. He used to be a drama teacher at a youth club. It seems like writing stories for my cousin has been his most successful career era.

I think I remember this Nathan for You episode. Did they have to invent an acting award for her? Or a writing award for the hubby? Did they win, or sadly did they lose their own sponsored award?

OP was out of line doing this at a funeral. Does she have it coming? Sure. But you made the mistake of letting her know she got under your skin. The correct way to handle this woman is to act like you don’t give a rat’s ass what she does or says because you don’t care about her. Narcissists and bullies really hate that.

My guess is this woman’s “respectable” parents paid her no attention and she got into this acting stuff because she wanted attention. They were probably busy with their careers and didn’t have time for her, so she became a famewhore to get attention. Then she married a rich guy to get spoiled because she wants attention and to her money is love and attention, probably because the only love she ever got from her absent parents was expensive clothes and presents.

You just played into that and gave her attention. Stop doing what she wants. Don’t engage, but if you can’t avoid it, next time, act like you couldn’t care less about what she does or says, and walk away in the middle of a sentence. Or say, “whatever.” Act like she’s nothing to you and you don’t give a shit about her or her opinion. If she gets nasty or sarcastic with you, just walk away. To this woman, ignoring her makes you worse than Hitler. No matter what, don’t get mad or show emotion with her. She’s an emotional vampire, she feeds off reactions from others.

Throwing a fit about how rich and spoiled she is accomplishes nothing but feeding her superiority complex and confirming for her that everyone envies her because she’s so wonderful and living the perfect life. You blew it. Stay away from her as much as possible, there is no winning with people like this.

Seriously, the OP writes “distain” and gets praised for being a great writer?

[quote]The correct way to handle this woman is to act like you don’t give a rat’s ass what she does or says because you don’t care about her. Narcissists and bullies really hate that.

Meh, does that shit ever work? Sometimes you gotta let it all hang out, bitch.

R40 The rich husband died in a boating accident. He was on vacation with his mistress. Drunk, he fell into the water and got hit by the propeller. My cousin didn't want to make a big deal about his death, so she had him cremated right after the autopsy without even informing his family (they wanted to plan a funeral). They were still married, so she got to make all the legal decisions. My cousin claimed that the husband's body was mangled and that there was no point having a funeral without an open casket. She said his chest was ripped open and his head was dangling off, held on with only a bit of neck skin.

When the family found out, they went nuts and some of them egged her house. They still panned a memorial service and invited her, but she didn't turn up. Neither did the daughter, who had nothing in common with her dad and wasn't close to the relatives.

2/10

R45 She claimed that she'd always dreamt of working in a casino as a card dealer. It knew it didn't pay well, but it seemed glamorous and fun. She also took it as a compliment because they only hire attractive people at casinos.

R79, I had a stepmother like this. Nothing works with these people because they are so fucked up. There is no winning. The best thing you can do is don’t tell them anything personal because they will use it against you, to ridicule you behind your back and make up lies about you. Second, try your best never to be in a room with then, because the only thing that makes them feel good is taking a shit on somebody, preferably with an audience.

But if you must be in a room with them, they whack off to making others look bad, so say nothing and move away as soon as possible. Don’t engage. Don’t give them anything to use against you. Don’t give them anything, period. Gray Rock them.

I love funeral drama.

I'll take a tension-filled, arguing, relatives bitching about each other behind their backs funeral over a wedding any day.

Ignore these "a funeral isn't the place to do it" scolds.

It's exactly the place to do it.

R49 Her parents wanted her to go to college, or at least finish high school. My cousin convinced them that she HAD to model as a teen because that's when she would look her best, that she didn't want to waste her youthful beauty in a classroom when she could be making money. She always promised them that once she got modelling out of her system, she'd return to education and do something worthwhile. When she got pregnant two months after starting a casino job, they flipped out. They calmed down when they found out the dad was rich.

As for the daughter. She's really not bright and appears to be attention-starved and desperate for validation. She talks about becoming a vet in the future because "kittens are so cute", but she's mid 20s now, hasn't been to college, and has never worked (aside from onlyfans) Her parents paid her very little attention growing up, so I guess this is the result.

Becoming a Vet is almost as intence as going to medical school and being a wildlife vet requires more training than being a doctor.

^^^intense

R67 This comment makes me feel a little better.

[quote]so she had him cremated right after the autopsy without even informing his family (they wanted to plan a funeral).

Well who can blame her? Funerals are not always the best idea in your family.

OP / R67 You have diarrhea of the keyboard. Get help.

Is this the husband?

R91 No.

I feel.like there's enough clues in OP's post to figure out who the cousin is.

Get to it sluths.

OP you weren’t out of line. Your cousin is a cunt. I am sorry her child was raised by Nanny’s and now does soft core porn on Only Fans. You had a traumatic childhood yet you sound more decent than this privileged slut ever was! I feel if you don’t want DLers to side eye you, you need to spill the tea and give up her name!

You're both assholes.

OP, less is more. You should have learned this by now at DL.

"You're a whore, darlin'" would have been sufficient.

OP, you said you yelled, “You’d have nothing without your dead husband’s money. Pregnant after two months? What a coincidence. The only reason you kept that baby is because the father’s rich. You don’t even like kids; that’s why yours was raised in a boarding school. You don’t know what it’s like to work hard.”"

Wow, that's quite a mouthful you said in response to her insult. Once she asked why you weren't at the wake a simple, "Fuck off bitch" would have been enough.

Plus, her father is a dentist. Good money, I suppose, but a very awful job. Almost as bad as proctologist.

R21, yup. She married well and now has a huge fortune. That's making it. Never said she deserved it. Or that she's happy. Or nice. Or admired. Or admirable.

But she certainly made it. She can do what she wants with her money and time. That's making it.

Oh, most people who make it don't "deserve" it. It ain't fair. But it's true.

^^ American values. Only money counts.

Funerals are NEVER appropriate for screaming and carrying on fights.

You should have risen about the cuntiness and ignored it/her/emotionalbaggage.

People were grieving. It was not appropriate. Apologize to all the others, and stay home from now on.

Op, don't let the bitch get to you. Shut her ass down and walk away next time. Don't let her put you in a defensive position. Just don't engage, because it won't change her attitude and it'll bother the hell out of you. I understand about your situation growing up. I know those feelings and memories all come to the front when you have a family situation like a funeral. Family can be hard to be around sometimes.

[quote]OP's a good writer. He captures the whole situation and history in a few short paragraphs, his style is in fact succinct and slim-lined.

This is bullshit and it got 26 WWs. That's how you know it's one of OP's sockpuppets.

[quote] People were grieving.

You sure about that, r100?

And even though I commented, truthfully, at r84 about loving funeral drama (I live in a small town, which are, for whatever reason, uniquely positioned for settling, and creating, scores at funerals) I still have enough couth to know that if you act up at a funeral you're making it about yourself, which is a no-no.

Assuming, however, that everybody, including immediate family is grieving, is incorrect.

I've been around long enough to know what a wise elder (now deceased) told me decades ago - a funeral is prime ground for hypocrisy, false grief, "putting on a show", as well as true, real, deep grief, pain and sorrow, especially if the deceased is young.

Sorry, elders, our death isn't going to draw a crowd.

[quote]This is bullshit and it got 26 WWs. That's how you know it's one of OP's sockpuppets.

Apparently OP has a whole team of them on her payroll and three guesses who they all voted for at the last election?

I for one agree she is a cunt. And you were out of line for fighting at a funeral, but so was she for starting it. Meh. Just don't repeat.

I will not blame her for refusing the divorce though. Very smart! and absolutely her right! So think BEFORE getting married, folks! It is supposed to make you next of kin forever. Since he got a new toy and not she, it's also frankly morally her right.

You do sound very envious of her.

You were out of line by your outburst. You should have taken the high road and left the party. As it stands, everyone who witnessed the confrontation now thinks you're a shrew.

R107 Well let's not kid ourselves. Probably half of the people there hated the bitchy cousin too. It's not like she screamed at an 8 year old orphan boy.

We wish it had been you and your cousin in the box instead of whoever the hell was in there…..