The Datalounge Christmas Special

Greg presents in the cooking show his Xmas Cookies: Prunes and Cod and Chocolate!

Sandra Lee shows everyone how to make Kwanzaa Cak

I’ll sing Maryland, My Maryland in honor of the Confederacy.

Ahem..

Brendad Ickson hosts "Putting the Christ Back in Christmas--And Me Back in Show Biz!"

This elaborately produced video was filmed on an iPhone 5 and shows Brendad talking from the red carpet (a red bath mat). In the background, we can hear the sheriff banging on her condo door, trying to serve eviction papers. Brendad raised her voice to drown him out, yelling: "Well, HELLO! I'm currently at the Oscars" in front of her dingy shower curtain.

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO, appears in commercials, selling autographed replicas of the holiday-themed cardigan she was wearing "on that very special night. Paintbrush garrote sold separately."

The Lange Loon, presents an hour-long monologue, “She’s Divine,” regarding former television actress Jessica Lange.

Analyze this Ass, the musical review! Dozens of men go-go dance and pause to present hole on a huge television screen. Hosted by Bradley Cooper, Henry Cavill and Jake Gylenhaal.

I’m 65 but look 25 - this annual favorite has always amused. Several seniors who think they look young walk the runway and are questioned by Gen Z about current trends and pop culture. To date, not one senior has fooled the young people and won this pageant.

Julian and Landon duet on "Oh, cum, all ye faithful"

That’s my opinion! - through statistical analysis, the top ten DL posters who pick random fights on multiple threads battle for dominance in this reading challenge. Whoever lands the best insults wins an imaginary prize but is secretly permanently banned. Hosted by PollTroll and gay legend, Steve Kornacki.

But I’m a Millionaire - several Dataloungers who claim to be millionaires have their bank statements analyzed on stage by the stunning Suze Orman. Suze shows the receipts and tosses the phony bums off the stage. The actual millionaires must commit to making larger charitable donations.

Froy To The World!

Andy’s Choice - Andy Cohen comes on stage believing he is receiving a lifetime achievement award from his best Judy, Anderson Cooper. But Andy is slimed in green goo and then forced to walk an impossible obstacle course. He never gets to talk and falls repeatedly for 30 minutes to hysterical audience laughter.

Helen Lawson sings “Come! They told me! Pah-Rub-My-Bum’s-Buns”.

Steve Harvey hosts a very special DL-Xmas edition of the Family Feud, with the TRA family versus the TERF family. Hilarity (and bloodshed) ensues.

I look forward to the Darfur Orphan's rendition of "All I Want for Christmas" every year.

We need a bunch of kitschy has-beens from the 80s to sing "Do They Know It's Christmas?" to Darfur Orphan

Dee Plorable does a rousing rendition of "I'm Licking Trump's Taint For Christmas"

Special guest rap by Kanye West

that office photo from the 1920's comes to life and destroys the whole world wide web

"I'm Glad My Son's Not a Fag This Christmas" by Dick Delaware

In “I Dream of Weenie,” Nicolas Fairford spends an entire hour on how to delicately prepare for bottoming. His presentation is interrupted several times by the screams of delight from gay men in the audience.

The Hissing Eldergays join John Oates and Andrew Ridgely in a adequate rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock." Word has it that John and Andrew came cheaper than Darryl Hall by himself.

"His presentation of hole is interrupted several times..."

There. Fixed it for you, R22!

In “St. Meryl v. She Knew,” gay men analyze and argue in depth over the career of movie legend Meryl Streep. Note: this event will have extra security.

I love a good, old-fashioned family sing-along, so let's have the entire Trump family around the tree singing. Note: this event will have no security at all.

Hint, hint...

A Madonna Family Intervention - Madonna’s children will reveal all secrets about their mother and the gay audience will engage in dialogue and make suggestions for wardrobe improvements and rehabilitation. Hosted by Timothee Chalamet and Lady Gaga

I think we should save that one for our New Years Resolutions episode, R27. Nobody likes a bloody Christmas...

The Giudice Girls—Giardia, Tagliatelle, Escherichia, and Amoeba—entertain with such Tri-State holiday classics as "Santa, Bring Me a Goombah This Christmas."

Golden Girls will appear as holograms ala Nat King Cole, MJ and Elvis.

The Lawrence Welk singers will do an upbeat skit about the Pennsylvania Snow Shovel Shootings, where they incorporate their versions of pop and rock music. The big finale is their singing Cher's song, "Bang! Bang! My baby shot me down!" They then lay in the fake flakes and make bloody snow angels.

Two drag queens dressed as Meryl Streep and Glenn Close will perform selected scenes from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

Saoirse Ronan Sings the Blues

Ronan Farrow sings "My Heart Belongs to Daddy."

It's a Mama's Mussy Cagemeat Spectacular Christmas!

That's right folks! Mama's most treasured, most violent, and longest sentenced convicts get together to sing your favorite carols, including Silver Balls, The Little Cummer Boy, Here Cums Santa's Ass, Frosty The Blowman, Have Yourself a MARY! Little Christmas, O Cum All Ye Bateful, Away In A Stranger and many more!

^^^ All shirtless, of course?

Tomatoes to the Face - Three goes of Datalounge, Megyn Kelly, Meghan McCain and Meghan Markle, agree to stand for charity and let audience members throw rotten tomatoes in their face. All ages welcome.

^ foes

^Hoes

Bittersweet: this year we'll have the Queen's Christmas Message from a new queen...

"A Drag Queen Christmas" LIVE from Doris Day Elementary School.

Dressed as "Judy Garland on Meth," the drunk drag queen Sofonda Cox sings to the second graders: "Have yourself a merry little Christmas . . . KIDDING! I hope you get fucking NOTHING you worthless little cunts!"

Abrupt cut to commercial for the new Fleet enema with an enormous black veiny dong insertion tip. "Pre-lubed, not like any of you bitches need it!"

Can we please have RuPaul reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" by the fire? Think of the children!!

Emceed by a drunk Don Lemon, for the first half hour. (He mysteriously disappears after the second commercial break).

Helenesque all round, you fat whores.

Brought to you by Velveeta

The 10-minute holiday game show "A Christmas Clocking" hosted by Charlotte Clymer, dressed as, we are told, Sexy Mrs. Claus.

The studio audience has to guess which of the three contestants are either cis women or trans women who think they are 100% passing.

The show is over in three seconds, the studio audience having instantly guessed that they are all trans.

The remaining time is spent lecturing the audience about how it was literal violence to guess correctly.

Sarah Porkalub sings select 1970s tv theme songs.

Elf on the Shelf has probably witnessed A LOT. Lol, I never thought about that before.

Anderson and Andy Cohen are emceeing. Both had a little too much spiked eggnog

The 3 Ghosts of Christmas are played by the ghosts of Carol Channing, Bea Arthur, and Elaine Strich

Tomatoes to the Face: Men - not to be undone by the Megan’s, three unlikable men, Billy Eichner, Billy Porter and Billy Bush, agree to take rotten tomatoes to the face for charity. The audience also pummels guest host, Kanye West.

I'm Dreaming of a White Spremacy Christmas, performed by Nick Fuentes, Marge Taylor Greene, and the Neo Nazi Chorale

Wait a minute R46! That's just a rip-off of last year's contest, Who Smells Fish?!!!

Santa & Ladybugs puts DL in the holiday mood.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Slenderman, by Ivanka and Jared's kids

No need to reinvent the flat tire.

You're welcome.

To gran's house we go!

Angels We Have Hears While High by Johnny Depp

Jesus will shimmy out of his flowing gown down to a white sequined g-string, turn around, and present Christmas hole.

The faithful shall fall to their knees in anticipation of His turning around once again. Glory!

Kim Guilfoyle will dance with Jesus

Who is bringing the Yule Log?

Erna 😔 r61

I've got your Yule Log right here, R51!

This special needs a host, so let it be

Julianne Moore

Kathy Griffin should host

Let’s all scissor!

Janet Jackson huffs and puffs her way through a cooking segment: Deep Fried Red Bull Flavored Pork Balls in Cheese Sauce. No matter how they mike her the sound is too thin.

Richard Madden stars in "A Festive Fisting", where our Hollywood hunk preps a massive 25 pound turkey for a very special holiday meal. After a detailed tutorial and rounds of various holiday staples like massive onions, apples, oranges, and a generous faggot of herbs are constantly stuffed in and out of the generously buttered up bird, a special curtain is pulled to reveal that our very special turkey is none other than Froy himself.

It's a festive fisting for the whole family!!!

Blanche was appalled who.was playing Santa.

Gorgeous Caitlyn & J-Lo

JK’s Santa

R70 So sad to see Caitlyn's emaciated legs.

She ain't winning no decathlon medals with those gams.

Something tells me that special guest star Madonna will be appearing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, and well, you get it.

"[knocking]Madonna, on in one! [knocking] Madonna, we need you on your mark NOW! [knocking] Miss Madonna, are you in there? [knocking] Why is this door locked? [knocking] Madonna, are you OK in there? [banging door down] Oh my God!"

Annie Lennox will perform It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Cancer.

What a feeling! In a moving tribute to Irene Cara, lesbians Sandra Bullock, Nupita L’yongo and Saoirse Ronan read the late singer’s diary entries. Ben Platt dons a Flashdance cut sweatshirt & sings in the moving style of Miss Cara.

The Datalounge choir, resplendent in glittery red caftans and eating pints of ice cream, will delight everyone with cheery renditions of "It's Beginning to look a Lot Like Fistmas", "Angels We have Heard Screaming on High" and their very own rendition of "Happy Christmas - Sizemeat Verificata".

Jennifer Warnes was going to sing on the special, but she just cancelled cause you bitches were so mean about her appearance in the late 70s

Madonna performs her version of "Santa Baby" while wearing pasties and assless chaps. She insists on a "Kari Lake" filter. Rocco and Lourdes show up to drag her off the stage after a couple minutes of humiliation

I will sing my favorite Christmas carol, "Cod Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen."

Richard Simmons makes his comeback, leading an aerobics routine to Jingle Bells

Armie Hammer will do a dramatic reading of the lyrics of "The Little Drummer Boy:"

"Cum! They told me..."

Armie Sings Good King Wenceslas. And when he gets to the line about "the feast of Stephen" he literally eats a guy named Stephen

Ding Dongs, Merrily I'm High

Apparently the Datalounge Choir is not done. There was a screaming fight over whether or not to drain the pasta. Pots and pans are flying.

Three will be a raffle, and the winning Datalounger will get to be the centerpiece of the big finale, "It's Beginning to be a Bukake Christmas."

Streaming LIVE from the free clinic, Ben Platt and Andy Cohen perform “I’m Adorable; Why Won’t You Love Me?”

No, Folks, we have a Suboxone program; Methadone is across the street!

Christmas Dinner with Ye, Trump, and Nick Fuentes

Featuring the hit "I'll Be a Nazi For Christmas"

No Christmas is complete without our favorite acapella inclusivity group, The Handicapables!!!! Here they are in their mobility scooters forming a nearly perfect tree!

“Gladys, pull in your flipper! Your ruining our formation!”

Tod always has the latest stent.

*you;re”

I wonder, r10, if Julian and Landon might prefer to sing The Dreidel Song.

I am the gone but not forgotten Christmas Mouse.

I'm not sure if his last meal consisted of fecal matter, r92, but the "motherfucking moose" did die. You fucking cunt.

R91, as long as they appear shirtless while singing it

Hermey the Elf appears with his new boyfriend

We Wish You a Merry Piss-mas by the Golden Showers Tabernacle Choir

Special appearance by Buster Murdaugh singing his new hit single - 'I took care of the Ida 'hos'

Grumpy Old Fags and Bitter Old Hags rendition of "Come All Ye Faithful"

DL's Trolls with "Do You Hear What I Hear?""

The Atheists -

Muriel decrees it must be pay per view.

The Hairy Armpit tambourine & ukelele Jamboree feat. Witchypoo Drum Circle - Your menstrual blood is sweeter than organic cranberry sauce.

Our three resident trolls (Crazy Matt, DeFuckto, Brooklyn Seacow) as the three not-so-wise but still ugly men.

I’m the craft table staff - our team has two of the most dependable dealers in this area and another who’s good for weed.

r104

I'm the adoptee refugees taking a break from being the first line of defense against riot police at protests to bake all the seasonal nutloaf for sale in the lobby.

Audra McDonald appears courtesy of Chipotle.

I'm the spotted dick.

Kreestmas? Who give a FUK about Kreestmas?

R108, did they preserve Michael Jackson’s dick for posterity?

I'm the Datalounge holiday special that conclusively proves that Jesus never lived, but still argues for expensive gifts.

Bea Arthur, fresh off her wowza number in the Star Wars Holiday Special, will be headlining.

Oh, the Humanity!

I'm the Glory [To The Birth of Our Savior] Holes.

I'm the Opening of the Advent Calendar Contest. Behind every panel is the welcoming rosebud of an Insta Ho.

If the contestant guesses whose asshole it is correctly, they have to sing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" while gargling a mouthful of cum from the Insta Ho.

R115 that sounds fun.

In part 2 of R68 's "A Festive Fisting", we are once again treated to everyone's favorite glass-closeted Hollywood hunk Mr. Richard Madden, who now sheds his leather apron and gloves to thunderous applause for chaps, leather thong, and jacket complete with a full chain leash attached to two eager new pups ready for Daddy Madden's night of festivities.

We are once again treated to quite a show of tricks and treats. Each pup is put through their paces in a series of festive holiday events including 'pin the tail on the puppy', a musical flogging session set to "Good King Wenceslas", and a very special butt play session where each boy is forced to ride a massive dildo in the shape of none other than Sam Smith. And boy do they! A shower of red and green confetti ends the night as each pup impales himself multiple times over.

As our show nears its end, each pup mask is pulled off to reveal that we are, once again, treated to none other than our favorite resident forever-twink Froy and, this time, Madden's ex, Brandon Flynn. Froy and Flynn proceed to get into a little tiff, biting and snapping at each other, and once again papa Madden has to set each pup right by smacking those lily white asses. Our segment comes to a fabulous end as Madden saddles up Santa's sleigh and each pup pulls the reigns out of the studio to the tune of, you guessed it, the holiday classic "Sleigh Ride" sung by none other than television's Weezy Jefferson.

It's a "Holiday Pup Play" for all to enjoy.

In “I Don’t Like You Either,” Chris Pratt, Kevin Hart, The Rock and Mark Wahlberg struggle to explain to a gay audience why they are popular. A holiday singalong goes horribly wrong.

For this year’s misogyny montage, it’s people throwing hot peach pie at older mothers and aunts. “Oooh, it burns!” Such fun.

I’m the Christmas cunt

r98 r99 r100 r102

[quote]Richard Madden stars in "A Festive Fisting", where our Hollywood hunk preps a massive 25 pound turkey for a very special holiday meal. After a detailed tutorial and rounds of various holiday staples like massive onions, apples, oranges, and a generous faggot of herbs are constantly stuffed in and out of the generously buttered up bird, a special curtain is pulled to reveal that our very special turkey is none other than Froy himself.

Followed by Froy, dressed in a risqué elf outfit, singing "I Saw Daddy Fisting Santa Claus."

The Senatrice and a chorus of eldergays (known as The Silver Belles) dressed in antebellum hoop skirt outfits sing "O Cum Like Old Faithful."

[quote] Madden has to set each pup right by smacking those lily white asses.

So Froy’s ass isn’t one of those?

r122 r123

I'm the busy exit doors when Lucile Ball starts singing "We Need A Little Christmas."

Christine Pedi performing "The 12 Divas of Christmas."

You'll be fine, exit doors @ r126 I'm going to have a little talk with Lucy before that happens

[quote]the "motherfucking moose" did die. You fucking cunt.

And I will cradle his cremation urn in my tiny little paws. You gaping asshole.

The Mantiques sing a medley of old favorites

The Mouse is dead, son. Accept it.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true DL gave to me....

12 Lindseys Leaping, 11 faghags dancing, 10 peckers poking, 9 cummers cumming, 8 cocks a-milking, 7 Seacows swimming, 6 mens a-laying...

FIVE GOLDEN COCK RINGS....

4 Golden Girls, 3 Hung French men, 2 gaping holes...

AND A SUSAN DE-YYYYY IN A PEAR TREE! (who has yet to comment)

Melanoma Trump and Zsa Zsa Gabor pair up to recreate the legendary Sweeney Sisters BELLS medley complete with gowns. Everything goes well until Melanoma lies and says that Zsa Zsa’s accent is fake whereupon Gabor slaps her like she did the Beverly Hills cop.

I'm the Concerned Christian Homemaker who just said, "Merry Christmas." I've been wrestled to the floor by DL queens told, "Say 'Happy Holidays' cunt!" and given a comb out.

Our Special Celebrity Roast this year honors Jay Leno - with impersonations by Rumor Willis and Shawn Wayans.

Everybody's favorite harpy, Karen, will salute the great Jim Croce by singing "Operator, can you help me place this call....to corporate?"

I'm a concerned "Moms For Liberty" trying to get this special banned from the airwaves

Stop polluting Caden, Jaden, and Aiden's eyes with this homosexual filth!

[quote] So Froy’s ass isn’t one of those?

LOL! Our precious little concha may be white-passing, but you know that little butt is pasty white.

Just in: the Trolls of Datalounge Chorus will be singing their rendition of "White (Adjacent) Christmas."

[quote] that office photo from the 1920's comes to life

Or maybe we could have a living tableau of that Christmas party photo.

R138, what’s “concha”?

A Miami Sound Machine song, Rose.

I am the live fireside reading of Twas the night before Christmas by the Shit brick house troll.

Let's knit a puny cock sock for the Shit Brickhouse troll, while sitting by the fire

r144 It's a puny COCKLET.

DL needs a real Queen. One that is eloquent, charming, inspiring, and unifying.

Well, maybe not Lindsabeth II. She belongs to Mar-A-Lago and is loaned to Herschel for another week.

Lincoln Project Ad

R147, will that be shown during one of the commercial break?

Breaks

Oops, wrong thread @ r147. I guess still the season.

Herschel can do a cameo with his boyfriend, Lindsey

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer performed by the Lindseybelles.

[quote]We need a bunch of kitschy has-beens from the 80s to sing "Do They Know It's Christmas?" to Darfur Orphan.

While tossing him about like a beach ball. He can't weigh that much.

Boy George can recreate his "Do They Know It's Christmas" bit

Where Miss Lindzey learned to cuss:

[Quote]We need a bunch of kitschy has-beens from the 80s to sing "Do They Know It's Christmas?" to Darfur Orphan

Well, we're not from the 80s but my friends and I can help out...

And now, we cross live to Times Square where Melissa Beth Miller will perform Away In A Manger. In Pig Latin!

[quote]While tossing him about like a beach ball. He can't weigh that much.

He could stand to lose a few.

I'm the pass around latino party bottom who starts the real fun once the wife and kid are fast asleep!

She doesn't suspect a thing!

The Broadway Blow Job Competition will give new meaning to a "White Christmas..."

The DL eldergay orgy for the holidays:

Christmas greetings DL from Mar-a-Lago.

As you hang your balls, wishing you titillating moments for the season.

R161 how sweet. Looky there! Froy in his natural habitat... and always with his favorite - the eldergays. The center of attention, once again.

Back in the sling again

I'm Bruce Vilanch as Candace Cameron Bure in the sketch parodying GAC Christian Christmas TV-movies.

I’m the LIVE audience bussed in from private prison. Steve Doocy, our very special host who was available in this building this evening, is trying to find out what “commissary” means.

I read that as a live audience BUSSEYED in...

A duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” between Madison and Cousin Stephen is in order. Cue Stephen checking Mad’s crotch for vital signs.

[quote]A duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” between Madison and Cousin Stephen

"Baby It's Dead in My Pants"

I'm the wonky eyed Christmas carolers, wearing their finest Christmas caftans!

I'm the extra fifteen minutes of the special allotted to Jewish performers doing Hanukkah songs -just to drive Trump, Kanye, and the right-wing crazy.

DL icon, “Mother” Pence has a list and knows if you have been naughty or nice.

Legal couldn’t get the rights, so a compilation of Katherine O’Hara’s roles from SCTV and “A Mighty Wind” will play in the background

- because Lance Bass is now holding a telethon raising funds for Doan’s Pills.

I’m Brendad Ickson, reporting live from the red carpet of the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen near Century City and my condo. I’m reporting on how the kitchen is helping to serve old, needy people while I’m wearing my 1987 Oscars gown. I’m also loading up on the free commodity cheese, dry milk, and Depends under the alias Jill Abbot.

A Christmas caftan wearing Lindsey Graham in front of a mirror, singing, Do You See What I See.

Helen Lawson performs “I’ll Plant My Own Christmas Tree” while fondling the chorus boys.

Joy 🎄 🔔 🧑‍🎄!

Sponsored by Kraft! Look for our recipes in this week's TV Guide.

I'm the self-loathing gay incel tasing anybody in drag.

"The Jews Killed Jesus" - a heart-warming duet between Ye and Nick Fuentes

Since the most of the King Sisters are dead or busy with more important things, I was able to book these guys

Probably not Dataloungers.

Justin Vivian Bond brings down the house

Scary good

If yow have a closah look at moy hole, there’s soom mistletoe down there.

I am the angry and heartfelt debate over what Santa's preferred pronouns are, and whether to refer to Mrs. Claus as his "wife" or his "partner"

Candace Cameron bought an ad to celebrate traditional marriage!

I am the equally heartfelt and heavily debated 600-post threads entitled

"Let's Be Upper Class Rich People Celebrating Christmas"

and

"Let's Be A Frau's Perfect Christmas"

R188 Will there be sugar cookies?

Here's Kanye, singing Feliz Nazi-dad

I’m the old lesbian dressed as Santa Claus yelling “That’s Not FUNNY!!!!!!” at every U-Haul joke/ Santa’s sleigh comparison.

For the very serious and deeply moving last five minutes of the show, we have a very special guest:

Older days

Kirk Cameron will be invited to do a reading of his new children's book as the finale to our show but, in a "This Is Your Life" switch, the entire cast will join him onstage before he can get a word out and read him for the filth he is. Guaranteed standing ovation from the studio audience.

DL will be treated to a dance by Kimberly Guilfoyle which will include new twerking moves.

THE DL GQP FACTION CHORUS WILL SING:

It's beginning to look a lot like Lindzey

Everywhere you go

Take a look at her bottle of gin, it's consumed once again

With hoop skirts and parasols that show

It's beginning to look a lot like Lindzey

Sashaying through the store

But the prettiest sight to see are the gentleman callers

At your own front door

Seeing the pair of pink panties and a package of embroidery hankies

Is the wish of Hershey and Brett

Dildos that'll talk and vibrators that won’t halt

Is the hope of Ted and Gym

And Don and Rudy can’t wait for her to be in Mar-a-Lago again

It's beginning to look a lot like Lindzey

Everywhere you go

There's a gentleman in her parlor, and one tied by the collar in the bedroom as well

It's the sturdy kind that doesn't mind it rough

It's beginning to look a lot like Lindzey

Soon Lindzey’s bells will start

And the thing that'll make 'em ring is the dick one will bring

To Lindzey’s front door

It's beginning to look a lot like Lindzey……….

Kudos to Mrs. Patsy Ramsey for rhyming "piping hot biscuits with marmalade" with "the mess that pint-sized harlot made!"

I suggest the Gap December 1993 In-Store Playlist as the party's soundtrack:

"I'm a Broke Bitch This Christmas" performed by Rudy Giuliani....in drag

The opening is Mitzi bringing Joel his Christmas slippers, then segways into a soulful introduction by Paul Lynde by a roaring fire.

"I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" by Mike Johnson's black son

Stevie Nicks sings "Stand Back- Santa!" and kicks all audience members in their collective CUNTBONES!