Do any of you suffer from the crippling shyness called "Selective Mutism"?

Well...Raj did!!

Yes and it sucks.

My partner's grandmother had selective mutism. I've heard her described by family as "shy," but her situation went far beyond normal shyness. It was impossible to hold any sort of conversation with her.

The new fibromyalgia and celiac disease in 3…2…

Both me and my sister, though my sister’s was more intense yet shorter-lived.

Sis didn’t speak at all until she was about 5, only cried and wailed and screamed, when her fist wasn’t shoved her in her own mouth. She had little interest in food or sleep, either. Thankfully, my (poor, exhausted) sensible mother let Nature take its course on that and didnt pathologise her, confident she’d grow out of it. And lo. She was completely fine by her preteens, and she’s a normal sociable adult now.

I have mutism only partially, but still to this day in my 30s; ‘partially’ in that I only go mute or blank people when I’m under high stress in certain situations or having an anxiety attack—kind of a freeze response. Its like the thought and action of talking suddenly becomes painful, impossible, unthinkable. Though in general, calm everyday conditions, I can and do speak to people just fine, though my voice is quiet and I can lack assertiveness.

I’m going to call Pharmacist?

I work with advanced placement students, primarily from south Asia. Not a one of them has anything close to a full voice. Mumbles, half sentences, mute stares when they need to use their words. Get them to write and it's flawless. I suspect their early years were spent in homes where english was not the first language.

R7 yes, it’s an eerie feeling to be faced with a classroom of that, isn’t it?

It’s one of the reasons I quit being an ESOL teacher. I’m not garrulous or confident enough to cope with filling all that silence, let alone getting through to minds that only work in study mode. My kids (mostly Thai, with some Japanese & Taiwanese) were so sweet, and so smart, and tried so hard, but it was a nightmare trying to get them to engage verbally.

Kids who speak more than one language are particularly prone to it.

I haven't thought about this in years. Raised on an army base in Germany during the 60's, sent to the international school in the city, we moved to America when i was eight. Bilingual before then but really struggled with English, reading aloud, etc. when we came to the states. I can remember being little kid outraged when it was suggested that I was deficient/dumb, etc. No I thought, you americans are doing it all wrong- then i adapted to the local expectations

My kid has it. It's sad because he's such a bright and hilarious kid with people he's comfortable with but other kids say hi to him in school and he just looks away like he's autistic.

R11 how old is your son, and have you taken him in for tests or anything?

I'm the poster above who had the mute sister. A couple of doctors tried to pressure my Mum to put my then-toddler sis on tablets and take her in for psychotherapy, but she didn't need it in the end. Advice of another more senior GP, giving her space at home, and her making a couple of more outgoing friends at school who stuck up for her and finding a gentle accepting teacher she trusted all went a long way to bringing sis out of her shell. Perhaps that's all your son needs, especially if he's very young. Think about your options, and please don't be too hasty to panic or rush into medication or anything.

When I was in middle school the technical term for this was "spazzy weirdo".

R12, he's 11. He was also a late talker, we tried to get speech therapy for his rhotic R issues and they assured me he'd grow out of his shyness and the speech impediment. It has improved, but it's still there so I'm currently dealing with trying to get him into speech therapy which is packed full because lots of kids who wouldn't have speech impediments got them during covid, probably due to everyone being in masks (I still wear one to the gross grocery store and the theater, so I'm not antimask)

R13, that's the pointless bitchery I crave.

How is this any different from social anxiety?

I mean they literally can't talk. It's beyond introversion. It's basically shutting down verbally. Being unable to even ask where a bathroom is or respond to a hello. My husband and his father likely had it. But...they are both some of the funniest, most observant and open people. At home or with friends and family.

My cousin was a typical little boy until he came home from his first day of kindergarten. After that he would only whisper into his mother's ear, and would not/could not talk to anyone else.

It was heartbreaking. We never learned what it was about that day that set this off. His beloved grandmother is a very gentle and patient person. Eventually he would whisper in her ear, too.

He couldn't talk to his siblings, father, teacher, friends.

Now he's an adult and found a job where he can work remotely. He's able to talk more, and even has a girlfriend. He's devoted to his mother and grandmother, traveling hours twice a month to visit and take care of household things for them.

There is hope. They were a very poor family, and therapies weren't as good in the 1990s, but he's come through most of it.

That's really sad.

I did, for a brief time as a child after my father passed away, I was 4 at the time. Took about a year or so with a therapist until I began to speak again.

This turned into a frau thread rather quickly.

Maybe they're just shy.

I had a student who was selectively mute, and I swore she'd been the victim of some kind of abuse. It was creepy AF. It wasn't just her total unwillingness to speak, but her physical posture as well. She'd stand in the middle of the schoolyard while all the other middle schoolers were running around like mad with her arms plastered to her sides, fingers extended, eyes straight ahead...I swore she didn't even blink.

Selective mutism is quite rare, but I'm not in an ersatz homosexual relationship.

R25 Schizophrenia

I was going to make a joke that this sounds like a subset of SWGS: Stupid White Girl Syndrome. But then I read R7's post.

Anyone want to talk about this again?

Don't make me have to read an article, OP.

Some think the answer to any situation is smoking copious amounts of pot. A remark too cute. Dead wrong. Grurl, grab your balls and grow up.

My cousin had it. She would talk to her mom and dad and kids like me so they thought she was just a little shy until they told her in preschool that she never talked. She never said a word to her teachers, other kids would speak up for her and she carried a little white board to write on. Maybe it was peer pressure but she started talking when she got to high school. She still has anxiety and doesn't like talking to people but she will if she has to like a waiter or a cashier.

You know, we've been hearing for years -- decades, even -- that it was OK for kids to be different and not be in the mainstream. We were supposed to (and I have) just accept that some kids were not like all the other kids and might require some patience and validating. So what has this brought us? Now everything bears a name, a diagnosis, a debilitating and crippling neurological malfunction for which we should be ashamed to not respect. I saw kids like this at the library where I used to work and you would silently think, "Well that little one is different." I understand that it's an unfortunate combination of phobias and anxiety but I often wonder (I am not a clinician) that by saying to a kid "You have this mental health disturbance" the situation becomes exacerbated.

Geez, just join Toastmasters.

Sounds like a new name for an age-old issue. I find the older I get the less I want to go out and about. I have a 3rd shift job where I'm pretty much alone. I hate anything where I'm the center of attention or 'on stage'. And I loathe eye contact with passersby and co-workers.

I have the opposite problem: nervousness provokes babbling.

don't we have enough disheases already?

No, Liza, we don't

The porn star Sir Jet had something like this. He could only whisper until he was in college.

I was molested by a deaf mute.