Matthew Perry: how I destroyed my colon

Matthew Perry is speaking candidly for the first time about his decades-long struggle with addiction.

The actor is sharing both the highs of his career and the darkest lows of his life in his new memoir, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, due out next month. The Friends star revealed in an interview with People published this week, “I wanted to share when I was safe from going into the dark side of everything again. I had to wait until I was pretty safely sober—and away from the active disease of alcoholism and addiction—to write it all down. And the main thing was, I was pretty certain that it would help people.”

In the book, Perry reveals that a few years ago, at the age of 49, he almost died. While he publicly acknowledged that he was suffering from a gastrointestinal perforation, he was actually fighting for his life at the time after his colon burst from opioid overuse. The actor spent two weeks in a coma, five months in the hospital, and had to use a colostomy bag for the next nine months. He shared that when he was first admitted to the hospital, “the doctors told my family that I had a 2 percent chance to live. I was put on a thing called an ECMO machine, which does all the breathing for your heart and your lungs. And that's called a Hail Mary. No one survives that.”

Perry explained that his alcoholism began when he was cast on Friends at the age of 24. “I could handle it, kind of. But by the time I was 34, I was really entrenched in a lot of trouble,” he confessed. “But there were years that I was sober during that time. Season 9 was the year that I was sober the whole way through. And guess which season I got nominated for best actor? I was like, ‘That should tell me something.’” But his addiction quickly escalated out of his control, like at one point when he was down to just 128 pounds and taking 55 Vicodin a day. “I didn't know how to stop,” he told the outlet. “If the police came over to my house and said, 'If you drink tonight, we're going to take you to jail,' I'd start packing. I couldn't stop because the disease and the addiction is progressive. So it gets worse and worse as you grow older.”

While his cast mates “were understanding, and they were patient,” Perry's condition became harder and harder to hide, especially as his addiction produced increasingly dramatic changes in his appearance. “It's like penguins. Penguins, in nature, when one is sick, or when one is very injured, the other penguins surround it and prop it up. They walk around it until that penguin can walk on its own. That's kind of what the cast did for me,” the actor said.

Perry also revealed that he has been to rehab 15 times over the years and has had 14 surgeries on his stomach so far, but is “pretty healthy now.” He joked, “I've got to not go to the gym much more, because I don't want to only be able to play superheroes. But no, I'm a pretty healthy guy right now.” He added that he doesn't want to disclose exactly how long he's been sober, but he still counts every day. “It's important, but if you lose your sobriety, it doesn't mean you lose all that time and education,” he said. “Your sober date changes, but that's all that changes. You know everything you knew before, as long as you were able to fight your way back without dying, you learn a lot.” And these days, he's just “an extremely grateful guy. I'm grateful to be alive, that's for sure. And that gives me the possibility to do anything.”

The Friends star added that he thinks readers of his memoir will, “be surprised at how bad it got at certain times and how close to dying I came. I say in the book that if I did die, it would shock people, but it wouldn't surprise anybody. And that's a very scary thing to be living with. So my hope is that people will relate to it, and know that this disease attacks everybody. It doesn't matter if you're successful or not successful, the disease doesn't care.”

If he's blown out his colon then I guarantee that he's on strong painkillers and will be for the rest of his life. Maybe that's why he doesn't feel comfortable saying how long he's been sober.

Not to be gross, but -- once you blow out your colon and have a colostomy, is that really reversible?

He was full of shit!

[...]

A reenactment

This is the first thing I thought of:

never do a colonoscopy with an imax camera.

You can have a temporary colostomy or ileostomy (small intestine) for months or years without lingering pain. But I'm curious how pain management was handled with all the subsequent procedures.

How does opioid abuse lead to a perforated colon? Was he taking the pills rectally, with a hammer and chisel?

constipation?

A colostomy can be reversed.

I'm surprised he was that sick for so long and it was kept under wraps that well.

[...]

Fun fact number one: not all colostomy bags are permanent. Some are, but others can also be temporary and removed. These usually take a period of about three months to heal fully, and sometimes require surgery (a 'reversal') to fully close the colon.

[...]

There are all kinds of reasons one might require a temporary colostomy, like an IBD patient requiring stool diversion away from a fistula. It's not always a dire situation, though the few details Perry has provided suggest his intestines went through hell.

Could This Thread Be Any More Shitty?

DARK MINGE LORD, Perry said his was temporary.

[quote] "My finance loves my bag, because it is a part of me and it keeps the woman he loves healthy."

It's nice her finance is so supportive.

Or did she mean her fiance? I bet he does not "love" it.

Maybe the fiancé is supportive because of her finance situation

[quote]Not to be gross, but -- once you blow out your colon and have a colostomy, is that really reversible?

As long as he has at least a small amount, yes.

I had a perforation and had an ileostomy in May. I’m supposed to have it reversed November 1st.

Mazel Tov!

Yet another 🥷 stealth 💩 scat thread

He seems nice enough for an opiate abuser. I never would have guessed he was such a mess during the filming of friends. For some reason the opioid pill addicts I had the misfortune of knowing were horrible people even before their addiction. Nasty assholes who happily would have judged other types of addicts.

I want to be 128 pounds and taking 55 vicoden a day! That sounds kind of great!

How did his speech change?

////

Not being funny, but if you're going to blow your colon out over drugs why take Vicoden and not something better? What would it actually do other than clear a headache?

Having to manage pain as a recovering addict is really difficult, and while I feel for him, it does sound a bit like he’s rationalising being a chronic relapser (maybe with alcohol).

Really? The mortality rate from a ruptured colon is 30% but his family was told he only had a 2%?

Shades of James Corden.

Great thread title.

Ok I am probably dumb, is it just an impaction that grows big enough to burst through your colon? Are we talking weeks of poo built up?

I never understood why rich folk messed with Vicodin - didn’t the tylenol kill your liver in large doses? He was such a cutie it’s too bad he got tangled up in that.

Was this some weird dieting end game for him? Who makes this their goal?

So the rumors are true he had a colostomy bag. Good for him it was just temporary.

Vicodin? Percocet or bust

Apart from Matt Perry...

I think the name "How I Destroyed My Colon" would be a good name for a reality show

about whores who've wrecked their bussies

R39's favorite Jeopardy category is "Celebrity Anal Fissures"

Porn star Eliot Finn talks openly on TikTok about anal fissures shutting down his career for awhile. He’s straight by the way.

Yeah, Vicodin is pretty weak. Percocet is much better.

Pain killers cause constipation. It's not pleasant. I'm guessing the constipation had something to do with his colon problems.

I was given Norcos when I simultaneously broke my wrist and opposite elbow. I don't understand how opioids can be people's drug of choice. Of course, I liked the IDGAF feeling, but after five or six days the constipation was unbearable. And I wasn't even eating that much. Ugh.

How is it that Rush Limbaugh consumed so many opioids (more than Perry IIRC) and didn't see to have similar issues (that we know of) He was overweight until the end. He did have hearing loss.

Limbaugh may have been chronically constipated.

Elvis Presley was constipated.

I saw a video of Oprah and Gayle going to Graceland and eating with Lisa Marie Presley. The cooks had made a southern / soul food-type spread. Lisa Marie said that her dad's side of the family had constipation. (She was telling an embarrassing story about her aunt asking her, in front of LM's friend, "Did you go to the bathroom today?"

Limbaugh was probably chronically constipated given the amount of food he consumed, but it didn't blow out his colon. I guess he managed it. Maybe Perry was too messed up on alcohol to notice how grave his situation was becoming and there was no one around to take care of him.

There some medication that came out less than a decade ago specifically to combat opioid constipation, there were never ending ads for awhile.

He's going to help a lot of people.

Dear Lord in Heaven!

He wants to be a husband and father? Isn't he 55?!!!

I’m shocked he’s only 49.

Fisting is so much simpler, Matt.

R50 No, he's 53. The article stated he almost died in 2018, when he was 49.

His scary thin phase was when he grew the goatee.

Opiate abuse causes chronic constipation and compacted stools. Haven't any of you hoes seen Trainspotting?

Is his memoir going to be called “Shit Happens”?

He did have a colostomy bag at one point. You could see it on the side of his leg in this picture from 2019.

^Is the cute chubby guy carrying his colostomy bag?

At that weight he had colostomy luggage.

Wasn’t Whitney Houston abusing opioids? I remember hearing a lot about her ‘doody bubble.’

Matthew Perry: "I Blew Up My Ass Taking Opioids"

I met him once either in the late 80s or early 90s at a bar through friends of friends -- no pun intended.

Nice guy; beautiful hair. Kind of an every guy.

He gets FRIENDS, a dream role; just show up, hit your mark, be a version of yourself and collect millions upon millions.

Just shows to go you, not everybody's happy

Do people really not understand that drugs and addiction are dangerous? Is this news?

Not a laughing matter. A burst colon can leave you with a ;

Oh snap y’all

Unlike Kelly Ripa this guy has legitimate hard luck stories to tell.

“ I couldn't stop because the disease and the addiction is progressive. So it gets worse and worse as you grow older.” - that’s AA big book nonsense from 1930’s. It’s so depressing that the medical community still holds this program with such an abysmal record as the gold standard .

55 Vicodins a day ?!!! Is unbelievable. The Tylenol in that alone was lethal . He’s a lucky cat

Shmall fry.

What's on his iPod?

Could I be more constipated?

I do commend him for opening up about this . This is perfect timing as the opioid crisis has entered an even bigger state of emergency with the fetanyl lacing . Matthew is very wealthy . He doesn’t need the money . This is a humiliating story and he is humble

I think it also has something to do with motility. Or peristalsys. The muscles of the colon grow flaccid or weak and just don't push and move stuff along. Also if you're not eating properly, exercising, or drinking enough water, that stuff can turn very hard. I think it's safe to assume Matthew in the throes of his addiction wasn't eating right, or drinking water or exercising.

☝🏼 opiates are known for causing lethargy . And appetite and hydration are neglected. Food and water also ruin the buzz . The iconic heroin king , William Burroughs lived a long life as a morphine/ heroin user . His two invaluable pieces of advice, was to make sure you shit everyday and eat one big meal in morning . Like a Denny’s breakfast with all the nutrition.

[quote]Is his memoir going to be called “Shit Happens”?

I believe you mean “Shit DOESN’T Happen.”

I feel for him as he’s dealing with his medical conditions.

Professionally, I never found him funny. In anything. Ever.

Ignore the fool(s) who say a colostomy from a perforative trauma of the colon are the usual know-nothing cunts here.

Perry, typically, is not fully forthcoming about his issues, despite the colorful terminology he uses. I gather from his description that he either experienced an acute perforation (thinning of the wall with the typical serious constipation experienced with heavy opioid use, leading to dry, hard stool pushing through) or perforation as a result of toxic megacolon where inflammation and infection eats the tissue away.

But, even with such and similar conditions, colostomy reversal surgery is performed for about 80% of patients under the age of 50 or so.

You're welcome, DL scat queens and trolls.

[quote]My first boyfriend had a colostomy bag and if you read all the information for those who have to get a colostomy bag it's because they will never be able to go without a colostomy bag.

I hope it matched his shoes.

The opioids completely inflame the intestine and destroy all the flora. A very healthy diet along with no more drugs may allow the colon to heal to a certain extent.

It’s common for people to have parts of their intestine removed (usually for cancer, but sometimes for IBD), use a colostomy bag while they’re healing, and then have the ostomy reversed. The healthy remainder of the intestine takes over again, and the patient returns to normal (or normal-ish, depending on how much was removed) bowel function.

I don't know where some of you are getting your "colostomy is forever" information.

I had a colostomy for about 6 weeks, and then it was removed. It was done so a section of my colon could heal. I wasn't expected to live through all of that.

[quote]He did have a colostomy bag at one point

Someone probably sold it for big bucks on eBay.

Blow it out your ass, Matthew!

Mingelord is admirably intense and never shies from a fight but he’s not, from what I’ve seen, particularly knowledgeable.

He's no worse than that fucking prick UKGuy. The fact these morons insist on using usernames on an anon message board should be an indicator that they're wankers..

I bet his alcoholism and drug addiction started as a teen actor, and not during Friends.

I dont know when it started but the rumor was it kicked into high gear after his break up with Julia Roberts.

Meh, no sympathy, he brought it on himself. Mediocre actor, mediocre looks, no personality, a lucky bastard who ruined himself

The opioid crisis is old news. I wish people would stop equating the CURRENT crisis of fentanyl with Oxycodone /Purdue crisis of 10 years ago. The reason deaths from overdoses is increasing is NOT increased opioid use - it’s the use of fentanyl that was required when Oxy and opioids were eliminated. So now people use an incredibly deadly alternative - fentanyl. Thanks again always-belated, misguided American drug war strategy.

Is he suing the Sackler family?

[quote] If he's blown out his colon then I guarantee that he's on strong painkillers and will be for the rest of his life. Maybe that's why he doesn't feel comfortable saying how long he's been sober.

No. Many people live without colons and do not experience pain because of it.

[quote] Not to be gross, but -- once you blow out your colon and have a colostomy, is that really reversible?

Yes, a colostomy is not exactly 'reversible' but can be corrected. They cannot make you a new colon but they can reroute your intestines to your rectum. You will have to modify your diet and learn to manage the much faster transmission of food from entry to exit. Some people find the colostomy bag is easier to manage.

I’m surprised all the acetaminophen in his Vicodin didn’t ruin his liver/kill him. That is often what happens with severe Vicodin and Percocet abuse.

Unless he has no family or friends, how could they let him pop some 50+ pills a day without getting him help? I'm not blaming them, just noting that we have to keep an eye on those we care about.

They weren’t there for him r92

This is how he’s choosing to sell his memoir? lol

I must be crushing to know you are the least talented of a six person cast.

He seems so asexual to me.

R86 pining away ever since 😆

What really caused his despair?

It almost sounds like extreme anxiety, maybe connected with the show. His problems seem to have gotten so out of control during “Friends.”

[quote] Unless he has no family or friends, how could they let him pop some 50+ pills a day without getting him help?

It's the 𝐺𝑜𝑙𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒. He with the gold makes the rules.

That’s funny, r83!

At least he got that country music trio named after him.

I’m sure this was a result of bullying on the set of Friends, there must be someone he can sue?

He was a teen actor with a very handsome father, an actor and I think he was the Old Spice guy in the 70s. When you are cute but not as handsome, maybe that can cause some insecurity issues.

Isn’t he hard up for money? Wasn’t he selling homemade Friends-themed t-shirts with an underage girlfriend on Etsy a few years ago?

A burst colon is serious business. It's what killed my father.

[quote]I must be crushing to know you are the least talented of a six person cast.

Tell me about it.

Is cryptkeeper Keith Morrison his Zaddy?

[quote] How does opioid abuse lead to a perforated colon?

Opioids render intestinal muscles inert so there is less movement, no water and more impaction. Although the addiction would have to be REALLY bad and you'd have to have an endless supply of opioids to get to where he was. It almost seems more likely he would have died of cardiac or respiratory failure caused by an overdose before bowel perforation.

[quote] When you get a colostomy bag it's because your large intestine is not working properly and can never digest food again.

Not in every case. It depends on the circumstances that created the need for the colostomy - i.e. physical trauma vs. chronic illness.

True, It really Depends

[quote] Maybe the fiancé is supportive because of her finance situation

With the stock market where it us, and a looming recession, I am not gonna let a little bag of shit get between me and financial security.

can’t you retread a blown out tire?

[quote]Matthew Perry: how I destroyed my colon

Ok, now tell us what happened to your chin and your neck.

[quote] There some medication that came out less than a decade ago specifically to combat opioid constipation, there were never ending ads for awhile.

Oh God...Linzess. It is for IBS and those sunny commercials with smiling people are completely misleading. It will make you empty everything below your esophagus in an urgent, uncomfortable and unforgiving manner.

If you can take Linzess and remain constipated you just need to start make final arrangements.

[quote] 55 Vicodins a day ?!!! Is unbelievable. The Tylenol in that alone was lethal . He’s a lucky cat

That has to be an exaggeration. 55 Vicodin in 24 hours will kill you -- you will stop breathing and your liver will shut down.

[quote] Isn’t he hard up for money?

He is hardly hard up for money.

He made big bucks on Friends...I assume he has some of it saved up

I try to go easy with my Tramadol due to constipation. I know it’s ugly

Not true r115, but you have to work up to it. A friend had an addiction and was up to 40 a day. But it took more than a few years to get there. She cratered in her mid 40s but was doing drugs for many years. Take them all at once without titrating would definitely kill you though.

Thanks for the clarification, r119. It's a shame that today no one can get Vicodin for legitimate pain because these folks were taking 50 a day.

I had a few Vicodin prescribed when I had my wisdom teeth removed. They did absolutely nothing for me. I really don’t get it.

R121, same here when I threw my back out. All they did was make me sleep 23 hours a day. And then when I was asleep, I dreamed of being in severe pain, woke up and I was in severe pain. What good are they, other than to make you take a bunch because they don’t work and you can’t get anything else? It’s like a drug company invented an addiction drug so they could have customers forever.

R120, this is a big issue no one wants to address. A relative had a knee replacement surgery and was in pain for months. The surgery didn’t work out well. Now she needs it redone, but is afraid because she knows she won’t get the painkillers that made it endurable last time. Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll get an aspirin. Surgeries like this are extremely painful but greatly improve quality of life. What is it about Americans that they want to put patients through such extreme discomfort. they will refuse healthcare out of self defense?

Even an addiction to hard drugs can’t make this guy interesting. Friends was so cloyingly wholesome and boring, these actors all have that stink on them for me.

The average American is now a fucking trash bag who can’t even wear a mask to the grocery store much less use pain meds responsibly.

There are no more grown ups. We’re a country of semi-illiterate, fat, no-impulse-control shitheads.

These are not people you can give pain meds . They will immediately try to snort them or otherwise do exactly what you tell them not to do.

This in turn makes it harder for everyone else to get pain meds.

R124 You sound like you ned to…take your meds.

*need

[quote] Unless he has no family or friends, how could they let him pop some 50+ pills a day without getting him help? I'm not blaming them, just noting that we have to keep an eye on those we care about.

His family probably had zero control over a multi-millionaire (can afford the drugs & doesn't need to sleep on Grandma's couch). We can "keep an eye" on people, but can't change people.

I did not take my stool softeners after a sports injury operation and really thought I was going to need another operation 3 days later when there was cement in my colon that would not budge. I was thinking to myself “how do opioid addicts do this???”

He won't say how long he's been sober because it's probably less / fewer than 90 days. He doesn't have enough distance from his life's debacles. Yes, he can chronicle what happened and we can watch the train wreck. But to have any kind of wisdom takes a longer time than 45 days. Sadly, for book publishers, the sooner the better (to put out a book).

Isn’t there a cell receptor that’s associated with people getting more of a “high” from opiates?

So, if you don’t have this receptor, you might not find opiates all that addictive.

His step dad Keith Morrison should be the voice of the audiobook.

Tonight, on a very special Dateline....

R91, hydrocodone (Vicodin) does come in a non-acetaminophen straight dose called Zohydro, but Perry was so out of control I doubt he was aiming at that to prevent liver issues.

Percocet (Oxycodone) is the same issue, but Oxycontin doesn't have acetaminophen.

What always has stung me was that the acetaminophen was in the drugs partly to prevent addicts using them. Ha.

My sister died of liver failure because of her ignorance and her physicians neither telling her about the acetaminophen nor checking her for overuse in a household when her husband also had an unlimited supply.

R7 Does that mean he can be rimmed without worry now?

This doesn't sit well with me.

Omg

R134, why are gay men more susceptible to rare diseases?

I’m sorry, R133. What a terrible way to die.

^^ (the whole thread): Guy made between 80 and 120 MILLION dollars playing a mild-mannered, uninteresting, "average white guy" in a not-very-good tv series. Who cares WHAT he does, or what caused it, or whose fault it is? NOT me...

Oof tmi

what a waste! he had such beautiful hair and a nice tall, lean body in the early seasons of Friends. I bet he was too wasted to have a good sex life for most of his life.

How could he have sex--or good sex--if he was unable to take a dump for days or even weeks?

He probably barely remembers the best days of his life.

If he hadn't become famous, would he have still become an addict? He probably wouldn't have and would have had a much better life and be healthy now.

He now finally wants a wife and family. He'll probably marry some young gold digger who will provide kids and have sex just long enough to get a good divorce settlement. Sad.

He won't live a natural life. Weak white men die by 60. His holes are already gone.

Can't he just get on a list for a colon transplant?

Amazing that more celebrities haven't also destroyed their colons. Drug addiction is strong among these wealthy, elite actors, many who are given free hardcore drugs just for showing up to events. I wonder if several others have destroyed their colons and just hidden the fact. Which celebrities have destroyed their colons besides Matthew and not told the tale?

I’m so sick of hearing about the Friends cast. They think everyone still loves them. Nobody gives a shit. And I’m talking about you too, Jennifer.

Jennifer has a beautiful colon.

HANK AZARIA....they were an item?

[quote]There some medication that came out less than a decade ago specifically to combat opioid constipation, there were never ending ads for awhile.

Yes, the drug is called Movantik, created to treat OIC, Opioid Induced Constipation. I should know, I was in a commercial for it, as a sufferer. My classmates at the next reunion were delighted to comment upon it asking both whether I'd kicked my painkiller addiction, or had I taken a good shit yet! The money was great, mine was in the first wave of them.

[quote]I think it also has something to do with motility. Or peristalsys.

Peristalsys? Wasn't that little Elian Gonzales' cousin?

you are cute, frank!

Milk of Magnesia is better than any stool softener. It works for most post op painkiller constipation situations of a week or two. Doctors don't want to tell people because it's hard on the kidneys and full of aluminum. You can eat prunes for days, take coalesce and even an enema and still be backed up. Milk of Magnesia will clean you out within 6 hours. Just drink lots of water. It draws water into the bowels. The magnesium and aluminum do the rest. Good for acne too.

Are there any young people on this site?

[...]

I thought Friends seem like an overrated, heinous show, but I'd never wish this on any of the cast. Poor guy.

I love that dumb movie he made with Salma Hayek, Fools Rush In. Did he not do movies much because of his addiction?

[quote] "I was put on a thing called an ECMO machine, which does all the breathing for your heart and your lungs. And that's called a Hail Mary. No one survives that.”

Just in case anyone encounters an ECMO machine, this is something of an exaggeration. It does indeed do what he says it does, and it's certainly not a good look to have a bowel problem so bad you need an ECMO, but the machine is routinely used in open-heart and lung surgery and patient survival is enhanced because of it.

I suspect the reason he was so ill was that the perforation wasn't detected for a while and by that time he had sepsis, which affected his other organs. (Having stomach contents getting into your bloodstream is plainly not good for you.) It's why people with undetected burst appendices get so sick.

He was in the hospital for nine months and it never leaked?

Please don't say leak.

I wonder how long he was constipated. Does the memoir say his longest wait for relief? Was it a week, several weeks, a month, months, a year??? How long does not need to be constipated to destroy the colon?

The giant impacted cement-hard, bloody turd is known to heroin addicts as the "Yenshee baby."

Could someone please post a photo for size verification of alleged "Yenshee Baby"?

I thought Matthew said he "didn't have children" but now "wants children." Does the Yenshee Baby not count?

Jennifer has fabulous bowel movements. And great hair.

But terrible dry eyes and cracked parched skin

Matthew is promoting his book. Hard.

He says that Jennifer Aniston is the one who was most on his case for his obvious drinking and suspected other addictions. That she talked the toughest to him during Friends to go and get help. Because she cared.

Aniston is hard to warm up to as a public figure and she hangs out with Ellen.... but she's a pothead who loves Nachos and Margaritas and is by all accounts a pretty cool old chick. Maybe a bit too cool. But not if she loves you.

I like her. Why make fun of her growing older? She's well into her fifties. How is she supposed to look?

Matthew Perry is hoping to become the male Jeanette McCurdy, swapping out mothers for opioids. He should have called his book “I’m Glad Opioids Ate My Colon.”

Jennifer is as a typical deeply confused but warm-hearted GenXer.

Jennifer IS GenX personified.

We love Jen because she's not a phony child adopting whore like Angelina. Jolie could never exhibit a trickle of warmth, while Jen is down to earth, and it is why we know Brad hurt her, but could not destroy her.

He’s not sober. He was high and slurring during the Friends reunion and that was well after the shitter blowout. It’s also why he’s being cagey about his sober date.

I don’t know why he’s doing this. Maybe he burned through a lot of the Friends money to feed the addiction? Still that’s a massive amount of money to lose on pills.

Most celebrity reinvention and recovery stories reek of dishonesty, but this one feels especially insincere and hard to believe.

I don’t want to hear about the glory of sobriety from someone still using.

It's hard to blow through Friends money when you're still making $20 million a year from reruns.

Now we know why Perry looks like absolute dogshit. What's Schwimmer's excuse?

But why did he really publish this memoir? He didn't need the money. Is he just an attention whore or greedy or did he write the book to try to convince everyone he is sober and has recovered?

R174, he won’t say how long he’s sober, but I’m sure it isn’t long. So…. What you should know about most addicts is this is the pattern. They get sober, then relapse, then get sober, then relapse. I think that’s the message of his book. He isn’t being preachy at all, he’s admitting to all of this and then sharing the consequences.

And r176, he absolutely doesn’t need the money and he’s never been a fame whore. He ran a sober facility for many years with his own money. And he’s not trying to convince anyone he’s sober. I really feel this is a cautionary tale—don’t do what I did. Here are the consequences.

Maybe he feels that if he goes really public, it will help him prevent another relapse. He has an interview coming up with Diane Sawyer or someone like that.

[quote]He has an interview coming up with Diane Sawyer or someone like that.

Ha! Good luck with that bitch.

Just tell me more about your colon, Matt.

[quote] We love Jen because she's not a phony child adopting whore like Angelina. Jolie could never exhibit a trickle of warmth, while Jen is down to earth, and it is why we know Brad hurt her, but could not destroy her.

MARY.

I fucking hate rich, middle-aged junkies like Perry and Hunter Biden.

But Hunter is hot, so he’s better.

For 600-lb people, why do they only remove a small part of the stomach? Why not do, as someone above mentioned, something far more drastic, like just hooking your stomach up to a foot-long piece of colon attached straight to the rectum. Then there would be far less time to absorb anything and you'd poop out regular food. Maybe not good for the toilets, though.

Is that why he’s gotten so fat?

All I see when I look at him is a grey lump of wax.

No life detected.

Although bashing AA is required here, at least the ANONYMOUS part is dead on. No one needs to hear from you if you are preaching one thing, but tippling a little vodka on the side, plus, we all already know how drunks and addicts throw their lives away without you telling us!

Oof, no respecting woman would date him after this revelation

I’m sure Matthew hasn’t “dated” a girl in years who doesn’t come through a service and get paid by the hour.

🐼🐼🐼🐼

....

I don’t want to think of blown out colon Matt’s lovers. God!

[quote] My first boyfriend had a colostomy bag

I don't understand, R15, DarkGeminiLord. You're young but why are you involved with a sick eldergay?

I’ve had sufficient of his whiny ghost-written drivel and constant passive aggressive blame.

He’s still an addict, clearly damaged beyond repair, yet manages to avoid confirming sobriety.

He must need the money - if he had decent comms staff they would have shut down this memoir way before we got to the pity party book tour.

What in the world does Perry have against Keanu Reeves? I wasn’t expecting that to be his latest revelation.

Matt also claims that his relationship with Julia Roberts ended because he dumped her. I found that interesting. . .

His insulting Keanu Reeves makes him look like an asshole

As does his creepy anecdotes about crushing on Jen Aniston

“Dumping” Julia Roberts

Why did he insult Keanu? Jealousy?

Addicts tend to be assholes but that was out of left field for me. I’ve literally never heard anything other than Keanu Reeves is a nice guy. It’s not like he killed River - I don’t even think he was there but I could be wrong.

Good point r200 maybe Perry is so fucked up he thinks Keanu is actually Johnny Depp…

He's got a distended belly like an alcoholic.

A friend works in recovery and hates when people publicly acknowledge their sober date. He feels it sets them up for failure.

But maybe as noted above, he thinks it will make him accountable.

Does he has a recipe for fudge? Is he sharing it?

r199 in case you haven't read about it

His chin has melted into his neck

I'm sure elective surgery is out of the question for him (for obvious reasons) so he can't have any work done.

I'd rather read about how his chin got destroyed.

Mofo - he stole the working title for my auto-biography!

Believe me...I can fucking destroy a colon!

The article at R204 is very strange indeed. It seems that Matthew has repeatedly said over the years that it is an injustice that Keanu Reeves is still alive. He says this every time another actor dies of an overdose, the implication being that Keanu is too stupid and talentless to live??? Matthew said this when speaking of River Phoenix's death--as in how unfair the universe is that River is dead and yet Keanu lives. Then, years later, when Chris Farley died, he said the exact same thing--how unjust the universe is that Chris Farley is dead while Keanu is still alive! What the hell??? Can anyone explain this?

There must have been some sort of altercation between the two of them at some point. KR has always struck me as a kind and decent person from stories I've read about him.

After his stupid Keanu statements I no longer have any sympathy for Matthew Perry’s colon.

Well, we all need someone to hate and define ourselves against.

He should talk to Zac Efron about his chin

STEALTH SCAT THREAD!

I can't image he'd be a good fuck.

Can’t picture him fucking, or getting fucked, or sucking dick or pussy.

Just vicodin and football on tv.

If I looked like MP, especially in [R204]’s post, I’d be bitter, too. 😂

He’s just mad cause he can’t get that much-needed neck lift.

I thought it was an interesting anecdote that they filmed Chandler and Monica's wedding scene, then directly he was bundled off the set and taken away for another rehab stint.

I could never tell when people were kissing or fucking whether they were brother & sister or not

Now Matthew has also released this gem of a story, another bit of gossip at someone else's expense--Matthew Perry Made Out With Valerie Bertinelli Right Next to Eddie Van Halen (Who Was Passed Out at the Time)

Matthew Perry cucks Edie Van Halen, while he eats out Valerie Bertinelli!

[...]

Bitter fat whore trying to pretend he's 100 pounds thiner and looks 60 years younger than he does....so of course we relate and are talking about him.

What happens to someone who destroys their colon? Does the colon explode? Is there shit everywhere? Do the neighbors hear a loud bang and call the cops because they think someone got shot?

I had no idea what an execrable human being MP is.

You feel the most intense pain you've ever felt in your entire life, but then it goes away, because you don't know there's shit pouring into your abdomen.

Wow R227. Shit.

It was awful. I was in the ICU, and I was in so much pain and had such a high fever, I started hallucinating, and the nurses and doctors basically disappeared. The next day, when they figured out what had happened and took me to the operating room, I apparently did my best to die in the process, because I couldn't maintain my blood pressure.

VOTN what caused your bowel perforation?

No one is quite sure. I got a very bad salmonella infection in Mexico that turned into sepsis. While I was admitted, I wasn't having bowel movements and hadn't for a few days prior. The GI team should have made me NPO and given me an NG tube, but only did the first part. I kept asking them to do more intervention, but they kept refusing. At points, I was considering leaving AMA and going to a different hospital, but my husband talked me out of it. They finally pushed a drug called neostigmine that should have caused me to become unobstructed, but didn't. I had to be in the ICU for that because I needed to be on a heart monitor during it. It didn't do much. The next night, I was having intense pain that in my delirious state felt like either a kidney stone or a testicular torsion, but I know now what it was.

The next day, they gave me a CT, saw air in my abdomen, and took me to the ED, where I was basically cut in half. From what the surgeon told me, the anesthesiologist tried to get him to stop the surgery at several points and leave me open while I medically stabilized. But he finished the surgery anyway. I was in the hospital for another two weeks after that, and then was home for another three. I was supposed to be out longer, but I was so bored I went back to work part time.

JFC VOTN, what an ordeal. Good to know you're doing better.

He’s on some personal vendetta to outsell that poor little Jeanette McCurdy isn’t he? That the only reason I can think of for all these prerelease sensational revelations.

Shabby of Matthew. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.

[quote]JFC VOTN, what an ordeal. Good to know you're doing better.

I'll be doing better if I get the surgery to reconnect me on Tuesday. Right now, I'm terrified of getting COVID. I've allowed for everything else, but that's a crapshoot.

I cannot even imagine MP with his shirt off let alone naked.

Matthew Perry’s smirky smile - in 2022 is really unattractive.

What is his purpose for slagging on Keanu, tattling on Valerie and whatever else? It makes him look so….shitty. Is that what he wants? The blown out colon is a metaphor for his soul I suppose.

I saw a clip of his new interview with Diane Sawyer and he sounded to me like he had been drinking. He said he used to take 55 Vicodin per day.

Ten things he can't live without.

I’ll bet he shit the bed. A lot.

Girl, he a DRUNK!

A DRUNKITY DRUNK DRUNK.

He may be off Vicodin, but…

BOOZEBAG Matthew Perry!

All autobios spill the dirt on a few other celebs whom they end up throwing under the bus to sell books. And of course those are always the excerpts that make it to page six. I don’t see what’s new here.

Well poor Valerie was all a flutter today on TikTok, she was stocked by a lone paparazzi at the nail salon and was so undone she thought it was Wednesday and not Thursday!

He looks awful. The sagging skin, droppy eyes, bags .

He needs to grow a wispy little pathetic perve-mustache.

Dumping Julia Roberts might mean something else to him

Valerie is starting to look like Wolfie.

Can’t picture him with any high status woman, even during the Friends years.

Can’t picture him with anyone but an escort.

I don’t understand what went wrong with his face??

So is his shitter back in working order or what?

Nothing about Matthew Perry's rectum is of any interest to me.

He gets the runs quite often now. Shits himself.

Does he stick to a special diet?

Generally after reversal you can eat pretty normally. With an ostomy, you're somewhat limited.

Maybe he calls his face “his shitter”

Was he sober when he did that interview? Why was he slurring his words and have one eye closed?

Did anyone watch his interview with Diane Sawyer on Friday night?

He talked about his constant anxiety that the was never good enough.

His parents had him young and then divorced not long after. Each parent remarried and had several kids with the new spouse. Even though he had good relationships with his step parents and his half-siblings, he probably felt like the odd man out at each parent's home.

He said he first tried alcohol with friends at age 14, and he noticed that it made his anxiety stop. He was going to be hooked for life.

The Friends producer built the Chandler character around Perry's personality. Perry told them that he knew he wasn't ugly, but that he still had difficulty in his relationships with women. Basically, his anxiety that he wasn't good enough affected his relationships. It sounds like he dumped them because he believed they'd eventually leave him anyway.

A Friends co-star approached him to express the cast's concern about his drinking problem. He was surprised that they had figured it out because he thought he had hidden it successfully. She told him that they could smell the alcohol. He was given pills after having an accident that required surgery. He decided that he would use the pills to replace the alcohol. He says that on Friends, when he was heavy, he was using alcohol, and when he was thin, he was using pills. He told Diane Sawyer that in order to get access to 55 pills a day, he visited doctors and endured unnecessary medical testing. He also went to rich people's open houses, went to the bathroom to scour their medical cabinets, and stole any pills he found there.

The turning point was when he landed in the hospital with a 2 percent chance of surviving. He woke up to find both of his parents standing at the edge of his bed in unison, which was something he thought he would never see. My words, not his: finally the eternal step kid had his whole bio family (three people) together as a unit, probably something he had dreamed of since he was a young child.

He says he's had sober stretches that lasted a few months to two years. Hopefully he can make this one last.

He looks like a blivet. 10 lbs. of shit in a 5 lb. bag.

Thanks for the summary R258.

I feel bad for him.

It's great if he's really sober now. You'd think he'd try to do something about his appearance. He's apparently too lazy to even shave on a daily basis and he keeps his hair greased up and slicked back making him look like an old sleazy former Baptist preacher. From the looks of him he's far from straightened up. Men who are emotionally stable don't look like slobs all the time.

Maybe he thinks that leaving scruff (instead of being clean-shaven) helps hide his chinneck. It doesn't.

Diane Sawyer excerpts. 1.

Sawyer 2.

Sawyer 3.

Sawyer 4.

Sawyer 5.

I remember that scene where he’s locked in bank lobby with the model and thinking that he stole much of Chandler’s personality from Andrew McCarthy’s character in St. Elmo’s Fire. Hearing that the actors gave input about who their characters would be makes it all the more clear he did.

In the opening conversation about the book there’s a passage where he says “one day at a time,” it’s a secret shout out to Valerie about their make-out sess!

So, the prescription drug addiction had nothing to do with botched plastic surgery?

So I watched a clip of the Diane Sawyer interview and maybe I’m deaf, but I didn’t notice slurred speech like other posters were saying.

I'm watching the excerpts and he said the pill addiction started when he was given pills after a jet skiing accident. When he was confronted by cast/crew, he decided to switch out the alcohol for the pills. Sounds like he swung back and forth between the two.

He's speech wasn't slurred, but he did sound (to me) like he's either had a stroke (and not the good kind) or is suffering from bell's palsy, R271.

*His.

He said that he's had multiple dental issues and surgeries...maybe left over difficulty with speech from that?

I am amazed that he was able to write a 400 page book so quickly or so it seems. His publisher must have needed time to edit and schedule the release so I would say it was submitted a year ago. The Friends Reunion was May last year so I guess he has had nothing else to do professionally since.

He seemed extremely NOT sober during the “Friends” reunion.

And it wasn’t just mouth pain. He was also making crazy faces and darting his eyes around wildly.

HE WAS FUCKED UP!!!

In the interview, he said going into the reunion, he had just had several oral surgeries and his mouth was in so much pain, "on fire" is how he termed it. I give him the benefit of the doubt; he seemed very sincere and forthcoming in the excerpts linked above.

So his colon exploded, but then so did something oral as well. He has stuff both coming and going.

He acknowledges he's had many health challenges, but he said he's in good health now (think he might have said excellent, i don't recall).

In part 5 what does he add at the ending that makes everyone laugh?

yeah, i didn't catch it either, r281.

If he had died during the run of the series, it would have been a dark turn of events for the show. I wonder if they commissioned a script to be ready just in case. I’ve always wondered after Nancy Marchand died during the Sopranos if most shows had their more fragile actors film scenes that could be inserted into a series to wrap up a character in the event they died.

^^That's a morbid thought. But I guess it's along the lines of newspapers/reporting agencies having a story ready for people they expect to die soon or who will win the Presidential Election.

Him doing this book tour while he’s all but admitted to not being sober is an interesting choice. Recovery culture is remarkably…broader…than it was only a decade ago.

a book tour would be stressful.

Even if he's not 100% sober, he's done a good thing talking about his problem. A lot of people struggle with addiction or OCD and feel like they're weak for not overcoming it. This guy had everything: good lucks, his ideal job, success, money, and fame, and he still struggled. And in spite of having nearly unlimited money for rehab, he still hasn't become sober for good. So the average Joe or Jane shouldn't feel too bad when they can't beat this this problem either.

I think he should focus on himself and decide not to bring kids into the situation. If he feels he's inadequate now, wait until he has the responsibility of taking care of another life. And all the added anxiety that comes with that. A lot of people in his situation expect a new baby to "heal" them. That's a big responsibility for a baby. And if it doesn't work, the child will see some fucked up things that could scar him/her for life. He has a lot of half siblings. He should just focus on being the rich, fun uncle. And he should find a fun, similar-aged woman who will make him laugh every day instead of some 20- or 30 something who can be a broodmare for him.

Matthew photographed last week.

He’s cannot even wear shoes with laces. Every old ratty pair of converse he wears are without laces. Maybe he still has a shit bag and can’t bend over…

He says he had extremely painful oral surgery just before the Friends reunion, but we’re supposed to believe he wasn’t on a ton of pain meds?

Have any LA real estate agents come forward to say Matthew attended their open houses and pharmaceuticals theft was noticed on his visits?

R227, that’s what happened to Heather O’Rourke. Her intestines burst and it poisoned her blood 🩸. An excruciating death . Poor thing . Her parents were negligent

r290 a lot of people in sobriety forego pain meds and just deal with the pain. It would be up to him and his doc, but it wouldn't be unusual for someone who deals with addiction issues and is trying to be sober or maintain sobriety to go without pain relief. Think about the 1000's of years people had to go without pain meds and just deal with the pain. I mean, usually they would swill some liquor of some sort, but as he's trying to be sober and healthy, he's probably not doing that. It's a bad situation when an addict is in pain and trying to deal with it without slipping back into the cycle.

I don't believe for one minute that he's sober for good.

So what R294? Recovery isn't an all-or-nothing process.

Recovery industry is a money making racket that hurts more than helps

R295, I sounded harsh but what I meant was it is too soon for his proclamations and advice.

The thing he said at the end was “spume.”

He was quoting a sentence from the book Diane had teased him about earlier.

He still seems like a nice/overall good guy. And he was the funniest of the Friends guys and certainly the only good looking one. A living example of how heavy drug use can destroy someone’s looks (to say nothing of everything else). It got me a little when he called her “Jenny.”

That said, I rarely if ever believe these stories of how “I had an accident on set and suddenly/innocently got booked on pills.” I honk it’s more “I was doing a lot of cocaine and/or heroin and I was looking for ways to make the high more interesting.” Plus those people have such a tolerance already that they can take 20-30 (or 55!) per day. But they’re afraid the truth will make them sound “less innocent,” which is so silly.

I think *

If only DL had an edit function

He said his addiction is not his fault.

Yeah, I don’t really buy the “on set accident.”

But, addiction is rarely a person’s “fault.” You either have the gene or you don’t.

As someone who would happily drink a bottle of wine every night if it wouldn’t make me fat and fry my brain, I get it.

At least to my knowledge he never drove drunk.

R302 I totally agree - but again there’s this perception - and I think it’s something concocted by a star and his/her PR precisely because they’re afraid their fan base will see them “at fault.”

But I’ve seen this story bandied about wayyy too many times to buy it most of the time.

Anyone with eyes could see his weight change during the show's run but what about the weight loss of Courteney Cox? Makes you wonder if she too had a drug problem or did she just stop eating?

Jennifer Aniston got really thin too.

R306 yeah around 1999-2000 she was crazy thin. Both of them were but Cox was always skinny.

I don’t really care to hear his story at all. People who get these chances and opportunities and squander them with stupid behavior get exactly what they deserve. A body that no longer works for them.

R308 = Judge Judy.

I watched the interview last night and I thought it was interesting he had nice things to say about Lisa and Jen but nothing to say about Courteney (or Matt L for that matter). I do find these stories a bit worrying because it gives people a weird sense of, well if MP could take 55 Vicodin and drink a giant bottle of vodka with the handle every day then I’m fine, because I’m not doing that. Plus when addicted put themselves under a microscope it can be disastrous. I wish him the best, but I’m not sure he’s helping people like he thinks he is.

He looked and sounded better in todays GMA interview. Not good but better.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I don't like the whole "I was drinking a gallon of vodka a day" brags I always hear from addicts

"The memoir is grimly funny, mostly unvarnished and frequently proctological" The Washington Post. 0

He straight up RUINED his face.

GMA interview. .

R315 And he doesn’t even get a great ass to compensate for it!

I'm sure he's aiming for edgy, but he just looks dirty. And where did his man boobs go? Not sure if he lost enough weight to lose the man boobs naturally or if he had a reduction surgery.

Jesus, r318, they do that for men who weren’t massively obese? Wow. I guess it makes sense but that’s quite bracing.

R314 damn it’s paywalled. But I read the LA times review and it actually mentioned a lot of details that haven’t been reported by the press. Maybe I’ll get this on kindle.

LA Times. 2

MP on Andy Cohen radio.

All that money and so miserable.

Was this on Radio Andy yesterday?

These two bitches from TikTok run a Celebrity Memoir Book Club Podcast, so they are very familiar with the genre and analyzing the hot mess that most of these books are all about. If you don’t want to actually read the book, they cover most beats and pull out the juiciest stuff.

He looks like he stinks of shit. And his acting does too so, not shocked over any of this.

R325 i couldn't even get past the intro to these two Valley Girls and their annoying voices.

Stephen Colbert interview part 1.

R327 Well, I didn’t call them bitches for nothing!

Colbert part 2.

Matthew Perry looks like a yokel who was treated to a hot shower and an Old Navy wardrobe makeover.

And then splashed with Old Spice.

With all the money he earns from Friends annually he can afford the best of the best.

So there is obviously nothing that can be done with his face sliding off otherwise he would have done it. It's very disconcerting.

Disingenuous on Colbert. Someone to be avoided in real life and his viability as an entertainer is long gone.

He looks like he's rapidly turning into The Little Ole Man...and SHEESH, he's only 53 years old. I would've guessed more'n 60, looking at those photos.

There was an article about him in the Washington Post this year. Twice he mentioned that he was addicted to fame and he was excited that this book had people talking about him. What's going to happen after the media attention dies down?

Ugh. He’s such a tool. He was fairly charming when younger. I wonder what happened.

Would his gray pallor be better than his Trump l’orange spray tan?

Cigarettes and pills, R337.

^And LOADS of coffee, all day long. Alkies LIVE on the stuff...

R336 - he could get an acting job. Maybe the studios would not want to insure him but he could cover the cost himself.

Can't money buy him a well-fitted suit?

[quote] What's going to happen after the media attention dies down?

R336 Kill Keanu?

Or possibly fuck, but definitely not marry.

Why does Keanu still live among us with a healthy colon while Matthew's colon has been utterly destroyed?