Princess Margaret had a poop knife!

Sometimes you have to bring a knife to a dungfight.

Don’t ruin Queen Angela’s day with your foul

She would have needed this to flush Markle

Yes R2, some children should be locked in the toilet.

See, they're just like us. Nasty white trash with money.

😂😂😂😂😂 So she wasn't born with a silver spoon ?

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret Rose, dooky digger.

That is really an awful story.

Nothing compares to Half-Pint's shit bra.

Based on the comments I don't think DLers know what a poop knife is, OP. Here is the original Reddit post:

[quote]My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

[quote]Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

[quote]Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

[quote]"My what?"

[quote]Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

[quote]"Wtf is a poop knife?"

[quote]Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.

[quote]I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

[quote]She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[quote][Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

[quote]Princess Margaret had a poop knife!

All the best sorts do.

[quote]some children should be locked in the toilet

Somebody should write a children's book "Princess Margaret and the unflushable turd"

We just called it Geek Chomper or Roto Chewer.

AKA our cousin Vernon the Geek, who took care of it in our family.

He didn't mind when we said it because he was stupid and he sure did clear them pipes good.

That's a bit posher than the coat hanger everyone else uses.

R3, if only your mother had flushed you, you tiresome, obsessed loser. Every. Fucking. Thread.

Well, water pressure can be low at the castle. They’re used to filling moats, not killing floats.

I keep mine in my snack purse.

What a vulgar anecdote.

Trifling cunt.

TMI

You could substitute that for the main lyric of "Embraceable You".

Never has the comment "you type fat" been more apt, re: the reddit post.

We just let generous dung deliveries slowly soften and melt in their yellow pool and then flush them later when when they were more cooperative.

I go have to do a FECAL occult test which requires me to take two samples from the same dootie and smear them on a piece of paper until they dry then drop them off at a lab 🧪. I’ve been procrastinating but after hearing about Princess Anne maybe I should just get on with it.

[quote]We just let generous dung deliveries slowly soften and melt in their yellow pool and then flush them later when when they were more cooperative.

Not sure I needed to see this, Erna

If her face (and those photos of her drawing room at Gatcombe Park) tell us anything about the woman, it's that she's of a decidedly practical bent.

Of course she has a sterling poop knife. Look in her bag right now and you'll find one.

I have an electric one by Hamilton Beach.

R26 Are you using verbs in the present tense to describe the late monarch's late sister?

I meant Princess Margaret not Princess Anne.

That HRH Princess Margaret. tacky, white trash, drunken Beyotch.

What a Fucking Pig!!

All my girls never do nappies of the brown kind.

They're leaving out what happened later...

It's very simple. If you have a stubborn poop that won't go down, you just put enough toilet paper over it, let it get wet and then flush. The paper will drag the poop down to the sewer. No need for sullying a knife.

Just thought you bitches would want to know this important practical information.

I loved visiting England but their toilets are awful.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who read "go and get me a knife" in Faye Dunaway's voice from Mommie Dearest.

[quote] you just put enough toilet paper over it, let it get wet and then flush.

That solution may work if you have the popular S-Bend traps.

It isn't so easy if one is obliged to have a P-bend trap.

Where and what was she pooping that she needed a poop knife? Bad plumbing? Too much fiber in her diet?

If Maggie was really evil, she would keep the poop knife, have it washed and invite someone she didn't like to dinner and have the poop knife put at their place setting. Oh the hilarity.

"Go and get me a knife." How gauche. I've always called out in the simplest manner "Come and clear this away."

Toilets need to be redesigned for large volumes of content without us resorting to us having to buy a macerator.

I can't believe this is news. This is how far we have fallen as a civilization

Even Idiocracy didn’t go so far as to bring out a poop knife….

scat troll alert

It's absolutely beeyooteeful!!

I played the Meghan game with this one and scored a bullseye! Three posts in for mentally ill Brits to invoke MM.

Sometimes you’ll have one the size of a weasel and you need to break its back.

Variations on this story have been around forever. It is obviously a load of shite.

Anne though, I could *maybe* see helping out like that, HM would have sent one of her ladies in waiting, but fucking Margot? HAH! Not hardly.

R10 has it right, and it’s very stressful to not have a poop knife when buying weed, when you cause the dealer to be afraid to sell weed to you in the future. I can see now why Princess Margaret needed a poop knife after dropping deuces when the munchies caused her to eat everything in sight. STRESSFUL. the fascist bully boys in the uk need to legalize it, don’t criticize it, I’ll advertise it.

She probably invented poop knives and might have been the op on Reddit

I’ve seen & done worse.

R52 Vulgar, crude and unnecessary.

This TV show was meant to appeal to Americans who love to belittle what they don't have.

T.M.I.