Are you still traumatized by childhood experiences?
I have been out and proud for decades now but if I'm honest with myself, I still feel shame at being femmy and a bottom. I'm 60 this year and the community doesn't really help older effeminate bottoms with validation or affirmation. In my adult life I have been humiliated and verbally abused by more gay men than straight men. Most of this came in the form of unnecessarily cruel rejection in bars and apps. I mean, how hard is it to say that you're just not interested? Instead, I receive these hateful one-liners that simply make me feel the shame and humiliation of my childhood more acutely. You just can't win as an older bottom, especially if you are chubby and unattractive. Younger, in-shape tops who reject me always use degrading homophobic and misogynistic blame language. Every time I am rejected or a top or a better looking gay man puts me down or rolls his eyes or calls me an "embarrassing f@ggot", I am taken back to the anxious, nervous, terrified mess I was when I was growing up.
I growed up in a flyoveristani shithole in the 1970s. My daddy was a mean, abusive drunk. He was enormous, with rip-corded muscles, a handlebar moustache and he smelled like sweat and leather and horses. He was a violent, abusive sociopath. He forced me to dance degrading songs and sing humiliating dances for his sick and depraved amusement. Once he loaded me and my brother (my brother is gay too) onto the back of the pickup truck. I was 14 and my brother was 13. We were both chubby, effeminate and pudgy. He put us on the back of the pickup naked. He tied a length of rope around our nuts and the other end around our necks. He droves us down main street like this, while the townsmen, who was all truckers, ranchers and hobos, pointed and laughed. Some made degrading comments and spat on us, shrieking homophobic slurs. My daddy done forced us out of the pickup by grabbing the rope tied to our nuts and to our necks. He then went about his errands and we had to follow him around completely naked except for the ropes while the townsfolk laughed and pointed. We was pimped out. These were all unwashed, masc, straight men with huge cheesy unwashed cocks and massive corded muscles.
When I was 15 I was in the stable with my beloved pony (I wasn't allowed no hoss on account of being queer). I was sniffing the pony's big, musky butthole while jerking off its big horsecock. Precum was pissing out of the pony's slit and I used this boylube to oil up my bussy. It was so hot. My filth trench was well greased with pony precum and I moaned homosexually as I fingered my snatch. I felt my hole pout and inhale my lubed up finger's like an old bottom's toothless mouth sucking in a rent boy's cock. My puny inferior cockle was hard in my overalls (I wasn't allowed no underwear on account of being queer). My boycunt was so fucking wet it was unbelievable. I almost wanted the pony to mount me. I started jerking off while fingering my pussy. Then my daddy done come in.
(con't)
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | October 18, 2022 1:27 AM
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(cont'd)
Faggot! He bellowed.
He was a huge man, built like a shit brickhouse on steroids. He kicked in the nuts and sent me flyin across the barn. I cradled my bruised, destroyed nuts. While my daddy charged towards me and kicked me in the balls again. My puny cockle was pissing precum at this masc display of power. My daddy then unsheathed his Colt Python .38. He lubed it up with gunoil and shoved the barrely up the pony's ass. Ya like ya hoss, don't ya, boy? My daddy snarled. He then pulled the trigger up the pony's ass. The gunshot was muffled by the pony's rectum. Next thing I known blood comes streaming out of the pony's mouth and nostrils. Ya better watch this close, boy, you is next. Then my daddy done pulled the trigger again and pulled out the shit and bloodstained barrel. An avalanche of shit and blood poured of the pony's ass. He whinnied one last time and then collapsed on the barn floor, jetting blood from every orifice and voiding his bowels. I voided my own bowels in terror at this masc display. My daddy then beat me with the butt of his gun, fucked my ass and dropped his load in me. He then dragged me outside the barn so my granddaddy and the chicano farmhands could fuck me too.
My grandaddy was huge, buiult masc straight man. The Chicano farmhands was swarthy, lean, and well-muscled, hyper-masc, and totally straight. They mounted me, throat raped, and administered hot pork enemas into my throbbing gape and then the sheriff came and h
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | September 25, 2022 11:59 PM
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My mother was a narcissist; the suffering from her behavior never ends and she's been dead for a dead now.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | September 26, 2022 12:01 AM
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Oops, meant to write, 'she's been dead for a decade now.'
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | September 26, 2022 12:02 AM
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Did he laugh at your puny cocklet?
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | September 26, 2022 12:08 AM
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"I wasn't allowed no hoss"
Nice try at a put-on, OP.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | September 26, 2022 12:08 AM
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It took you until “hoss” to figure that out?
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | September 26, 2022 12:47 AM
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R4 the sexual verbal and physical abuse were constant and brutal
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | September 26, 2022 2:44 AM
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My father and uncles also sexually assaulted me. Virtually every bottom I know lost his butt cherry to a relative. I got broke in by my daddy. My husband got broke in by a ‘funny’ uncle. An ex who died of the AIDS got done first by his granddaddy. He got busted in when he was nine. His grandfather bred him until he was 21 and no one did anything about it !
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | September 26, 2022 2:23 PM
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You're puttin' me on, OP.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | September 26, 2022 2:28 PM
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R11 why do you make light of OP’s trauma?
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | September 27, 2022 3:31 AM
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What about my trauma, he raped me!
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | September 27, 2022 3:45 AM
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"What a story. Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at his rear end".
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | September 29, 2022 3:21 AM
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You're too generous, R11.
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | September 29, 2022 3:25 AM
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It may be that you're just targeting young tops, and by now you should know they're generally not interested. Why do you do that to yourself? Stop blaming others.
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | September 29, 2022 3:31 AM
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Fix a few things and you got yourself a nice Loretta Lynn number.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | September 29, 2022 3:32 AM
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Yes. ACOA. I can’t even get into it…..
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | September 29, 2022 3:42 AM
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Isn't the OP the EST (Elaborate Scenario Troll) known as the 'Shit Brickhouse troll'?
| by Anonymous | reply 22 | September 29, 2022 3:56 PM
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I don’t really drink on account of my daddy doin it to me and my brother when he’s been doin hisself too much booze. I’m partial to the good crystal though ;)
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | September 29, 2022 3:56 PM
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HOT OP!
Revel in the trauma. It's made you the unique person you are today.
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | September 29, 2022 5:34 PM
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How are Colton and Packer?
| by Anonymous | reply 25 | September 29, 2022 11:59 PM
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Colton is a freshman at Reed College and says he’s already taken multiple raw loads. Packer is a sophomore in High School and had just broken up with his top. Mackenzie is in 8th grade. I don’t think he’s dating yet.
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | September 30, 2022 4:31 AM
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R26 Well I certainly hope they're finding time to study. You can't get a degree in bottoming you know!
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | October 8, 2022 8:03 AM
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R30 bottoming is as much art as it is science.
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | October 8, 2022 8:34 PM
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This has got to be the EST troll. The language and core story are almost exactly like the last installment.
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | October 8, 2022 8:50 PM
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Oh wow, I missed the most recent chapter-- I wish I had not started this thread, and remained blissfully ignorant.
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | October 17, 2022 9:42 PM
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^ wrong thread. Should have gone here.
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | October 17, 2022 9:44 PM
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I got through one paragraph and it was more than enough.
| by Anonymous | reply 35 | October 17, 2022 9:50 PM
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Don’t we get this “my daddy done beat me with the butt of his gun before he raped me and then let the Messican cowhands rape me” EST every 2 years or so?
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | October 17, 2022 10:56 PM
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My Dad yelled at me and my siblings and it was awful. He was mean. We’re all damaged by it but I’m the only one who seems to notice. He has Parkinson’s now and is in bad shape but I don’t think I’ll be upset when he dies. Esp if I get money out of it. Sounds harsh, I know, but he was awful.
My other trauma was at the hands of a camp counselor. He never molested me but he gave me gifts and special treatment and I was in love with him. The following summer, he dumped me for another boy. He would ignore me or make me feel bad when he didn’t. It was awful. I have flashbacks to those emotions still at age 48.
| by Anonymous | reply 37 | October 17, 2022 11:36 PM
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OP, you are a sad mess - but not because any of this is true. You are a sad mess because you make up this fake shit that trivializes the real trauma that many went through and continue to go through.
Get a life. Try volunteering your time at a crisis center so you can see real suffering instead of making it up.
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | October 18, 2022 1:27 AM
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