Do you really have to share recipes?

ALL of my recipes are AMAZING. Suck it, bitches

Tell her it's a family recipe and you make it with your sister with each of you only knowing half the recipe and turning around when the other puts in the ingredients. Make some shit up and then punch her in the face.

Tell us the recipe, Op. Let the DL chefs decide if it is worthy!

Have a stock answer for the question ready every time you bring something to a potluck. Say something like, "Oh, it's just tater tots and Velveeta, I'll write it down for you after we're done!" and then don't write it down for them unless they come back to you later and press you for details.

If you don't want to give it up, say "It's a family secret! My great grandmother brought it over with her from Transylvania!" and leave it at that. Be cheerful and polite about it.

I always leave out the most important ingredient. And double the salt.

Make up some vague shit:

"It's so simple. There's no written recipe. It's just X with with whatever and whatever spices/seasoning/topping/crust/icing/glaze and, you know, whatever seems right on the day, then molded/browned/seared/baked/roasted/broasted/toasted/chilled. Oh and the secret? Let it sit an hour before serving!"

[quote] "MMMMMM, this is delicious - what's the recipe??!"

Okay, Op. You got us. What is it?

She is just making conversation. You really can't think of a friendly way to answer without giving it away? It's not like she is taking notes of exact measurements during a party, just be a normal human and talk.

"Well, first, you have to gut the cow. This recipe only works with fresh tripe and intestines. Next . . ."

I have a friend who agreed to give me a fabulous soup recipe as a birthday gift.

But when I made it, I realized she had left something important (intentionally, no doubt) out. It didn't have the same color/taste.

When I finally figured out what was missing, the soup tasted just as delicious as the one she made.

You’re making this extraordinarily more dramatic than it needs to be and attributing malice to this woman unreasonably.

If someone asks you for your recipe and you don’t want to share, just say “I so appreciate the compliment, but it’s an old family secret and my grandmother would kill me if I told.” If they keep pressuring you, “Sorry, you’ll just have to live with the mystery!”; or “I guess you’ll just have to invite me over more often to get access to it!”; or “I’ll never tell, ha ha!” Be jokey about it but make clear the answer is NO.

Fucking gangsta R10! Take notes, OP, real gangsta ass brothas don't flex nuts, cause real gangsta ass brothas know they got em. Do the same, leave out the best part, if she can guess it, she's gangsta too.

"You must give me the recipe!" is just a nice way of saying, "Thank you for making this."

People seldom really want the recipe.

There's even a good chance that they thought it tasted like garbage, but are nice.

Just smile and say, "The secret ingredient was my semen!" and watch her shut right up.

I make an amazing salmon dip, which I learned how to make from my uncles wife 15 years ago (seems weird to call her aunt since she’s my age). She is a native Alaskan, and it’s her family recipe. I now make it for my friends and my partner’s family. I made the mistake of telling partner’s sister in law the recipe, and she now makes it for every single gathering. We both ended up making it for her Christmas party a few years ago (mine was better of course). It really pisses me off. It was MY thing. I would never make it at a gathering that my uncle’s wife is attending, because it was HER thing first.

What kind of a cunt wouldn't share a fucking recipe? Are you going to patent it? Publish a book? Open a restaurant?

"Ancient Chinese secret. Calgon in the chicken stock."

I'm with R6 on this. Most of my dishes are made up on the spot and I just tell them the ingredients. Let them figure it out. I rarely follow recipes to a T.

"Since I discovered Hamburger Helping, it is totally changed my cooking world. Went from average to Cordon Bleu overnight. Thank you for noticing."

Was the dish Lobster à la Riseholme, OP?

R15 THANK YOU. You completely get it! Once someone in your circle knows, it's inevitably going to happen. I'm sorry you got screwed by sharing the salmon dip recipe :(

Yeah, r16 I know it sounds silly to you, but it's about keeping my life simple for gatherings. I know how to make 5 things. I alternate what I bring and I don't tell anyone the recipes so I can keep making them and not complicate my life. I'm not a housewife who can spend hours learning new recipes. I have my 5.

You have some good suggestions guys about how to respond in the moment, but this is a 3 ingredient no-cooking recipe in my case. Super easy. If I name the ingredients and seasonings, that's basically the whole recipe. So I couldn't leave anything out or be vague about cooking times or prep secrets.

....I just feel obligated now to tell her. And again, she and her hubby can afford whatever fancy food they want to offer guests. I can't. I am glad she enjoyed it but I don't want to give it to her.

And you know, about three weeks ago, a somewhat snooty friend invited me to his Bday BBQ...but said "and of course you can bring your pasta salad..." in this snarky way that made it clear that he thought it was the only thing I knew how to make or could afford because it's so cheap. It was super condescending...so I brought this other dish instead, which shut him up and eveyone complimented me on.

Friends can be snarky and judgmental sometimes.

Ever noticed how some people spend real $$$ on the dishes they bring to potlucks, buying expensive ingredients that everyone takes notice of? People flex at pot lucks and try to one-up each other.

You sound like you might have a little anxiety, OP. One of the things I’ve noticed is the people who try to compete at potlucks end up unhappier than the people who happily bring a bag of tortilla chips and store-brand salsa and don’t worry so much about what everyone thinks of them. Another easy food to bring is whatever fruit is in season. People are always happy to have a bag of cherries there and it takes no effort.

I like the way you think, R22.

What the fuck is a recipe thread for when none of you tight-ass bitches will tell us what is so fabulous about your fucking recipes? Salmon dip is generic, but I can work with that, thank you.

This sounds like a rejected Seinfeld episode.

Jerry, she liked the dish, tell her the recipe! You know what you are? You're a recipe hog!

You must have some wits about you OP.

R10, was it paprika?

My secret, hardly revolutionary but good, is just a little cumin in the chicken salad.

People really go crazy for it.

I add a dollop of milk to the water I boil corn on the cob in.

Seems to make them sweeter.

OP, you can be casual about it. "Oh, it's just this and this, baked for about half an hour.", for example. Not necessary to give the specific measurements or every ingredient.

[quote] this is a 3 ingredient no-cooking recipe in my case. Super easy. If I name the ingredients and seasonings, that's basically the whole recipe.

If it's 3 ingredients, I'm sure other people already know this recipe and have made it before.

[quote] People flex at pot lucks and try to one-up each other.

So what? Just enjoy the food and be grateful that someone spent $ and time to make a dish.

I think it's weird when people won't share recipes.

Thank god I have friends that don’t expect me to self-cater when they have a party. It sounds like suburban hell.

OP I don’t get the stinginess AND the superfluous detail of the hostess’s appearance. If she was a fat old crone smoking a corncob pipe, would you have gladly shared?

Then you'll be fucking relegated to just once around the garden, Tony!

This is dumb, but people seem to be really into it. I e posted it in here before somewhere. Roll your naked potato in butter and coarse salt . Open up the jacket and roughly mash the potato interior, leaving the potato shape and skin intact.

Mix in butter, sour cream, salt, pepper, and chives if you have them. Fluff attractively and top with salt, pepper, butter, sour cream, chives, bacon and cheese, and more salt and pepper.

Serve.

This is known as “Special Potato.”

R22 ...a grown adult brings a bag of cherries to a pot luck..? If it's a dinner party? And they don't get judged for it?

I'm starting to realize that the default reaction on DL is to play devil's advocate 99% of the time, no matter the awkwardness required to do so.

Facts: I am not judging people on what they bring. Bring a bag of chips and I'm happy. I'm not trying to flex and you don't have to either. Food is food. You do you.

The problem is being in a world where yes, people do judge and apparently, people don't have manners anymore and think about how they put others on the spot.

I have one friend mocking me for my default pasta salad and another insisting I share the other recipe or look like a jerk.

I WISH I could bring a bag of cherries and leave it at that. But if someone brings 5 pounds of handmade Greek Salad with three kinds of olives and a ton of feta cheese, plus the veggies....and you have some 3 dollar box of cookies, folks notice. And make "gentle" remarks. So yeah, if I have a delicious recipe that costs 3 bucks but looks like 30, I want to keep that secret to myself.

You bitches know. You judge each other all the damn time LOL.

Well, recipes are allowed here.

A reliably good not-sweet at all coleslaw recipe, and yes, I know quite a bit about cooking (MARY!):

Mix up a paper pack of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. It must be the paper packet. Add a generous amount of salt and pepper, plus apple cider vinegar to taste. The vinegar is essential.

Chill and then mix, but not too much, with your hand shredded cabbage. I think it wouldn’t be texturally appealing with those anemic pieces in the pre shredded bags one can buy, you want hearty, long shreds.

MIs in a little more salt and a lot more pepper.

Serve.

R34

No, I wouldn't have shared for the same reasons r15 regrets sharing.

I mentioned how well her life was going because I think she's acutely aware of it and therefore, this feels like the King asking the peasant for bread.

I mean, yes, I was glad to be complimented but I know its good. If I said I liked her furniture, would she be expected to give it to me?

[quote] this feels like the King asking the peasant for bread.

MARY!

[quote] I'm not a housewife who can spend hours learning new recipes.

You sound very simple.

[quote]I add a dollop of milk to the water I boil corn on the cob in. Seems to make them sweeter.

The LAST thing corn on the cob needs is to be made sweeter. Why not just serve a tumbler of high fructose syrup instead?

I once asked a friend's cook the secret to her potato salad, as it was the only one I had ever liked.

She replied, "I sit in it."

I laughed so hard, but, no, she was not going to give me the recipe.

It sounds like you don’t have this type of relationship with these people, but I would just tell them the truth, OP. Something along the lines of, “Oh, Barbara! You are such a good cook and have so many fabulous recipes you don’t need any of mine. You never disappoint with your cooking! I only have a special few in my repertoire and if I share it with you, I won’t have anything to wow you with when you have me to visit. I would be happy to bring it over to you whenever you like. It’s so flattering that you would even ask me for it.” ….and then leave it at that. Hopefully the compliments will tide her over and you won’t sound like a cage-y bitch while getting your point across.

This sounds like an EST.

But in case it isn't, OP, it sounds like you are attending potlucks with people above your station in life.

R46 yes, I am. Hopefully I'll catch up to them soon.

R45 yeah, I think that's what I'm leaning towards.

I have a really superior recipe for turkey gravy. I guess I’ll post it whenever we have a Thanksgiving food thread.

My Southern cornbread dressing didn’t turn out last year.

I was quite put out and rawther embarrassed.

And if you still don’t think she will leave you alone about it, just turn the tables on her. After you say the above, then keep going and say, “What I REALLY want to know about is your recipe for [insert something delicious she makes here.] Your version is just delicious!” Hopefully she will have enough tact after the first part that this won’t be necessary to say, but you can go into the convo with some confidence that you have a back-up plan just in case she keeps pushing.

Why can’t you just say it’s a secret recipe? Omerta

I've never understood why people are reluctant to give out their recipes. It's just a goddam recipe!!

Make a joke out of it and say you’re bringing your infamous Miss MARY’s Secret Spaghetti Squash.

When you set it down on the table, do your best Elizabeth Taylor and say, “ These have always brought me luck…”

Then sashay away in your caftan.

R54 You're hilarious :)

To those who don't understand not sharing a recipe: You generously share the recipe for your successful and widely-beloved dish with someone who can barely boil water, couldn't make a smooth roux if his life depended on it, and who when he makes a streusel topping it looks and tastes like pencil shavings. In due course, he makes your special dish . . . incompetently . . . for others, and when said others rebel and ask which public toilet he dipped this out of, the person you shared the recipe with is only to happy to attribute it--and its failure--to you.

Nope, don't share the sacred flame with those who will profane it.

[quote] ....I just feel obligated now to tell her.

Why? [bold]You are absolutely under no social or ethical obligation just because she asked.[/bold]

You can tell her exactly what you told us ("I know how to make only five things, and if I tell people the best one then I'll be restricted from bringing it to things you're at"). If you feel it's impossible to say no to her and that changing the subject doesn't work, you could also tell it to her but make her promise not to make it for any event you'll be at so you can lay claim to it, so you don;t wind up with r15's problem.

But really, since you are an adult you can say no to a friend, as long as you don't make the friend feel bad for asking. Keep it light, and smile genuinely, but say, "I'm afraid this is my only culinary secret, and I want it to remain that way!" If she pushes further, just smile and say, "I'm really sorry, but I won't divulge the recipe." And if she keeps pushing after that, she's an asshole, and you would be right to be offended.

Just because someone asks you for information you possess does not mean you are under obligation to deliver it, unless you are in an actual court of law and are sworn under oath. And even then you're allowed to plead the 5th Amendment.

[quote]Hamburger Helping

I picture this as being some store's off-brand version of real Hamburger Helper, kind of like Best Choice "59 Sauce."

I don't do potlucks, and fortunately neither do my friends. The host provides the food, and we rotate through. If someone asks for a recipe, I give it. It's usually something from Lidia or Ina anyway.

[quote]apparently, people don't have manners anymore

"What's your recipe?" is a question people have asked for decades, and it's never been considered rude. It's conversational and it shows interest in what you brought, and praise for how it tastes.

If you don't want to give out the recipe, don't. You say it's a family recipe and leave it at that.

However, since it's 3 ingredients, I'm guessing that at this point -- provided this story is true -- anyone still asking you repeatedly about the recipe is trying to get a reaction out of you, rather than the recipe, especially since your friends have already noted your secretive attitude toward your pasta salad. Which, incidentally, also doesn't ring true, because my experience has always been that if someone has one good recipe they bring for something, they become the guy who always brings it. I'm surprised you weren't just "the pasta salad guy" because you always brought it and everyone loved it.

[quote]This sounds like a rejected Seinfeld episode.

Or better yet, a rejected Curb Your Enthusiasm episode:

"Give her the God damn recipe, you fat fuck!"

A dish made from THREE ingredients, UNCOOKED and she cant figure out how to make it? Is she retardeded?

Tell her it’s something you found on Pinterest and you’ll send the link.

For OP

Gentle Reader:

In this case, vagueness and tedium are your friends.

"Oh! It's not really a recipe, and it comes out differently every time. I just throw it together. It's, um, obviously chicken with a peanut sauce — you microwave peanut butter with a little water until it's saucy, if you know what I mean, and then I go through the crisper drawer and see what I have. Oh, you can also use frozen vegetables if you like ... "

Your interlocutor will have drifted away with a polite smile on her face.

I like your signature, r65

Ha ha!

W&W, r64

[quote] Do you really have to share recipes?

It's best not to if you served them Soylent Green.

But seriously, why make a big fuss about sharing a recipe? Just be mention the main ingredients everybody can taste already (duh!), the required heat temperature of the oven and the time you kept it there. Or if it's a cold dish, when did you prepare it and how long did you keep it in the fridge before bringing it to the party.

Some people just expect everybody to be an extrovert who likes to shine and show off at a party. Some hosts just want to have their guests have that moment or maybe give them an opportunity to come out of their shell for once. Some friends and aquaintances are like that wanting to push their friends out of their comfort zone and see it's not so bad after all to be the center of attention for once.

OP, if you are not as EST I sincerely hope you are in graduate school or some other suspended period of life because this is an insane number of potlucks to be attending such that this is a real dilemma. And I’m sure the composition of your three layer bean dip is a mystery to everyone, but maybe your friend was being polite. I would say thank you, but there’s no recipe - just something I whipped together!

Is cream cheese one of the ingredients, OP?

OP, either your friends are kind of overly status-conscious weird dicks or you're reading a lot more negativity into this situation than is truly there. If they're picking on you and talking down to you why are you hanging out with them? And why are you openly aspiring, in a recent post, to join them on their superior level if they're mean to you?

I'm sorry but you and they both sound unpleasant and you sound neurotic and paranoid. I can't believe the trouble people make for themselves inside their own heads.

Now I REALLY want that recipe, R15. And since I'm not a family member and there is no danger of me making it and bringing it to a family event, you'll be happy to share I'm sure!

Is Lipton onion soup mix one of the ingredients?

OP, just come clean and tell her you got it off the back of a Campbell's soup can.

As if.

I have never been invited to a pot luck. Where do you live OP? 1963 Tampa?

Dude. Focaccia bread (Bon Appetit has a good recipe). Pennies of flour, yeast, water and salt. A bit of olive oil for the pan. People go crazy for freshly baked bread. (I was once told not to bring anything because they were catering dinner and then got death threats from the old uncle for not bringing it.

Good call, R77 Fresh foccacia bread is the shit. I've seen grown adults squabbling over it.

Those little dessert cups that look like dirt with the gummy worms?

Those are fun, but how do they DO it!?

Dream Bars.

All the str8 men will want to marry you, and you will have to smack them with your fan and hogtie them when they follow you home.

This is all Greg’s fault!

Rice Krispies, marshmallows, and M&Ms ?

MARY!

You have to learn how to think on your feet, OP. Make up some shit like every other DLer would.

That said, part of me thinks was a self-aggrandising post, which was a way to call out your "crowd-pleasing" recipes/cooking competence without making an obvious "EVERY TIME I BRING MY BALSAMIC CUM-GLAZED CHICKEN SAUTÉ TO A PARTY, THE HOSTESS ASKS ME FOR MY RECIPE!"

Not mentioning the dishes' specific names -- knowing someone here would ask you what they were -- was a nice touch.

When I get my greedy hand on a hot recipe, I actually make a hard copy then fold it up into a tight little square. Then it’s “up my ass” for safe keeping until I’m ready to cook.

R62 you just made me LAUGH like a lunatic !!!!

Ohhhhhh shit. *wipes tears* Thank you.

R60 you've confused the stories. My main issue is The Dish Of 3 Ingredients, which Miss Hostess wants. I've never brought pasta salad to one of her gatherings.

...the OTHER friend, Mr BDay BBQ, condescendingly insinuated that I am already Mr Pasta Salad. Because I made pasta salad one time, for a previous gathering of his. One time.

Can you be more specific, R80? Google seems to have a few different results for "dream bars." Some with coconut, some without etc.

OP, you're ridiculous.

I’m a real bitch when it comes to recipes

For something called "Dream Bars," I'd go with this Taste of Home recipe. (Taste of Home: solid frau recipes predating Pioneer Woman and her contemporaries.)

R15 here. The basic recipe for the salmon dip is 1/2 pound smoked salmon (no one uses enough salmon in their dip), a block of cream cheese, sour cream, fresh lemon juice and zest, a little horseradish, lots of fresh dill, and a tsp or so of liquid smoke. It is the first thing eaten at every party that I go to. It’s best made the day before your event, so the flavors meld.

Thank you, R90! Do you mean any specific kind of smoked salmon? The kind I get on the west coast of Canada (salmon candy) is the best version I've ever had and I'm wondering if that's the kind you mean?

R91, I’m from Seattle and the salmon candy sold here are really sweet, tiny, dryish pieces. You need a large, moist piece of smoked fish, like the one I linked below. I buy a 20ish pound salmon once a year from the Native Americans, and have it smoked at a processing place. They smoke it and seal it in 1/2 pound bags. It ends up costing $12 a pound or so for amazing smoked salmon that lasts all year,

R86, here is the exact recipe I use for Dream Bars, from my mother.

It is faded, but note the orange frosting on the bottom, this is essential. The recipe is only in the middle column when you click on the picture.

It looks like the Dream Bars are a Sunset recipe.

I think I usually double the Dream Bar recipe.

Bourbon balls are also great to bring.

OP, assuming you are not an EST... If she continues to contact you about the recipe, whether in person, text, or whatever, IGNORE HER REQUEST.

Ignore her call if possible. If not, talk about something else. Change the subject. If she persists, change the subject again. Keep talking about anything else.

Unless she is really, really dense, she will get the message.

No need for you to be rude, but by all means,

DO NOT GIVE HER THE RECIPE.

You will be pissed if you do.

You know that for your own reasons, you want to keep it for yourself. That's fine.

If she complains to others at her failure, just smile and say nothing and shrug.

Don't tell your tale of only having a few recipes. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES.

I thought dream bars called for sweetened condensed milk.

I thought you were a woman

It’s 3 ingredients?! And she can’t guess it?! And you’re protecting it as a secret?!

Is it 3 bean salad?

R97, this is the only recipe I’ve ever used for Dream Bars, so maybe there is a different version out there with milk.

Corn on the cob cooked in milk is excellent, and not too sweet. There was a complete BBQ meal recipe in an old Martha Stewart Living , that was BBQ chicken glazed with peach marmalade and fresh grilled peaches along with corn boiled in half water and milk. It's really good.

I wouldn't let someone's withholding a recipe ruin a friendship, or an occasion, but I don't comprehend the "secret recipe" recipe shite, even after reading this entire thread. I'll leave that to Colonel Sanders, The Coca-Cola Corporation, etc. Sharing recipes has always been the norm in my family, and amongst friends. My mum would even share the recipes from a well-known restaurant she cooked at for many years... I suppose someone might argue they were not hers to give away, yet recipes ordinarily cannot be trademarked or patented. Cookbooks are different territory I should think, but I'm not entirely certain.

I only met one person in my life who flat-out refused to give me her lasagne recipe. I found her haughty attitude to be quite surprising. I only say this, because not only did I share recipes with her, but also cooked two recipes along side her, demonstrating how I went about things.

Stingy is what I thought of her afterward. She said: "the secret is four different meats, and four different cheeses, which I will never tell you". Over the years this lady (and I 'm using the term loosely) has demonstrated her stinginess to me in other ways. I don't like this sort of thing.

R102, I don't get the recipe hoarding thing either. I can't think that I've ever asked, maybe only said something like "I'll have to try to make something like that myself. sometime' But if I were gingerly to ask for a recipe, it's nothing I would press for in the least if there were a hint of hesitation. Let it pass and if you really care, try finding a recipe you like on your own. Sometimes after complimenting something I've been offered the recipe, but usually it's in the form of 'I use Nigella Lawson's recipe...but add more tamarind paste.'

I learned at university that people who were stingy with sharing information were well-rounded in their stinginess in all facets of life. There are genuine trade secrets and then there's garlic powder as someone's secret ingredient in fried chicken. More is gained by sharing than withholding and it's generous people who are good friends, not the stingy cunts.

Tell her the secret is one can of Campbell's Cream of Bitch

Just tell her that you no longer share your recipes because of Caroline.

She knows what she did

When pressed with requests you have no intention of fulfilling, a simple "We'll see" should suffice to anyone with any amount of decency. Should someone badger you then you have discovered you are amongst wolves. Run

[quote]Anyway, how do you handle this type of thing? Have you said no and not been viewed as petty? Can you keep something within the family and be selective about who knows, so it stays special?

My mother had a fool-proof way of dealing with this. She would cheerfully give out the recipe, but leave out one ingredient. Everyone went away happy, but could never understand why their version just never quite tasted the same.

OHHHJ NO YOURE NOT TALKIN ABOUT MY B FEIND CAROLINE!!!!!

SHE A CHRITIAN LADy.

R15 needs classier friends. There is now way I’m showing up to a Christmas party and not telling the host what I’m bringing before hand. A good host will tell you if it’s already covered.

What must it feel like to be asked for a recipe?

Oh this old thing! I just slapped together what was already in my fridge.

I think there's some crumbled up pieces of a Pepperidge Farms Mint Milano in there. Or was it an orange Milano?

I forget.

"You don't need her recipe, Shelley, it's printed on the back of a Fritos bag!"

Do you guys remember the whole Mrs Field's cookies debacle? God I was in like junior high and we used to make them. Some frau I guess asked for the recipe and it was given but she was charged for it, not sure where this was, not online but she somehow got charged for the recipe and she bitterly made a copy of it since she had to pay for it. My junior high friend's mom got the recipe and we would make them.

Oh looking back on this it seems like some frau myth but the cookies were pretty good.

There was a restaurant in my hometown and my mom liked the key lime pie. She called the restaurant and asked for the recipe. She talked to a guy who, I guess, worked in the kitchen. He actually read off all the ingredients to my mom. *12* eggs! Maybe just the yolks, but something crazy like that. Also, IIRC, a can of sweetened condensed milk.

OP, you don't have to share anything if you don't want to.

You don't have to lend a book, come to a party, read and comment upon someone's story, etc.

This woman may not even care about the recipe. Sometimes people ask for things just to see what will happen--to learn what power they have over you. It's like when someone asks you a personal question that is arguably invasive. He or she doesn't care about the answer, just wants to see how you'll react.

Yes, they get angry when you thwart their will. Isn't that what this asking for stuff is really about? it's a clash of wills. Don't worry about it. You don't owe this woman anything, least of all an excuse. It's your recipe, not hers.

And some people ask for a recipe as a compliment. They don't really want it.

"Oh, Darlene, this Tuna Mustard Casserole is simply devine! You must give me the recipe! Oh, and Carla! Weiners wrapped in biscuit! You must tell me your secret!"

Ah, the old twat just needs a fresh recipe to keep her husband from straying. She sees how happy you made his mouth, and now she needs to absorb that same power or else risk losing him forever!

OP, you need poor friends.

R119 Poor bitches are usually much louder than rich people, and much more concerned with labels and status.

"Did you get this at Target? It doesn't look like a Walmart tablecloth!"

Generally, I like giving out recipes, all the more chance someone will make something I like to eat for me... I've only had one person decline to give me a recipe. I was more or less being polite, so no problem. But also, seriously, the internet is RIGHT THERE and I'm pretty sure I can find a better recipe if I want one.

My aunt was incensed at a neighbor lady who refused to share her dry rub recipe for ribs. My aunt was probably the best cook in our extended family. She did not hold back on oils and butter. Anyway, she did share recipes.

R103 Spot on; my similar observations of these people.

Just give her the recipe, When leaving after dark, smear some of the dish over her doorbell camera, then key her car.

This isn't really about the recipe, this bitch singled you out. Was she drinking booze?

Turning!

R104 Or Cream of Cunt.

Pre-internet one old biddy getting angry with another for not sharing her recipe might have been an issue (for idiots )

Now just search online. There will be dozens of hundreds of recipes, Frome somebodies, from nobodies, careful recipes, sloppy recipes, recipes will all sorts of variation. If you'll just did if you don't get that recipe, look for one that appears to come close and proceed from there. You needn't be Alan Turing to figure it out if it means that fucking much to you.

I am still wondering about the fabulous three item treat that Op is talking about. I think it is cool whip, fruit cocktail and maraschino cherries or coconut. I love that stuff.

I’m guessing that one of the three ingredients contains multiple ingredients, e.g., Lipton onion soup mix or a can of Hormel chili.

R119 speaks the truth. I remember an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras where some waitress whore had snagged a rich hubby and used his money to put her chubby kid in paegants, as they were packing she kept saying, "where is the louis vuitton luggage?" whereas someone of the manor born would just say "luggage"

No, there's no soup mix or cool whip.

....although this weekend I tried to make my own spinach dip because I enjoy the Tostitos one but want to make it myself, and found so many contradictory recipes online it was reallyannoying. If you have to put "leek soup mix" in...then its Leek Dip. Duh.

I used Greek Yogurt and spinach and seasonings but it didn't end up tasting anything like the Tostitos version.

If anyone knows how to make that, please let me know.

Damn it, now I want spinach dip.

OP's three ingredient wonder is obviously Cuppa, Cuppa, Cuppa.

Try this Knorr spinach dip. IIRC, it's what my mom used to make and it was tasty.

I don't know what the Tostitos spinach dip tastes like, so I can't compare.

Just do a google search for copycat recipes. They are available for everything.

OP has not denied that cream cheese is one of the ingredients yet.

Op is dead!

I think we can safely assume that an 8-oz. block of cream cheese, preferably Philadelphia brand, is involved.

The spinach dip from NYT cooking is really good, and I like that it isn’t heavy. I add in jalapeños.

10 ounces fresh baby spinach, or 1 (10-ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed ¾ cup sliced scallions, whites and greens (from about 1 bunch) ½ cup plain Greek yogurt, preferably whole milk ½ cup cream cheese, softened ½ cup chopped dill 2 tablespoons chopped parsley 2 fat garlic cloves, finely grated, passed through a press or minced 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice, plus more to taste 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest 1 teaspoon ground cumin ¾ teaspoon salt, plus more to taste ¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more to taste 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more to garnish Urfa or Aleppo pepper flakes

R137 I am alive.

r56 I will now live in terror we somehow know each other and I once asked you for a recipe.

OP, we're are all dying to know your recipe. You don't have to tell us the ingredients, just hint at what the dish is called. We'll sleuth it after that. Oh, and Reply 118 is right. Frau wants to keep her hungry man from straying. Just tell her the recipe includes tarragon. That'll shut her self involved flap.

I put recipes up my ass

So it's just a matter of waiting.

Is it Sally Lunn bread?

Bread is a big pain to make, and I don’t think anyone would call you cheap just because the Ingres are inexpensive.

We're still phishing. We're still waiting for the big reveal, OP.

My guess for three ingredient recipe is Strawberry Icebox Cake. Strawberries, Cool Whip and crushed graham crackers. Probably not, though. The insensitive, rooting, sniffer frau would have guessed the ingredients.

Hmmmm. Just in telling this story here, I've been called the EST....stingy...anxious...competitive...a cunt...a hog...and bunch of other things. All while saying I didn't want to share the recipe...

...so yeah, no, Im going to pass on even saying what the dish is. This place is too crazy for that. I'll only get further ripped.

But my thanks to you who are sane and can have a normal conversation :)

Hopefully this week she'll back off during the dinner.

R148 Sorry OP, but for the record, I did not suggest you were personally stingy. I just don't understand the withholding is all.

Chin up, mate!

Op is not stingy, just sensitive. That's a good quality. I still want to know the dish name.

R150 I do too, but he probably will not reveal it.

This thread is a recipe for disaster!

R152 This will end in tears. 😢😩😭 (hopefully not OP's tears)

We are strangers OP. Why do you care what we think? We are having fun here.

Recipe flirt, casserole baitor, dish tease.

If someone tried to embarrass me at a party, they'd be wearing my dish.

I sided with you, OP, but so far upthread that what I said is lost in the mists of time.

Actually, my feeling is that however generous we might be with our friends, we don't have to serve as a tool of the will of every person we know. The impression I had was that you didn't like this woman all that much. The usual DL jackasses braying about how those who don't share a single recipe are stingy about everything are just losers looking for cheap shots to make. This site used to be filled with sharp, smart gay guys and now is overrun with enraged queens.

My mom was an practiced and patient cook and baker. She was a homemaker for a long time and loved to experiment in the kitchen. Once in a while, we ended up having bologna sandwiches or boiled hotdogs for dinner when an invention went south, but usually whatever she made was good to very good. Rarely, it was excellent. She wrote extensive notes to remember how she did it when she struck gold. There were about a dozen of these creations whose preparation she guarded closely. Several of the baked good won at the county fair over the years and she had a reputation for her baking. She made them for special people, special occasions, or when she wanted to dazzle other people at church pot lucks or family picnics.

When my big sister got married and set up house, she asked Mom for one of the recipes and Mom wrote it down for her, with an admonishment not to share without her permission. It turns out that my sister was going to host her first dinner party with her in-laws and our family. Since we hadn't had the dessert for some time, we were looking forward to it.

My sister brought the serving tray into the dining room with great fanfare and announced that she had baked Mom's famous, award-winning pie. Two of them, in fact! They looked right. And that's about as far as I can go with the compliments. They tasted terrible. Polite to a fault, Mom ate one bite and set down her fork. My brother-in-laws parents and brother dug in, but Mom could barely conceal her fury. Dad said something like, this doesn't taste right.

This is the danger of sharing recipes: you cannot control what other people do to them all the while announcing that you created whatever it is. After everybody left but us, Mom asked her what she did. My sister had substituted margarine for butter, a cheap chocolate for the very high cacao that Mom used, 2% milk for evaporated milk, and walnuts for pecans. No less than half the ingredients!

When I moved across the country, I asked Mom for a few of the recipes, which she supplied with the same warning not to share. I make them for special occasions, or when I am feeling nostalgic. People ask for the recipes every time I show up with one of Mom's dishes or desserts. And I decline, telling them that a promise is a promise and I promised I would not share. It usually works fine, but occasionally somebody gets butthurt.

Not exactly the same reason OP doesn't want to share, but I completely understand his position on the matter.

I can't forget how the rich brats treated Annette. Spoiler alert. Jealous fraulein try to make fun of the sweet hearted, pretty Annette. In the 70s, I'd watch reruns of the MIckey Mouse Club, daily. (I wanted Bobby, badly. Didn't know what to do with him, but I wanted him for my own.)

R157 Easy there, only one other poster has said he's observed the same general stinginess about people who do this. No one gave OP particularly "queenie" drama or goss either.

I think I was perfectly at ease sharing my story about "Lasagne Lady", and I should think I adequately explained why I was bothered by her.

"Enraged"??? Nope; not one bit. I'm afraid YOU, Sir, are the one who seems enraged and tossing about the insults here. Go fix yourself a drink, and stop being overly dramatic. The rest of us are having fun here.

Heh, yeah I don't need the recipe, but after all this build up I'm curious about what the dish is. But it is DL, so if the OP is sensitive enough that they fear sharing would open them up to ridicule, then I totally understand. But in the spirit of sharing something easy and impressive, here's the focaccia recipe.

Seriously, you don't even need a mixer, or to knead the dough. I'm a pretty good baker, and I follow the recipe somewhat loosely and it turns out well. Even the size of the pan doesn't really matter. The one special part of this recipe, if there is one, is buttering the pan with cold butter, otherwise focaccia tends to stick because it absorbs the oil. (before that, I used to use parchment paper and results were similar.)

"How will I know my love? How will I know my darling? Whisper, oh, give me a sign. How will I know he's mine? How will I know my love? When he walks through the pine woods? Whisper, oh, give me a sign. How will I know he's mine?"

(I'm pretty sure the whole recipe takes like $3 worth of ingredients... made it for both of my next door neighbors today, I now double the recipe whenever I make it)

I love easy, inexpensive recipes. I wipe just a smidge of flour over my face to fool others into thinking it difficult.

R155 cute ;)

I try to please people r157 and I'm not good at establishing boundaries. I've usually said too much or overshared with people who, as one poster here out it, "ask as a power play to see how much they can get out of you". Having a mystique somewhat makes people respect you more, I guess. I just don't ask how are you unless I'm ready for an honest answer. Others just say it to say it.

So here's the thing - I like this gal a lot, I think she asked just to have something new to add to her menu, and as a compliment....but in addition to having a pretty sweet life (not jealous, but just saying), she also really never makes time for our friendship anymore. For the last five years, I basically never hear from her unless for a group event which are nice but again, not one on one time. She doesn't pick up when I call and never calls me up. We text. She's enjoying life and I'm not a close friend anymore. Oh well.

No matter how I dance around this, as many have pointed out, she'll pick up on me refusing and essentially saying no to a simple friendly request and it will disappoint/irk her...and I don't want to make things awkward or appear ungrateful given she's often organized or hosted these things in the past...

I'll try to use humor though. And if she's determined she'll look it up online and get what she wants anyway.

I just *hate* when people intentionally or otherwise stick you in a position where you can't be honest about how you feel without being the bad guy. I already felt that way at the gathering.

R161, thanks. I will try this tomorrow as I'm a good cook, but lousy baker.

Knowing that you aren't good with boundaries, your host friend shouldn't have pressed you in front of other people. That said, you like her so just humor her through. If it were me, I'd privately tell her my feelings. If she is a nice person, it will work out. If not, it's not your fault.

OP, why are you friends with this cunt? Hoping to get lucky with the husband?

R165, OP, Who is exactly, or was forcing you to be dishonest? I'm sorry I don't follow. Not understanding someone's behaviour (on my part) was never intended as an attack on you, or meant to prevent your being honest and true to yourself. There's a lot to unpack there in your post, and I humbly suggest it has abso-bloody-lutely zero to do with sharing recipes really.

I'm humbly sorry if we made you feel bad here.

R161

That looks cool. I never bake, but will give it a shot one day since you've had such success with it.

R158 awww geez, I'm sorry she messed up the recipes. I know someone like that. Not to be trusted with food. Can't season at all.

My mother has a tasty recipe that is a crowd-pleaser and the wife of a relative begged for the recipe. Mom gave it....and then had to contend with "well, what do I bring now?" whenever she was invited back.

....also, this gal barely knew us...why give it to her? Recipes can be very special. Mom was generous, but like me, also didnt know how to say no when being liked was on the line.

OP - for the focaccia - I don't even bother with the garlic oil at the end as I can't be bothered and I'm usually taking it somewhere/can't guarantee it'll be eaten right after.

R169 thanks, I'm not mad at anyone, so no worries. I just know the culture here. You write a post saying you're suicidal and half the people ask for your stuff, say 0/10 or make another crack. The more you share the worse it gets. Pointless Bitchery and all that.

(I didn't write a suicide thread, just making an observation)

Dishonest in that you can't say "no, I don't want to, stop, you're making me uncomfortable". There I was, with a big group looking at me as we enjoyed coffee and tea after a beautiful day....hesitating to give the completely nice hostess a recipe she point blank asked me for. It was embarrassing....and I wasn't about to lie and say "sure!" I don't lie easily.

She had hosted the event, she had made us all happy....and there I was withholding the simple recipe.

I'm a people pleaser, too. Other than liking myself, it's gotten me nowhere. People routinely try to abuse you for it.

Haha exactly. I mean, I think everyone tries to please in their own ways....but I routinely get left behind. And then think "....but...but I shared with you...! I opened up....!"

I get the sense I'll lose points with her for not sharing this recipe, but gain nothing from giving it away. Those situations always make me sad.

R172 Thanks for accepting my apology. Threads like these are terribly hard on sensitive souls like you. You ask a question, but certainly the answers are going to run the gamut.

I think I understand you a bit better now. I still think Lasagne Lady is a different situation altogether. Hopefully you see that from my POV. Stingy insofar as she didn't reciprocate my willingness to share, and teach her things. I don't think you "owe it to her". It would've simply been easier for me to share if I were in your shoes.

I just thought of a lie you could tell. Tell her you pick it up in a deli, and don't actually prepare it yourself. Then she'll stop asking. Badgering people IS weird, no matter what. For the record here; I only asked Lasagne Lady once. Never did press the issue.

R160: You're exactly the kind of supercilious pantywaist queen I was speaking of.

You're smug and geeky and you can shove it right up your fucking ass.

OP, I think you're fretting too much about this. "Lose points" with potluck lady? Who the fuck cares?

You already figured out that you'll feel worse if you divulge. So, that's your decision. Move on.

I love a good food fight.

R176 I never insulted a single poster here. I think calling people juvenile names as you're doing here is the quintessential illustration of someone being a bully-queen however. NOW, you have just rightly been insulted by me.

You also seem outrageously angry about my saying someone known to me is stingy. I don't believe you are entitled to your outrage when the lady is not known to you. Something is really off about your carrying on here needlessly.

Nah, R160 is right. What's happening here is that we're having a free-wheeling discussion based on the OP. Every individual post isn't necessarily *about* OP as a person (or about you, R176) and that post discussing stinginess was a good and interesting one. Sharing recipes is, upon first glance, not a particularly loaded topic. But I've had this conversation before and discovered that it is, and that it's sometimes very revealing of different types of people (please do not get enraged at this comment, it is not judging anyone for being 'different') and how almost alien differing perspectives can seem to us at times.

Some people like to discuss people, and types of people, and human behaviour etc. Getting offended or taking it personally isn't a useful or correct response.

OP is actually being treated with surprising gentleness and grace in this thread, and not really being called out on what the self-regard and self-pity wafting off his posts (OP your friend sounds like not a very good friend to you - why are you spending time with her? why do you care to impress her if she treats you poorly?).

Cheers R180. I appreciate your attempts to clarify both the intent, and that those who are feeling insulted by my remarks ARE extrapolating by taking umbrage. Different people, in different situations, with different expectations. I get to be honest here as well, without the unnecessary onrush of sallies by a bully-queen.

Funny how some cannot allow another an out here, even after offering an apology. Glad OP isn't feeling bad though.

Umbrage. I take umbrage.

R183 Oy vey! With which part exactly?

Just like to say the word umbrage. Sounds more impressive than the word offense.

R185 Phew...I began to think I've unwittingly wounded another poster.

I wouldn't worry. It's all good. I like bantering on DL.

R187 I can be cheeky here, but unless someone attacks first; I try to be nice. It's never been my intention to hurt others' feelings, or to be a queen.

It was a blast until until the thread went cuckoo-bananas.

Op, I’m just going to cut to the chase and say what the majority of people probably think about this matter: you’re weird. Someone asking for your potluck recipe won’t be perceived as an affront by most reasonable people.

^^ Don't forget, Op only has four recipes that she can take to pot luck. God forbid anybody could figure out what is in a three ingredient delicacy.

I think Op is pretentious and rude. She knew everyone would pounce on that post and want to know what it was. Op likes power and withholding information give her that impression of being dominant, where, in fact, she is stingy and selfish. No problem. that's Op being Op. I think we should F&F her to eliminate the whole pretentious mess.

Op is Trump.

Why didn't you just say "I'll send to you by email" ?

R165 Ask her to come hang out and cook with you, if she does, she gets the recipe, if not, fuck her. She sounds twatty to me and I wouldn't probably want to hang with her but you seem to really want to.

Just give it to her afterwards…Don create drama when there isn’t any…

Don’t create drama, not Don… iPad Air sucks.

^^ 🙄

You’ll never get your hands on my secret recipes. Yes I will fart on your food if provoked

R197 = Lea Michele

[quote]The basic recipe for the salmon dip is 1/2 pound smoked salmon

So it's classy salmon dip.

R45 is Joan Crawford, writing one of her letters.

I love it.

OP, you are a whiney ass little bitch. I want to hate fuck you.

I like r45's manner of handling it.

As far as my family's Italian recipes that date back generations go, the few times over the years that I've given them out to very close friends I've found they are not willing to invest the money in the very specific and high quality ingredients I use nor do they like how labor intensive of some of the recipes are (i.e. homemade pasta) so they never made the recipes anyway. They just come and enjoy when I serve them at my dinner parties.

I learned long ago not to bring my homemeade Italian best for office potlucks. Those vultures get middle of the road Americana fare from recipes easily found on the internet and that I have no problem referring them to.

You kin stull her mayun wif yo chicken tetrazzini….

R202, I brought a lasagna to a work potluck (TG for working from home now) and some frau said it was so much better than hers. She used ground round and cottage cheese.

I love cottage cheese with sour cream in lasagna. Makes it so creamy.

R205, white trash.

I prefer cottage cheese to ricotta cheese (in lasagne). Better flavor, better texture.

Did someone get told??

Then your buying shitty grocery store ricotta if cottage cheese is an improvement.

I've had lasagna made with "whipped" cottage cheese; it wasn't horrible like that made with curd cottage cheese.

There are three varieties of lasagna that I make: two with whole milk ricotta and another with Béchamel sauce. The basic ricotta lasagna contains Parmesan and Mozzarella in the ricotta mixture and my kids and "baby taste" dinner guests love it. The better tasting one contains Romano, Asiago, and cream cheese in the ricotta mixture and provolone instead of Mozzarella. This is the one I make most often, especially for pot luck type gatherings. The Béchamel lasagna is the most time consuming one to make, and it tastes completely different, with more "layers" of tastes.

I have a great recipe for boiled water. Just go to a restaurant and ask for a couple of cups of hot water and take it home. None of the work, but all of the credit.

I would never not share a recipe if requested. It's not nice! One should consider oneself complimented when asked. Only once I remember being specifically denied a recipe for some yummy apple pie - 'sorry, old family secret' - and then felt embarrassed for asking. Thanks for the focacia recipe! I will try it.

Same, R212. The comments about it being a power play or manipulation etc. in this thread are weird. In my experience the kind of person who read power plays and manipulation into innocent social interactions if often projecting, hard. OP should consider that his friend just enjoyed the dish he brought.

Everyone loves potato salad, especially breeders. Just buy a big tub of Reser's and dump it in a nice bowl. Paprika and green onion garnish. When they ask for the recipe, whip the plastic lid their way like a Frisbee.

^^^ I don't think anyonw would ask for a 'Reser's' recipe.

Well, smell her^?

I ain’t sharin’ nuthin’

I ain't sharin' shit'

I've gotten this response a couple of times when I bring Chili or Chili sauce for hot dogs to a cookout in one of my CrockPots. It's just French's Chili-O prepared to package directions. If it's for hot dogs, I leave out the beans and bump up the meat a bit. That's it. For some strange reason though, most stores in my area stopped carrying Chili-O years ago and I have to order it on Amazon.

One of this lady’s recipes: gnocchi, cherry tomatoes, and Boursin cheese. I bet this is OP’s recipe.