Let’s be annoying shit

I'm every airline

I’m a nice dinner out and the pause everyone has to take when one of the guests asks everyone to wait so she can take a picture of the food for her Instagram.

I'm the person across from you on the bus. My phone is on speaker whether I'm shrieking back and forth with someone or just playing the latest tune by my girl Rihanna.

I'm a ticking clock. I must've driven so many people nuts before that bitch Digital came along.

I'm this asshole...

I'm the Lume Lady on youtube.

I'm the exhausted person sitting in the seat in front of you and your restless brat who want stop kicking the seat.

I'm the coworker who STILL can't figure out Zoom or Teams after all this time.

I also have just one last question at our 430 p.m. on Friday weekly closing meeting.

I’m the followers who have to endure R2 ‘s friend’s frivolous posts.

I'm people who have to be the first off a plane, even though I'm seated in the last 5 rows.

Only flow one airline where deplaning went row by row front to back (Volaris) and it was so orderly and stress free. Guess what it didn't take much longer, either.

I'm the protective foil/plastic seal on almost every condiment, vitamin or OTC medicine bottle. Often, I have no tab that could make my removal more convenient. Sometimes I have a tab, but I'll be sure to fail just to annoy you further.

I'm offended at this thread.. eleven replies and you misogynstic poof prancers still haven't included wombyn. the transtapo strikes again.

I’m R12

I'm the scat fetish that brought r13 to this thread.

[quote] I’m a concert and everyone is standing the entire time while filming on their phone.

r1 I always wonder these assholes are going to [italic] watch [/italic] the hundreds of videos they shoot at everything.

I'm a transwoman

I'm a small penis.

I’m R12 and R14 ‘s fragile ego

r15 well, there is the benefit that there are some people which will utilize multiple shots to provide a better video experience. Even with better cam tech, theatres and concert halls most recorded concerts are still managed like it's the 50s.

All in all, concerts are too bloody annoying... ticket prices are grossly overinflated, the conditions of many centers are on par with a porn theatre and people are annoying.

I'm student loan bailout for r18 who's shining achievement was that line. Oh, the rise of tuition and tuition makes every cent worth it.

Weirdo.

I'm what you get after eating an entire order of #3 Szechuan chicken with dried chiles, extra spicy. THAT is some annoying shit.

I'm a flock of invasive European Starlings on the lawn.

I'm the never ending Car Shield Auto Warranty commercials.

I’m your camping neighbors who stay up till 3 am screeching around the campfire. I’m poor white trash who can’t afford a motel and ruin the experience for everyone.

I'm that lonely little turd that wont flush.

I’m having a loud conversation on speakerphone in public because I am very important!

I’m Meghan’s fans on DL

Like our idol/icon/future Queen of Montecito, we’re circling the drain.

We're the DataLounge queens/shutins who think posting tons of shit and starting numerous threads about a sitcom that went off the air 30 years and involves 4 older than dirt hags is amusing and witty.

[quote]I'm student loan bailout for [R18] [bold]who's[/bold] shining achievement was that line.

I'm "Oh, dear." You couldn't keep me away forever.

I'm the TCM Wine Club.

I am a regional jet. I am old and tiny and don't have any amenities. You'll also have to check your carryon at the gate because the flight is full. Surprise!

I'm gonna be your chariot for a three hour flight from Cleveland to Houston. No snack service, just a cup of water from the Flight attendant who will go around the cabin pouring it from a single bottle like we're on a Guatemalan missions trip.

Also good luck trying to make your connection in 20 minutes at the "real airplane" gates clear on the other side of the airport.

I’m the houseguest’s dog. I’m also the houseguest.

I'm Marjorie Taylor Green, & Lauren Boebert

[...]

I'm MSNBC

I'm extremely loud music. Kind of like what you would hear when attending a concert.

I'm an intactivist

I'm the small rock in your lace-up boots.

I'm Lourdes.

I’m children

I’m people whose worldview is based on Ayn Rand novels.

I'm the frau in the grocery store whose attention is more focused on the good old chinwag she's having on her phone with another frau — blocking the aisle, cart placed horizontally, absolutely oblivious to everything in her surroundings.

I am The Frau on the Phone.

I'm any CNN article that starts off with the word "Mom" because 9 times out of 10 is some piece of attention seeking shit that wouldn't ever make the feature section of your local newspaper.

I'm your mother criticizing everyone yet still believes herself a good god fearing woman. No matter how many times you tell her she's a hypocrite she insists she's not and goes on criticizing everyone.

I’m the Christian name “Bebra.”

I’m that freezer smell.

W&W, r31.

😂😂😂

I'm corporate jargon.

I'm that protective ice on top of the sherbert.

I'm this thread.

I'm so sorry. Was that bad?

I'm your friend, getting endless grainy, blurry concert videos from you. Ugh. We get it. You're cool and down with the live music scene.

I'm the person in the car behind the frau in the car in front of me at the traffic light. The light turned green 15 seconds ago, but she's been too busy looking at her phone to notice.

[quote] I'm the scat fetish that brought [R13] to this thread.

No, it is mentioned in the very title of the thread.

It is inescapable in American discourse.

[quote]I'm that protective ice on top of the sherbert.

I'm people who can't use spellcheck.

I'm toe fungus.

R43 I am the eldergay with opportunistic ingenuity in these situations , upon seeing the Frau, I quickly glide about the store and collect items that would be embarrassing for a white middle aged Karen to have in her cart . These would include yeast infection remedies, contraceptives, incontenience products and lice shampoo . I discretely place them in her cart while she yammers on the phone. . And then watch from afar at check out for a good laugh. " How did that get in here ? I did'nt put that in my cart" Judgmental cashier looks at the Frau and thinks " Sure honey , Sure "

R57 A little extra cheese on the taco?

I need a price check on vagicream.

I am in my 8th year of a 3 year doctoral Program on Sumerian literature. In between serving lattes at a Starbuck's imitator, I post condescending posts online to remind people that I am relevant.

I'm obese

I'm the sound of skateboard wheels hitting the ground over...

and over...

and over...

and over..,

I'm "the poors"

I'm leaf blowers at 7am

I am a tonsil stone.

[quoye]I'm extremely loud music. Kind of like what you would hear when attending a concert.

I'm the same loud music, kind of like what you would hear from the neighbors down the alley at 1am on a week night.

I’m the woman driving her SUV, the construction driving his pickup truck, the teenaged twerp driving his monthly rented brand-new Mercedes, or the senior frau driving her rear-window-stuffed-animals-crammed Civic in front of us using our red light or Stop sign as their personal iPhone messages checkstop.

I'm this song...

I'm the second and third poop your dog decided to take because you only had one poop bag with you. When freshly stocked with poop bags, I don't make an appearance.

r68 Extra WWs for the unintended literal take of the thread title.

Oh, R69, I'm the non-American who hasn't yet realised that Americans like using words regardless of their literal meaning.

They seem oblivious to the meanings of words.

I’m the new expensive appliances that develop problems in under a year. You should have bought Brand X at Walmart, anyway.

I'm the three pop-ups you have to close on every fucking webpage.

@r71, Walmart doesn't sell major appliances 🤔

I am the thick, hard, plastic package wrapping that you can't open.

[quote] Let’s be annoying shit

I'm "be annoying" and I'm a transitive verb.

A transitive verb requires an object to receive the action.

The four letter word at the end of the sentence is the object that receives the action.

I'm the caftan that keeps getting stuck in my owners crack.

@r75, Well, Professor Fatbottom, give us an example how you would improve that sentence

I'm the crying at the funeral of a TikToker who died filming herself performing an attention seeking but moronic stunt. There's someone in the crowd who is secretly snickering at the irony.

R74 I am the same fucking, annoying thing!!

^ Y'all need a nice set of these...

I’m winter gear.

Good luck finding a place to store me for 10 months out of the year, faggots!

I’m a reddish orange stain on your piece of tupperware.

You can soak me until the cows come home, hand wash me, run me through every setting on the dishwasher.

Accept it, you can’t do shit about me, sucka!

I’m a carpet buckle that appeared after you slid your dresser across the room during a piped up “redecorating” session.

You could have avoided me by picking up the dresser properly and carrying it, but that would involve another person setting foot in your bedroom…

I'm the loud, bald, morbidly obese host on msnbc. i can't express a thought unless i use the expressions "y'all" and "Folk". It's exhausting being so outraged all the time. Can I get a witness?

I’m a visible abrasion on your painted wall.

I’m not enough to repaint the wall, but I catch your eye 50 times a day.

I’m your old-ass sink.

You’ve been meaning to tear me out and replace me. As it is, you have to disassemble my pipes to unclog the drain. I’m probably a Euro design from the 70s.

Ha ha!

I’m cut flower food.

I exist plentifully, but divided into little packets and located somewhere behind the unmanned flower desk in the grocery store.

Try finding a big bottle of me! Or a small bottle!

Just try…I’ll wait.

I am the electronic mailbox that is always full.

I’m those spiky gum balls that fall off the tree into your yard.

I'm a customer service automated menu that will take you in perpetual circles and never lead you to a live human being. Or if you do somehow reach one, they will end up transferring you back to the land of the endless hold.

I’m the SJW Twitter gays who think it’s hysterical to keep joking that Lea Michele is illiterate. God forbid anyone joke about or even suggest the illiteracy of a POC, but THIS joke about a white bitch who threatened to shit in a wig (cancel her forever!!!) is the best. I will keep tweeting that she can’t read and thinking I’m hilarious and clever until the cows come home.

I’m the prospect of sending Christmas cards.

I'm also this other fucking annoying thing!

^^^It was meant to be R79 not R7

iI'm the driver ahead of you that thinks that every red light and stop light is an opportunity to check the phone, send texts and make phone calls oblivious to the changing light.

I’m the horn button, R95&R66, on a Fleetwood Cadillac which is often used in response to message retrieval by others ahead of wherever I’m going when they’re stopped at a light.

I’m almost as loud as the fog horn on the Ile de France and induce sheer terror in the drivers in front of me.

I'm the guy who thinks it's his God-given right to drive 5 miles under the speed limit in the passing lane even when cars are backed up a mile behind him

Out of all the jerk driving maneuvers I hate this one the most 😠

I’m a big scuff mark on your dress shoe.

I was not there this morning.

I’m the marketing emails that somehow evade capture by Google’s “Promotions” tab.

I make you so angry you almost unsubscribe, but then you think “I always forget about Kevin’s Outdoor, they had some good stuff...”

This scenario will be repeated at least every two weeks.

I'm the push this push that listening carefully the options have changed, before you get to the call centre.

I’m the first pancake.

I’m a MESS.

I'm the egg all over your counter because the shell decided to shatter into a million pieces after a gentle tap.

I’m rock hard butter.

Checkmate, ya fat whores!

I'm the pan that everything sticks to no matter how much previously rock-hard butter has been thrown into it.

I’m the cheap table salt at an expensive restaurant.

I force you to ask for kosher or sea salt, resulting in a barely-concealed eye roll by your waiter, Kris.

I am the adhesive residue on your new sunglasses, and other smooth surfaces. My cousins are the small stickers on cucumbers and tomatoes. We’re here to stay.

I’m your cast iron pan. I taunt you every time you open that cabinet.

You read a bunch of articles a couple years ago about cast iron, got drunk at multiple brunches and started lecturing the room on the many virtues of this material.

You can’t use me on your glass stove, idiot. Also, is the swipe of oil you rubbed on me two years ago supposed to smell like that?

You actively avoid looking at me now.

I'm the English language option on a government agency number in the USA, after the option to continue in Spanish.

R93 I’m the electrostatic force that keeps that plastic seal clinging to your fingers as you try to shake me off.

Hi there! I'm your eye floater!

Annoying shit? Right wing trolls defined.

I´m Power, Perception & Soul Purpose

I'm R105 at a local diner asking for Himalayan pink salt for his corned beef hash.

I’m Linda with the Department of Tax Fraud, conveniently located in Peshawar.

Please to be returning call, American silly silly!

I’m the fine layer of dust that settles over your belongings when you use Puffs Plus tissues.

R115 not Kleenex?

I’m the collective mailbox in an apartment or condo building.

I’m a huge fucking hassle.

Kleenex is too hard on the nose, breh!

MARY!!!!! r118

While that is irksome R97, I give you the guy who thinks the interstate is a video game and constantly switches from lane to lane, squeezing into whatever small openings he can find without warning, startling other drivers who often pump on their brakes and barely miss having the cars behind them plow into them.. only to arrive at the toll booth at the same time as everyone else.

He is at least tied with the Slow Passing Lane driver

I’m your upstairs condo neighbor.

You’re pretty sure I’m an ISIS sleeper cell, because something keeps dripping from my balcony onto yours.

I’m the really old, 1/3 filled water bottle mysteriously sitting in the right hand back seat door pocket that you keep forgetting to throw away.

I'm the great mystery of the just-rolled joint - that joint you JUST got twisted into form when something unexpected occurs. The doorbell rings. The phone rings. Pot suddenly boils over on the stove. Whatever. You had to abandon the spliff to take care of something unexpectedly. When you return, you cannot find that joint anywhere. You retrace your steps and movements again and again, and you cannot find it anywhere. Months go by and periodically, you will recreate the scene in the hopes of finding it with no success. It seems to have vanished into thin air. Annoying!

^ Tee, Hee... I'm your neighbor who sneaks in and steals your joints when you're so easily distracted.. Good stuff, man 👍

I’m the flaw in the corner paint in the hallway of your building that looks exactly like a horrible bug as you approach it.

I get you every time.

I'm the college prof using the latest blended pedagogies to partially successfully keep students OFF THEIR GODDAMNED PHONES and interacting with each other and the course subject. The very second any class or task is considered completed, back they go to the ether.

I’m blended pedagogies.

I'm the day in your 40s when you look down and realize you have hairless old man ankles.

Now I'm the many days you spend on public transport marveling at young men's virile healthy pilosity continuing down the shins to the feet.

I'm the crowded city bus without air conditioning.

Im a yellowed toenail that’s caught your eye in public.

I'm that moment at 4 AM when you feel that you're about to fall asleep finally when all of a sudden you hear the sound of a mosquito!

I'm the vintage 80s powerhouse fragrance that has miraculously survived the decades intact, top notes included, until the one day this year you revisit it, but now it's gone off. Bye bye! 😭

Dang, r132

:(

I'm the young folks out on the city streets in the middle of the summer night passing under your window, having a good time. Our commotion isn't annoying at all, it's gorgeous, rather the sad nostalgia we sometimes evoke in the old coot on the 3rd floor is.

I'm the phone call asking about your car warranty.

I'm the jar of Italian delicacy hauled all the way back from Italy, smashed in a fragrant oily mess of roasted radicchio and glass shards, on the kitchen's tile floor.

I'm the price of basil when you don't have a place to grow your own.

I’m that funky, barely perceptible smell when the fraus in the office are hosting Aunt Flo.

I’m unbelievably distracting and foul.

I'm the apartment neighbor who hangs her laundry outside on the common lines in such an expressionistic way that a dozen items take up all the space that could handle 6x that number.

I'm "what are you looking for?"

My brother is called "into?", his ugly sister goes by "xxx pics?"

I'm the person, 85% of the time a cunty woman, in your building who places one giant very sturdy intact cardboard shipping box, the exact size of the enormous "paper and cardboard" recycling bin, into the bin 2 hours after it's been emptied, entirely filling it for the next 6.5 days.

I’m a faulty onion brought by the Instacart guy.

To an amateur, I appear fine, but you instantly note my lack of firmness, my breached hull, my discolored and exposed membranes.

You frown at me.

W&W, r141.

I'm the mid-sized city that just lost its last locally owned expertly staffed hardware store. I'm the same city a year before when it lost its last locally owned and expertly staffed farm and garden centre.

I'm the trainee cashier who is gobsmacked when someone hands her a hundred dollar bill and 3 in change for a 12.99 pack of beer. I am frozen, unable to manage.

I'm the stupid "good samaritan" who puts out his arms to block everyone and to usher the lady with the double stroller to get on the city bus first. Then, her double stroller effectively blocks the passage to all the others attempting to board the bus.

[quote] I'm the protective foil/plastic seal on almost every condiment, vitamin or OTC medicine bottle. Often, I have no tab that could make my removal more convenient.

I JUST had to open a new bottle of vitamins, encountered this exact thing, and IMMEDIATELY thought of your post, R11.

i’m the asshole at work that wants to “solution a problem” by looking for a “solve’ for the ask

I'm the person you got on the phone for technical help with a computer issue. I am from another country. I have a thick accent and I get curt with you for not understanding me and behave as if you are stupid.

I'm that phone call you just picked up warning you that your car warranty is about to expire.

I’m the slight delay on the cable remote.

I'm your boss.

I'm reading a post with no punctuation.

I’m Microsoft Office Suite.

Subscribe or fuck off, cunts!

The one and done purchase is dead 💀

[quote]I'm the jar of Italian delicacy hauled all the way back from Italy, smashed in a fragrant oily mess of roasted radicchio and glass shards, on the kitchen's tile floor.

I feel your pain. This has happened to me.

[quote] I’m a concert and everyone is standing the entire time while filming on their phone.

Not just filming, but holding their phones way up in the air so the people behind them have an even harder time seeing the band. At one concert, some asshole held his drink up in the air with one arm and his phone up in the air with the other for song after song.

R90, R100, I'm the attempt to mash zero 15 times to reach an actual human. I only work five times out of 10 tries. My Act Two is sending you back to the on-hold-song-that-never-ends.

I'm the neighbour's dog shit and the plague cloud of flies that accompanies it.

People who insist on writing their names in all lower case.

Oops. Trying again.

I'm the person who insists on writing my name in all lower case letters.

I'm usually in an MFA program.

I’m multi-factor authentication.

I'm having to show my ID to buy booze, even though I'm clearly a classmate of Methuselah's.

But it's not the cashier's fault, so I smile and hold it up every time.

I'm the relentless Kevin Hart Freedom Visa commercials on Comet Channel that are turning my weeknightly attempts to enjoy binging "X Files" reruns into hell!

I’m the thousands of steps involved in buying gifts to send to ungrateful cunt family members in another state, wrapping them attractively yet securely, putting them in a special decorative cardboard interior box, padding everything so the corners and bows won’t be smashed, ordering shipping boxes and bubble wrap and Kraft paper and shipping tape to be delivered from target, assembling and taping up the shipping boxes, padding the interior decorative box inside the shipping box so absolutely nothing moves, taping up the shipping box, weighing the shipping box, looking online for a decent shipping deal, paying for two day shipping with UPS or whomever, typing up the shipping info on the label, printing it out, cutting the label off the paper, taping the label to the box so that the bar codes aren’t obscured by tape, double checking the hours of the distribution center, taking the boxes down to the car, loading them, driving to the distro center, waiting in line to make sure the hag at the counter scans them in, then collapsing in your car in silence, while smoking a cigarette, contemplating the meaningless of all human endeavor.

Send gift cards, r164. And stop smoking.

I’d be disowned, r165.

Nevertheless, enjoy it while it lasts, cunts!

That rotten bellybutton smell, on oneself or other.

A mysterious longish hair and some crumbs in your car’s cup holder.

^^ *I’m that…

I’m the large intake vent in your building’s hallway. About once a year, I emit a strong and peculiar smell. One year it might be dill, another year, stuffing that’s gone bad.

Maintenance will swear to Allah they cannot smell my odors. After two months of threatening calls, the office will grudgingly call a technician to come poke around inside me and will inevitably find a pool of stagnant water, dead raccoon, grey water contaminatia, a smoldering Sumerian witches’ Zisurrû, or god knows what. When you pass the Cuntessa property manager in the mail room, she will give no hint that a solution has been found, and could have been found two months ago.

You will have to get the goss from your neighbor across the hall, who hates you because Amazon once left a package at your condo door instead of the mailroom.

I'm here just to talk about your car's extended warranty.

I'm the social media post from baristas and waiters with dead end jobs, complaining and making fun about people orders. We make them feel "superior"

I'm the family of five that insists on leisurely strolling arm in arm, creating a wall of people on the sidewalk directly in front of you, especially when you're in a hurry.

I'm the screaming lap babies in 5C and 8B.

You are the passenger in 6C, getting it in stereo.

I’m the crying baby at Target. My pig of a mother won’t smother me, but every other shopper gladly will.

I’m the $2000 worth of unpaid parking tickets a friend found stuffed under the driver’s seat of her car, leading to the end of her relationship with her BF. He was two-timing her with a “lingerie model” whose apartment did not have ample free parking nearby.

I'm the annoying frau wife who has always to butt into her husband's medical related phone calls.

I bought your work email address on a list of live sales leads, and I’m emailing you a fourth time because you deleted my first three chirpy emails asking to to “hop on a call or zoom” to see how we can “help each other” and align brands. I want to sell you the same list of emails I bought to reach you. My digital strategy is the best…

I’m that DL poster who posts the same comment that someone posted earlier on a thread that only has a dozen replies. I don’t read other comments, obviously. Am I interested in other people’s opinions? Of course not. I only care that I am heard.

I’m your twitching eye lid.

I am the young cashier chirpily asking if you're a senior. Uh why? Because then you get a brown paper bag(cost 10 cents) for free! God will you cut short this young life? Like now?

I'm the annoying glum photos of Fat Albert of Monaco and his sullen wife and their despondent looking children of the corn in the Daily Mail.

Get the fuck divorced already! I'm tired of ghostly Charlene's wan pained expression. She was smiling just fine in South Africa. No she can't have custody of the kids but it's not like she wouldn't see them ever again. It wouldn't be any different than a divorced father seeing his kids on weekends, may once during the week and during school breaks. How much does she see them now anyway what with nannies doing all the routine day to day things with them.

Perhaps this is the real reason Muriel has banned Daily Mail links, she doesn't want to see this ghoulish, morose family either.

R181 I’m at the next counter, asking a customer 18 items if they’d like a bag.

Hi! I am Neighbor44 on the Ring Neighbor app. Somebody broke into my 2005 Altima last night. Yes my doors were unlocked. No they got nothing of value. I just felt like everybody needed to know this at 7:15AM on Saturday morning. Lock your doors people!

W&W, r184

I’m LED lights.

I'm the asshole neighbor setting off fireworks at 2:00 am just for shits and giggles. I'll do this repeatedly throughout the summer.

And I am Neighbor44 on the Ring Neighbor app asking if that was gunfire I heard.

I'm the parents who think nothing of bringing a screaming baby or bratty, bored, restless toddler to a coffee shop where people are trying to work or have a conversation.

I am the bombastic man of God known as "Rev" when I appear on TV or even on my own show. I make no apologies for the liars and con artists I have advocated for (You are welcome Ms. Brawley). I survive on outrage and frequent flyer miles from jetting around the country exploiting people's grief. I should fire my barber but his malfeasance is my trademark. I offer no positive solutions just grievances. Without the media , I am nothing....not even a street corner preacher.

I’m the rapid-fire vocal fry of a fresh out of college recruiter from a creative talent placement agency that ghosts you after one week. And I’m the other recruiter that presents you for jobs that are misaligned to your skills and decides she will not work with you anymore.

I'm the last three or four inches of dental floss on the spool.

You pull me out, expecting there to be a lot more of me... but there isn't.

You can't wrap me around your fingers. Trying to use me is futile because I'm not long enough.

I immediately wind up in the garbage.

But I'll be back when you get to the end of your next spool.

I’m the ‘please see cashier’ message on the gas pump.

Good one r193

I'm the automated voice at any self check out!

I'm the pedant who applauds R148.

I’m that great movie you are enjoying that leads you to the end like a dog on a leash and then sticks on an ending that leaves it up to you to decide what happened.

I’m the check engine light.

I'm the unexpected red light that makes you look like an asshole after you've zoomed past someone for going too slow.

r199 I'm the 97-year-old assisted living resident who was driving 15 miles under the speed limit and made you catch the red light in the first place.

I'm the automated checkout voice telling you to "Please remove the last unscanned item. Always remember to scan items before placing them in the bagging area" followed shortly by "Help is on the way."

I’m the sidewalks of San Francisco.

R201 😉

I am covered with annoying shit. I am the condom that you used after your partner assured you he was clean and douched. surprise!! Double surprise: I broke and you might want to get tested.

I'm the very rare Datalounger (R204) who has a grasp the English language.

I'm the motorist in front of you, doodly-doodly-dooing down the road obliviously under the speed limit, until the light turns yellow and I hit the gas, leaving you at the red.

I’m the shit you have to take now that you just got out of the shower.

^ Good one

And I'm the buckets that you sweat after showing.

And showering.

i am the chorus member who has to sing louder than everyone else rather than blend because the rest of you have neither the talent nor the training that I so obviously have.

I’m the faucet in your office kitchen, always mysteriously left in “spray mode”, to splash water all over you when you turn it on. Seriously, the toggle valve on a kitchen faucet sounds like a good idea, until you get splattered.

I’m the dishwasher that looks like it was loaded by a drunk and blind amputee.

I'm trying but failing to ignore that no variety of Guerlain terra cotta quite works with the state of the art bluetooth and voice controlled lighting you've installed in your salon and boudoir.

I’m light misty rain that sort of spits in your face.

I'm the idiot driving straight down the middle of a two-lane parking lot row. I will reluctantly veer to the correct side when you're approaching and will give you the skunk eye as you pass me even though I am the idiot in this situation.

I'm a little penis riding a crotch rocket without a muffler.

R164 You need to post this on the 'overwhelming' thread. I was exhausted reading it.

I'm the skin tabs that have shown up on my body since I turned 60. WTF are these things? EG pimples?

R219 ugh! I have them too. Seriously thinking of having them lasered off. They're disgusting. Mine started around age 50'ish.

I’m your car’s tire pressure warning light, flashing menacingly on an unusually cool morning. Go ahead…ignore me. Just wear clean underwear for the EMS team.

Bored, sullen sub-teens walking around on the street outside, endlessly bouncing their stupid basketballs. Yeah, OK, buck: You're a jock! Go somewhere and shoot some hoops. Or put it the fuck away.

I'm the lawnmower at 6am.

I'm the ebay seller that has Make an Offer but is only willing to accept a piddling reduction of the item's price.

And they have no concept of negotiating, r224. I've stopped with them, unless it's something I really want.

I'm cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with no helmet and a tank top when it begins raining. Annoying, and that shit HURTS!

I'm the item that you wanted at the grocery store and the empty shelf where it is normally housed.

I'm the grocery store that moves your favorite items to new locations it seems every six months.

I'm the 24/7 multiple days of coverage of some Queen's death.

Sending an email at 4:36 pm, then calling the next morning at 8:06 am.

Repeatedly not doing business correctly, like not following instructions. This goes for co-workers and other businesses as well. Like when I tell one of my suppliers that *I* do ALL the ordering, and email is the best way to communicate. He stops by the office ALL THE TIME & will stand and talk to two other co-workers (their desks are closest to the door, unfortunately) about supply orders, questions he had, telling them stuff where they have no fucking clue what he's talking about. They have told him he should email that info to me *wink wink* but he still doesn't get it. Doesn't help that my coworkers are attractive females and I'm an ancient homo.

[quote]I'm the phone call asking about your car warranty.

I'm the next call asking about your home mortgage (you live in an apartment) and the call after that suggesting a reverse mortgage (on the home you don't own because you live in an apartment).

I’m your partner’s friends from before the two of you were a couple.

I'm the act of waiting in line at a convenience store before work while someone goes through 50 lottery and scratch tickets at the counter while engaging in conversation with the employee for a good 10-20 minutes.

I'm the cashier whose brain visibly short circuits and goes full deer in headlights because you've asked them for anything even slightly out of the ordinary like extra pickles or split payment.

I’m one of five subscription cards that fallout of the car magazine. The one that I already subscribe to. D’oh!

I'm the person in the big SUV blocking the mini-mall driveway as I wait for the heavy traffic to clear to make my turn. I've maneuvered onto that imaginary line separating incoming and outgoing traffic because I just don't care.

I'm "speakerphone".

You're

I’m the millennial/late Gen X children of friends and relatives who, like lemmings, all decided to get married in 2020, 2021, and 2022. The unprecedented avalanche of wedding, shower, and bachelor/bachelorette party invitations creates interpersonal turmoil and financial hardship among family members and friends who are suddenly expected to shell out thousands of dollars in gifts. Elderly, immunocompromised relatives must also obsess over whether or not they should go to Madysyn’s 2022 wedding when they had to skip Bailee’s 2020 wedding because of COVID because it wouldn’t be fair to go to one grandchild’s event and not the other’s blah blah blah.

Even though these couples are in their 30s and 40s they expect ALL THE TRAPPINGS of a Cinderella wedding RIGHT NOW!

I'm a TV reporter, interviewing a child who's been dragged along to something they basically don't understand.

I’m those irritating tourists from China poking innocent onlookers in the face with selfie sticks in every European city.

R222 is Frieda Claxton

I’m the brand of dried fruit your partner suddenly demands. He claims he saw me at your local grocery store, but no one at said store has ever heard of me.

You happen to see me three months later. I am displayed on two shin-high shelves in a remote and untrafficked corner in the produce section, under the specialty onion bin.

I'm seeds in oranges.

I'm the ludicrously long standing ovations at international film festivals.

I'm tired of the "there's already a thread on this topic" trolls. This must be all they do all day, search DL for duplicate threads. Who cares? Is it such an imposition on your time to post to a couple similar threads or ignore them?

I’m your favorite grocery item that has now disappeared because the company has gone out of business.

^ I'm the discontinued pet food that will be a bitch to replace because it's the only one your pet will eat.

I'm the fucking asshole who leaves a 5 star rating for an online recipe, titled FANTASTIC!. In the fine print, I admit that I did not actually follow the recipe. " I made the shrimp scampi but with salmon and tomato sauce instead of shrimp and garlic. Also I served it on rice instead of spaghetti. Oh and I added turmeric rather than lemon juice. And instead of white wine I used hummus. Yum!". These stupid assholes always drive mediocre recipes to the top rated section.

I'm the whining American non-entity.

I'm the person who keeps insisting I can film things on my phone even though my phone contains NO film. I suppose I could say with more accuracy that I record things on my phone, but why?

Could it be like calling lps albums when they were no longer kept in albums?

The current online epidemic of using language like "Meet the Ashton Pant" in pretentious advertisements for overpriced, underwhelming clothes.

I'm waiting on hold. I'm also that warning that they won't tolerate abusive language etc. That's we really don't give a shit, we now so don't give a shit we're going to push you past your breaking point and we still don't give a shit.

R253 the most annoying and pretentious advertising cliche is “the edit,” as if Anna Wintour herself is curating my online search for a pair of jeans:

The Holiday Edit

The Fall Edit

The Wedding Edit

The Stick Your Hand Down Your Pants Edit

And so on….

I'm a bathroom with no fan or ventilation.

[quote]I'm waiting on hold. I'm also that warning that they won't tolerate abusive language etc.

I'm the first thing this person says after they reach someone: " I have a really odd question / I have a weird request / I'm kind of in an odd situation / so this is kind of a long story... "

I'm the person in the audience who, when handed the mic for a question, begins with "This is more a statement than a question, but ... "

I’m the four different supermarket customers with four separate shopping carts that seem to have just converged at precisely the same time and at exactly the same spot as you in the aisle you just entered, which 10 seconds ago was entirely empty. And you just chose that aisle because no one was in it.

This seems to happen to me a lot, and not just in supermarkets but department stores as well.

I'm the 350 pound mailman who crams oversized packages into a mailbox because I am too lazy to walk it to the door. I also throw my spent cigarettes on the ground in front of my customers' homes.

I'm Xfinity Customer Service.

I’m the gay porn star who sucks FTM clit.

Your call is important to me...

I'm boomer women, like my sister. I don't like to text, I find it frustrating because my thoughts are complicated and I have to EXPRESS myself. Even if it's only to confirm a date and time, I must move my jaws and emit sound for 20 minutes straight, and you are required to listen. Call me. Or pick up that phone, whatever you're doing. I WANT TO TALK ON THE TELEPHONE.

I'm the Apple terms and conditions that are updated every 2 days.

I'm the musty, lingering smell of weed in the Uber.

I'm the shopping cart left in parking spaces in the car park, instead of returned to the cart return corral.

Easy- at least half the brainless posts on DL!

I'm a website layout that is 75% advertising

I’m the Jerkmate ad.

Oh, and I'm also the sour comment my boomer sister made when I returned her call just now:

"Your timing sucks, I'm about to have lunch."

I'm the demand to prove you are not a robot that is on ebay and paypal now.

"Check all the boxes with traffic signs."

* squints to see if that yield sign crosses over to the next box even one pixel, wonders whether that tiny object in the distance is a billboard or a traffic sign, etc *

A follow-up to the "bagging area" gripe. Would it KILL these bitches to label which of the two sides is the damn bagging area? Each side is a logical contender.

R274 I'm annoyed because I can't find the post you're referring to!

R275 see R201

I agree with R274. it used to be easier when they had plastic bags on the bagging side.

how my phone keeps defaulting to the 30 second screen display and doesn't stay on 30 minutes.

Insipid startup names like Openly, Grammarly, Talently, Brainly, Scopely, and Leafly.

I am that bouncy annoying-as-fuck basketball or soccer ball that some asshole finds in the sporting goods section .

Boarding group D.

[quote]Your call is important to me...

The but if you lose your shit, we're hanging up warning.

Fair policy, no need to rub it in.

I'm the little speck of something on the carpet that the vacuum will simply not pick up! The person vacuuming will run over me 20 times before finally giving up and bending over to pick me up.

Dirty window screens that aren’t easily removed for washing.

I'm the DL thread about Vivian Vance.

When my Tramadol wears off

R283 I'm the splotch next to you that's actually part of the Persian rug pattern, but my frustrated vacuumer still tried to pick me up every single time.

I'm gender pronouns. God only created two sexes: woman and man.

I'm walking directly behind you on completely empty street for no reason other than

I'm the person at a concert, the theatre, a religious gathering, a dinner party -- whatever -- who NEVER airs out seasonally stored clothing and SMELLS LIKE MOLD. Believe me, that is a smell that is hard to get outta your nose once you're forced to sit next to/near someone who reeks of it.

[quote]young men's virile healthy pilosity continuing down the shins to the feet.

Damn. This turned me on a little.

I’m r230, ironically complaining about not doing business correctly by not following instructions on a “let’s be” thread.

Bitch, your whole post didn’t follow instructions.

[quote]Could it be like calling lps albums

I’m the lack of proper capitalization that made all of us read that as ips.

r293, I knew "lps" meant 12" phonograph records (though I likely would have typed "LPs," too).

12”?! Oh, you’re way, way off.

😂

R293, And I read your comment as "ass lips". You guys slay me

I concluded people who deliberately congregate in previously empty store aisles are either shoplifting or store loss prevention agents looking for shoplifters.

Shoplifters look for distractions in order to steal, your presence is the distraction.

I’m the ethnics who bring the entire extended clan to the ER, the grocery, the big box store.

R298, It's so irritating and obnoxious.

I’m group text messages.

I’m the middle aged Frau that is bending her head down to your crotch level while you’re reading a product label in the grocery store isle. She doesn’t say excuse me, she just tries to reach closely around your ass to get a can of crushed tomatoes off of the shelf while smiling.

I’m the Filipino mother-in-law who microwaves dried fish in your house.

I'm the obnoxious queen who feels like he the owns the aisle. My gay friends tell me to just smile and keep it moving. It's not worth the mental fight.

why are you reading labels inside of a store.

During the quarantine when we were forced to line up outside to keep the number of customers inside low, I would still see shoppers inside reading labels while others were shivering outside waiting for their time to shop.

I'm the person who refuses to alternate in the double lane fast food drive through. My need to be first is so great that I fuck up the sequence of everyone's orders and cause mayhem for the staff.

I'm the obnoxious frau who cunts into a thread on thick dicks and shrieks when she sees that gay men are posting pictures of men with thick dicks.

Seriously, r303, I'm having such a hard time perceiving you as an "ally," I wish you'd get the fucking fuck out of here, where you so very obviously DO NOT BELONG. And here's Diego. He doesn't appreciate your cunting all over the thread in which he parades proudly his penile perfection.

I don't know where you belong, r303, but it ain't here.

I'm the straight woman whooping it up on Datalounge .

Hunny, I'm hardly middle aged. I just turned 40 this year. And I've always felt that about explicit images on this site male or female in the past 2 years I've been coming here. I will not be going anywhere it is a free country. I will continue to enjoy this site now that I know about the settings feature.

I love my life and refuse to be put in a box.

I'm sure the makers of this site do not intend for it to be a pornsite.

And I'm sure you didn't intend to be the new Defagto, r309. But here you are, KatherineWhoGrates.

[quote]I will not be going anywhere it is a free country.

You'll surely be going to the MAGA rally, invoking that kind of bullshit as a justification.

Less is more, dear.

I humbly submit this grating commercial as well.

R311, wrong. Im indifferent to Magas but do not like Trump. I am republican, it is just how I was raised. Voted for Hillary in 16 with much trepidation but it had to be done. I intended to vote for Obama in 12 but my hair appointment ran late. When you assume you make an ass out of...you know the rest. Proud Bush supporter in 04 and yes I'm ashamed to say I voted McCain/Palin in 08.

Very fuckn weird

r313 may actually be Defuckto.

Weirdo

[quote]I intended to vote for Obama in 12 but my hair appointment ran late.

You can't make shit like this up. Thanks, KathWhoGrates.

Its completely making the shit up. Very dumb.

R317, definitely you can. Blocking it.

I'm the phone call that came in 5 minutes after the email you just sent. I would answer you, fucker but I'm still listening to the voicemail you left 10 minutes ago. Get a grip, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON AT THIS COMPANY. Pick one fucking method of communication. If you even think about Pinging me I will block you.

Fireworks anywhere are very annoying so that probably counts for this thread. The most annoying thing is hurricanes though

^Dayum. Lolz

R322 was meant for r320.

R304 you dumb bitch.

R324

Fuckn weirdo

^^die in a fire

^^^Grease fire

Weirdo. Creep. Mouth breathing freak

Oh you’re so vicious r328 are you posting from your room at the nursing home?

Oh god, is Davida back?

Jesus H. Christ.

I'm the person R320 mentioned standing behind his desk chair waiting for him to notice me so i can ask him if he read the email yet that I sent 5 minutes ago.

This thread has turned into its topic: annoying shit. Once again, a couple queens derail an interesting thread with their petty posts.

^^Eat shit n die trash

Mouth breather who reads labels in busy stores with his festering monkeybox ass turned upwards.

I'm the FedEx delivery guy who doesn't fancy exiting his damn van to ring your bell to deliver the package you've sat on your ass awaiting all day long, but decided to hit "delivered" anyway.

I'm streaming services that force you to reenter your name and password about once a week, which you have to do by using the remote control to up-down and left-right to spell them out using the remote control.

[quote][R313] may actually be Defuckto.

More likely Erna.

Carrot Top.

People who are in the stall grunting like they are birthing twins and them come out and leave without washing their hands.

The “TQIA+” in LGBTQIA+.

Asian people who complain about being victims of white racism, and then immediately turn around and talk shit about black people.

I’m a slow driver in the left lane.

^^And I never turned off my left turn signal. It will be blinking until I arrive home and park this beast in the garage.

I'm the restaurant or food review that uses the word "mouthfeel."

R298, you don’t to be ethnic to unload your whole fucking family at McDonalds or KFC.

Everyone stands there en masse, with big huge DUH FACES - looking up at the wall menu behind the counter.

Something that could have been a simple: “Everyone find a seat,” becomes a 20 min ordeal as everyone voices an opinion.

THREE BUCKETS TO GO PLEASE!

I’m the receipt you now have to ask for.

I’m the sleep timer on the TV clicking off just as you’re dozing, actually waking you up with its silence.

I’m incessant tv commercials

^^by lawyers, about lawsuits

1-877-kars 4 kids

I’m looking down in a meeting and noticing you have one inexplicably grimy fingernail.

If it’s the middle finger, I can explic it.

It’s shit underneath your mail from wiping your asshole using one section of paper.

I'm the strangled scream in my throat every time the word "impactful" is used.

You wipe your ass in a mailbox?

I am the Aedes mosquito that has invaded Los Angeles. I got here on a slow boat from China a few years ago, and I am indestructible. Nothing repels me. I’m fast and near invisible. I’ll bite your ass and you’ll never see me coming. I’ve pretty much ruined Southern California, which never had a problem with my ilk before. Ha ha, bite me.

I'm your neighbor's dogs barking day and night.

[quote]I'm the Jerkmate ad.

Specifically, the one with the jumping fat girl just before a gay porn clip.

I’m team building exercises.

I'm a multimillion-dollar home in an exclusive neighborhood with a sanctimonious sign: IN THIS HOUSE WE BELIEVE.....etc. None of what my occupants "believe" touches their lives in any significant way, and they don't particularly want it in the neighborhood. They just want to signal what good people they are, while all they're really doing is annoying passersby. Don't blame me - I'm embarrassed by the sign, it makes me look like an ass.

I’m extreme far right and extreme far left people who actually believe that they’re really different from one another

I'm the Ziploc-style closure on packages of sliced cheese.

My relatives that zip-loc every other food item work fine. I NEVER, EVER work properly, leaving you to cut open the package with scissors and then seal in a zip-loc bag.

I'm that one leaf that won't sweep.

Censuring words. I understand censoring N words , but shit, sex, bitch, slut, rape, assault, retard, sometimes even God, just insane. I was reading an article that seems to *** so many word, it was impossible to read. Blurring middle fingers too, really? Its a fucking finger!

[quote]I’m team building exercises.

I’m exercises.

I'm your alarm. I go off exactly 2 minutes after you fall asleep after tossing and turning for the last 6 hours.

I'm the junk mail you get in your mailbox. I'm usually for a lawn care or siding company (I live in a condo so don't need either service). You find me in your mailbox when you return from work; ironically, I arrive on paper recycling day so I'm the first piece of recycling that won't be picked up for 2 weeks.

I'm the little chirpy smooching sound effects used in every love scene in every movie and TV show. I'm nauseating.

Jezebel.com

Privileged white female college students with colored hair.

Birds chirping at 4:00 AM in the summer.

R370 The worst part is that after they wake us up, they turn quiet for a few hours while we're now wide awake.

'Walk Alertly' as opposed to Watch Your Step Moron.

[quote]Privileged white female college students with colored hair.

I’ve got my eye on you, Mister.

I'm the "Oh dear".

People who only speak in the latest catch/social media phrases.

Order online the weekend. Then Monday everything you have just ordered is now 20% off.

I'm R374 who does not know there is a comma in "Oh, dear."

Oh, dear.

I'm the deluge of pointless, cookie-cutter, unilluminating Twitter comments that "news" outlets insist on quoting in their postings order to illustrate the latest online backlash that some dullard is getting, though the entire (non)story is based on them. (So I'm annoying in a very meta way.) Along the lines of:

"One Twitter user, who uses the name WaxCrak3, posted 'hey brah way to read the room this is not cool.' Another, Pr3ttyLadie, added "Do better, this is not okay, anyone else agree?'. Finlaysmomxoxo wrote 'Very problematic you need to Delete this post rite now,' and FuffytheBambiSlayyyer opined '“Is this not incredibly tone deaf to anyone else?'"

AOC.

The latest Arby’s commercial

Squeaky windshield wipers.

A cold snap.

R381 Agree. Every time my windshield wipers fail to do the job, I drag out that old chestnut: We put a man on the moon over half a century ago, and they still haven't figured out windshield wipers?

Meanwhile - I'm people who text and run. I send you a text. You instantly respond, perhaps with a follow-up question. But I'm already gone, this conversation is over for me. Did I just press send and put my phone away, or am I being passive-aggressive and rude because I don't care about you and your concerns? You decide, I don't give a shit.

I agree that squeaking windshield wipers are annoying. Here's a link to an interesting movie about wipers!

I'm an Amazon product review, complaining that the box arrived dented.

Big wet nasty pussy stinkin up the house

I’m the in-office week where you get 60% less work done because the higher ups are obsessed with keeping the “culture” alive and blocking out your calendar with bullshit. The post-Covid culture wants to be at home avoiding a daily commute and not having to wake up two hours early while losing another hour+ getting back home too, physically and mentally exhausted to do anything else at the end of the day. Stop trying to fix something that is not only broken, but has actually gotten better. Why am I in the office just to have video calls without having to sign onto the VPN first? Also, office toilet paper should be federally outlawed.

*not broken

Not getting my housework done because I’ve got the trots.

I'm little lectures on social media:

"If a teenager comes to your house on Halloween, GIVE THEM CANDY. Let them be young as long as they can! It costs nothing to be kind!"

"Do you know what the elderly want for Christmas? Not candy, not clothes — YOUR ATTENTION AND TIME. You will be old someday too! It costs nothing to be kind."

FUCK. OFF.

I'm your new credit card company which won't address your complaint until you tell it your credit card number--but your complaint is that they still haven't sent you your new credit card, so you don't know the number.

R391

I'm posters like r392, who block someone yet must see their every reply, anyway.

[quote]Asian people who complain about being victims of white racism, and then immediately turn around and talk shit about black people.

I'm the same offense committed by black people who make antisemitic statements and Jews who accuse every black person of "playing the race card."

I’m r393 a piece of shit

I'm r394, a humorless twat who mistakes DL jokes for reality.

I’m vaginal dryness.

I’m Caitlyn Jenner, who hasn’t yet been attacked with a hammer.

I'm most packaging.

I’m adults having Halloween parties and cunts that use fireworks on July 4 and New Years

R395 is insufferable

I’m the chia seeds stuck in your teeth all damn morning.

I'm the office chat application (like Slack) where your co-worker interrupts you and wants your attention right now! Drop what you're doing and answer my question! It also prohibits you from going off and taking a nap.

I’m a pain in the neck from sleeping on my stomach last night.

I'm the cheerfully patronizing recorded voice who interrupts 37 minutes of static-y, awful musical hold at regular intervals to rhetorically ask you whether you're aware that you can find the answer to most questions on their website. As if you'd be putting yourself through this kind of telephonic masochistic hell if you'd been able to.

I agree with R399. The whole infantilization of the culture. Blockbuster action and comic book movies. Halloween is for children. Grow up people! You want to wear a costume? Save it for the bedroom.

[quote]I'm TQ+.

Darkgemini, you have offended A by excluding them. And you how sensitive they are, you will make them lose appetite, poor things have already lost sexual appetite.

I'm the sibling that only calls you when they want money.

I'm the name Jermagesty

I'm the name Jermajesty

I'm the gym member who brings their 4 and 6-year olds with them, turns them lose to play on the treadmills, then gets offended when told children are not allowed on the gym floor.

I'm the Kohls cashier begging you to take the survey on the receipt and to give them a "10" in every category.

I'm also the Kohls cashier informing you that you saved $105.00 on this transaction! No mention of the fact that the original prices was grossly inflated to offset their ever present 30% coupons and Kohls cash.

R405 do you ever wear costumes in the bedroom?

[quote]I’m adults having Halloween parties and cunts that use fireworks on July 4 and New Years

I'm the gunshots that rednecks and hoodrats replace fireworks with on New Year's.

^ Meant to include...

The DL creep who started the Genoa City thread and replies to his own questions

^^He also started the Night Stalker thread. He’s got a crush on the dead murderer. A true psychopath.

I'm Ye

I'm the Youtubers repeatedly asking you to "buy them a coffee". (I'm looking at you River.)

I'm the Youtubers repeatedly sponsored by Thrive Market and who subject their viewers to yet another Thrive unboxing. (I'm looking at you keto king and over-the-top type A personality Thomas Delauer.)

Pigeon shit

I'm the lack of capitalization and punctuation that's slowly becoming more commonplace. I think I'm pretty cool, but I'm actually just displaying my ignorance.

Dog shits on pee pad the minute my tired ass gets into bed. Forcing me to go to the laundry room to pick up the excrement and flush it.

I'm Elon Musk!

Annoying enough for you?

God yes! Didn’t you see my Musk Musk Musk thread?

R421 Do you flush the pee pad along with the shit? If so, you're the reason my building's drains are constantly clogged.

[quote]turns them lose to play on the treadmills,

Oh, dear!

R391 that just happened to me a few weeks back.

I was stunned.

Speaking of credit cards:

I’m the takeover of your old credit card by a new bank which promptly sends you a new credit card. This time with a different fucking number, which means anything scheduled to be charged will be denied and your payment will be late since your online banking still has the old account number.

R390 and I just got engaged.

I lurvs him!

I'm the asshole friend who thinks it's legit 'staying in touch' when he just sends me music clips (boring and interminable), political rants, and articles (usually long, overwritten dreck from NYT) that he thinks I will like. Never writes a message. Never discloses anything that's going on in his life. He's cool in person, and used to not be such a fucking boor. I KNOW he would NOT like to sit there and review stuff like the above if I sent it to HIM.

I'm Xfinity Customer Service.

I'm the numbers on credit cards that always wear off.

I’m sharp toenails.

I'm the chirping smoke detector somewhere in your house.

You unscrew and destroy about four perfectly fine ones before you find me.

I'm the message "you can't use your previous password" when you reset the password you "forgot"

I'm the DLers accusing anyone who criticizes Hunter Biden or doesn't find him attractive of being a repug or boris or some such nonsense.

R432 when my Boston terrier hears the chirping smoke alarm batteries he trembles with extreme fear.

Those little white yappy dogs with the curly fur. God those little fuckers are annoying. Why can’t people just get labs and golden retrievers instead? So much nicer.

The most annoying shit is the fact that Drumpf is still in our faces every fucking day. He needs to be shunned by media outlets, they need to stop giving this POS a platform.

M-80s in leaf piles.

R436 not everyone thinks like you.

I'm K. Kardashian and K. Jenner

I’m that asshole who sings a country song during karaoke at a gay bar. No gay man wants to be reminded of rednecks.

^^^Especially I’ve Got Friends In Low Places by Garth Brooks

I’m a destination wedding.

R441 there are exceptions

r436 You leave bichon frises out of this! They're adorable!

The Lume bitch and her crotch odor score

I'll be Noel and Matt from the British Baking Show.

r447 they truly are fucking annoying. Noel and the other Norwegian lesbatarian were okay, but Matt...

R446

I hate the Lume bitch, too, and I'm usually a feminist.

She's such a complete embarrassment to women. I wish she'd get some crotch-rotting disease so we wouldn't have to hear more stories about her rancid vagina.

Anything "Christmassy " since November 1st. Fuck red and green glitter.

I'm the people who post that insipid, overused response gif of the woman in green laughing and spewing coffee.

R451 I'm agreeing with you about the glitter when I vacuum - you'll never get it all. But I had a friend who'd ALWAYS throw a little extra glitter in the Christmas card envelope. Some of which would always end up on the rugs. He's been dead for almost 15 years and whenever I see a tiny, shiny glint of red in the carpeting, I think about Bobby.

Glitter's annoying, but there's a backstory.

Wiping your ass with your fingers only

I'm coming back to your car in the parking lot to find two gigantic SUVs parked on either side of you, giving you no way to get out safely but to back out inch by inch and hope no one hits you.

R452, I think you meant to address R450. That said, feel free to throw some glitter into that woman's coffee cup! Incidentally, I'm a fan of glitter too, even the particles that wind up on my feet and in the vacuum many years later (mingled with needles from the Christmas trees of many yesteryears). And now I'll think of Bobby too.

Hallmark movies, all reality show scum, HGTV shows with whining fraus needing a huge kitchen with a huge island, paranormal TV shows with no actual scares, I'm looking at you Zack Baggy or whatever your fake name is.

Too much else to list.

Noisy self-absorbed neighbors who act as if others do not exist. This self-absorbed behavior even goes on in expensive condos and co-op apartments. The nouveau rich have no shame.

Pimples right on the vermilion border of your lip, which everyone notices and stares at when you’re talking.

[quote]I hate the Lume bitch

I like her! She appears to be a real person, no bullshit. Why the hate?

some DL threads. there is one or two in particular who create instantly identifiable posts. they're all alike and always proliferated by the op throughout the entire thread.

R452, I choked up a bit. Thank you for that.

What a beautiful thing.

I’m going to prepare foods. Then eat it. Hee hee.

[quote]I like her! She appears to be a real person, no bullshit. Why the hate?

I guess people are jealous of the LUME woman, because this product will eliminate all the fragrance products that both women and men use to cover up their various body odors. For some people deodorants don't even work on their armpit odor.

IIRC, LUME can be used anywhere on the body where you have bad odors. Of course, if the odors are extreme and you bathe daily and use LUME, you might need to see a doctor. There is that rare illness where people have extreme body odor which smells like rancid fish, this odor is not just coming from a woman's crotch, men and women can have this disorder. I forgot what this illness is called, what an awful thing to have.

btw, the LUME woman is a gyno, she came up with this product. She's not just some spokesperson, it's her invention.

I've actually used LUME before just to try it (the unscented version). It actually does work. What it doesn't do is stop you from sweating, though, because it's not an antiperspirant. I went running in the middle of July to test its strength. I definitely worked up a sweat but there was no actual "sweaty/ripe" smell afterward. I was completely odorless, just sweaty.

So, I don't know what people's problem is with her or the product. Maybe they tried LUME, too, and it didn't work and they're eternally pissed about it. If that's the case, I condole them, and can only suggest they see a doctor. Because that stuff it pretty powerful with blocking odor, unless you have a condition that is even more powerful causing your stench.

^ *is

I'm the snarky box you have to check on some sites to decline to receive their email newsletter or coupons: "No, I don't want to save money" or "No, I don't want life saving tips sent directly to my email inbox weekly".

Unsubscribing to product advertising emails. It never works.

I'm the fucking leaf blowers ruining the quality of life in the 'burbs, oblivious to screams of "IT'S FUCKING 7 O'CLOCK ON A SATURDAY MORNING ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?!"

And I own this thread.

Actually, R486, I own you.

I'm the laptop being slammed closed on tv and movies that doesn't need the internet or wifi to be disconnected or the computer to be shut down beforehand.

I'm the entire block's leaves that are now on r468 's lawn.

I’m your airport turkey sandwich that cost $14.79.

I’m the website that pops up when you type part of the url of the site you actually want to see. Outfits now target parts of URL’s to popular sites, on the chance that we might land on the competitor’s site and think “Wow! I should open an account here, too!”.

My cousins are the sponsored advertising that appear on top of your search results.

R469 Can I have a ride in your time machine?

(We haven't gotten to 486 yet )

No worries, we k ow you meant me.

R468

The lotions and shit that come in a pump dispenser, which always stops working whilst there is still 25% left at the bottom of the dispenser - they do this on purpose to force you to throw out the last bits and buy another one before you need to.

Fuck that shit. I unscrew the top and use up the rest before buying another.

R471 I'm the high school kid hired to rake up all those leaves, which are now piled up at the edge of the street waiting for the leaf mulchers to come and get them. Costs a fraction of those chiseling landscape companies, doesn't pump carcinogens into the air, pollute the environment, and make the town sound like it's under attack.

Just FYI: some towns are starting to put in ordinances that the leaf blowers have to 1) use electricity, not those filthy gas powered blowers, and 2) can only work on specified days of the week and between certain hours.

R468

R468, I can empathize with you. There's a strip mall behind my condo. Whoever owns the mall has a street sweeper come in a couple times a week . . . at 5:30-5:45 am!

The same mall has an Outback Steakhouse. The trash company comes through every day at 5 am to empty the dumpster. I get to listen to the machine lift the dumpster, empty it, and then shake it back and forth about 3 times. Nothing like hearing the clanging of the lid repeatedly when you're trying to sleep.

I am Froy.

The extra loud vehicle’ idling in the neighbors driveway

I am the car with windows tinted so dark it looks like black paint. It's against the law in most states but no one seems to care.

Yeah, what’s up with tinted glass in the front windows now? It seems unsafe not being able to make eye contact with another driver, especially as a pedestrian.

I'm the bit you have to peel before you can get to the sticky part so you can slap a holiday ribbon on top of the giftbox, only there's no corner to grasp and down and you cannot fucking separate me from the sticky part, and then I watch in amusement as you end up ripping up the sticky part too, so the bow is useless and you tear up the entire bow in a rage, and the cat gets it and thinks it's the greatest thing since catnip and drags the shredded ribbon all over the place.

[quote]Just FYI: some towns are starting to put in ordinances that the leaf blowers have to 1) use electricity, not those filthy gas powered blowers, and 2) can only work on specified days of the week and between certain hours.

Je je je, just try to stop us from blowing debris all over you during your 6am walk to work!

R385 – worse than that. I’m the Amazon comment “Sorry I don’t know” from some dip shit member of the public responding to a question someone else has raised about a product.

I’m ads on YouTube.

I’m the person on the bus or train with their bag next to them on the aisle seat. Or worse the window seat.

No I don’t really want to sit next to you either, but it’s fucking public transport, and I want a seat.

I'm the coupons offered on every ebay sale.

[quote]I’m ads on YouTube.

I'm posters who haven't figured out Adblock Plus and/or uBlock Origin.

I'm the shopping carts left in spaces in the car park because the last user was too lazy to push it back to the cart corral.

I'm the driver who is waiting to make a right onto the road you're on, and then pulls out when you're three metres away even though there isn't anyone behind you for 15 metres.

Can’t believe no one has mentioned me! I’m the annoying commercial from some ambulance chasing shyster offering money to anyone stationed at some fucking base called Calo Lejeune. I run at least 4 times an hour and take 5 minutes to run.

I’m the annoying attention seeking co-worker who after the entire group except him agree on a plan, has to come up with some lame objection and the wimpy meeting moderator lets me drone on for 15 minutes in a topic nobody gives two shits about and it is a 4:30 meeting on Friday. The rest of the room wants to kill me but I’m entitled to my opinion no matter how idiotic and uninformed it is

I’m the persona few yards ahead of you on the sidewalk who is absorbed in a video chat blaring on speakerphone. I amble along at a leisurely pace while drifting from one side of the sidewalk to the other, making it impossible for anyone else to get by. It’s not that I lack situational awareness, it’s just that I’m utterly unconcerned with anyone but myself.

I'm the people having personal conversations on their mobiles on trains, buses, and in supermarket aisles.

Snippet overheard and relayed to me by an American friend getting into her car in a supermarket car park in Orangeburg, NY (wherever that is), by a woman parked in front of her with her door open and one leg hanging out: "Can you believe he said that to me?! So I sez to him, Schmuck! Who do you think you're dealing with here, some babe in the woods?!"

I'm other people.

R492 Surprised to see you posting here, Clare.

She did 20 minutes yesterday on how walking is the least polluting way to commute and why the company should give us all free sneakers. And that’s just this week….

Flight attendants who do “comedy” over the PA.

When there are no more chocolate chip cookies left, only oatmeal raisin.

I'm air travel under First Class, and I own this thread.

I'm the disproportionate rage xe has when you misgender it even though it looks like a bloke called Kevin.

I'm Kaylee, who won't shut up when she's being murdered in her college dorm.

I'm everyone raving about 'A Little Life', 'Hamilton', or 'Ben Platt' or worse all three.

I’m Americans.

I'm a middle aged blond woman and my friend and I have decided that the best place to have a conversation is directly in front of the only entrance to the grocery store, just contort yourself and lift your cart up at an angle to pass by us we are not going to acknowledge you no matter what.

I'm the Europeans who live here because of job opportunities yet disparage the country unrelentingly.

Still I won't go back to my shithole country.

I'm old age and I own this thread.

I’m Emma Watson.

I'm old age and I own DL.

I'm the crowd of poseur hipster interlopers standing in the middle of the sidewalk in our new gentrified formerly working class industrial neighborhood.

We are more important than the original residents of this neighborhood, we sure want them to know that! We have our trust funds and can afford to purchase any overpriced crap we want. We just bought a $15 grilled cheese sandwich and a $10 latte at that new cafe.

We will continue to block the sidewalk as long as we want to. Got a problem with that???

I'm the entitled brat who comes to DL (1 of the few sites where the elder gays can talk about the good old days) and complain DLs aren't talking about what I want and they disagree with my (alway right) opinions, when I have the 99% of internet for that.

I probably think they are to many kids in Chuck N Cheese

I'm the obnoxious human "cause" spam strategically positioned on the streets to sabotage your path no matter where you're hoping to go. I leap in your way doing the maniacal wave, yelping out compelling engagement phrases like "HEY--- Got a minute? I really want your opinion on something" or "LOOOOOOOOOVE your style!" in order to engage passersby and rope them into monthly auto-pay donations to whichever cause they're paid to fundraise through annoyance. At my worst, I'm the spammy waver who then bellows "OKAY, I guess you don't care about abortion rights/gay rights/animal cruelty, but you do you" to the non-responder-- despite the fact that said human has probably done way more for said cause than I ever have (which includes having done nothing).

[QUOTE]Let’s be annoying shit

Dr. Rachel Levine and Sam Brinton

I'm the disheveled-looking passenger in the middle seat who opens a ZipLok bag of cheese that smells exactly like dog shit, mid-flight. Munching away.

I'm Nicola Sturgeon.

I'm the weather.

I'm the elderperson on DL who refuses to subscribe "on principle."

Last night, I had an incredibly funny post idea, but could not post because the thread was closed to non-subscribers.

Today, I've forgotten my idea and the thread is open. Feeling sad and old.

I'm the stye that has formed over the past two hours for no goddammed good reason at all.

People who say-

That CRACKS ME UP!

A headache from one measly glass of wine. Good night and may tomorrow be a good one for you.

I'm land acknowledgements.

Movies that use popular songs that overwhelm the dialogue. eg Janis Joplin singing Summertime in Parallel Mothers. Janis Joplin is not background music.

I’m Spandex. What’s going to happen to you when I lose my stretch?

I’m an overdue expense report.

I'm pistachio-flavored...anything.

I'm peanut butter flavored anything that's not peanut butter.

Peloton commercials. "CAMM-oannnn! You GAT this! Wooooooooo!"

The Lume cunt continues to deserve to have her pussy, ass, tits and armpits whipped with a thorn bush until they're raggedy and thrown into a stock tank full of rubbing alcohol.

I'm the smell of toast.

I’m anyone who adheres to gender extremes. Think women who wear pink and bows, men who act like loggers, and femme bottoms. Butch dykes are cool though.

When they're out of an item I want at the supermarket. I have to re-plan my day and decide which other store I might try. A hassle.

I'm the dudebro in the gym having a god damned business meeting on his fucking phone through his earbuds while he works out, talking loud enough to be heard at the other end of the gym floor, and I scowl at the guy who gives me attitude.

R531 I’m the same guy. I’ll wear all my workout clothes (hoodie included) and shoes that step in dogshit right up into the sauna and the steam room, where I’ll listen to a baseball game or rap music on speaker, so I can unwind. I wear my clothes in there because I don’t want you fags to get the wrong idea. Also, my shoes have black mold growing under the insole from doing this.

[quote]The Lume cunt continues to deserve to have her pussy, ass, tits and armpits whipped with a thorn bush until they're raggedy and thrown into a stock tank full of rubbing alcohol.

The woman in the ads is the actual doctor who created Lume. Are you jealous that she created these products and has made millions?

What ideas have you come up with?

I'm Splenda.

I’m the bloating Splenda causes.

I am the lady at the lab who is chatting on her phone at 100 decibels. The lab is filled with people not thrilled because they are waiting for their blood to be drawn.

I’m poster r536 who told that lady how inconsiderate she was and “no one wants to hear or cares about your conversation, take it outside”

Of course the reason she gave for annoying a room full of patients was “ a friend died”….sure Jan

I'm Emma Corrin and her gender identity.

I am a Christian

I'm the eBay shipment delivered with an insert declaring that it hails from a "smoke-free, pet-free, Christian home."

r539 I'd much rather buy something from a smoke-free, Christian-free home, with two dogs and a cat.

I'm the young actor who thinks the past participle of 'cast' is 'casted'.

I'm the cunt at R308

I'm the customer service agent from way too many companies who ends the conversation with, "Have a blessed day!"

WTF?

The thing about the Lume Dr is that no one wants to hear about stinky pussy on live TV. Or dick, for that matter.

The age of disclosure is getting really old. Just wash with soap and water, and spare me the details.

EG here. I remember the first time condoms were advertised on TV. I was shocked! Then came tampons, menstrual medications, ED pills and now HIV Prep commercials. R544 - times change.

R544 I get SPAM advertisements for Lume Deodorant often. I have never heard of it before.

Im the fat lady on the toilet with my pants around her ankles who is telling g the world that “women poop"

I'm ordering groceries and then getting a teenage grocery picker that nets you ten pounds of rotten produce.

[quote]The thing about the Lume Dr is that no one wants to hear about stinky pussy on live TV. Or dick, for that matter.

Have I told you about my fetid asscrack yet?

I am irrationally annoyed by that Queen of Denmark's yellow teeth.

I thought Denmark was voted one of the happiest places on earth to live. Are they happy because they never have to endure the discomfort of a dentist appointment?

What's up with that?

I’m a weak, wheezing restroom hand dryer instead of paper towels.

I'm the automatic knob-less restroom faucet, which you discover doesn't work, after you have a handful of soap foam.

I am this……..it’s been part of the notifications on DL since 1995. I guess it will forever be a “work in progress”, nothing more….

“ We are testing notifications for mentions and likes. This is a testbench page. Work in progress. Nothing to see here - yet.”

I'm the news reporter asking the dumbest, nastiest, toothless person to describe that hurricane damage or fire or flood.

The woman with her boyfriend touting her numerous UTIs and saying she has the cure. Later commercials, they're married! She introduces him as her husband. Yikes. The got married because of the money they made off the uterine pain she could have prevented just by peeing after intercourse?

I’m the feces they’re finding ALL OVER the self serve checkout lines

^Where do you shop??

I’m the UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA.

I’m the grid on my phone, full of pictures of lame ass guys with small dicks lol

I’m the unexpected refreshing of threads on DL when they get past a certain number of replies.

🍝 I'm buying everybody I know a brand spanking new collapsible silicon pasta strainer for Christmas.

🤗 [italic] Màngia !

R561 I just gave away my silicon strainer. Maybe I wasn't using it correctly but it didn't work well for me. When I poured all the water and vegies into it, it didn't didn't 'open' -- it remained flat and all my vegies went into the sink.

R562, your vegetables heard you calling them "vegies" and they got out however they could.

r562 you're supposed to manually "pop" it open BEFORE you try to strain anything.

I'm the Youtuber whose EVERY video is sponsored. Usually by Thrive Market.

I'm looking at you keto guy Thomas DeLauer, Chef Brian Lagerstrom and Stephen from Not Just Another Cooking Show.

The ubiquitous WineClub advertisements on my beloved Turner Classic Movies. Who buy that piss?

I'm kitty litter that promises to dessicate and deodourise your pet's shit and pee and does neither.

I’m the pomegranate seed you dropped. You can’t find me for the life of you, but soon you’ll step on me - splat! - and stain your rug. Ha ha ha!

PR peons infesting DL.

Pedestrians and cyclists. Since the prevailing orthodoxy that all drivers are bad killers, they seem to have decided there's a forcefield around them based on moral superiority, so they needn't look twice or both ways or over their shoulder. I know the onus is on drivers, rightly, but realistically everyone has a part to play in their own safety.

The White Lotus threads on DL.

I’m people who talk incessantly, mainly about themselves. I go on and on with my monologue, no detail spared, nary a space for any interruption (I hate interruption). I tend to be older. There are many of me. I don’t ask you anything about yourself or your opinions, because I’m not interested. Just sit there quietly and listen to me.

I am all those people who get out of their seat at the cinema, the minute the movie ends.

The media always reporting the minute details of Drumpf. Enough already.

Reality show trash.

I'm spell-check, and I should go duck myself.

[quote]Dataloungers always reporting the minute details of Drumpf. Enough already.

Fixed.

No, R576, it's the media.

How would DL posters be reporting on Dump if they didn't read an article about his every move which was published in a newspaper, reported on all TV news channels and on online websites?!

It's the media, they ALL need to shun that orange motherfucker. However, since reporting on that fool brings in lots of money, talking about that freak won't stop anytime soon.

[quote]How would DL posters be reporting on Dump if they didn't read an article about his every move which was published in a newspaper, reported on all TV news channels and on online websites?!

Oh, r577, I get it: the "David Tyler Muir made me do it" defense.

[quote]Oh, [R577], I get it: the "David Tyler Muir made me do it" defense.

Damn are you dense. I don't know what the "David Tyler Muir made me do it" defense is, as I never watch that plastic guy.

People only repeat what they hear on TV, read online and if they still read daily newspapers, in the fucking newspapers, otherwise, how do people absorb information?

What are their sources? Certainly not DL. A large percentage of info on DL is coming from other sources.

Where the fuck do YOU get your information about anything? By hearing about it in some form of media.

I'm dense, r579? No one is forcing you to post Trump bullshit on DL. You choose to do it. The media isn't coming here and pasting his ugly mug at the top of threads.

I'm the last five posts.

Expanding on R581's post. I'm the petty squabbles that break out on the DL over the dumbest shit!

I’m the “new and improved” pride flag because nothing says progress more than shitting all over a perfect, simple all encompassing design!

Just alter the “new and improved“ Pride flag into a pennant. Problem solved.

Or just burn it.

[quote]I'm dense, [R579]? No one is forcing you to post Trump bullshit on DL. You choose to do it. The media isn't coming here and pasting his ugly mug at the top of threads.

Why ASSume I post "Trump bullshit" on DL?! Nowhere in my posts did I state this. I choose to do none of what you are accusing me of doing.

I actually never go into Dump threads on DL. I try to avoid reading any reporting on him in all media and that includes DL threads. However, it is difficult to avoid. That was my MAIN point, which you twisted to fit your agenda and which you are, apparently, too dense to comprehend.

Once again, beyond Dump bullshit being posted here at DL, most of the DL threads ARE sourced from other areas of the media, otherwise, there wouldn't be anything here to post and others to respond to.

Most DL posts consist of links from other news sources or websites. Unless people are responding to advice threads, old TV shows/film/celebrity threads or the 100th thread about the Dollar Tree, even the porn threads are linked from other sources, especially social media links. Use your eyes.

Yes, dear, you are quite dense.

[quote]Expanding on [R581]'s post. I'm the petty squabbles that break out on the DL over the dumbest shit!

This usually begins at about the 20th post, fades, and then repeats every 20 times.

Frau suburban cunts in their massive SUVs who treat 2 lane city streets like their own fuck’n personal drag strip.

[quote]Frau suburban cunts in their massive SUVs who treat 2 lane city streets like their own fuck’n personal drag strip.

People who complain about "frau suburban cunts" must have personal experience because, sadly, they must live in a frau infested suburb.

I condole you.

I'm the cunt trolls who post on the DL. They comprise 100% of the posts. Ain't nuthing good about here no more.

We are Meghan and Harry Markle. We own this thread.

Part II, to continue the bitching

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