Let's be NPR

You forgot the part where they excuse the Afghan for beating his wife because he was stressed and "pushed to the brink" by the war 'wrought by the US.'

I'm the book she just published that's already number 1!! on the NYTs Best Sellers list.

In what universe do OP, r1 and r2 think this is humorous?

I'm the tens of millions of dollars from Arcus that dictate NPR's content and "views".

I'm the podcasts with first world problems as their subjects.

How do you feel about brunch? Tell us

Labor Day weekend could mean more headaches and frustration for fliers

Labor Day weekend could mean more headaches and frustration for fliers

Whoops! Double posted it was supposed to be this topic...

Oberlin College students worry Catholic directives could affect contraception access

I am a long-term employee whose life is suddenly upended by an extremely painful and debilitating autoimmune disorder called ulcerative colitis. I am quietly let go because NPR does not care about sick people unless they work elsewhere.

I am NiPeR's style of withholding information also called lying by omission. It will harden one to media, I can smell the cafeteria, I feel like i'm in my schools hallway talking between classes when listening to them. The sincerity the interviews, with the choice of subjects and the talking heads all agreeing with each other they could convince one a cows ear is a silk purse. How do yo feel about lunch ? Tell us. Indeed!

I'm the smarty-pants, witty, and quirky program name that pulls in millions of viewers and even more ad revenue. I am golden prestige.

I am the NPR airtime allocation, our current quote for each category

50% Black and POC including immigrants

20% Trans people

10% Trump/GOP

10% Russia or China, currently Russia

10% other

I'm the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation spots repeated 5 times every hour on Morning Edition.

I'm Leila Fadel's breathy "baby voice."

I’m Aisha Roscoe’s Ebonic accent, deliberately deployed as a rejection of Whiteness. You can’t make me talk White!

I am vocal fry.

I’m the tired Susan Stamberg cranberry relish recipe.

I’m the patronising tone of voice used by many of the commentators. It reminds me of the holier than thou delivery style often heard on BBC Prayer of the Day.

Let's be OP. A racist conservative who attempts to troll DL for the 100th time this week.

I’m the contributor/correspondent who speaks in vocal fry and always mentions the “white faces” at important meetings and events where African Americans are so horribly underrepresented.

we are the establishment black hosts, we hate Aisha Roscoe's ebonic accent WITH A PASSION!

^ oh wait, we "were" , since we all left....

We're the conservatives who are threatened by National Public Radio who won't regurgitate our conservative talking points.

I’m the lack of a stance on Falun Gong.

I’m the advertisements that don’t count as advertisements.

(What are they? “promotional consideration”? “Corporate partnerships”? “Thanks to our corporate sponsors!”)

I’m exhausting.

R3 The common understanding is that NPR's reports are artificial and contrived, so Latifah's harrowing story is likely exaggerated or entirely fabricated.

I'm college professors and their ilk! We're the only listeners left.

You won't see me anywhere near these people (ew.)

I'm a "national public radio" service that essentially functions as religious programming for secular humanists.

I have the exact same programming formats as Catholic and Christian radio, and obsess over the same issues and current events.

Up next... abortion, gender, Africa, and gay teachers in the classroom.

I'm the report commissioned to better understand how NPR's "younger 'hears' the programming NPR produces.

Sr mgmt has freaked out because the younger portion of the audience thinks NPR is boring - staid - talks down to the listener -and (*gasp1*) is too white and probably straight.

Solution... no more objective program hosts!

The audience must hear the hosts mewling sympathy in tone of voice or outright skepticism of the guest/reporter opinion.

ALL homosexuals on staff must tell the listeners they are G-A-Y. Adult sounding greetings, such as "hello" or welcome to the program" will be abolished and replaced with the longform pronunciation of the they word "hey".

Over-the-top emotional involvement in the story is strongly encouraged, so heavy sighing can be heard or the softly uttered sympathetic cooing conveyed.

In short, ABOLISH THE NPR VOICE! Bring on the Rachel (insert dramatic fau-sigh here) Martins and Steve (WOW! I see what you're saying there...") Inskeeps and Ari (I'm gay! Did you know I'm gay?) Shapiros, the Rob (I'm terrified of COVID!) Stein, the Alsa (he-e-e-e-y) Chang and yes, Ayesha Rascoes...

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER!!! WE'RE REALLY, REALLY INTERESTING RADIO HOSTS - BUT REALLY, NOT ONE OF US IS JOURNALIST (that's so white and elitist and that ain't NPR in 2022!!!!!)

R22 WQXR was originally owned by The New York Times. For decades they aired the Friday evening service from Temple Emanu-El. The program was cancelled, public radio policy is "no religious programming."

I’m Kai Ryssdal’s BDF.

R29 It advocates for, teaches, and enforces a belief system. Secular humanist, specifically. Gender identities, abortion rights, gay rights, human rights, etc. are all secular humanist beliefs. Specifically, that there is no god involved in any of these and that everyone has a moral imperative to both support these things and defend them.

That's also NPR's editorial line, in a nutshell.

I'm a Gen Z listener to "Morning Edition" and I'm wondering what the actual, literal ad for Metamucil this morning is, like, doing.

I’m the lovely Ofeibea Quist-Arcton. And you all know where I am reporting from.

Dakarrrrrr!

I'm D'Shikiaih Hightower-Bobatoon, interviewed for a solid hour for my new book "White Chocolate", my harrowing account of being a lite-skinned African-American at Howard University. I will read in a trembly whisper from my poem:

Polly wanna cracka? A Nubian hacker, oreo snacka You ain't black, get back In the vanilla wafer line, Miss Thing Marshmallow creme.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson.

I’m Terri Gross. Reporting from munchkin land.

I'm the lack of substance.

I am going from FOX to NPR and back to find the middle ground and the truth. The quest has brought me to my therapist seeking meds.

R40 Why would Fox be the alternative?

I am suddenly a tenured professor at Yale, teaching anything I want but there primarily as DEI specialist.

R3, I don't think it's humorous so much as massively eye-rolly.

I’m the mental breeding of a group which will be the passive-aggressive equivalent to the MAGA movement.

My neighbor is on-air in a major city for NPR.

He gets his news from the Wall Street Journal podcasts.

R45 They're all connected into a feedback loop disconnected from daily life. The WP podcast is produced by people getting their news from Twitter. No one fact checks, or would even know how to. They'd just check Twitter.

I’m the tote bag.

Hi R47 I'm the solar powered flashlight and radio. We're kin.

I'll be the mismatched mug collection from various years, just for completeness' sake.

I’m the checklist. Stories have to cover at least two points.

I'm "Hey A!"

[quote]ALL homosexuals on staff must tell the listeners they are G-A-Y

Are you kidding? Gay is so 20th century. Everyone is now "QUEER" (even though they are actually heterosexual)

R45 and your neighbour told you this because?

I'm the director of music at NPR. I try to find pieces that make you think I know more than you about classical music or blue grass or some other folkie/bluegrass obscure pick so I can beat you with my snobby attitude, the 'I'm so much smarter than you that it hurts' one meant to demoralize you. I will turn the sound up on my segments during their broadcast and let the music play longer than I know any intelligent person would want during a radio show. Since I deem my listeners as not as intelligent as I, I take every advantage to use my music segments to send a message to the trapped public. My message is clear, it is 'you there, yes, you, stupid! I want you to know you are now under my thumb and forced to listen to my droning on hoity-toity music leaving you wondering when will this segment end. When? When I damn well choose it too' minions'.

I'm David Greene - long gone from NPR, now hosting a program at a local public radio station in CA. Without me there really aren't any hot straight guys hosting an NPR program...

I’m the only interesting program - The Car Guys - and I’m dead to you. Even if I weren’t, I’m not political enough for the city people who want everyone to ride public transportation.

The Car Guys? Car Talk?

I didn't particularly care for that show, but I wish we could go back to that time on public radio, when the humor was in the humor shows and the news stuck to the news and didn't TRY so HARD to be edgy and relatable. If you didn't like the tone of a program, you just moved on, but now that fucking tone is the every goddamned show, high decibel.

I miss it but I am not listening to this new shit.

There was an ex-industry insider who posted here years ago in another one of our 'let's be npr ' threads, and they said the public radio model isn't profitable and everything is moving to streaming public radio (so the local stations aren't making money) and podcasts, so they don't really give a shit what their original base thinks anyway. I'm probably mis-remembering but the takeaway (get it) is that they DGAF.

[quote][R45] and your neighbour told you this because?

Because we're both educated & interested in current affairs . . . I'm in finance, he asks me about the Fed, big banks, markets, etc

I'm the agenda.

I'm the fair market sustainably grown conflict free organic non-GMO coffee used in the office kitchen.

One day an employee was heard to mutter that he'd sell his soul for one cup of Dunkin' Donuts. He disappeared. They still haven't found him.

[quote]I’m the only interesting program - The Car Guys - and I’m dead to you.

I thought the Car Guys were, in fact, dead?

Click died, Alzheimers disease--but Clack's still living.

Is every story on there just so 'worthy'? Is it akin to the Guardian in the UK?

R63 Worse, they have much less oversight and no exposure to criticism.

The situation is basically: NPR was founded with the intention of making it public radio along the lines of maybe the CBC, the general public was supposed to have access to it and be educated by its programs.

NPR was underfunded and has depended from the start on generous private donations from upper middle class people and corporations, who both get to dictate programming through their donations. If they don't like something, it receives no funding or donations fall.

This process has been ongoing now for decades, to the point that NPR has turned into a community radio station for wealthy college educated liberals. It is, however, still partially funded by the federal government- both through official funding and grants.

The corporations and charitable funds that donate also get to dictate programming, and can use NPR to market to gentry liberals or dictate their political views.

Wokism hit NPR harder than most, especially after 2016. It's the official religion of their demographic. The quality of their programming has dropped horribly. It was never very good, though.

R63 Sorry, I forgot to mention that the reporters for NPR are famous for being divorced from reality. They have sincere difficulty doing hard news reporting. A major difference from the Guardian.

The usual assumption here is that if an NPR report sounds off, or no one is quoted in it, the reporter daydreamed it up. I would never take a hard news report from NPR seriously.

I’m Francis Lam and I replaced Lynne Rossetto Kasper. Splendid Table went from a large personality program to some more like asmr. I want to like it, and I like Francis, but it’s really not as interesting.

I'm Liza Minnelli. I've just been hired, but only to introduce "Lakshmi Singh."

I'm the word "diaspora."

I show up several times every single day, every single year.

I'm code switching.

R29 I'm not Jewish but I enjoyed listening to the Friday service from Temple Emanuel. It was a nice way to unwind from a work week if I wasn't doing anything else. It was reasonable, cultured, well done. The way things used to be. My understanding is that it was a liberal Reform temple.

Then poof! One day it was gone. I was so upset I called the temple to see what had happened. They didn't explain but simply said it would be broadcast any more.

It was a piece of old New York.

I'm wealthy, successful, stocks, bonds, 401k, inheritance-bound... Sad, scary stores from around the world make me feel special and cozy. Prayers.

As a liberal who finds NPR unbearably slanted, sentimental, and patronizing, I’m howling at this thread.

I'm Long Covid, which is the new Fibromyalgia.

R72, in any other thread, you’d be called a Boris for labeling yourself a liberal. (“Sure, Jan”)

It may well happen soon.

This is about Vice, not NPR, but it totally reminds me of OP’s post.

I'm Schweddy Balls.

So, I'm the "so" that leads off every answer of whomever the host is interviewing.

I'm the word "so."

I start half the answers and many of the questions.

New York Public Radio's WNYC has a weekly one-hour political program "Left, Right and Center." One hour of divergence from the liberal bias the public is fed.

NPR is a syndicator, they sell programming, don't own any stations,

For NPR, I’m… [unintelligible heavily garbled ethnic name that people would legitimately like to know, but the accent totally occludes]

I am the way Ofeibea Quist-Arcton signs off with "DAKAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"

I'm Radio Ambulante, one of NPR's top shows.

I'm entirely in Spanish, written by a team of South Americans all working remotely from Colombia and Venezuela. My listening audience is mostly outside of the U.S., educated Latin American hipsters who stream me online.

Why do I exist?

I’m all the bad things that disproportionately affect African-American and Hispanic communities.

^ I'm the Native American story. I occur once a year on Indigenous People's Day.

So, we're here with Linda White Feather...

R80 I crack up at times at how egregiously some people over pronounce their names. You shouldn't speak English with a normal suburban accents and then totally switch languages just to say your name with the exact original intonation and vowel phonemes.

I always imagine them switching alphabets in the middle of a sentence.

Oh, Mawy Wouise, I'm so afwaid of COVID, but have to weport on it constantly - Sob Stein, NPR repawter.

God I cannot stand that man! Such a baby.

"I'm going to go and hide behind Awi Shaiwo's fainting couch now Mawy Wouise, COVID fwightens me!"

Poor Sob, he got stranded behind the fainting couch because Ari Shapiro's best friend ever! Alan Cumming visited and one thing led to another... Ari only fainted after Alan left. He was exhausted... Sob is now scarred for life listening to Ari's cries of pleasure during Cumming's stay...

I'm the Human Condition As It Always Has Been and Always Will Be.

I'm World Peace.

Rob Sthein does sthound like he was sthung by beeth and ith in anaphalalacticth sthock.

Don't you wish you had what Rob Stein had though?

That chutzthpah to be a third grader bullied on the playground and to say "I'll sthow you kidth, I'm going to become a themi-well-known radio reporter thomeday!"

And then actually do it.

I'm the NPR audience which is 99% white.

I am Women's Studies which is what every NPR host and reporter majored in during college.

NPR is an organ of Unitarian Universalist propaganda.

I’m Scott Simon’s fake laugh.

This is Weepy Weekend Edition, I'm Schcott Schimon. Not only will I audibly choke back tears at least twice, but will inhale loudly through phlegm, I'll chuckle, and I'll sound like an idiot introducing Tom Goldman for the sports!!! segment.

Someone please pull him from the studio and kick him to the curb at NPR's headquarters in D.C.

Scott Simon, back when I used to listen to NPR years ago, always gave me jocular creepy uncle vibes, especially when he would affect his deeply sincere caring voice

I'm not fooling anyone. I'm bad radio and worse journalism.

I am the nervous, cackle. I am used to lighten the mood although the topic is usually a grave, serious one.

I'm Michael Barbaro’s forced HMMMMMs and AHHHHHs during interviews.

I am Doris Duke and fuck you.

I’m Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. We overlook the fact that Paula Poundstone endangered her kids’ lives. Cuz she’s non-binary and unthreatening in her humor.

[quote]Click died, Alzheimers disease--but Clack's still living.

So is Clack doing Car Guys by himself or did somebody replace Click? (Please don't tell me they're just running reruns of their old shows, which would be completely useless since the cars are out of date and yet that would be such an NPR thing to do.)

I’m Maureen Corrigan and I am THE book reviewer. I deliver reviews in a somewhat stridulous manner, but I really, really do want you to read the book. And I really, really usually do want to read it after her review,

I'm the estrogen.

OP I texted my friend the story about Latifah (not her real name) and he did a total spit take!

I think he's mad at me now because he spit out his iced latte reading it. I kind of feel bad maybe I should have given him s warning at least

@R98, the cackle is nervous because on NPR you always have to worry that humor might offend somebody.

They/them/their don't have humor so they hate it. It's all the meds.

I'm Michelle Martin, host of Weekend All Things Considered (WATC). I tried to make this THE black program of NPR! I had an entire segment called The Barber Shop!!! We tried and tried to get those old white people to dig and understand our REAL conversation about race and culture and more!!!

Well, it bombed - you white folk just can't handle the truth, but you sho do make donations and that rules...

I'm Adrian Florido. Please pronounce it 'fluh-HEE-toe'.

Reporting (barely live) from the Vatican, I'm Sylvia Poggioli.

Come sit next to me, Syl.

I’m not sure but I think the Click and Clack shows went the way of the Edsel.

Click and Clack stopped making shows and my NPR/PBS station didn’t carry on with reruns. They need airspace to preach to the choir about Trump. And to proselytize about black and trans.

[quote]I am Women's Studies which is what every NPR host and reporter majored in during college.

I'm the newest "queer" employees with blue hair, demanding that all of you be fired for majoring in that!!! It's Birthing People's studies!!!! You TRANSPHOBES!

I'm the factory worker who has never heard of NPR and if I did, would turn it off after five minutes.

I'm the factory worker's boss who faithfully plays NPR all day on his office radio while he searches for evidence that the blue workers are trying to unionize.

I'm Ayesha Rascoe, NPR weekend edition Sunday host. My AAVE and southern accent are meant to signal diversity and inclusion. Y'all and Baby are regular interjections. No elocution or accent reduction classes for me!

R117, we been knew. Ah done bin mention already.

It's 5:50AM ET - Rachel Martin is now fangurling all over NPR's poet-in-residence... again during Morning Edition.

She'll squeal with delight at everything said, sigh dramatically, and move close to her mic to read with intensity.

And the whole time have the emotionally-connected meter up on HIGH.

She's really the embodiment of a mug cradling, white frau on the radio. Thankfully I can just turn off the program!

[quote] And the whole time have the emotionally-connected meter up on HIGH.

She’s being “empathic” which I’m told is something we all must aspire to these days.

I am PROPAGANDA.

R120 Presumably because some of us can't do it naturally and are having to theatrically fake it.

I'm Adler Sanchez-Ryssdal.

I'm Riddick Smirnov-Jensen

"And on the line is Maysa Wang-Tutu, she's our correspondent in Lagos. Hey Maysa, how's that whole oil spill going? Many dead?"