How much do you spend on a wedding gift?

Write them a check for what you're comfortable with. That kind of registry is nuts.

What in the world is listed in their registry? What happened to the days when you could buy a toaster and call it a day?

Where is the wedding? If it's in a large metropolitan area, write a check for $150 and don't go. Flyover territory, $100.

Agreed with R3, but if they are Jewish give an amount divisible by 18.

Fuck the registry. Greedy kids. Buy something YOU want to buy. Gift wrap it and that’s that. $50 is generous. Buy them his and hers gift cards from Starbucks. Seriously. A couple nights $25 dollar gift cards. Use some accumulated points to get them matching mugs or insulated cups.

Do you crochet op? A lap blanket would be nice, maybe you could find out their color scheme. I can knock out an afghan in a weekend, there are great tutorials on Youtube.

Depends. One wedding of a family member I didn’t approve of and knew was not going to last, so I went really cheap, but off the registry.

Sure enough, they broke up less than a month after the wedding - and didn’t return the gifts.

Glad I didn’t do my usual gift of a piece of hand engraved sterling. Even thinking about it now, my head starts getting hot…

A real registry will keep all price points open so that after the wedding, if you get 50 $35 sterling tea spoons, you can write out thank you notes for 50 sterling tea spoons. Then the store will nonrefund credit you $1750 to purchase as you see fit.

Miss Manners has always advocated for a “what you can afford” approach, with a thoughtful, had-written tote attached.

I go expensive for first weddings and first baby showers. But only for close friends and relatives. Otherwise, it’s solidly middle of the price range for gifts.

[quote] but if they are Jewish give an amount divisible by 18.

Uh, what?

If OP declines to attend due to a scheduling conflict, he wouldn't have to send a gift. A card or handwritten letter would be nice, though even that isn't required. OP only knows the couple's parents and he's not a relative -- under those circumstances, there's no need at all to give a gift unless he accepts the invitation.

Here, R11.

R6 I hope to god you aren’t serious.

One rule of thumb used to be to give at least as much as you think your place at the reception cost. If you decide to go (and you don't have to) and the reception (dinner, dancing) is part of the invite, $200 would probably be ok.

Thanks for the feedback everybody. It's nice to know that others share my perspective.

R8 I think that's an excellent point or idea and I'm going with it. I just saw price, number wanted and number purchased and considered it out of contention. Thanks!

OP

[quote] One rule of thumb used to be to give at least as much as you think your place at the reception cost. If you decide to go (and you don't have to) and the reception (dinner, dancing) is part of the invite, $200 would probably be ok.

$200 for one person sounds like a lot. $200 for a person + a guest sounds OK.

I never go to weddings. I just RSVP with regrets. People should not feel pressured into gifting or attending weddings for people they barely know.

Buy them an antique silver photo frame. You can get them for very reasonable prices and the silver is always worth it's weight. If you want to go the extra mile you can put a photo of the pair of them in it.

There's no law that you have to buy off the registry as far as I know.

$200 for one person is too much I would say.

Maybe just tell them that this year what with all of the conflict and suffering in the world, instead of buying wedding, birthday, Christmas gifts, you are donating the money to charitable organisations instead. Tell, them you are donating $500 to the flood relief in Pakistan. They will think you are kind and generous, a bit like Meghan Markle but with better dress sense.

You can then use the money that you would have spent on a gift to treat yourself to something you want, a present to yourself. If you are an honest person and feel a little guilty doing this, just drop €10 in a charity tin or give it to a homeless person.

Problem sorted…

Who are they, the Beckhams? Imho, it's outrageous and tasteless to demand this amount of money being spent on you. As was mentioned above: Give what you are comfortable with, and not more. 50 USD is definitely generous.

$200 has been the new $100 for quite a long time. People should of course give what they want and can. Is this a wedding with a DJ in a union hall, or is it a sit down dinner with stand-up passed hors d'oeuvres first, then dancing with a 9 piece live band in an event space or country club?

I do think the registries with options for cash for the honeymoon or downpayment on a house are pretty tacky. A sterling place setting or Scully and Scully stuff, perhaps.

If you had to buy plane tickets and book a hotel to attend their BIG DAY, THAT is their gift.

I'm glad to read that $1000 isn't the new $200 (formerly $100.)

It reminds me that an old friend (who is one of those who never lets a birthday go unannounced with time to buy a luxurious and thoughtful gift) has been dropping hints about a son's wedding a year away. Of course my gift when I got married: a card months after the fact. Fuck it, I've never met the son and we live on different continents. No gift.

There's no point asking DLers how much that should be, since we all make different salaries, and some people can well afford expensive gifts and some people cannot. Anyone who would be offended by a gift not being expensive enough (on their own behalf or anyone else's) is a greedy asshole who deserves to be punched and deleted.

If I don't really know a couple out of their 20s, I usually make a donation to a charity I think they might like--they get told a donation has been made in their name, but I make sure they are not told how much. Adults really do not need wedding gifts in they have both set up households already.

If they are in their twenties and/or are just starting out, I usually send them a reasonably-sized check ($100 if I don't know them well, more otherwise--I gave my sister's kids $500 each when they married).

Again: if anyone to whom you send a cash gift think it's not enough, they're assholes. Gifts should of course be freely given.

For their unrestrained greed I would give them a coupon for a McDonald's coffee.

R7, buying them Depends seems premature but yes, those are expensive.

Make a donation in their name to a charity, preferably one you can't bitch about. It will also strictly limit who they can complain to.

R28 that was excellent DL advice I followed last year when I didn't want to go to a distant old high-school friend's wedding.

After some deliberation, I sent £50 (roughly $58-60 depending on the conversion rate), which isn't much but is a lot to me as someone on a low-income and not much in savings, to a local Arts centre and foundation located near where we both went to school. It was gratefully received by the centre, and graciously received by the bride as far as I can tell by email though idk if irl she bitched about the gift or mocked it to others. Just sending cash or a cheque may have gone down better, who knows, but to me that felt tacky and impersonal.

Ultimately, I don't really care how it looks. I gave what I could safely afford in a thoughtful manner, in thanks for an invitation and as an apology for declining.

If you make a gift in genuine good faith that seems right to you, who can complain?

If the wedding were for people who want for nothing, then I would feel comfortable making s donation in their name. If it were for younger people starting out in life without a lot of money behind them, I would use their registry or send them a check or cash equivalent form.

I rarely have to deal with weddings or Bridezillas, so I usually just slipped cash or a gift card into the card and left it at that.

OP do you actually know the daughter well? If not, and given the fact that you’ve already considered making up a reason not to go, just don’t go. One of the benefits of getting older (I assume you’re 40+) is not going to things out of obligation and definitely not coughing up money for the privilege.

[quote] [R7], buying them Depends seems premature but yes, those are expensive.

But always appreciated as a gift!

The cheapest anything that's still available on their gift/furnish my home, registry.

You have given them the gift of fame, which is all they really wanted. OP. No need to show up or buy any single thing.

Gifts to charity are always a letdown to the recipient.

[quote] Gifts to charity are always a letdown to the recipient.

Which is why they're so much fun to give if you don't care about or don't like the recipients!

it's one of the few times in life where intentionally disobliging someone can be forgiven because in actually it is usually the correct ethical thing to do.

[quote]Make a donation in their name to a charity, preferably one you can't bitch about. It will also strictly limit who they can complain to.

"A donation in your name has graciously been made to the Human Fund."

R19 That's a good idea. My boyfriend is a photographer and takes great shots. He still gives me pictures in nice frames along with other gifts. He does for my mom and sister too. Pictures of my mom's dog and my sister and her boyfriend in good frames. They're always appreciated because people don't generally frame pics of themselves and their pets but everyone loves to have them. If they don't like the pic, they can put another one in the nice frame. $300 on a gift is fucking ridiculous and the balls someone must have to have a fucking registry...that alone offends me. It was one thing to have a china pattern that everyone could get you one piece from but having huge registry is just greedy to me.

I hate weddings to the point that I'd rather stay home and clean the bathrooms.

I can appreciate that, R40. With a few rare exceptions, I manage always to have travel plans.

I save myself for funerals which I much prefer, not to be rid of the deceased but for the candor and warmth of the attendees.

Weddings are just gossip and social cliques, funerals are truths laid bare.

Thank god, R12, and I'm taking your word as gospel. It's horrifying to me that someone is expected to send a gift for an event they're not attending.

“I’m going yo take them all back and get the money for them. Yiu can do that, you know.”