Let’s be Datalounge Channel original programming

Do these harem pants make me look skinny?

I'm the first Datalounge Channel Made for TV for Shut-ins and Basement Dwellers Movie, "Scent of a Woman: The Cheryl Story".

I'm Datalounge's eager young correspondent, on the ground and giving you all the news from north east Africa!

I'm the producer of a new show called "The Grease Fire Murders" about an evil older elder gay who gets back at deceitful lovers by inviting them for dinner, over-heating the cooking oil, and pushing them into the resulting grease fire.

I'm having a problem with locations because each time he kills someone he has to move.

I'm the DataLounge channel's network prime time special "Hilarious, guuurl!" This is the big show stopper being performed in a DollarTree "Don't Rain on my Pound Cake Parade."

r5 Meh. An old theatre queen, forgotten by Broadway... he's invisible to young gays, they only see a mouth, a dick, a hole and tries to tune out the rest. But when necessary, he transforms his looks, always appearing no less than twenty five years younger and may change apartments in his rent controlled building but never leaves the building, because like he's ever going to give that up.. murder or no.

I'm the competitor L channel that is little else than cat fighting reality series, interventions, competitive nutloaf bake offs and animal rescue shows. But every fifteen minutes I send out a PSA about how the DL is not funny. not funny at all.

I'm the Real Housewives of Sumer, obviously the hit of the season, and the millenium.

R1 Pic looks like Alan Carr in a caftan...

I'm the gay pron films which run non-stop from 10PM to 5:00AM 7 days a week. The only requirement to being on the network is the pron "actors" must all be "straight," a la Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher.

I am, by far, the most popular programming option on the DL network, because as we all know, straight guys really do dig the homosex.

"Reporting from a nude beach in southern California, this is Morgan Chesky."

I'm the popular game show "Gay or Bisexual?" where contestants are shown photos of good looking male celebs and must guess whether they are secretly gay or bisexual.

Contestants who incorrectly guess that the celebrity in question is indeed straight are ejected by host Michael Musto as the live studio audience chants "FRAU! FRAU! FRAU!"

"Flavors of Flyoverstan" - a travel show where the hosts Eric Stonestreet and Chrissy Metz visit a different chain restaurant every week after touring the other stores in the strip mall

I'm the other "gayme show" Guess My Age! Of course the answer is always 25!

It better be, you bitches!

I'm "Golden Goys" a show about four feisty non-Jewish Eldergays living in Wilton Manors, Florida

I'm "Not In Front Of My Salad" a reality show where gay men set out to seduce straight men while their wives or girlfriends are living in the same house. Each week a new gay is voted out of the house

I'm the frau programming that slowly takes over the channel and inevitably becomes hostile to the presence of the gay shows.

I'm Eldergay Jeopardy where the permanant categories are:

* 70s sitcoms

* 80s sitcoms

* Madonna,

* Liza

* Barbra

* Disco Hits

* Drinkie-poos

I'm the 12-part, 12-hour miniseries taking a deep dive into Aunt Diane.

Drinkie-poos for $10, Mayim! No, sorry, I actually wanted a $10 drinkie-poo.

I'm the reruns of the Golden Girls, Maude, Knots Landing, Dynasty, Falcon Crest, the Carol Burnett Show, Days of Our Lives and Charlie's Angels. Every episode is followed by an intense 16-man debate about every little detail broadcast, and the primary requisite to be able to participate is to look like this...

I’m Mickey Deane, the loyal assistant to the pseudo-celebrity.

May he Rest In Peace.

I'm "Datalounge Spotlight" where each episode takes a deep dive into the life of a minor celebrity, their siblings, cousins, high school friends and college frat brothers, attempting to suss out the real meaning of their latest Instagram post while talking trash about their 30 second cameo in a new Marvel movie.

Recent episodes featured Ben Barnes, Froy Gutierez, Sam Heugan, William O'Connor and Dylan Gleick

I'm the 17th documentary on the Dyatalov Pass Incident.

Hope we get the answer this time.

Looking at you R23

[quote] Let’s be Datalounge Channel [bold][italic]original programming

^^R22 not R23

I'm the game show "The Best Betty," in which contestants take turns reading for the role of Betty Broderick in Datalounge's upcoming $100 million miniseries.

Each week an aspiring Betty is "DIS-MISSED!"and her face slapped.

I'm the sponsors (commercials) lined up:

As Seen on TV

"I've Fallen and I Can't Get UP!" - Med Alert device

Reverse mortgage loan company

I'm the Vivian Vance Comedy Hour. I do it all, skits, song and dance, sendups of old Lucy episodes. And at the end of the show we take a poll of the audience on hot topics and current events, and I ALWAYS WIN! Next week, join me with my special guests, Linda Lavin and Bonnie Franklin!

[quote] I'm the 17th documentary on the Dyatalov Pass Incident.

What’s the Dyatlov Pass Incident?

I'm the gloryhole game show with the grand prize awarded to the lucky contestant that figures out 'Who Is The Russian Bot'

I'm the loosely true crimes stories that champion every female killer is a victim, every handsome lad can murder your hole and the audience poll that determines the real killer was probably trans.

Better than Star Trek!

r34 appropriation

I'm Catfishing hosted by Edwoon , where he demonstrates how to trick unsuspecting hardware store employees into sending him their naked pictures.

I'm Pastorina High Holly Titclamps and This is B'itching Hour, where we rain down hellfire on these unrepentant sodomites for their hatred of fish and share our nut loaves of inspiration. Let us sing our praises through the free bleeding canal of our earth mother. Come chil'ren, take of daily your bread and eat of my vaginal yeast .

I'm the reality competition "So You Think You Can Mince?".

[quote] I'm the reality competition "So You Think You Can Mince?".

Based on the UK version "Strictly Come Prancing".

"Project Caftan."

I'm the regularly scheduled programming that won't be seen tonight to bring you the DL Olympics... First up is the synchronized wine drinking, followed by the relay chain smoking race and finally, the backhanded compliment competition.

I’m FOLLIES 101. A carefully structured introductory program for the uninitiated dimwit, featuring a weekly discussion about this legendary production, by a group of those who saw the Original Cast many, many times.

Or so they say…

I'm The Emergency Broad casting System.. more annoying than that amber loot you have to break into root to sometimes eliminate from your phone.. I'm here to pause the porn segment and screech "But what about the women?!?!?" "Where's the women" "Why aren't you including women" "How dare you discuss women. No beefcake Ken doll could ever replace a man's frau" "Gay porn harms women! This is literal violence against women! This is exploitation. Gloria! Gloria! I want to sue" Thank you for your patience and we hope this delayed your orgasm to carry you through the rest of the film.

I’m “The Joel Show” starring Uncle Bottom. Mitzi appears in every episode but insisted upon a “Special Guest Star” credit.

I'm "Is It A Bee?" several decrepit ol' queens after sampling some pharmaceutical trail mix as they search the many rooms of a dark, twisted, sleazy fun house as they try to source out where the buzz is coming from without getting distracted along the way..

I'm The Real Gaywives of Fire Island. You must be able to shriek and scream like Diana just died to qualify.

Soon to be followed by the debut of The Real Gaywives of Palm Springs and The Realgay wives of Miami Beach.

I’m the Director for Original Content Creation, and I scream ‘MARY!’ Instead of ‘Cut’ at the end of a fabulous shoot

I'm the Datalounge Channel engineering department. I spend my days cleaning the tape heads on the channel's state of the art 486 PC operated Sony U-Matic robotic playout system.

I'm the made for DL tv gay remakes of vintage Hollywood classics. Included are 'Dial D for Dick'.....whose opening scene begins with a caftanned eldergay using a pencil to dial on a rotary phone. The dick in question belongs to some muscle called Joel.

I'm the internationally celebrated gameshow "Are you Smarter Than a Gen Zzz'er"

🚶🏿‍♂️ Darfur O starring in [italic] Dining on 40¢ a Day

I'm the lawsuit by numerous celebs upset that only the fraus are blowing smoke up their arses.

I'm Patti LuPone and I guest host every show because love me, hate me, at least you're still talking about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm Gays' Anatomy; Just What Is the Perfect Body?

Each week a bunch of overweight, pass their prime eldergays pick apart and criticise some hot young muscle stud just starting to make his name on Only Fans.

Each week's summary is= tattoos are bad, intact is better, alongside incidental observations like 'eurgh he's wearing socks', or 'gross, those curtains in the background are so basic'. The studs being rated never merit beyond 5/10, despite in reality being the equivalent of Greek gods.

I'm pitching some crime shows especially geared toward Dataloungers.

Tranny Killers.

He's Too Hawt to be a Muderer.

Non-binary Delusions: Guilty AND Not Guilty.

The Wife and Children Had it Coming.

Draining The Pasta Leads to Murder - A real life crime show focussing on murders that happend in the kitchen.

Crime of Fashion - Celebs put on the spot for past fashion crimes. A panel of judges deciding the appropriate punishment (usually, grease fire).

Why are Me So Stupid? - Reality TV show about DL's favorite troll Erna. Canceled after three episodes.

Next Hot Instaho Sensation - Reality TV Competition show of hot guys competing for the winning title while showing off their goods to the judges and the viewers.

Greg's Gourmet. 'Bite-sized' little cooking features of indescribable, bowel clenching recipes. Viewers are uncertain as to whether it's all a parody or to be taken seriously. A bit like Bob Ross's painting series.

Celebrity Weenie Roast, hosted by Johnny Weir and Tara Lapinski

From midnight to 8am endless loops of Cher's concerts.

I'm the 1% viewership the channel lost when it failed to feature Janet Jackson in 'The Top 20 Female Performers of All Time' documentary.

The Schock Group-A weekly political round table hosted by DL’s favorite former congressman Aaron Schock and featuring a rotating panel including, but not limited to, Lindsey Graham, Jim Kolbe, Larry Craig, Jim McGreevey and Sheila James Kuehl as the token lesbian.

MST3GAY-A gay man and his bitchy robots are forced to sit in a theater and critique various b movies.

Datalounge NFL Pregame Show

Two female high school gym teachers and their fathers give a preview of this week's games and who they're liking.

Each week celebrity guests like Ellen DeGneres, Rosie O'Donnell, Martina Navratalova, and Jodie Foster drop by to debate the girls and their dads

Search for the Mysterious.

Explores creatures believed by many on Datalounge to be merely fables or myths

First up:

Men who are 100% straight.

You Type Fat - Established writers crush Fraus' dreams of becoming writers themselves when they read parts of their fan or slash fiction to the writers and get judged accordingly.

You're a Whore, Darling - Drama series about a group of toxic gays who judge each other for everything, including wearing last season caftan couture.

Surprise Anal - Was it really rape-rape? Whoopi Goldberg hosting a show about cases where rape probably wasn't rape after all.

"Hissy and Prissy" a new drama series about the clash between Hisstopher Eldergate, Sioux Falls' most renowned interior decorator and his upstart rival, Aloysius Prisspôt who caters to the younger new money crowd..

Starring David Hyde Pierce as Hissy and Dan Levy as Prissy

"TWA"

Caitlyn Jenner and Elliot Page star as a flight attendant and pilot whose madcap adventures take them all over the globe as they search for love and acceptance.

R34 - Yikes. That was awful.. I can look past the offensiveness if it were at least clever and funny. As usual, Maya was the best thing in it.

Maya's song was similar to the types of music in Queer as Folk. Was that a subtle take on QAF as well. It seemed of a time and funny enough, R67.

Help Me, Please !

An informative, "all you need to know" talk show discussing everything and anything from "Earrings: gold or silver?" to "What's that thing growing on my ass?"

Hosted by DL's own "Authority on Everything" Dr. Jack Mehoff. Debuting September 5th, on the Peacock Channel*

* [bold] Subscription Required

I’m “Oh Dear!,” the delightful prime time gameshow where celebrities debate even the most minor of their grammatical errors.

This week’s guest panelists are Abe Vigoda and Brett Sommers, with host Chuck Barris, all deceased.

I'm BANGED! (2022), a lighthearted musical comedy starring Miss Helen Lawson as dickmatized prison guard Vicky White and Mr. Jon Hamm as Casey White.

Is They Dead Yet?

Anyone and everyone you think is dead or should be dead is examined in this new show.

Bag a Fag Hag

Each week ten women vie to be the best friend of a condescending, haughty, critical but hilarious, judgmental Gay Diva.

The women must jump through hoops to gain approval; shamelessly praise, admire, and tell every secret to win the bestie friendship and a fabulous trip to Palm Springs with the Gay Diva. Who knows if the friendship will last? Only the tabloids will tell!

I'm "Circuit Party Survivor!"

Cameras follow all the circuit parties with the dress codes, theme nights and slanderous gossip shared amongst party goers highlighted. We'll see the attempted chat ups and shoot downs, hook ups, copious drinks and recreational party drug usage. At the end of each episode there will be a tally of orgies, drunks/hook ups who got rolled by their tricks, wallets/keys/personal items lost, break ups, and sadly, ODs from unexpected fentanyl, and fresh monkey pox transmissions.

Josh Barro's Opinions.

That's it. Mondays at 6.

r65, I would watch the hell out of that

R45 = Patsy Stone, age 39

I'm the weekday afternoon series of cheap-to-buy syndicated sit coms:

1. Three's Company 2. Alice 3. Welcome Back Kotter 4. Soap

I am HISSLINE not to be confused with dateline NBC. 60 minutes of items from the week that made the standard Eldergay HISS!!! In disappointment

I’m the every Thursday evening 8 hour marathon of “Mommy Dearest”

I am Antiques Roadshow—the only program to come to this channel that is not original. There will be a special every weekend with commentary by DLs leading antiquing experts donning caftans of course!

^^^ I am the spinoff to Antiques Roadshow called “Mother’s Collections” featuring home-bound homely Eldergays trying to sell their Mother’s finest collectibles for funds to leave the basement.

I am former First Lady of New York Sandra Lee rebooting her “30minute meals” with the spin-off “Cocktail Hour: A Respectable Frau’s perspective on Happy Hour”

I'm 'Tell Me You're... ...(Without Telling Me You're).....", a highly competitive gameshow in which contestants respond to questions with answers that reveal something about them.

Similar in premise to 'What's My Line?' but with the added unintentional hilarity that gay guys are compulsive liars, thus defeating the purpose of the show.

After "Mother's collection" It's Dr. Laurie.

I mean Dr. Lori.

I'm 'Present Hola!' a travel show that takes you to places in deepest, darkest Latin America no other programme would go.

I'm the revival of Mama's Place updated with and an all LGBTQIA cast. Sorta like that last Tales in the City.

I'm "Whose Line is it Anyway?" a place where we resolve deep and pressing conflicts between roommates, friends, family when somebody's stash goes missing.

I'm "Girls Gone Fishing" - In which two fraus visit gay bars around the world in hopes that a handsome lad will tell her she's pretty.

I'm Carole Pope and this is "Rough Trade" the, ahem, "dating" show that introduces local escorts to eldergays with disposable income.

"Meet the Priss"

Each Sunday morning, four absolute cunts go through the week's tabloids, saying the most slanderous, bitchy, and cruel things imaginable about the celebrities inside the papers.

The most popular segment is called "Rip Her to Shreds, Ladies."

I'm "Reel Around The Fountain" - a show that brings multiple generations together to discuss their experiences growing up, blame each other for the problems with the current society and then hate fuck.

I'm "Momma's Place," a remake of "Mama's Family."

The credit sequence involves Momma going out in front of her trailer to pick up the paper, caftan a-twitching, and framed photos on the sideboard serve as credits for the supporting cagemeat players.

I am the "Data Lounge" APP on the App Store, Google Play, Apple TV, Roku, and Firestick giving you streaming indulgences in above said programs. "We are the app for gays under 65 to enjoy content in modern delivery services (as no one has cable anymore).

I am the Noon "Dish the Tea" News segment. Our motto is "We make MSNBC look like Fox with how left we are!"

^^^ I am the Rescue-Chick Friday Noon Pet Adoption Hour

I am the Tuesday Evening Tori Amos Block from 5pm-midnight.

I am the Sunday obscure programming from 3am-5am which is the "Russian Troll Boris Vodka Extravaganza" block which gives our resident Russian Trolls time to curate their bait to unexpectant viewers.

I am that all-gay remake of Absolutely Fabulous that DL Channel has been promoting for months. I work great on paper, everyone tells me I'll be a hit, I know all the elements are there and fabulous but honestly ... yeah, I suck.

[quote] I am the Rescue-Chick Friday Noon Pet Adoption Hour

I am the annoying gay co-host who asks of every pet "Is it a rescue [insert pet type here]?"

(I am totally stealing this from another thread because, dammit, this NEEDS to happen):

I'm "Murder at Michfest!" Boundaries won't save you, and squirrels aren't the only things that equal Death!

I’m “Boundaries” a Saturday morning call in program that airs at 3AM hosted by retired high school girls volleyball coach Meg Phillips. Accompanied by her emotional support, rescue pit bull Max, this show is reminiscent of the old public access call in shows. The show is popular amongst drunk twinks who prank call Meg asking about nutloaf, football, Subaru maintenance and her memories of working garbage detail at Michfest.

I'm "Have You Found a Treasure?", a knock-off of "Antiques Road Show."

I'm the public affairs program C-HISS.

"Go ahead, Bruce from Key West, Florida."

"I'd like to know just who Miss Lindsey Graham thinks she IS."

"Hissy Fit" - It's like Googlebox, but with basement dwelling DLers watching all sorts of entertainment.

"Joey, Do You Like Movies About Gladiators?" A special movie night feature of the week, hosted by, who else, Kevin Spacey.

"Viper's Nest" - A game show where players have to outwit and outbitch their competition. The host is ... drumroll ... Anderson Cooper (Andy Cohen respectfully declined the hosting gig).

I'm Love Island- Gay Edition.

In theory, this is the perfect platform for viewers to get an insight into the psyche of the gay male. Producers are initially thrilled at the prospect of drama whereby couples might split or cheat.

In reality, the dozen gay male contestants rotate fuck their way through the group. EVERYONE gets ploughed by everyone else. No relationship is under threat as these guy only signed up for a few weeks of sunbathing and screwing.

There is a modicum of drama on day 2 when a Madonna vs Janet debate kicks off. It's quickly quelled by a five way.

No role for Andy Cohen?

R110, at the afterparty there is.....

On the DLC (DataLounge Channel), in order to boost ratings, producer Muriel makes room for a one-hour daily series which features the comical duo of Alex Jones protege Paul Joseph Watson and Larry, a bitter caftan-wearing 60-something ElderGay from upstate New York. Each topic covered relates to their shared belief that the root of all evil can be traced back to the trans community. As they trash the T, enjoy their fun banter whilst Larry shoots the still young and yummy Paul with looks of uncontainable desire. Their most popular subjects of course will be women's sports rules, the worldwide agenda to trans all children, and, of course, women's bathrooms! For their premiere episode, to kick things off, they'll feature a half-hour interview with celebrated author J.K. Rowling. Stay tuned!

Hall Monitor! 1 hour show without any content, just our favorite host pointing the mistakes of others and what's wrong with their shows.

This host also join the panels about movies and TV just to mention he never watched them and it's not planning to do it.

Sunday Brunch Sewing. Sew with our gay and lesbian experts donning caftans and having mimosas. Booze and needles? What could possibly go wrong?

“Grammar Police!” A weekday morning show dedicated to showing the younger gaylings proper grammar to foster a new generation of grammar nazis.

I'm 4 talks shows hosted by post-menopausal women

Responding to years of threads on its online platform on the subject, DLC created “The Openers,” in which an experienced team of polyamorists guides gays in LTRs though the ins and outs of an open relationship.

I'm the weekly current events game show called "What Would Susan Dey Say?", which has a "Jeopardy" format

Where panelists try to match a possible Susan Dey reaction to breaking news events, for example:

MC: "Aussie bitch stole my part in the movie 'Grease'"

Panelist: "What is the death of Olivia Newton-John?"

I'm the DataLounge version of "World's Funniest Home Videos" called - "World Funniest Secretly Recorded Spy-Cam Videos of Hot Straight Guys"

One of the stars and most frequent contributors is an elderly gay man who is constantly submitting videos of his neighbor's son Joel.

i.e. "Here's a video I secretly recorded of Joel horsing around at the condo pool with some of his Water Polo buddies, when one of his friends decides to sneak up behind Joel and pull down his swim trunks!"

"You're just going to die fapping...I mean laughing!"

I'm the Helen Lawson Anthology Series, where Helen stars in a series of short drama/comedy stores, recorded live.

The show begins well-enough, but the network begins bleeping Helen as she gets progressively drunker and more abusive in each episode...

"Get outta my camera angle, you *bleep, bleep, bleep*!"

"Listen, you *bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep", just because you *bleep, bleep, bleep* doesn't mean you can run my show.!"

The show eventually becomes a series a constant bleeping tones that disturbs viewers pets.

But the show has turned out to be a huge hit as viewers compete on social media to speculate about what specific horrific slurs Helen is using in the show that are being censored....

The show is always eventually ends with the screen "We Interrupt This Program Due to Technical Difficulties."

^ One week, I'm sure I saw Helen call an extra a "fat spic whore donkey"...which is actually pretty creative if you don't think about how offensive it was.

I'm the "Golden Girls Re-watch Show", where fans discuss specific episodes of "The Golden Girls".

It always ends in two fat caftan-wearing queens screaming at each...

[quote] I saw Helen call an extra a "fat spic whore donkey"

Was she at the JLo-Ben wedding?

To build on R42’s contribution, I’m “Working For A Nice Man, like a Ziegfeld or a Weismann", a reality show competition seeking stars for a new production of Stephen Sondheim’s “Follies”.

Years from now, a former producer will release a memoir about the unmitigated disaster its limited run was. Its title – you guessed it, DLers – will be “Losing My Mind”.

I'm "CAGEMEAT CAGEWARS," a show in the tradition of kick boxing where two currently incarcerated male criminals must battle each other within the confines of a prison cell for 8.5 minutes while Mama watches. When time is up, each contestant then must dry hump Mama for thirty seconds while an electronic, vibrator-like device called the Mussy Meter is calculating the number of twitches Mama experiences in her mussy for that 30 seconds. The one who inspires the most twitches wins a pack of Marlboro reds, an entire box of Little Debbie crumb cakes, and a stack of conjugal visit coupons with Mama redeemable ANYTIME, baby. ANYTIME...ANYWHERE....

I'm 'Cooking with Darfur Orphan'. You'd be surprised what you can do with a palmful of rainwater and goat excrement!

^^Prunes too R126

From the Datalounge Channel engineering department: here's how we clean and align that robotic wall of 3/4" Sony U-Matic VCRs hidden behind the master control room. We meticulously adjust our decks until he picture is soft and floppy, the colors are muted...and we wouldn't bring you our fine programming any other way!

Real Housefraus Of Flyoverstan

Each week we follow the mundane lives of five middle-aged, middle-class women in middle America as the cradle their mugs and anxiously await pumpkin spice latte season.

DLers love to savage the housefraus after the show

Sample comments include

"Who puts vinegar in potato salad???"

"She think just because she brings in brownies for her office favorites no one will realize what a massive cunt she is!"

"I don't care what was on sale at Target! Those capri pants are just not flattering on her!"

I'm pitching a show entitled "Brevity is the soul of wit, my friends."

I stopped reading at "I'm pitching".

[quote]It always ends in two fat caftan-wearing queens screaming at each other...

This is probably the case with every show on the DL Channel.

I am a remake of "Point / Counterpoint", with a circle of caftan wearing gays debating everything from cooking to politics and fashion. Some zingers include "die in a grease fire", or "its sooooo bougie to rinse your pasta". This will end in tears.

Svenghoulie presents a brand new DL Weekly Classic HorrorFest, debuting Saturday, September 3rd, featuring DL's fave cult classic, 👩🏼‍🎤 [italic] House of Frauenstien.

R126 Guess you didn't catch that I've had a real job as a Covid-19 tracer in the village of Darfur for the past two years. Pays pretty well and now I can afford real goat milk cheese, and Beekeman's Goat Milk Hand Cream (I like the Fresh Air fragrance) for my dry, cracked hands. All that hand washing and sanitizing is a bitch.

If the DL Channel is up for new programming featuring "The Days and Nights of A Covid Tracer, I'm willing to consider negotiation$. Email me at DarTracer13@gmail.com.

Yes, that's me, #TheRealDarfurO, @R135.

refrigerator and the loaf of bread : the evening drama that SHOOK THE WORLD

This Will End In Tears - Reality TV show about gay wedding planners dealing with straight, gay, lesbian and trans Bridezillas and their grooms.

"Drop the T"

Jaclyn Moore hosts this game of trivia, trans, and trap doors!

The winner gets xir choice of top or bottom surgery and a photo feature in Pink News UK!

Something for the Baby gays, Romper Room with Miss Chasten.

Sunday nights have never been this frightful since the debut of the true crime shockumentary, Dark Lesbians. Sandra Bernhardt narrates, whilst providing insight into the machinations of the women featured. (Despite the content advisory, Dark Lesbians may be required to move to a Friday evening time slot, due to recurring nightmares, lost sleep, and unproductive Mondays.)

DL's Lesbian constituency are not amused. Despite the girlcott, Dark Lesbians shall prevail.

DL Channel's very own unique take on "Who Do You Think You Are" will not tackle ancestry, but rather identity. The programme aims to humanise the struggles of Enbys, Bisexuals, Transpeople, Questioners, and everyone in between.

Our first guest may come as a surprise to some viewers. Barbara Broccoli shares her struggle to come to terms with being bisexual, and having been horn Broccoli. From the heart, Barbara explains "I've never really identified as Broccoli, in fact, I cannot even stand the smell of the stuff!" Barbara goes on to explain she's always only loved Cauliflower out of all the cruciferous vegetables. She wishes to be now known as Barbara Cauliflower. Her pronouns shall remain the same.

Horny broccoli.

In the tradition of Bob Ross, I'm "Painting with Prickaso."

Shady Pines, Ma! - DLC's latest game show where eldergays compete with their moms for prizes and a place for a retirement home. Is your mother still alive and you like fun games? Contact us at ShadyPines_audition@DLC.com

R143 Those bloody typos. Meant to type having been born Broccoli. Bisexuals do seem extra randy, so it worked out well in the end anyhow.

Presenting Hole - DLC's nerd show where a panel of LGBTQ+ geeks point out the giant plot holes of movies and TV shows. Ruining your childhood one plot hole at a time.

I'm the young DL intern staring at my phone and about to present Miss Lucille Ball with a cup of lukewarm coffee...

I never got a chance to pitch this to Goodson and Todman before they died. It's a game show tentatively titled "A Taste of Honey". Rent boys from Los Angeles, San Francisco, Atlanta, and New York will taste semen samples and try to match them to celebrities they've had sex with.

Listerine, Summer's Eve, and Tide with Extra Stain Remover are all interested in sponsoring.

R142, Might I suggest a title ?

🤔 [bold] WHO In The Fuck Do You Think You Are ?

A co-production in partnership with PBS called "Why Aren't I a Gay Icon By Now???". A six-part series featuring DL favorite, Susan Richardson giving pointers to Meghan Markle on how to be a successful Gay Icon. The only hitch? Meghan is not allowed to blame anyone in the Royal Family for her failure to become a Gay Icon.

R150 APPROVED, 💯% ❗️

I'm the #1 Soap opera on television every weekdsy afternoon at 12:30p Eastern -

The Hung and the Restless

My fave is "Who should be the star?" where a bunch of Data Lounge anonymous regulars gather to debate who should star in the movie created from something currently in the news. The newest debate: Who should be the star of The FBI raids Mari Lago.

Wake up with an exhilarating morning Facial!

I'm the post Oscars discussion show. Rather than reflect on this year's winners, a bunch of eldergays speculate on what might have been if say, Shelley Winters had played Anne Bancroft's role in The Miracle Worker.

Or which actresses popular in the 1960s should be cast in a remake of The Women.

I'm The show DL Sociopaths, an hour of caftan clad queens laughing hysterically and making fun of.all of the innocent children and other people who suffered and died during the last week.

I’m ‘Can you pass?’, the reality competition show for trans identifying persons. Each week the least convincing trans is eliminated.

In 12 seasons there has never been a winner.

Jaclyn Moore has the distinction of being the first eliminated in every season to date.

"Not Our Kind Dear"

Set in 1953, this drama follows the lives of the Toppingham clam--Biff and Bunny and their teenage children Trip and Muffy--as they navigate postwar changes to their idyllic upper middle class world of country clubs, cocktails and debutante balls.

In the series premier, conflict is set in motion when the spiteful widow next door sells her home to the DiPassivos, a Roman Catholic dentist and his family of eight children.

DL message boards light up after every episode as posters debate the authenticity of the decor, the wardrobes and the activities, ignoring the fact the series is set 70 years in the past.

I'm the morning programming block of reruns:

8:00am Bewitched

8:30am Bewitched

9:00am The Golden Girls

9:30am The Golden Girls

10:00am I Love Lucy

10:30am Designing Women

11:00am Murder, She Wrote

12:00pm Password

12:30pm Hollywood Squares

R160, is that the Paul Lynde/Peter Marshall Hollywood Squares, or the John Davidson/Shadoe Stevens Hollywood Squares?

"Madonna versus Janet". Panel of mentally unstable queens discussing about their geriatric divas.

I am Dougs Hideaway, I am the semi-autobiographical story of a sexually confused fourteen-year-old growing up amongst weekly visits to his Biggoted self-loathing uncle (Played by Rip Taylor) My aunt(Played by Divine), and the Gay bar he owns. The clientele of mechanics and road workers, My uncle's side piece Jimmy and the muscle hunk who lives upstairs.

Next up we have A travel show starring a hairy, hot, fit/fat chef. Stephen shows us fine dining and the wild nightlife of the cities he visits. After each episode, he pulls over to the side of the road, whips out his 8-inch cock, and strokes out a hot thick load. Load volume is determined by the time he had.

Oh, definitely Marshall/Lynde, R161. And the Wayland and Madame later years as well. The Davidson 80s version was low on gay IMO. Joan Rivers and Jim J Bullock were around, but not consistently.

Momma's Mussy - The groundbreaking comedy drama series of Momma hiding hot and sexy cage meat in her home from the officials. But are the escaped prisoners really better off in Momma's hot, wet mussy (as she calls her house ... and pussy)?

I'm the caftan-upholstered casting couch.

"The Floor Is Feces"

CSI Fire Island.

You won't believe some of the convoluted ways these gay freaks meet their 'end'. A sedate night might be 'death by dildo'.

"To Tell the Trick"

"Open your affidavits and read along with me, panel.

'I, Nathan Formertwink, met director Bryan Singer when I was 17 and just off the bus in Hollywood. He took me back to his place for a party with fellow directors Gus Van Sant and Roland Emmerich. The three of them took turns snorting ketamine off my taint and penetrating my every orifice on a pool lounger. Bryan said I was the tightest he ever had. I was later given a small role in The Usual Suspects, but my part ended up on the dressing room floor. As did I. Signed, Nathan Formertwink.'

"And there you have it. We'll start the questioning with Kitty Carlisle."

Every Monday night join DL’s own rescue-chick as she hosts “Masterpaws Theatre”. Each week, various movies, tv shows and plays are recreated with shelter pets. First up, “Golden Growls”. All pets featured are up for adoption.

I’m the multi-thousand dollar deal that just secured exclusive rights to broadcast Michfest for the next 10 years. Get set for wall to wall coverage each summer, anchored by Meredith Baxter and a Bea Arthur hologram.

I'm the game show "Trap, Gash, 'Tash" where it's up to you to figure out if our special guest is a trans, lesbian or just a fat man.