Best Places for Gays to live

Yonkers

OP, you do realize that NYC leads in cases of gays getting "bashed in the head". .

I wrote this in another post, but despite it's problems,SF is the best place in the world to just be a gay man - there are gay men everywhere, which is so cool. Gay men smile on the streets, it's like a place where you could actually experience those heteronormative cliches like meeting a man in the grocery store. LA is extremely gay friendly, but it's massive and it's concentrated where SF just feels a gay city.

I'm from LA, lived in London, and now SF - there is just no city where being gay is the celebrated norm in a major city. Last night the Salesforce tower glowed pride stripes just because. I think it's pretty cool.

You must be careful everywhere (I grew up in Berkeley, CA), but I'd guess most college towns that have a large, public university. Eugene, OR, Columbus, OH, Ann Arbor, MI, whereverthefuck they put Penn State, PA, etc.. Don't bother with Red States, except maybe Utah because Mormons tend to be non-violent and amazing in bed. New England. Canada.

Weho.

Hard left gays should stick to Boystown and WeHo.

London. Even the straight people are gay.

oh please OP, stop playing the victim - you have the right and the ability to live anywhere you please and you should exercise it without letting straight people determine what you do.

Having grown up near boys town and now in SF, I think the difference is that WeHo is for the young and that is more apparent than ever post pandemic when the last of small, low key gay dive bars died, In SF, all those small divey, inclusive bars still exist. WeHo is very, very small, whereas SF is a real city. I think Palm Springs is a gay small town that is perfect for eldergays who want the gay scene of WeHo or any city, but small town life and conveniences. I would say the metric is, can you hold hands with your partner everywhere and not feel threatened. If you can't, it's not one of the best places for gays to live, even if it is gay friendly. Are there resources? SF was first to start vaccinating for Monkey Pox and set the trend. Easy access to free testing, gay health and prep?

R9- That would be a good problem for me- Worrying about whether a particular town is safe for me to hold hands with my THEORETICAL boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend so I wish I had that kind of problem 😕

I get it R10 and I am single too so I hear you, but theoretically a city that would rank as truly a best place for gay men, would include men getting the same rights and privileges as everyone else, which includes getting to be affectionate with your partner in public w/o having to watch your back.

San Diego

Lawrence, Kansas, a little island of blue and home to KU.

Small cities

God, those poor cities^. “Queers” destroying them. Stick to WeHo, a criminal, prostitution, drug infested cesspool.

I want to move out of the city and move to someplace where I can have a small yard for my dog to play in. I'm tired of the traffic, crowds and noise. I'd love to live in a smaller city with a nice university, which is close enough to a major city. I can drive to the city for entertainment, shopping, airport whenever I want, but I wouldn't have to put up with city life.

[quote] I think Palm Springs is a gay small town that is perfect for eldergays who want the gay scene of WeHo or any city, but small town life and conveniences

Same can be said for Wilton Manors, FL, which is a far gayer city than Palm Springs.

But, it's in Florida.

Wilton Manors looks scrubby as fuck, sun-baked concrete and sad little post-WWII retirement houses on poured slabs, the interiors always look like the place was barely renovated from its former use as a low rent dental clinic. To get anything on the waterway or canals or whatever they are, it's $1.75M or more for a barely better house, just water access and better landscaping. It's a sad landscape.

I'll be a typical DLer and state something without first hand knowledge. I'm from CA, but have been to FL as a kid and thought Palm Beach (island) was gorgeous, Miami sexy, and Ft. Lauderdale to be nice. It's still FL, which ranks Wilton Manners, a place I have never been, below Palm Springs. Aside from being in FL, there is also the humidity and hurricanes of it all to contend with. It's an easy to drive to LA and LA is just better than anything in FL.

If you think LA gays are airheads, just WAIT until you get to Florida.

Brighton, England. Though no direct experience.

R16 - that's exactly what I want too. When I first moved here to London, Eng. in 1988 it was a very calm liveable city. Tons of space. Now it's time to move on.

NYC was a very good city for gays when I lived there in the 80s...even during the AIDS hell. People were in general extremely and genuinely liberal minded. I'd be sorry to hear that is no longer so.

Paris (The Marais)

Claremont, CA

Pasadena, California. Next door to LA but a much different mindset. More intellectual. Old money; surprisingly some very stubborn pockets of WASP-yness. Very diverse. Gorgeous city in a gorgeous setting - though it is hot in August and September.

Very liberal, very gay friendly, but everyone there values discretion.

You can say the same for La Canada Flintridge ($$$), San Marino ($$$$), and Sierra Madre ($$). I've heard Arcadia and Monrovia have biggish lesbian communities but your mileage may vary.

Seattle

[quote] I've heard Arcadia and Monrovia have biggish lesbian communities but your mileage may vary.

Arcadia is chock full of lesbians.

I hope hard left and hard right gays stick to Texas or California.

Or Florida.

Seattle is quite gay friendly.

NY is a shithole.... for everyone.

What era are you living in, R24? Pasadena is heavily Latino and Sierra Madre has become predominately wealthy Asians.

R31 - in 2019 Pasadena was 34% Hispanic, 38% "White alone", 17% Asian, 5% "black alone" - It is very diverse, by any standard, and that's something to be applauded. In 2010 the racial makeup of Sierra Madre was 82.1% White (72.3% Non-Hispanic White).

But the category is best places for GAYS to live. Not whites. Do keep up!

The sleeper is Long Beach, Ca, You actually get a nice condo for your million dollars on or very near the beach.

If being able to hold hands with your same-sex partner/spouse is your criteria, nothing can beat Provincetown. Sure it's ridiculously expensive and desolate in the winter, but being gay is as normal there as breathing.

R34, I love Ptown, but I could never live there during the winter. It's very cold and deserted. If you are prone to depression, then it's not a good place to live during the winter months.

r35, agreed.

I like Long Beach but it does feel very blue collar.

Same here r16

[Quote] I'd love to live in a smaller city with a nice university,

But i think I'll go rural - within easy driving distance from a smaller city. I'm planning a country retreat that i will gradually ease into making it my full-time residence.

[quote]But i think I'll go rural - within easy driving distance from a smaller city. I'm planning a country retreat that i will gradually ease into making it my full-time residence.

Without meaning to be critical I always find it interesting in DL threads about planning for aging, posters are often adamant about not moving outside the U.S. because they might have to pay for their own health insurance, or that they don't want to be far from an airport should a relative take I'll, or be too far from medical services.

But they embrace the idea of moving out to the sticks where no one can hear their last gasp; where it's a 4.5-hour drive to a regional airport;where it would take 45 minutes to get an ambulance around.

Having lived in the sticks and loved it, it's not where I would want to end my days. A little garden in the city or a view over a park would do nicely in old age I think.

*take ill

Wilton Manors = ugly, sad trashy Palm Springs. The Florida version of California.

Montreal except for the freezing part.

Minneapolis/St Paul is pretty decent.

North.

In the US, wherever a good proportion of the populace has a college degree is generally a safe bet.

R39 - A relative got hit with a bill for $78,000 for a helicopter flight to a hospital from their house out in nowheresville.

East St. Louis

Ouch, R46. (And if you want to astound your European friends, tell them that story which they will find genuinely incredible.)

Americans love their cars and hate the idea of living with neighbors within earshot or visual range. And they also have the idea of 'getting back to nature and rural living' and simple life at the most vulnerable point in their adult lives when, in their Golden Years, their bodies begin to fail them, when they can't drive, can't look after themselves, and their independence is at the mercy of others.

It used to be not uncommon for farm people to move into a small house in town and relinquish the family farm to whatever children took on that responsibility, aware it would seem that cars and tractors and front and back stairways and large houses and gardens were escaping their grasp. Now people who have lived whole lives in cities and suburbs want to chuck it all in for a simple life in the middle of nowhere, hours from their children and friends, dependent on distant neighbors noticing that the lawn hasn't been cut in a week or that the dog from down the road showed up in the yard looking starved.

There's nothing wrong with taking up country life at an advanced age, so long as you have a plan not to become trapped and at the mercy of people you don't really even know.

It's obvious, but in terms of the number of gay men and amount of gay nightlife there is nothing that compares to NY. Truly no better place to live it up as a gay man.

Gay women can blend in and are usually accepted anywhere

[quote]It's obvious, but in terms of the number of gay men and amount of gay nightlife there is nothing that compares to NY. Truly no better place to live it up as a gay man.

Is it 1978 in here?

Have you never been to Madrid, for example? Sao Paolo, for example? Berlin, for example? (The first two regularly have pride events of 3.5M and 2.5M, and huge numbers of gay men and nightlife.) NYC gay nightlife has been positively quaint for ages. If I try to subdue expectations of European friends expecting a rich array of wild and decadent nightlife choices in NYC, they never believe it can be so barren and boring until they are back home saying, 'you were so right.'

It's a good place to be gay, of course, and a great city, but a world epicenter of gay nightlife and ẗruly no better place to live it up as a gay man.'? That's nuts.

Tel Aviv

This thread has been about American r51, which is the spirit my post was meant in.

I agree there are some other cities in the globe that can compete with NY. Though don't undersell NY, it still goes hard particularly if you are aware of the parties which is where the coolest night life is rather than just the bars.

It's the big city or the country for me. The in between has an the disadvantages of both and the advantage of neither.

Sorry, R53. You're right, despite the vague title the thread started off on an American foot and I wrongly overlooked that in my response.

NYC is a great city, there are loads of gay men, but I still think the (public) nightlife is on the sad side. And of course one-off parties and private parties and other non-bar events often outshine bar offerings, but that's no less true in Berlin, or Madrid, or London, or... NYC is a great place for gays to live, I'm just not convinced that "the amount of gay nightlife" is a big selling point outside the U.S. (back to the root of my mistake!)

Hey, [R16] -- when do we marry and how soon can we leave?

I'm still shocked at how open gays are in SF and I'm from NYC.

When I first visited SF years ago, I saw gay couples holding hands publicly. Men would greet each other with a kiss publicly.

NYC still isnt there except for a few areas. Around the same time in NYC, I kissed a date good night on the street in front of a restaurant. A big straight guy who saw us through the window from inside the restaurant got very angry at the public kiss and headed outside to confront us (yes, straight male toxicity). We got out of there fast.

[quote]I'm still shocked at how open gays are in SF and I'm from NYC.

[quote]When I first visited SF years ago, I saw gay couples holding hands publicly. Men would greet each other with a kiss publicly.

Seems bizarre that it's a rare thing. Try Europe where your straight males friends will kiss you as well as your gay friends.

[quote] a rich array of wild and decadent nightlife choices

I'm thinking that the percentage of gay men who find that a major selling point gets smaller with each passing year

I'm no longer interested in nightlife. I'm not interested in museums and cultural events either having spent my life in them. I prefer home cooked meals with friends. I don't need the city as much as i did when i was younger.

Burlington Vermont

There's basically three types of places that most of us have lived in over the years.

Big cities - with the top tier being the likes of NYC, LA, Chicago etc. The sheer diversity of those places usually provides safety in numbers and/or anonymity, although as shared above, anti-gay attacks can and do happen.

Second tier sized cities (Denver, Minneapolis, Cleveland, so on) can also be relatively safe - bashing unlikely but proceed with caution.

Then you have what a professor of mine called "cosmoburbs." These are either very progressive medium sized towns or suburbs. Many are related to a university being nearby, so there are sane, educated people. Think Ann Arbor, Madison WI, Boulder, CO, and the like. Or a place like Long Beach, as mentioned above, which isn't a huge city but still has a diverse population.

Pluses: these places are usually very gay friendly, with gay community everywhere. And if near a college, lots of hot guys. You can probably find a medium sized town like this in most areas of the country. Minuses: these places are almost always surrounded by not very friendly places, so you don't have to go far out of town to run into an asshole or ten.

And then the third kind of place is the gay mecca: Palm Springs, Wilton Manors, Saugatuck and Provincetown. Pluses: very safe feeling, surrounded by gays. Minuses: most of the gays are eleventy years old, and unless you are, too, you probably can't afford to live there.

LA is my choice. SF & NY are great but they are gritty cities where you can't" escape" it --- hear me out:

SF & NY are dense, urban, and foot traffic/mass transited oriented. Dealing with people head on is a reality. Even with those who have cars, there is auto-inertia and over time you acclimate to your 5-10 surroundings. Everything else becomes a hassle so you end up "trapped."

LA is car-oriented and spread out. You can drive a few hours and escape your hood, or even the city and CA for that matter. Obviously, you need a car and there is traffic, but the option is there.

When was the last time you heard a New Yorker or San Franciscan say "Yeah, I took a nice day trip out to...."

^ 5-10 block surroundings

[quote] When was the last time you heard a New Yorker or San Franciscan say "Yeah, I took a nice day trip out to...."

Do you live under a great big rock R63?

San Franciscans are forever taking day trips to Napa and Sonoma and heading north towards Russian River

And New Yorkers can escape to the Hamptons, Catskills, Hudson Valley or Berkshires in less than three hours

[quote]Or a place like Long Beach, as mentioned above, which isn't a huge city but still has a diverse population.

Long Beach has more people than Miami, Minneapolis, Tampa, New Orleans, Cleveland, Orlando, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, and Buffalo. And it's part of the second-largest metro area in the country.

MISS R66 HAS STATED HER BOUNDARIES!

Laguna Beach - extremely gay friendly, beautiful beaches, gay beach and the weather is perfect

R66 - living in San Pedro with dreams of making it over the bridge.

Laguna Beach hasn't been a gay beach for 20 years.

FFS R70 - - that hasn't happened yet, okay?

This is Datalounge and it is still 1987

Charleston

Pyongyang

Charlottesville

[quote]You actually get a nice condo for your million dollars on or very near the beach.

If you want to spend a million dollars on a condo. My cousin lives in Long Beach, they have bars on the windows.

^ And that's the nice part, by the beach...

Just move to Waikiki and buy a condo for $600 off Kuhio (our friend just sold his there - one block away from Bacchus)

NO SUCCINCT ANSWERS.