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Mindy Kaling: ‘I didn't know I was so unattractive until I was the star of my own show’

Mindy Kaling’s life has come full circle.

The groundbreaking writer, actor and producer, 43, is opening up about how she still deals with grief following the death of her mother and how parenting two kids on her own has given her a new perspective on work-life balance.

While speaking to Marie Claire on a range of topics — motherhood, mental health, her successful career — for its "Wellness Issue," Kaling discussed the experience of losing her mother to pancreatic cancer in 2012, and recalled trying to mask the emotional turmoil by “working 14, 16, hours a day.”

“I can only describe it as just anguish for two years,” she said of that time. It ultimately became too much to bear on her own, which is why she decided to seek the help of a therapist — though, admittedly, it required her to unlearn cultural biases from her South Asian upbringing.

“If someone you knew or someone in your family or extended family was seeing a therapist or seeing a psychologist or going on medication or anything like that, it was seen as a real problem, a real sadness [or] tragedy for a family,” she explained. “That's just the way that I was raised — [like] the other Indian people around me… [Families] try to deal with it through closed doors and certainly not by asking someone outside of your family or outside of the community for help with that.”

“I don't want my kids to grow up that way. And I don't wanna be that way for myself,” she said of breaking the cycle. “Ultimately, it's about efficiency. I think you can get things done more if you're able to talk to the right people about the things going on in your life. I remember thinking, This is extremely helpful, but this would have even been helpful when I was younger, when I had issues.”

“Life is so hard,” she added. “And I don't think you should just have to depend on friends and family to get you through those things.”

Therapy, she says, has also helped her understand where her priorities should lie, as a single mother of two children: Katherine, 4, and Spencer, 1.

“I think in my twenties I was only focused on, Okay, I don't want to get fired. I want to be successful, and I was only thinking about myself,” she said. “In no way was I thinking about things that are the most important to me now, which is my health, holding the door open behind me for other people… I kind of lived a way more selfish existence, which is also boring… [Now] I'm surrounded by so many more people. My immediate family, obviously, with my children, but also this community of young women on my show.”

When reflecting on her choice to have kids on her own in her late-thirties, the Never Have I Ever producer said that it was one of the smartest — and most mature — decisions she’s made in her life.

“I waited until I had the means and that made all the difference,” she explained of motherhood. “The choice to have a child — by yourself, on your own terms — it was the best part of my life… It's the thing that I hope women feel confident doing by themselves.”

“I wish every 19-year-old girl would come home from college and that the gift — instead of buying them jewelry or a vacation or whatever — is that their parents would take them to freeze their eggs,” she later advised. “They could do that once and have all these eggs for them, for their futures… to focus in your twenties and thirties on your career, and yes, love, but to know that when you're emotionally ready, and, if you don't have a partner, you can still have children.”

The showrunner’s passion to empower women in her writing — especially Indian women — is evident in her list of projects, which also includes HBO’s The Sex Lives of College Girls. Being able to do that, she explains, is a blessing.

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by Anonymousreply 34September 7, 2022 1:04 AM

“When I write shows about Indian women and what they're interested in, I want to do something original, but I also don't want to shy away from things that I've seen before: obsession with success; elitism about schools,” she explained. “Those are things that were real in my family, and I've been dealing with that. But also what's really important was destigmatizing mental health.”

Taking on a more behind-the-scenes role has also revealed some ugly truths about her place in Hollywood.

“The amount of articles that were like, ‘It's so good for a culture that this unattractive woman is finally on camera,’” she said of reading old reviews for her hit show The Mindy Project. “I didn't know I was so unattractive until I was the star of my own show. So not having to see those things [now], that's wonderful.”

Still, nowadays Kaling is equipped with a newfound confidence and isn’t letting any of the haters bring her down. She’s worked too hard for that.

“After being so unhappy in my teenage years and in my 20s … I feel so content now,” she explained. “I am so happy with my career. I love my family. I love my freedom — I have the freedom that comes with being financially stable, and I don't have to run anything by anybody.”

“I love going to set and watching these actors saying my words and coming up to me and asking my take on things,” she said of her work on Never Have I Ever. “It’s beyond the wildest dreams that my late-mother could have hoped for me.”

Kaling has opened up in the past about her parenting journey. In an interview with Yahoo Life in January, the writer spoke about the timing of having children — and why it was important to do it right.

“I [didn’t] want to wake up and just never be able to [have kids], because more than writing and creating shows, my great dream in life was to become a mom, because of my relationship with my mom,” she said at the time. “I had some professional things that I'd been hoping for not come through or had been delayed. And I just thought like, ‘What am I doing? Like, I just gotta have a kid.’”

Now, she explained, parenthood makes her “treasure the time that I see my adult friends.”

“I feel like I enjoy it so much more because of the scarcity,” she said. “And as most busy working parents will tell you, it's made me cut out all the people that are just not important … Like, I can't keep up with so many of those relationships anymore. It's just not going to happen.”

by Anonymousreply 1August 13, 2022 8:46 PM

The Mindy Project was pretty good from what I remember. It starred the gorgeous Chris Messina.

by Anonymousreply 2August 13, 2022 8:52 PM

She's exhausting.

And I don't believe for one second she was unaware of her unattractiveness before her "hit" show. Her entire public persona screams "Please love me, white people! I'm just like you, really I am!!!"

by Anonymousreply 3August 13, 2022 8:53 PM

She surely must have looked in the mirror at least once in her life.

by Anonymousreply 4August 13, 2022 8:57 PM

Yep, she is exhausting. I liked her at first but a little goes a long way.

by Anonymousreply 5August 13, 2022 8:58 PM

R3 nailed it.

by Anonymousreply 6August 13, 2022 9:01 PM

Mindy is very talented but also tiring. It's a shame she messed with her face, whilst she may not have been the most attractive women in the world, she was pretty and looked different from the normal basic blondes who dominated TV and film at the time.

by Anonymousreply 7August 13, 2022 9:14 PM

Freezing your eggs isn't as easy or accessible as she's making it sound, especially not to everyday working non-famous teen girls.

by Anonymousreply 8August 13, 2022 9:22 PM

She didn’t own a mirror ?

by Anonymousreply 9August 13, 2022 9:25 PM

Somewhat pretty women announcing they're hideous is as annoying as basic normal popular women saying they're "so weird and have no actual friends!"

Like, the real Weird Unfuckable Friendless Bitch community is for genuinely strange loner spinster hags whom society soundly rejects and will not put on television. We're not going to let you in because you want to seem interesting and NLOGy to your next brau, Becky/Mindy/Courtney.

by Anonymousreply 10August 13, 2022 10:59 PM

This bitch is lucky she even has a career.

She needs to STFU.

by Anonymousreply 11August 14, 2022 7:55 AM

[Quote] “I wish every 19-year-old girl would come home from college and that the gift — instead of buying them jewelry or a vacation or whatever — is that their parents would take them to freeze their eggs,” she later advised. “They could do that once and have all these eggs for them, for their futures… to focus in your twenties and thirties on your career, and yes, love, but to know that when you're emotionally ready, and, if you don't have a partner, you can still have children.”

19 is still fairly young to make that kind of decision. And Mindy doesn't to take into account that having kids isn't every woman's dream. She also looked alot better in the Office days compared to now. She fucked up her face 😔

by Anonymousreply 12August 14, 2022 10:54 AM

[quote] She fucked up her face 😔

And bleached her skin.

This woman has a lot of self-loathing, which is why she's so fucked up.

by Anonymousreply 13August 14, 2022 11:01 AM

Wow, I hadn’t realized how much Mindy had changed her face until I clicked on OP’s link. I don’t think she looks terrible or even bad (the lips are a bit much) just very generic now. I always found her to be very cute looks wise and likable.

by Anonymousreply 14August 14, 2022 11:08 AM

She only pairs herself with white men on- and offscreen. It’s incredible chutzpah for her to do this while also constantly talking out of the other side of her mouth about her wanting to lift up people like herself. Also, annoying voice, should have stayed as offscreen talent.

by Anonymousreply 15August 14, 2022 11:56 AM

I thought she looked fine on "The Office." Naturally healthy looking gal she was back then. I can't quite honestly say she was naturally pretty but she did truly have a naturally healthy look about her back then what for her nice eyes, silky hair, and clear and smooth skin.

Now she looks odd. I can more than understand trying to get in shape but her cosmetic work took away her healthy glow if you will.

I assume she came up with money? I'm not a breeder even though I actually dig children well enough. But, whose parents would be able to help out with their daughter's higher education and then pay for their eggs to be frozen as a graduation gift? That's some wacky and out of touch monied breeder mess right there.

Where's the "Legally Blonde Part Three" script by now? It's not all that deep a thing really.

by Anonymousreply 16August 14, 2022 11:59 AM

She's all about Indian Beauty but writing parts for herself where she gets white men.

I don't think she ever got over the fact that JB Novak wants younger, white girls.

by Anonymousreply 17August 14, 2022 12:48 PM

[quote] Mindy Kaling: ‘I didn't know I was so unattractive until I was the star of my own show’

But ya' are, Blanche. Ya' ARE unattractive!

[quote] She's all about Indian Beauty but writing parts for herself where she gets white men.

And don't forget her in-vitro egg babies who were fertilized by white guy sperm.

This bitch wanted to make sure her kids were half white.

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by Anonymousreply 18August 14, 2022 4:56 PM

I don't understand so many people's obsession with spawning more children. The world is approaching 8 billion in population. It will peak around 10 billion by the end of the century. The sheet carbon footprint each human leaves, not to mention the amount of waste generated in the form of plastics and other hazardous chemicals is only going to produce a world where the vast majority of their children will live in a resources-starved hellhole where they'll have to compete intensely for space and amenities. Who'd want to subject their offspring to such a bleak future?

Plus kids are annoying unappreciative brats... Until you can guilt them into having mild filial piety like the Asians and Jewish do.

by Anonymousreply 19August 14, 2022 5:38 PM

*Sheer, not sheet

by Anonymousreply 20August 14, 2022 5:39 PM

Mindy made damn sure her two kids were half white.

For some reason, many people of Indian background - females in particular - are extremely self loathing about their dark skin.

I don't understand it.

Even stranger, she preaches self-acceptance and love yourself mantras, while embracing everything white.

I really hate that.

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by Anonymousreply 21August 14, 2022 5:47 PM

So everyone is assuming that BJ Novak is the father.

Yes or no?

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by Anonymousreply 22August 14, 2022 5:48 PM

R21 Jati, aka ancestral caste system. Social stratification at its most arbitrary and racist.

It's sort of like the British class system. Nominally, no longer existent, but actually, very much still in effect.

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by Anonymousreply 23August 14, 2022 7:11 PM

I hate the fact they base every fucjing they go through in their career or their life on their ethnicity and background.. all we get from people like her is how quirky different they are because of their color and how unacceptable their culture is in country of whites for a fact people like her they don't give a damn about their culture but still attach it to their identity every day to stay relevant, like why is it so hard for y'all to be normal for a day, I'm a poc, and people like this make our lives worse.

by Anonymousreply 24August 14, 2022 10:18 PM

She's fine. Average good looking lady with nice eyes and a bright smile. Not stunning or unattractive. Part of the point of the office is that the characters were supposed to resemble people you actually might work with. Even the fan favorites Jim and Pam, who everyone ( except me) cooed over,were not gorgeous.

The realism of the early seasons were what made the show great. These were everyday people who did not particularly enjoy each other's company.What drove the quality down was the later seasons where the writing started pushing the feel good propaganda. All of the sudden everyone was bestest buddies who wanted nothing more than to be around each other 24/7. But I digress...

by Anonymousreply 25August 14, 2022 10:41 PM

Brief detour from whether Mindy Kaling is or isn't attractive and on to the podcast.

If you're going to examine how brave it is to be a single mother, a multimillionaire seems like the wrong person to interview. In fact, a show about how much courage it takes not to be married is deeply offensive given that gays have not had the right to marry until fairly recently. Note that there was no discussion at all about the white stereotypes surrounding Black unmarried mothers.

Both Meghan and Mindy were trotting out shopworn stories and girlfriending it up to make it feel like a sleepover at the KKG house.

I just read the transcript, which Spotify publishes. I couldn't imagine actually listening to this shit.

by Anonymousreply 26September 6, 2022 10:41 PM

I want to dislike her work because her personality is just too much for me. But I have to admit: I like her shows. I just started watching Never Have I Ever show out of boredom. It's actually fun. And her HBO Max show about college freshman girls was pretty fun too. She has a certain lane that she sticks to and I tend to like that lane.

But did anyone see her on Colbert a week or two ago? I think they were trying to do a bit where they have "beef" with each other? It was SO awkward. No idea what was going on there. But it sure seemed like the two really don't care for each other.

by Anonymousreply 27September 6, 2022 10:51 PM

Not every girl has to freeze her eggs. Most women can find someone reasonable who is on their level before menopause. Mindy has always had unrealistic expectations as evidenced by the parade of white beef she had vying for her on the show she wrote.

Don’t encourage invasive surgery because you won’t settle for an equivalent 5.

by Anonymousreply 28September 6, 2022 11:14 PM

When you freeze your eggs, they warn you they might not survive the thaw. So it’s incredibly misleading to make it seem like some panacea. She could have married some Indian professional at her level (or below) in looks but she kept trying to punch above her weight class. Girl, don’t give me the “I didn’t know I was unattractive” spiel. You’re dark. You’re fat. That makes you fugly in the Indian sphere.

by Anonymousreply 29September 6, 2022 11:26 PM

Egg freezing isn’t a picnic but it’s not open abdominal surgery, either. You’re doing most of the elements of an IVF cycle without the F. Biggest issue is cost including the storage costs.

I think it’s a great option but the younger one does it the better, as the freezing/thawing reduces egg viability.

by Anonymousreply 30September 6, 2022 11:32 PM

Mindy has a "putty face" She's cute sometimes but then other times she is so unattractive.

by Anonymousreply 31September 6, 2022 11:49 PM

The market is efficient. If no one wants to fertilize your eggs, don't fertilize those eggs. The world doesn't want more of you.

by Anonymousreply 32September 7, 2022 12:43 AM

She is so pretty now. Like a contestant on The Swan.

by Anonymousreply 33September 7, 2022 12:57 AM

I think she meant that comment sarcastically, as in she knew what she looks like already but never received so much criticism for her appearance before she starred in her own show.

by Anonymousreply 34September 7, 2022 1:04 AM
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