Cutting off immediate family

No, I never tried it.

I had a nephew who did it b/c he married a certified controlling CUNT. He went incommunicado for three years, but finally kicked her skank ass to the curb, and he 's back with the family.

When I was 11. I am 50 now. whatever that math is.

We're your family now, R2. I hope that's a good thing..!

Yes. But I still miss them.

My sister cut off my family. She has problems of her own. I wish her well and would like to see her. But, it's her call. She is just off on her own and prefers it that way.

Yes, but you might need a kidney.

I waited until after my mother died (my dad pre-deceased her, he would have been fine with it anyway, he wasn't crazy about my siblings either). I was 30. BEST THING I EVER DID. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. I am 55 now and haven't heard a word from any of those cunts since.

Yes. After both of my parents passed away I cut off the rest of the family. My aunts and uncles are very controlling (just like my folks) and I don’t need that in my life. I’ve ignored emails and friend requests from cousins on FB. I don’t want them to know anything about my life. I’m done and I’ve never regretted my decision.

r3, some days on here it's definitely reminiscent of my family 😉

Let me call Meghan to know how to do it perfectly

But will your family reappear for your funeral ?

Poor Harry is SO whipped.

Nah he just loves his beautiful wife

[quote] After both of my parents passed away I cut off the rest of the family.

That's what happens. Both of my parents are now dead. I didn't intend this, but I ended up having limited contact with my siblings and extended family.

My mom was the glue that held us together. Yet, she was also the person who drove us apart. I say this because she didn't do anything to stop the bullshit that my older siblings were getting away with.

"Uncoupling" applies only to ending sex and working with train cars.

Kick the bums to the emotional curb. If you can.

(Mainly I've learned that active alcoholics need to be left in their own world until they're able to address change. I always was considered horrible just because my not being a drunk was a reminder that they were. Not my issue, not my problem, not my job.)

Blood is thicker than water

Yes it is r15. Which means the bleed you more slowly.

I think it’s a wonderful alternative to the traditional American custom of letting resentment build up until someone cracks and shoots everybody.

I've cut off my sister, radicialized in her 50s & 60s by social media like so many other poor, uneducated, socially isolated individuals. A Jewish woman who's now, at a minimum, a white supremacist. My reaction isolates me in my small surviving family that regards this evolutuion as of no greater moment than her left-handedness.

R19 so you still have her on social media?

Gays love drama

I did it around 20 years ago. Religion was an aggravation at the time of the rupture but what's caused it to persist is how incredibly dysfunctional we all are together. My siblings, from the little I know of them, all seem to have put lives together, as have I, but together we become entirely different. When they were still in my life, we betrayed each other endlessly, competed for our parents' attention while they were still alive even though we didn't really like our parents, lied about everything, were petty about things large and small, stopped speaking to each other at the drop of a hat, even still went to our parents to mediate problems when they were still alive even though M&D were never any good at that.

Now, in my early 40s, I miss having a family but I don't miss my siblings. The last time I saw some of them (one of my brothers didn't come, which still shocks me a bit when I think of it) was our mother's funeral and the same old shit immediately started happening.

To answer OP's question, while I take responsibility for my part in our dysfunction, I think I made the right decision to walk away first. (Unsurprisingly, there are ruptures between and among my 4 siblings, though I think I'm the only one who speaks to none of them.)

I cut my older brother and sister out of my life in 1995. They are both evil to the core. Have not seen nor spoken to either of them since then and we all live in the same city.

Some of you don't know the difference between immediate family and extended family. Aunts, nephews and cousins are not immediate family.

50 years ago, I was kicked out of the house the day after high school graduation. I never spoke to my mother or step father again. A couple of siblings have contacted me money. I did not give them any and I have never heard from them again.

Yes. My parents and younger sister over 20 years ago. Both of my parents died within the last 2 years. In the will my mother left me and my older sister $10 each. She left my younger sister over 2 million. And mom would probably still wonder why I left.

R26 that is rough to say the least if true. I'd be boiling if I didn't have means myself in your situation.

My brother and I finally cut off our brother-in-law a few years ago. We both tried for years to make it work, but he's exhausting, and there was one incredibly creepy incident involving the mother of my brother's children that was the final straw. He probably could've been taken to court over it, but that didn't happen.

My sister doesn't know about it, and my brother asked me never to tell her. We still maintain a close relationship with our sister. So, that's all that matters. I really wish she'd divorce him, and we've both told her that directly. She definitely has plenty of reasons to go through with it, even without that aforementioned incident.

I'm not a jealous person, but most of my friends have wonderful relationships with their in-law siblings (holidays, vacations, everything), and part of me envies that a bit. But as long as she's married to this asshole, that isn't going to happen.

[quote] so you still have her on social media?

I've never been on social media, which delayed my understanding of what was going on. But, over (some) time, I realized that it was (largely) social media that was responsible for transforming my formerly apolitical sister.

[quote] The last time I saw some of them (one of my brothers didn't come, which still shocks me a bit when I think of it) was our mother's funeral and the same old shit immediately started happening.

Brother probably knew that there would be drama and, sure enough, drama.

OP do you mean one family member or one branch? Or an entire family?

Because the first case can often be healthy and sadly necessary; the second tends to happen when cults or gangs are involved.

Cut off my immediate family's what?

I just want to be precise in my response.

Much obliged,

I moved away from my entire family at the age of 18, and didn't speak to anyone until Feb. 18th of this year. A while ago, I had taken a DNA test for ancestry because I was bored during COVID lock downs. I got a call from a coroner about 200 miles away from the town I used to live in, about being a match for a John Doe. It turned out to be my brother who committed suicide in May of 2020. I was the only one in the family who took a DNA test it seems. I flew back home to formally claim him, paid for cremation, and arranged for burial next to my grandparents. While I was in town, I called up, and met with my family to tell them the news, and held a memorial. There were no hard feelings between anyone. Just regret for lost time. Now I call my sister, cousin, and uncle once a month to check in, and check up. They are all I have left.

I recently cut off my youngest sister; I cut off my younger (middle) sister perhaps three years ago. Both of them have some mental health issues but neither will admit it. I do not plan on listening to their verbal abuse ever again. I've told them to let me know when they get some mental/pharmaceutical help, but I know that will never happen.

My mother stopped speaking to me a few times, once for two years. She was angry at me because I went to grad school ("You're only going to school to feed your ego and make yourself out to be better than everybody else in this family!"). According to all my past therapists, she resents me and is jealous because she dropped out of high school right before graduation because she was pregnant with me and "had to get married," and she's held it against me ever since. But now that she's in her 80s, she's decided to be civil to me, and I'm not sure why. Guilt? Who knows. Oh -- and she's a devoted Trump follower.

Life is funny.

Its true, R27. She left my 2 nieces (her granddaughters) $100 each. One was 8 years old.

Pizza Hut employee was a manager (4 years as manager) named Sweets. Not fired. Said she had been working 3 12-hour shifts in a row, short-staffed, etc.

Yep. Best decision I ever made

Sweets said that the police arrested Karen.

My brother cut off my father. He (brother) claims that I said it was a fine an psycologically healthy thing to do. I probably did say that, but it's been difficult. No the old man is getting frail and my brother is ready to step back in. I recently cursed out my sister (well, last year) for not defending me to my mom, or to anyone really. This was all via text though. So she isn't speaking to me and I haven't contacted her, but I would be fine to be in touch if she would initiate it. My sister just stopped speaking to my dad but no one seems to care that much. Everyone wonders if he abused her (sexually, they're thinking) but I don't really think so, because they did hang out quite a bit when she was in her 20's or older. My mother stops speaking to me all the time. My mother and father are divorced after a very long separation. They finally speak again sometimes but not that often. My siblings do not have children. My brother tries to be a decent uncle, but my sister has only met my children a handful of times. The kids are 14 and 16.

It's certainly fine to stop speaking to whoever or whomever you no longer wish to speak to, but it does make it harder for your sibling who is trying to stay in touch with everyone.

I mean it's harder for the other sibs when your parent is demanding to know why you stopped speaking to them, and stuff like that.

What about lost inheritance ?

Cut off my sociopath father and my life is joyful. Money isn't worth being civil to a beast. So I said goodbye to my inheritance but financially I'm okay. Hoping my 3 million Shiba Inu coins make up for it (its a cheap gamble)

I am not cut off from my mother but she hates me and I am afraid she will cut me out of the will. Most of us (except my brother) are hurting for money, but my mother owns a small house in a very nice zip code, and I would love for my children to have a chance at that house. So yes, inheritance needs to be considered.

Doesn’t that make you a fake ? I guess some can live with that.

About the house? It makes me kind of fake, but it also makes me someone who longs for my mother's love and can't have it.

Yes, I cut off a sibling about 10 years ago. I simply act as though he doesn't exist. He has given our mother gifts to give to me at Xmas. I accept them but do not respond or give him gifts. I simply refuse to allow him even an inch into my life because I know he will then try for a mile. He's manipulative and just plain mean at heart.

Here are some tips.

> You cannot cut some people out and not others. The ones you continue to stay in contact with will share info about you to the ones you cut out.

> Make sure to lockdown all your social media. They will continue to harrass you and use your social media to stalk you.

> Make sure to tell significant others that you've cut them off. Tell them that it's not negotiable and it's over if they ever hear from any of your family without informing you immediately. It's over if they ever attempt to broker a reconciliation or "fix" the relationship. People from normal families cannot comprehend cutting off family members.

> Make sure to change your healthcare proxy, power of attorney, next of kin, and emergency contacts. If you're cutting off parents, you don't want them to have control over any aspect of your life if you become incapacitated. Also, make sure you have a will and don't fall for the "leave them $1" stupidity so that they won't contest the will. In all likelihood, you will merely create problems during probate, rather than prevent contesting the will.

If you're going to do it, you need to account for the fact that, while problems with family are common, most people cannot comprehend cutting family out completely. They will be able to gain sympathy from friends, employers, landlords, and assorted other people in your life and make trouble for you. You need to cut them out completely if you are going to do it. Half measures don't work.

R41 that must be nice problem to have.

My parents are broke, to the point they moved into my grandma’s place. And they’re spending what they have on care for her and in future themselves (and already I can tell it won’t be enough), so there’s gonna be nothing left for me & my sister, and they may end up costing us money too. My father has been a jobless antisocial deadbeat piece of hillbilly trash for decades, and though I’ve urged my Mom to leave him for years, she’s missed her boat now (too old, faded, set in her ways). My Mom is pragmatic and smart with money and with day-to-day life in so many ways, but she lacks ambition, has low esteem (which she passed onto me, thanks Mom), and prioritises things like fidelity and comfort and dick over getting the bag, which imo makes her an idiot.

The rest of my family-of-origin—also poor criminal alcoholic trash for the most part, except my late grandmother who owned an expensive estate house—estranged and fucked off years ago, thanks to a different, earlier inheritance dispute and the fact that my late grandfather drank away much of the money. I haven’t seen them or spoken to them since I was in middle-school. I have a few rich drunk emigré older uncles on the other side of the family, but they both have like five kids and a few wives each to pay for, plus they think I’m poor irrelevant trash and won’t engage with me due to covert homophobia. I see them maybe once every ten years when I get a pity/cursory invite to see them, as an extra to stand at the back of a wedding or whatever.

So basically, unless I marry into money (being that I’m a lesbian, that seems unlikely as a possibility), scrape together what I have to invest in something that takes off, or strike it big and lucky with some sort of famous project or excellent job niche (my only special advanced skill is creative/technical editing and writing), I’m fucked in terms of ever making a lot of money. It’s looking like I may just have to live frugal and small for the rest of my life.

Sorry to vent, but the subject strikes a nerve. That’s why it’s always kind of a sore sub whenever I read or hear of people talking about inheritance, trust funds, etc. And I can’t be the only one who feels that way.

What about it, R41? Some of us value our sanity more than money (I'm the guy above who lost out on 2 million).

Haven't spoken to my parents in 12 years. My stepfather was severely psychologically abusive and my mother was a raging narcissist. It has been an indescribably freeing experience, though I won't feel totally free of the pain until they die.