Unusual or Creative Ways to Masturbate – Care to Share?

Dear me, look at the time...

OP, setup a Chaturbate account and go at it and we will criticize and give pointers, but do expect tokens.

Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

Dear Lord please tell me OP is putting us on.

10/10

Some poor soul at the Amazon warehouse had to pack your filthy automatic suck machine in a box OP.

This why we hate you.

I'm still laughing at the little table with the cock.

[quote]Now and then, when I feel like being spit-roasted, I'll use another dildo in my ass simultaneously

As one does

“What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin’ at her rear end.”*

Yes. In my hometown the village elders encourage the young men who come of age to enjoy the opening pictured here. However, a great wind came and took the door away. There was no building to be taken away by the great wind, just a door, so for that we are at least thankful.

You've still got your hands free it sounds like, why not stick a couple dildos on the bedside tables to either side and jerk them off to really complete your little one man band setup.

No wifi connected variable nipple zappers?

I'll sometimes use my left hand instead, but I know I'm super kinky.

If you also had a banjo, you could be decent entertainment in the London Underground tunnels.

Dear Lord in Heaven!

"During my country's COVID lockdown period, since I wasn't having sex with anyone"....

I do the same thing, but shove three fist dildos up my ass at the same time and humming the Star Spangled Banner.

Fleshlight

Dildos, poppers, good porn - sound muted (hate all the girly "purse" voices and fake moaning from porn gays) and my fave tunes cranked up on my headphones

don't know if it's unusual or creative, but besides the usual fist move, since i was young, I ocassionally with hand lotion, put my erection in the "crook" of my right thigh next to my balls and i move it back and forth, this motion really works the head and the underside of the cockhead and very pleasurable.. I think I used this method when I was young and was afraid of getting caught so it was easier to do instead of whipping out my erection and fisting it... this method I could just pull my shorts and/or underwear aside and be more circumspect about masturbating and get off faster...

I also remember masturbating when i was little laying on my stomach, rubbing my erection on the old "grainy" tile of my bedroom... the grainy-ness of the tile caused incredible dry friction on my penis and got me off very fast and pleasurable...

Somewhere I read that you could boil a pot of spaghetti, put them in a plastic bag, tie it up tightly, cut out a hole and fuck the spaghetti. It's supposed to be very realistic.

OP wins the day.

When I was 14 I ran into a guy from my class at the mall, and he told me how awesome it was to lube up a water snake toy with Vaseline and fuck it. He was at the mall buying a new one because he popped his.

Ikea leatherette sofa.....slip your wang between the vaselined front cushions and take the O train. Just remember to pull out before shooting...

I remember a quote some social commentator/comedian made once. The gist was basically, if men spent as much time trying to find cures for diseases as they do thinking of ways to get off, all world ailments would have been eradicated a century ago. Some of the 'inventiveness' in this thread indicates as much. OP's description is a DL classic! Thank you!

Many, many years ago I told a guy at work (restaurant work, so no HR) that I cut a hole in a cantaloupe, microwaved it and fucked it. He admitted to doing the same! I made that shit up. I had no idea that was a thing!

Pornhub is FULL of videos of really hot guys slamming watermelons etc.

This was before the internet.

R27 - I worked in an A&P produce aisle in high school in the 80s. It was a thing - all the older produce guys talked about doing it.

R3: Ma'am this is not reddit

R30 that sounds hot, a load of men on their lunch breaking slamming balls aching with seed into a fruit stuffed with seeds!

Now I'm seeing this, only naked and probably on lurid digs.

R18: Edie, what's going on down there, kiddo? You're making so much noise!

When I was something like 13-15 years old, my mom bought a new couch and it was velvet. I rarely had any alone time in my house, because my brother was only a year younger and we had the same schedule.

One day, I was home alone and I had been eyeing her new couch for awhile. I knew that velvet would feel so good on my dick! When the opportunity presented itself, I went downstairs with a porno mag, pulled down my sweats, dropped to my knees and slid my hard dick between the space of those two sofa cushions!!! It was amazing! I started fucking that couch good and hard! Just as I was getting ready to "pull out" and cum in some Kleenex, I hear the garage door opening!!! The shock of getting caught caused me to start ejaculating between the sofa cushions! I couldn't stop it!

I quickly pulled up my sweats and ran upstairs! Next thing I know, my brother is sitting on the couch watching Oprah! I'm pacing around upstairs, knowing that I have to clean up the "crime scene" and then my Mom comes home!!!!

Later that night, we're all watching tv and I stealthily slide my hand between the sofa cushions, to asses the damage, and I cringe when I realize those cushions are SUPER GLUED together!!!

A couple days later my Mom is vacuuming and she pulls the cushions off the couch to vacuum the crumbs and lint up, and finds the "crime scene". She starts hollering for me and my brother to come downstairs! I was dying inside! We get down there and she DEMANDS to know "who spilled ice cream between the sofa cushions!!!!"

I JUMPED on that and confessed, It was me! The "ice cream was ALL MY FAULT!" She never figured it out, but my brother gave me a funny look, and I think we both realized we weren't just "brothers", we were probably "Eskimo brothers"!

Oh, you!

Loneliness, The Thread!

Excellent Sexual Tale. 10/10. Would recommend.

R3 had me laughing so hard I fucking lost it and scared my cat.

And I love the OP.

^same here, only I don’t have a cat, but I really guffawed.

I just finished doing it again! The whole routine. Three copious eruptions in less than an hour.

My cock's still tingling. It's only 7:30 PM here, but now I'm spent and going to bed. xx

hump the bed

“What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds lapping at her rear end.”*

Well OP, your sexy tales have got me going......going to bed. Nighty night.

[quote]Now and then, when I feel like being spit-roasted, I'll use another dildo in my ass simultaneously, one that heats up, vibrates, and squirms in a kind of rotating motion.

[quote]I can usually go two to four times with this until I'm exhausted and ready to conk out for the night, and I always sleep really well afterward.

Amateur.

Wait, why did I save this thread? Is it about autoerotic asphyxiation?

I do the same thing minus the Vicks vapor rub the small table and the dildo.

I’m a top if I’m gonna masturbate I want it to be as close as it can be to fucking. I haven’t used my hands to masturbate in years.

Condolences R21 on having a tile floor in your bedroom.

OP you need to add this to your act while jerking off in front of a mirror.

Stuck my dick into an electric socket. I was in the hospital for three weeks, but it was worth it.

What sex toy did you buy off Amazon Op, I've had a couple of friends who said they bought Fleshlight knockoffs off of Amazon and they complained they were cheap Chinese crap.

[quote]Some poor soul had to pack your filthy automatic suck machine in a box

I've found the opening to my new novel!

You must be cut OP if you have to work that hard on your deadened dick.

OP do you wear a caftan while you do this? You kind of give yourself away with the ready-at-the-hand Vicks Vaporub and TV dining tray. If you’re going to try the couch options suggested here, be sure to remove the clear plastic covers!

I have one, but I’m too embarrassed to say after you guys roasted OP.

Call me old fashioned, but I need a face for such intimacy 😂

[quote]OP do you wear a caftan while you do this? You kind of give yourself away with the ready-at-the-hand Vicks Vaporub and TV dining tray. If you’re going to try the couch options suggested here, be sure to remove the clear plastic covers!

Fortunately, my neighbor's son Joel is so polite and helpful with ALL the heavy lifting and other arrangements!

Vibrators just seem to make my dick go kinda numb.

Didn't want to start a new thread, but I'm an aviation/travel geek, and just read a thread on FlyerTalk that peaked my interest...

Check out the Marriott "amenity" some guy found during his 3rd bad luck stay.

This is the future the op is just a little early.. They will be sweet, sassy, submissive, slutty or dom and their dick, ass or pussy will always be hot and ready.. And for you chicken queens—-no IDs involved.

The tech will catch up and one day no one will need to be without love or risk a STD

This thread is sofa king hot.

OP is the onanist Jonas Salk.

I rub my penis up against people

That was a penis?

[quote] a thread on FlyerTalk that peaked my interest...

Oh dear.

I just read about the guy on the NYC subway that was caught getting a bj from a dead guy , then stripped down and he fucked the dead guy. All on the subway.

The dead guy is no different than a fleshlight so I’d suggest this as one of the stranger ways to get off via solo sex.

Considering it’s the DL I am not suggesting it’s the strangest.

This thread is useless without video.

OP's system is way too much work for a quick wank.