When is it appropriate to ask your date’s last name?

Too nosy. You should wait until he moved in because only then it is relevant coz you hafta change your door and put his name on.

Punch and delete!

I would say at the very latest- before any body parts enter any other body parts. But, I am a chick, we have different rules.

He's your secret half-brother.

Before the first date. How else are you Google and search his SM before you meet him?

Thus began the tragedy of my wanted poster boyfriend. If he presses you for “conjugal” relations, run!

After you accept the invitation; you might need it for the restraining order.

Hmmm I think it depends how you asked? Can you give us more context?

At the altar.

Dump him…probably closeted with a wife and 15 kids.

Before the first date.

OP, try harder if you're going to try to get back to Eastern Standard Time on your own steam.

That's some next level bat-shit crazy. He sounds unbalanced.

OP, If you have his phone number or address, you can do an Internet search on FastPeopleSearch.com to find his name.

I usually find out on the first date, because I'm always interested in people's heritage and I always bring up the topic. No one has minded so far.

Has any money changed hands?

Ummm 1st date

Just ask him, on the first date. If he becomes defensive or weird about it, avoid him.

Define "date," OP.

The fact that he won’t tell you is the problem. It’s a bit odd that the topic doesn’t come up on it’s own accord by the time you’ve been on a few dates, but something is wrong if he refuses to tell you.

I have never had a date, fuckbuddy, or a good fuck not give me his last name.

I may not use it, but seriously. let's not be a total whore.

In my experience it usually comes up after four interactions. If it doesn't I ask. If they get weird about it almost always it's because they have something to hide. The thing they want to hide is usually something that would send me packing such as arrests, drugs, restraining orders, married, etc. The same with people I want to build friendships with.

Listen, pussycat, it's been a long time since you've been out on a date. And it's quite possible you can no longer judge a good one from a bad one. So let me be of help. Bad date, OP. Bad, bad date.

During penetration

When is it appropriate to ask your date if he’s CUT or UNCUT?

R25, They really should include that in their profile on the apps.

The world sure has changed

If you are revealing names, the relationship has gone too far.

Red flag: the guy has Trust issues, unresolved obviously

After your first glory hole encounter.

Well, stop picking up your dates from the Home Depot carpark, OP.

R29 is right.

After four dates it’s definitely a red flag, OP.

Trust your instincts.

If you find this information to be necessary for some inexplicable reason, then after you swallow.

If they don’t want to trade full names upon meeting, I would drop them.

Yeah, that is a red flag. Has something to hide or isn't serious.

It’s Pence, OP. But you already knew that.

People these days know that if you asking for a last name it's so you can cyberstalk their life and history. That request may be upsetting to him because he has something to hide, or it's simply an acknowledgement you don't really know each other yet (and you don't!) and he wants to protect his privacy in case you are a psycho.

Did OP meet her new beau in a T room?

Eh he’s scared of a background a check, not stalking.

What does it say about the level of self respect you project OP that Mr. probably married, wanted or on a registry can tell you he thinks you are stalker material and expect you eat the insult and stay? He could have just said he hates his last name and doesn’t want you to associate him with it.

Please ghost him OP.

It's a red flag, but then red is my favorite color.

Just ask to see his monkey pox vaccination card.

I’d drop him.

He doesn't want you to discover he's not in the Social Register.

He's never used a credit card in front of you, OP?

Since you specified dates and not hookups, I would say you should ask it prior to the first date. The only real exception would be a blind date, but even then it should be one of the first things you find out.

Now, with hookups, I doubt most even give real first names.

I would say this is a red flag after 4 dates. He is hiding who he is.

[...]

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It's only necessary at the wedding. Otherwise, who cares.

Omg

I ask as soon as phone numbers are exchanged. If I'm gonna add your number to my phone, I need a last name, and I've never once had a guy refuse to tell me.

Four dates in, OP, and he won't tell you his last name? Sounds like he's hiding something (AKA you in danger, girl).

I'm the opposite. I only want to know his surname until we've been properly introduced by respectable acquaintances. Forenames are for whores!

That's why I only date in the family.

R5 is onto it. He doesn't want you to research him online. Get outta there.

R51, For the love of Christ, are you serious? There are numerous Internet sites where just by typing in a phone number, you can access all kinds of personal information on someone.

A date without a last name is a trick.

I haven’t heard from in over 2 months so I guess I don’t have to worry about that now.

I wouldn’t care if it was the 50th date. If that’s the response I get, then fuck off.

[quote]When is it appropriate to ask your date’s last name?

When drafting the restraining order.

Duh.....i finally got it, well op , i really dpnt think rentboys give their last names out. But maybe by yoyr 100th date he might.

[quote]When is it appropriate to ask your date’s last name?

When is it not appropriate?

Wanted murderer

Upon asking for phone number to save in contacts, I ask the last name.

Agreed with all who advise that I would avoid anyone who won’t readily tell me for any reason.

I wouldn't finish the initial conversation without a last name. You're a whore, OP.

MAJOR Red Flag

When you meet him.

More red flags than a May Day parade in Moscow in1956.

I think it's when you write him out a check after your 60 minutes with him is up.

Are you sketchy OP? Maybe it is not him that's the problem here.

[quote] OP, If you have his phone number or address, you can do an Internet search on FastPeopleSearch.com to find his name.

Also, do a quick search on FatPeopleSearch.com in case he's using old photos.

You'll thank me.

Before you go out with him, so you can Google him ahead of time.

As soon as you find out his first name is OJ

Who the fuck goes on a date without knowing the person's name? Let alone a lot about them.

You could end up being a serial killer's next victim.

Exactly how stupid are today's young people?!

R73 well I did have his first name and we had talked for a few days before meeting in a very public place.

I’m in Asia and I would say at least 90% of my hookups (1-1 or group) give fake 1st names. It doesn’t bother me - I see it as a way of self protection for them.

First date. Why would she/he withhold their last name? Why would you not want to know it up front?

R76 well I asked on the third date as I wanted to put his last name in my phone. Also, I did want to search him on Google to see if he had a criminal history.

I did later find out his last name but nothing came up in Google or a background search so I don’t know what his deal was.

He seems bipolar.

When your tongue is buried deep, deep in his ass: "Mmhfgywhatzewerlaznammfghiz?"

You people Google your dates? I can't imagine. At some point if I've seen someone a few times I might get curious enough to consider Googling, but I really prefer to let people reveal themselves in their own way.

Unless it arises naturally in conversation, I'll never ask someone about his work, for example. I don't find it interesting in most cases, and less so when the date defines himself by his profession. And you should realize long before a job title enters the conversation where on the scale of dolt to intellectual someone falls.

I'm mostly un-Googleable and there are many reasons someone may be the same or may have loads of entries for what's clearly the person in question. Neither gives a very reliable picture beyond maybe sizing up where they live or what publications they have written.

I can't see that much good or useful would come of it.

R78, I’ve dated a guy who was BPD (unknown to me at the time) before. If I had done a background check on him I would have found out he had multiple stays in an in-treatment facility and several suicide attempts.

It’s very wise to Google someone once you’ve been through something like that.

The first ejaculation deserves at least a fake last name. Respect is so important in a relationship.

R80, we never had sex. Just coffee and dinner dates.

R81 OP, a rule I was given to follow when I was younger, is that you need to have had some kind of sex within the first two weeks. Otherwise you become “sisters”. It sounds like it’s been more than two weeks. Also, before mobile phones you would write someone’s name down on a card (when you first met them and agreed to get in touch with each other). I remember writing down both first and last name quite often. On occasion, just the first name. It wasn’t a big deal either way. If this guy is making a big deal out of doing it on the fourth date, it’s a problem. Something’s up. You’ve dodged something. Also, I’m thinking it wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

He’s lying about his first name

If it’s an actual date, before the date. If it’s a “date” from Sniffies or Grindr, then maybe never. It all gets awkward when you go on a date with a former “date.”

Especially if you have to tell them that that wasn’t actually your name.

I'm finding your last name on or before the first date. I need to Google.

It’s only a red flag if you don’t want to develop a relationship in which you walk on eggshells and pursue and he gets upset and retreats.

Why would you go out on a second date if they don't even want to tell you their surname?

Get their license plate before you ask them.

R87, the last time I saw him was when I asked him.

R89 Hopefully he doesn’t know your name either.

If he’s a poker player he doesn’t have a last name.

Let Joan tell you herself.

A check, r68?

Do you look Jim up in the white pages too?

R78, you're a whore darling. Just face the facts. Names aren't important to you.

I think when I was dating, it was still common to add people on facebook after a date or two, so you would get it that way.

[quote][R78], I’ve dated a guy who was BPD (unknown to me at the time) before. If I had done a background check on him I would have found out he had multiple stays in an in-treatment facility and several suicide attempts.

[quote]It’s very wise to Google someone once you’ve been through something like that.

No “background check” is going to yield that kind of private information.

If people are looking for a LTR sometimes it's best to meet prospective partners through friends and dare I say it, family, perhaps meet ppl though a cousin?

As for as the world of casual hookups, you are taking your life into your own hands. Who would go to a stranger's home or invite them to yours. Guess I watch too many of those murder mystery shows.

Lots of people lie, an understatement.

Go look in his medicine cabinet.

Awhile back, my sister freelanced at a friend's graphic design agency, there was a young guy siting next to her who was overly aggressive.

They barely introduced themselves when he started asking her extremely personal questions, "Do you have any kids, do you want any? I'm looking for a woman who wants kids. You are very attractive, our kids would be too!" My sister was like, "Are you serious?? I hope you are joking." She never met this guy in her life, he wasn't a friend of my friend, he was jst some guy freelancing there.

My sister was mortified, she was there for a three week assignment, she sure wasn't looking for a mate, she was already engaged at the time to the man she married. She told my friend she needed to sit at another computer because the guy was creeping her out and she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her work.

My sister said, she immediately got a stalking vibe from this guy. My sister told me she could easily see how a naive young woman would get sucked into whatever weird shit this guy was into, because he was extremely attractive. Unfortunately people don't see beyond the physical aspect of another person.

A few years after this encounter, my friend who owns the agency, told me this same guy was arrested for raping and beating his GF to a pulp. Think he's still in jail.

[quote]...sometimes it's best to meet prospective partners through friends and dare I say it, family, perhaps meet ppl though a cousin?

[quote]As for as the world of casual hookups, you are taking your life into your own hands. Who would go to a stranger's home or invite them to yours. Guess I watch too many of those murder mystery shows.

I've never met one relationship through friends, my family, or cousins. Through friends I've met people I've fucked, even a few fuck buddies, but long-term or potential long-term? No.

Let's say that my family was never going to be a source of LTRs or hot casual fucks, and I suspect I'm not entirely alone in that respect.

The time to exchange last names is when it makes sense to: when you enter your phone details on someone's mobile under your first and last name. Or when you say, "hey, I've been at your house three times now, and in your bed three times, and your friend at the restaurant just asked how we know each other. What's your last name? Mine is..."

Before the 2nd date or before you have sex with him - whichever comes first. Hell, I used my middle name (I have an uncommon first name) and did not exchange numbers until the 2nd date. If you both are interested in seeing each other again after the initial face-to-face, that information should be available or run!

As some others have pointed out, it's his evasiveness that is the red flag.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt a bit too much, so if I find myself making excuses for someone's behavior, I imagine our positions reversed: in their position, would I act that way? Can I think of a plausible reason I would not give someone my last name after meeting them four times? Hmmm if I were afraid to tell someone my last name after ONE date, there won't be a second, because it would mean I didn't get a safe vibe from them. Whenever I have overridden my initial discomfort with someone, guess how that turned out?