Taking my oldest son to college

Those are some powerful emotions. I think you need time to process. It’s empty nest syndrome.

Uncle Bottom: The College Years

WTF?

omfg - how we missed you, shit brickhouse troll! Christmas wasn’t Christmas without you!

My son just moved across the continent for university and I was all at sixes and sevens, feeling 29 again but not knowing what to do about it. I felt really depressed, but you helped me snap out of it.

Reed? Most of the students are insufferable! Don’t let him go there!

[quote]My husband and me was driving

Maybe you could go to school with your son and take an English class

R5 Reed is progressive though. It was safe for gays even in the 60s and 70s. A leathersister of mine from the PNW said that basically every drama, English -!: music teacher at Reed was gay, poz and piggy.

Aw, OP, I condole you. I live near Reed. I’ll take care of your son. I’ll turn him out like a little bottom bitch just like his old man. I’ll make him say my name while I shove my whole leg in his ass up to my knee.

I’m also 60 (well, 74 actually) and into piss, BDSM, titplay and collecting Thomas Kinkade prints.

I’ll take good care of your son. Don’t worry, hon.

It’ll be ok.

0/10

That was exhausting

Oh, great, Matt Gaetz posting here now.

My intern goes to Reed. You and i have infected that lovely institution with the DL virus, OP.

-10 well okay a 0 since I laughed.

Reed College: Tuition over $60k per year, and it boasts the world's only nuclear reactor operated by undergraduate students!

I read along and then lost it at the last sentence of the first paragraph. The continuing a-matter-of-fact tone killed me as well.

8/10

I have tears of laughter in my eyes. Lord only knows what my neighbors think is going on - I'm howling with laughter.

Well. I thought it was well executed and the set up was brilliant. The constant use of “My husband and me was” was the icing on the cake.

10/10.

Did you stop for a trip "once around the garden"?

Ma’am, this is Datalounge.

[...]

We love our son, but when he moved out, we finally felt a sense of freedom.

When does Packer start college?

How did this story turn into some sort of homoerotic fanfic after beginning as a lovely genuine reaction to your oldest son leaving the nest?

OP, have the other two adopted, then you don’t have to continue living. More oxygen for the rest of us.

Ugh, I wish I had gone to Reed, apparently at the time I would of Morgan Spector was BMOC and had a sign on his dorm window about willing to help any girl lose her virginity.

How big is his cock?

So, you would've hoped to find him on a really drunk night where he'd confuse your asshole for a pussy?

R26 "I would of"

Oh, DEAR

I can see Gen Z using filth trench as a replacement for bussy.

Then SBHT had better copright it right now!

You can’t get Dasani water at Whole Foods! Checked out after that.

R23 Packer still has two years with us

The good crystal you broke out is meth, right?

R34 You are one sharp tack

Seal of Reed College:

Let me correct you on that name. Weed college. Congrats though happy for your fam.

My heart aches for you OP. It is painful to send a child out of the nest. But please be kind to yourself and understand this is all part of his maturing and is a good thing. (Also, don’t forget that in this modern age you can text hourly and even track him with gps from his phone. Let him know you are always there for him and he can text you for any and all problems and decisions, however minor.) Good luck!

I want to hear stories about OP's strict bottom son inviting his tops over to dump loads on him while he's running the college nuclear reactor.

I know your son is from El Salvador but does he have Guatemalan balls?

OP, gurl, just take a couple Midol and you'll feel fine in the morning.

I love the shit brickhouse troll, AKA the puny cocklet troll, AKA the moaned homosexually troll.

For you DL old timers, he reminds me of Bonnie Mace

Such a wholesome, family story. You know the family that tricks and fucks together stays together.

OP, do you and your son have matching Daisy Dukes and turquoise thongs, the outfit you had on when you got gang banged in the parking lot of Whole Foods?

R 443, what's wrong with thongs? Most bottoms I know like lingerie.

So, you taught your son how to bottom...

You shared a hotel room where you each had guys come over and fuck you...

Ostensibly you were both in the room and saw/watched it all...

√ You're a pervert, OP.

3/10. Next.

What a sweet story.

Everything but the dogs nipping at his rear end.

What happened after the principal came??

^^^ After the principal came, he pulled out of OP's ravaged, filthy hole...

And made OP clean him off before returning home to his unsuspecting wife.

[quote]And made OP clean him off

With his trembling tongue, while moaning homosexually

There are not many principals at colleges or universities, r49. I doubt Reed has one.

[quote]The void inside me could not be filled.

I'm pretty sure you know how to fill the void inside you.

[quote]My son, on the other hand, hooked up with nine tops in three fucking days! It's ridiculous! It's like he's a vacuum cleaner for fucking loads!

Awh, you must be very proud.

Just praise The Goddess you were spared Fibromyalgia. The day our oldest went off to college I was tender to the touch and had to stay home.

Is this one of those new Gay-themed Hallmark Movies?

You sound like a very sensitive and caring father.

Remember, to teach your son self-sufficiency - don't just give him money for crystal - make him earn it.

[quote]Just praise The Goddess you were spared Fibromyalgia. The day our oldest went off to college I was tender to the touch and had to stay home.

Tell me about, some days I could barely film content for my JustForFans.

But tuition is expense so I cradles my mug and kept taking those big dicks!

Stay strong, fellow Fibro Warrior!

It may hurt, there may be sleepless nights, and they may not understand. Correction: They DO not understand!

But I see you. Everyone in this thread sees you. And your JustForFans are pulling for you. Even when you can’t pull for yourself.

[quote]Is this one of those new Gay-themed Hallmark Movies?

OMG, this is the perfect comeback vehicle for Kevin Spacey!

[quote]Then SBHT had better copright it right now!

This is how Fifty Shades of Grey got started.

I can hardly wait for the SBHT's Christmas Newsletter now.

[quote]We went up overnight, parked in the motel, and we was both immediately competing for tops on Grindr. I actually got a few college kids - hairy, overweight nerdy types, but YOUNG - replying to my messages. Hooked up with a bear cub type computer programmer - hairy, strong BO, but decent cock. He gave me his load and then hosed me with some piss. We then broke out the good crystal ;). My son, on the other hand, hooked up with nine tops in three fucking days! It's ridiculous! It's like he's a vacuum cleaner for fucking loads!

Honey, I think we've doing the whole college search all wrong.

Well obviously, they're not going to tell you in the Admissions Office that the place where he attracts the most Tops is the best school for him...

They don't sell Dasani at Whole Foods!

Maybe you should put a nanny cam in your son’s dorm room? To be sure he is safe?

Check it often!

OP - If this is how you react to your son leaving for college you’re really going to come undone when you find out you’re much too fat for a semi-almost-custom made suit!

0/10. Who the hell drives their kid to college in July.

Better luck next time, troll.

You can't get one past r69!

^ Yeah, and anyway, a wealthy gay daddy could catch way more dick at Reed College than his broke nerdy gay freshman son...

Inferior imposter. The puny cocklet fag was funny and pithy.

Thank you for being here.

What back-to-school clothes are you buying him, OP? It’s so important that he make the RIGHT impression, RIGHT away.

Do wealthy gay daddies cruise Burger King washrooms after mowing down three whoppers?

That was supposed to say probably not but I prematurely posted.

[quote] ^ Yeah, and anyway, a wealthy gay daddy could catch way more dick at Reed College than his broke nerdy gay freshman son...

Obviously you don't know much about Reed College. It's a leftie small liberal arts college--the students there are obsessed with poverty chic.

The Prep-y Handbook

π/10. You’re irrational.

The most offensive part of this post was the reference to drinking dasani. You couldn't spring for Perrier or even Poland spring? No wonder your son is leaving.

I hope we get an update some day if there’s ever a fiancé in the picture!

OP, are the one whose Daddy used to humiliate you, by putting you in a gingham dress as a child, and make you dance around for his friends, lifting your dress, and showing off your little cocklet?

Do you also have an ungrateful niece and a nephew named Joel?

r83 is very very confused.

R71 Colton is not nerdy. He’s extremely athletic, swarthy Latino and loves to work out wearing only a jockstrap and a tank top.

R26 Reed would never admit someone who writes “would of.” Try Portland Staye instead.

Telling my oldest son to fuck off

No wonder your son wants to move out and go away to college.

Filth trench - that says it all in two words

I fell asleep three times reading your post Op.

R90 did you really mean to say I jacked off 3 times reading your post?

r90 is a jealous hater.

OP, did you ever testify against Dr. Maplewood?

R86, Unintentionally ironic, or DL funny?

BUMP

How are you managing the heartbreak, op?

Do Tops let you touch your puny little cocklet while they're fucking you?

You just have to lie there taking real men's dicks in your pussy and remembering not to touch your useless little clit without permission, don't you?

10/10. Genius darling.

Why does OP have a son? Is she a straight frau?

Wait, what?

[quote]My husband and me was driving

Sweet fucking Christ on a cross.

Brevity is the soul of wit OP

I’m still waiting to hear what happened once the Principal showed up.

It's 2024. What's the son's GPA? Has he fucked any hot professors?

R38 apparently didn’t read past the first sentence or two.

“Hispanicity.”

This is Poo Shoes, isn’t it?

Only Poo Shoes would dare say,

[quote] My husband and me was driving in suburban Portland

Hey, Poo!

I hope this ends on “Libs of TicToc”.

The puny cocklet troll is going to be having a hard time with his son at Reed College. The boys do not hit the gym very often there.

I remember the first time I took my nephew to "college."

r107 = poo-obsessed and ignorant of the adventures of the beloved shit brickhouse troll.

The son will graduate cumma so loudly.

Reed College? Not smart enough to get into Hudson University?

With your uncontrolled emotions, OP, you should have enrolled him in St. MARY'S University.

Lies. All DLers are childless.

The second sentence already contains a "tell". Bravo, OP.

It’s not like you didn’t have 18 years to get used to the idea.