Obituary: Evil Does Eventually Die

Wow. So evenly stated, no rancor or damning disrespect. Just the truth, as experienced by those he most damaged.

I accept it's true, I think it's in poor taste.

I bet millions of obituaries, if truthful, would be similar. I often wonder what the fake sweet obituaries are really concealing.

Father to many, dad to none. Yes, say it. No more of these false praises to deceased douches

If he claimed to be 30 years sober that probably went over like a lead balloon in his AA meeting especially if it were a straight men's AA meeting. I've ran into a few like this in such meetings. I'm sure he held forth as an "old-timer" and was probably abusive there to anyone who didn't respect him.

Lawrence H Pfaff Jr was the author of the Obituary.

You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good … Lawrence H. Pfaff, Sr., is dead. Good!

My wife and I have discussed ending her dad's otherwise straightforward obituary with "A celebration of death will be held..." to amuse those closest to him.

... For reasons well known to him

[quote] Evil Does Eventually Die

Hell I could’ve told you that back in 1996!

I prepared & submitted my father’s obituary, later teasing my gullible mother that it said he was survived by “his long-suffering wife.”

Who knows if it’s true. The man isn’t here to defend himself.

[quote]I often wonder what the fake sweet obituaries are really concealing.

A supervisor I had during a shitty college job was a dumb, hateful, racist, homophobic, lying, cheating scumbag. He died of COVID about 6 months ago and his obituary was all "he was the most generous man who would give you the shirt off his back" sorts of stuff.

@r12, Yeah, all his rotten kids must of had it in for him. I bet they all fight over that studio and that half-bottle of vodka he left 😠

his father was an abuser, a NYC cop, and an alcoholic. that pretty much says it all.

The deceased had a smile that could light up a room.

I don't see the point in posting obituaries like this. I'm sure he was awful and a total failure as a father, husband and as a human being left them all damaged, but they could've just acted like he was of no matter anymore.

I also feel the same about revisionist history obituaries. Just post a brief obituary and don't try and make someone out to be a great person if they weren't.

The deceased was an alcoholic and will be cremated... Although it may take a week to put out the fire 🙄

Never say anything bad about the dead, only good. Daddy is dead...

GOOD!

At least he got an obituary, I'll never get one because I have no one.

R20: Write your own and give it to the undertaker. They'll take care of it.

This obit replenishes my electrolytes.

r17 the writer said it started a healing process for him. I see nothing wrong with it and maybe it will encourage some people to be better so they don't have an obituary like that. I hate most obituaries because they are full of lies and the writers have to struggle with writing something nice. I was thinking about writing my own obituary, "I died on ___. I left behind _____ who will eventually follow me. I did the best I could and I thank everyone that helped me along the way."

Who cares what the obit says, the man didn't give a shit when he was alive, he certainly doesn't give a shit now

[quote]all his rotten kids must of had it in for him.

Oh, DEAR!

R23 if I deserve a ‘MARY!!!’ for this, then so be it, but I choked up.

Seriously.

[quote]At least he got an obituary, I'll never get one because I have no one.

Yes you do. You’ve got us here.

Just let us know when you die and we’ll post a beautiful obit for you.

R19 couldn’t even make it to r7.

SMH.

^ Yeah, too bad 😠

@r25, "Oh, DEAR! "

Must you use caps my *dear*? 🙄

For something that egregious, absolutely.

R23 There could be other ways he could heal. Like connecting with siblings and other people he wronged of the years (probably no shortage of them) and talk about their feelings and their relief no longer having to deal with him. I suspect he has some of the same traits his father had though. As much as he wouldn't want to admit that.

I do agree with you about fake and try to make people seem like they're better people they were though.

If this helped the son, fine. It is in poor taste but so what. I pity the son.

@r31 Oh, so it's like when I call out your SMALL PENIS? Got it 😏

He's stuck with the asshole's name too.

Me neither, r20.

I guessnthose lamenting that there'll be no obituary written for them subscribe to the PT Barnum quote that “There's only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” And that there is no such thing as bad publicity.

They could have confronted him while he was alive, seems rather chickenshit to bring it up after he is dead. Perhaps the apple didnt fall far from its tree.

How do you know they didn't, r38? I think it's more likely they did.

If they did there would be no need to trumpet it to the world.

I don't want am obit. Private in life, private in death.

I'm amazed at the people/person who thinks the children shouldn't have written this obituary the way they have. Why? He obviously deserved it. It's clearly the truth. As someone else said, it will serve as a warning to other assholes that they may get bad posthumous reviews too.

I fully believe that if people knew there would be consequences, they wouldn't dare be as shitty as they are. Or at least some of them. The obit was well deserved. I say this as the adult child of such parents. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

I had a narcissist boyfriend, and that was bad enough. I can't imagine what it would be like to have one as a father. Narcissists do a lot of damage to the people in their life, good for this man's children for calling it out.

Also, as a descendant of such parents, I find hope in the phrase "Evil does eventually die".

I think it’s poor taste. The son seems to be as much of an asshole as the father. Why not piss on his grave?

"If they did there would be no need to trumpet it to the world."

You haven't had a lot of life experience, have you r38/40?

We don't follow social mores and behave morally to maintain the good opinions of our parents, but to deserve that of our children.

^^^^ take your meds !

R45 has no idea what it's like to have a narcissistic parent.

For these types of vile humans, how about no obituary at all?

No obituary speaks volumes about how these people were viewed by their survivors.

Several horrible family members didn't have obituaries. One relative, didn't have anyone but their wife show up for their wake, their kids and grandkids weren't even there! The wife said, "if he didn't have a free government grave, he would have been cremated!"

Is that image at R6 a photo of the dead man, or of his son who wrote the obit? And why does that image appear with the link in R6 but not in the article itself?

You can never be careful enough in choosing your parents.

I'm with R50. I don't find hating the guy distasteful but rather the parading of your wounded feelings in public. It's just gross to me. If it starts them on their healing journey or whatever bullshit, fill your boots, but I'd rather maintain some dignity. It's all very TV talkshow to me. I was raised you didn't talk about unpleasant things in public and if you couldn't handle that you did the right thing and developed a drinking problem.

Meh, I don’t see this as particularly disrespectful. His kids knew him better than anyone, and they’re just reiterating that the man was an abusive asshole.

Hopefully, they made their feelings clear before he kicked the bucket.

Being a decent father who doesn’t abuse his family isn’t too much to ask. But some men can’t do that, so I understand why his surviving children spoke their peace.

No! The evil people must be called out! It's not in poor taste, it's the responsible thing to do. Maybe their friends anx coworkers didn't know who this person was behind the scenes? They deserve to know. Evil only thrives when good people stay quiet about it because of "good taste". Fuck good taste!

And dead men respond to calling out how exactly?

Sometimes evil people that are hurtful to you and those you love, show a different side to the rest of the world. Oftentimes that facade is calculated.

Not knowing of their truly evil personality, the outsiders will laud the evil person and have a false sense of what they are really like.

Anyone who would do that is no walk in the park themselves. If you couldn’t get over your trauma, then why hold daddy responsible for not getting over his trauma? It’s called a generational curse and it appears Junior is continuing it.

R58 talking about the trauma someone else caused for everyone around them has nothing to do with perpetuating it.

You have no idea how the son or any siblings treats anyone, not how far along they are on working on breaking the cycle.

R59 hurt people hurt people… now take your meds, darling

I found the obit funny and I am sure the son who wrote it felt avenged after years of dealing with a shitty parent however I think it’s in poor taste to publish an obituary like this and in my opinion it’s best not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice. In the end the best revenge is not acknowledging their existence.

Just not here, R61. Else it would never be primetime and there'd be nothing to say.

These men who are such utter failures in every way— no professional accomplishments, terrible husband, terrible father, alcoholic— how do they get through the day? I still torture myself because I could have done better, and my life is pretty great.

Yet you have people like this guy and my own father who almost seem to invent new ways of being utter failures. How do they get through the day?

The big problem is evil does tend to live long before dying.

I bet the obituary doesn't even get to half of it.

[quote] I think it’s in poor taste to publish an obituary like this and in my opinion it’s best not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice.

Um, Okay, Miss Manners.

Let's just lie and say how great they were....

Telling the truth is never in bad taste

I'm glad the son wrote that obit about his asshole dad. Do what I did after I got out of foster care, change my entire name, picked a new one. When I found out my dad wasn't my "bio-DNA Dad", I was sooooo Happy!! My non-DNA dad preyed on weaker, scared people. When I returned home at 17 yrs old, he took 1 look at me, knew I was going to be a problem.

It is in super bad taste. It is one on a long list of gifts from 45. Even death no longer has any sacredness.

YES the dad was a POS. But as others said, keep it to your fucking self in his obit!!! Deal. As if he’s the only son ever shit on by a bad father? If we all use obits to discuss our wounds, we’ve now made it all about us and we would never read about the person who actually died.

This does not mean I don’t have compassion for the son. My own father died of drinking. But processing my pain shouldn’t happen at his funeral or obit. There is a time and a fucking place for that. Peace to the son though, hopefully he found some healing. He needs to go get serious therapy now and dig deep into his pain.

I don't know about your father, R63, but if this Mr. Pfaff were truly evil, then it was easy for him to get through his day. Evil has no conscience. Unlike mentally ill or emotionally damaged people, evil people understand the difference between right and wrong. They just don't care. Nothing troubles them.

I think I understand the people who say "this should've been kept private." They just don't want to know about other people's suffering and think it's on the victims to deal with the trauma because otherwise... simple morals would demand of them to make a stance, to condemn the abuser and help the victim. And they don't want to. It's just simple human selfiishness and what I call "laziness of the compassion."

Take a stance, ugh^

[quote] They could have confronted him while he was alive, seems rather chickenshit to bring it up after he is dead. Perhaps the apple didnt fall far from its tree.

How do you know they didn't? You're making lots of assumptions here, and as a result you sound pretty nasty yourself.

[quote] Even death no longer has any sacredness.

Mary, do not SAY so! The very IDEA!

If you hate your parent, don’t write an obituary. Obviously you’re not having a funeral for them, so what’s the point of an obituary, except to let everyone know s/he hurt your feelings? Seriously, you’re a grownup. You should’ve made a life for yourself. The best way to acknowledge your parent was mean to you is to not inform anyone he or she is dead. That way you get satisfaction in not acknowledging their life or death and you don’t have to give them a funeral.

Writing a whiny, woe is me obituary just makes everyone say, “No wonder his father rejected him. Douche.”

"At least he got an obituary, I'll never get one because I have no one."

Shall we refer to you as R20 when we write your obit?

This is not whining, R75. It's the cold, hard truth. Truth needs to be told, ESPECIALLY when it's unpleasant.

Anyway, would you please explain why you are SO against obituaries like this one? Overbearing mommy who died and you didn't have the balls to call her out on her shit? Amirite?

[quote] Writing a whiny, woe is me obituary just makes everyone say, “No wonder his father rejected him. Douche.”

Obviously not "everyone," since many of us applaud the son for doing this.

I am so curious why this is upsetting some of you so very much. Lawrence Pfaff, Sr., is dead and so he cannot read the obituary nor deal with the fall-out, so I'm wondering whom this really hurts, since it sounds like the children all agreed with its publication.

My father and his wife are both 79 years old. I haven’t seen them in 3 years and am in no rush to do so now that covid is less of a problem. I know it’s quite possible they will die soon, but just can’t bring myself to care.

I accidentally FaceTimed my dad on Fathers Day (long story) and he was sitting alone in a dark room watching tv. His idiot wife was in another dark room, watching tv. For about half a second, I felt a little sorry for him. Then I realized they’re both happy as can be. They WANT to be sitting in separate dark rooms watching Fox News. They will never experience any consequences for anything.

And I’m sure it will be a shit show when they die.

Bitch!

'bye, Felicia!

*

I have just the funeral for him...

R79 here. I should have added that my rant is slightly relevant to the thread because the author of the scathing obit maybe also felt frustrated that dear old dad never suffered any consequences in life.

Hence, the obit.

The maiden aunt brigade has arrived.

R79

Just went through that scenario. Keep your eye on your father's wife if he dies first.

r37 : "the PT Barnum quote that 'There's only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.'

Oscar Wilde.

[quote] At least he got an obituary, I'll never get one because I have no one.

This is going to come off as mean and I really don't intend it to be but obituaries are to inform the public of your passing, if you have no one then no one needs informed about your passing. If it is that important to you, prearrange your funeral and include your obituary.

I have instructed my beneficiary that I want no obituary, anyone close will know I died, people who just know of me or relatives I haven't heard from in years don't need to know I passed. I don't wish to sadden those who liked me or give joy to those who didn't.

Sadly, obituaries will soon become a thing of the past.

As someone who's done genealogical research they've been an invaluable help. But now obits are considered ads, not a public service, and they cost a THOUSAND dollars in some cases. I think even death notices cost money now, too.

I want an obituary so I can include a photo that will result in an idolatry DL thread.

Most obituaries nowadays are like NYTs wedding reports, so cringey that they induce nausea. Finally, one that says the truth!

As I get older, I stumble across the obituaries of many of my childhood friends’ parents. It makes me so sad as I really looked up to many of them.

R78, you ask a fair question, I am one of those who is bothered by this.

I guess to me, somehow in the deepest part of my brain, I equate this type of behavior with the disintegration of the few remaining “good” parts of America. No, I am not a MAGAT — our country has not lived up to its promises ever, but I don’t know if we will ever “get there”. Maybe the idea of America lies completely in the idea that we *aspire* to the highest interpretation of freedom and liberty, but that there will never be a time we fully self-actualize? I’m talking on almost a spiritual level. When I see such personal stuff shared in such a public way for a public notice that has a totally different purpose, it just reminds me that we no longer value ANY privacy, and that the message seems to be, “my pain is only real when I publicly process it.” I am one of the most-private people you’ll ever meet, all my good-byes are Irish good-byes, even on the phone or in-person. I’m broken that way. I post nothing on sm, except to occasionally troll MAGATS. No one knows shit about me and I am hard to find, I try to leave a minimal digital footprint, I have multiple id’s in different last names from a marriage. When I die, I’m perfectly content just disappearing and just having husband dump my ashes into Lake Michigan.

I’m not bragging about any of this, surely it is a sign of my age (50), and I am definitely wise enough to know that I’ve likely got it all twisted. If you would care to sell me on viewing this in a more positive light, I would welcome that chance to see that this is a good thing for society (no snark). I am seeing all the negative, maybe there are more positives?

^ The "positives" for this kind of obit is the same "positives" for any type of funeral or wake. We all know the dead don't care, they're dead. So, anything postmortem is a celebration/healing for the living. This family chose this obit as their way of dealing with the death of their horrible father. I admire their honesty and hope it helps with the healing

Good for him. The more we call out scum, the better. And R71 you're right on the money.

The obit, if true, is not in poor taste AT ALL. The kids said what they felt in their hearts, No Bullshit, and the man is dead. Good riddance to what seems like a waste of a human life. It's tragic ever more so than sad. I hope his children and family are able to move forward with peace.

So many men of that generation are just A-OK with being unremitting pieces of shit. I don’t get it.

R84, good point. And also, another purpose that might be served by an obit like this is to make people who were wronged by the dead man feel better in knowing that others -- including the man's own children -- recognized the man was a POS.

Funnily enough, the reason I wouldn't do this (as a survivor of parental narcissistic abuse - yes, FRAU alert!) is that I've so thoroughly absorbed my father's insistence that you don't talk about these things in public. I still don't fault the son, though.

I wouldn’t want to give my enemies the satisfaction of knowing I had a rough life. But then, I’m a shallow bitch.

But you sexy af, so, ya know.

R71 I adore you for writing that.

After reading through this thread I can't help but think of all the scathing obits that will be written about Trump... The sooner the better 🙂

[quote] After reading through this thread I can't help but think of all the scathing obits that will be written about Trump

I remember the phalanx of former cabinet members at GHW Bush's funeral. I'm not expecting such an impressive display of respect for the fallen Trump.