Friends who expect you to plan everything
Anyone else find they've become their friend group's only planner for trips, parties, etc? How do you break out of it? My one friend called me on the 4th to say it's a shame we aren't getting together and I told him he could always invite us. "Oh, my apartment looks like shit." Well so does mine till I clean it.
Or just not reciprocating after I treat them. I bought my other friend amazing seats to a Yankees game last month. Last weekend she got concert tickets and invited the neighbor she complains about and a guy she met in May (who is very hot to be fair). It's annoying but if I don't plan the get togethers they tend to not happen.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | July 5, 2022 11:10 PM
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Just don't plan or do anything
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | July 5, 2022 6:19 PM
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If I want to see certain people I know I have to initiate it and that doesn’t bother me.
I no longer have a “core” group of friends that does group things anymore and haven’t in over 20 years.
I have a wider circle of friends now but pre-pandemic I would only see some of them once or twice a year. Again, that doesn’t bother me.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | July 5, 2022 6:55 PM
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If they make you uncomfortable or bitter about interactions, then are they really your friends?
OP is a great example of what can happen when you try to force a social relationship. We're told to have friends and nurture those relationships no matter what, because being solitary is inherently wrong or unhealthy. But there are far worse things in life than being a loner. And being a loner doesn't have to mean having no friends - It can simply mean being less willing to endure bullshit for the sake of an unpleasant and forced friendship.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | July 5, 2022 6:57 PM
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[quote]I bought my other friend amazing seats to a Yankees game last month.
Did she ask you to?
I buy little gifts for my friends. I never expect anything in return. They barely ever buy me anything. But I didn't expect or want anything in return. I think you might be trying to buy their friendship or they're just not that interested in being friends with you.
Sorry. It hurts. You deserve better friends
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | July 5, 2022 7:52 PM
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That should be “Friends THAT expect you”, you skinny saint!
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | July 5, 2022 8:01 PM
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R7 It should be "Friends THAT expect you,"
The punctuation goes INSIDE the quotations......
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | July 5, 2022 8:11 PM
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Some people are just not planners. It's kind of lame and passive, but they're not going to change. When someone has a house that's always "a mess" and won't let anyone see their house, I assume they're a hoarder.
Stop buying such extravagant gifts, seriously. I, personally, hate exchanging gifts, even at Christmas. I will, however, pay for dinner, etc.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | July 5, 2022 8:16 PM
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[quote]I bought my other friend amazing seats to a Yankees game last month. Last weekend she got concert tickets and invited the neighbor she complains about and a guy she met in May
When you're friends with Julie, you should expect this kind of treatment.
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | July 5, 2022 8:18 PM
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[quote]It's annoying but if I don't plan the get togethers they tend to not happen.
I.e. if I don't call people myself then no one ever talks to me.
That means stop wasting your time or energy on them. They see you as an acquaintance, not a friend. It sucks.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | July 5, 2022 9:45 PM
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Just admit it, you're a big DOORMAT, whose fault is that?
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | July 5, 2022 10:48 PM
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I’d much rather do the planning than get dragged to some insipid performance or rancid dinner. It certainly does not imply that I’m paying for anyone other than me, although I frequently choose to. And I never carry cash, except when I’m doing some group thing…I’m not getting stuck with someone else’s share of the tip or tax.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | July 5, 2022 11:10 PM
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