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Let’s Be a Gay Remake of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

A married gay couple, Clarence and Michael, hire a male nanny named Peter Flanders to raise their new baby conceived via IVF and surrogacy. Little do they know, Peter is really the widower of the gay male doctor who molested Clarence and subsequently killed himself after a number of his male patients came out accusing him of sexual assault.

I’m the thong that Peter is wearing when Michael goes down to kitchen at night and sees Peter getting into fridge.

by Anonymousreply 22June 25, 2022 10:27 AM

I'm the male Rebecca de Mornay but no homo because I already did a homo movie.

by Anonymousreply 1June 23, 2022 9:12 AM

I’m Clarence’s asthma attacks, which are actually panic attacks.

by Anonymousreply 2June 23, 2022 9:27 AM

I'm Jessica Lagne as the cunty, breathy next door neighbor of the gays who is suspicious of Peter. I meet my demise in the antique collection room.

by Anonymousreply 3June 23, 2022 9:31 AM

I'm Laverne Cox, lactating in anticipation of the breastfeeding scene.

by Anonymousreply 4June 23, 2022 9:33 AM

I'm the hot pool boy who works for the couple. I've replaced the retarded handyman. I'm also white.

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by Anonymousreply 5June 23, 2022 9:34 AM

R5 But the film just wouldn't be the same with the classic line 'Don't fuck with me , retard'.

by Anonymousreply 6June 23, 2022 9:58 AM

R6, that line has now been changed 'fuck me til I'm retarded.' Pool boy willingly obliges.

by Anonymousreply 7June 23, 2022 10:25 AM

I'm the Provincetown setting.

by Anonymousreply 8June 23, 2022 10:31 AM

I'm the male to female surrogate. Cause apparently we are now able to conceive and bring a foetus to full term! ; )

by Anonymousreply 9June 23, 2022 10:48 AM

I'm Clarence's high pitched squeals and cries when he see the destroyed glasshouse. With little regard for the dead friend inside, he falls to his knees weeping over the destruction of his tea roses and dahlias.

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by Anonymousreply 10June 23, 2022 10:52 AM

I can just see it:

Conrad Ricamora in the Sciorra part

Jonathan Groff in the De Mornay part

Richard Madden as Matt McCoy

Justice Smith as Ernie Hudson (not retarded this time, just some homeless trade they found on Grindr and are letting stay above the garage as long as he fixes stuff around the house)

Andrew Rannells as Julianne “Cancel my morning! Moore

by Anonymousreply 11June 23, 2022 11:00 AM

I’ve got a Harvard education- I will figure it out.

by Anonymousreply 12June 23, 2022 12:35 PM

I'm the bottle of poppers Peter huffs from as he stands at the window watching the glass house implode. Yeah, in the original film I'm an apple eaten by Rebecca de Mornay, but what gay guy has ever eaten an apple? 🤷‍♂️

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by Anonymousreply 13June 23, 2022 4:09 PM

I’m the bathroom stall that Peter takes his rage out inside (and also masturbates inside0.

by Anonymousreply 14June 24, 2022 7:01 AM

I'm the opening credits, and I'm already EXHAUSTING.

by Anonymousreply 15June 24, 2022 7:05 AM

I’m the Gay Pride Parade that Andrew Rannells’ Julianne Moore character has to drive and honk through on his way to Clarence’s house.

by Anonymousreply 16June 24, 2022 7:08 AM

We are Chasten and Pete. OP can just adapt the movie from our horrifying home life!

by Anonymousreply 17June 24, 2022 7:17 AM

R17, Peter Flanders is really a secretly religious homophobic right-wing nut job who wants to destroy Pete and Chasten’s life.

by Anonymousreply 18June 24, 2022 7:25 AM

I'm the leather jockstrap belonging to Michael that Peter slips into the pool boy's trunk and then alerts Clarence to. In the original film I was the kid's pair of panties that Rebecca de Mornay hid in the retarded handyman's toolbox.

by Anonymousreply 19June 24, 2022 7:34 PM

Instead of the song “Poor Wand’ring One” from Pirates of Penzance, I’m “Defying Gravity” from Wicked.

by Anonymousreply 20June 25, 2022 7:45 AM

[Quote] hire a male nanny named Peter Flanders to raise their new baby conceived via IVF and surrogacy.

Any relation to Ned?

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by Anonymousreply 21June 25, 2022 8:04 AM

Stupid sexy Flanders!

by Anonymousreply 22June 25, 2022 10:27 AM
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